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Jesus does not lose a single one that was given to Him by the Father and He won't lose you either. I have said a prayer for God to deliver you from the torment you are living with. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
Thank you... I am at work in my office crying. I haven't stopped crying since this morning. I was crying all last night. Normally I am a good sleeper but all these worries and guilt are throwing me completely off. And I feel bad OCD scaring me.
WinterWoman, just reading your post is an inspiration to me! You are dealing with so much (admittedly, some of your own doing) yet I still hear the love you have for the Lord in your words, and your strong desire to trust him and walk in his will every day is quite apparent. Keep seeking him and listening for his gentle voice to guide you. And when you hear him call you, just follow; as sheep trust and follow their shepherd, so can you trust and follow Jesus. Psalm 23 is a beautiful account of our reliance on him, and his care for us. He’s with you, WinterWoman! Praying for you!
You are right. It's not normal. Yes, I've pursued that route. Bloodwork checks out fine other than vitamin D and iron, which I have been on supplements for. I'm think I'm exhausted because I'm really, really depressed and have a brain that doesn't stop with the OCD. Day and night, it's there.
By the way, just realizing I probably shouldn't be posting in the young adult forums at 25, right? Maybe this should've been posted under the adult section. I guess I'm kind of wobbling somewhere on the border
As the title says, where to begin... 25 years old. Female. Lifelong sufferer with OCD, depression, anxiety. Most troubling and crushing thing is the OCD mixing with the anxiety. Fear about not being saved one moment, fear about being truly saved and then persecuted for my faith the next. Fear the rapture coming and being left behind. Fear speaking my voice and speaking out against homosexuality especially because I have a few friends who claim they are. Fear of being alone. Heart broken by simply the way the world is even though I know it's all part of God's plan. Feel like I've suffered day in and day out for years. I talk to God but I am living a lifestyle that is sinful by living with my boyfriend and having premarital sex. I feel like I'm sinful because I work for an establishment that is related to gambling. Suffer physical complications and brain fog. Feel alone and like my family won't get saved even though they "believe" in Jesus.
Yeah, this is getting long... the list could grow but I'll stop there. Wish I could die but not really because what if I'm not really saved by continuing to live in sin even though I'm guilty about it. I don't want to go to Hell. I daydream about heaven, like I picture myself holding the palm branches with others and God in the center but freaked out I may not get there.
I don't know what I expect posting this. I know it's all over the place. I apologize for rambling. I know the answer is lean into God.
There is no need to apologize whatsoever; you are just sharing your heart. I can relate to doubts about salvation. There has been times in the past where I was worried that the rapture already happened when I could not find somebody. If you have believed on Jesus( that he is God incarnate, died for our sins, and raised to life by God's power), if you have trusted in Jesus and what he did by the cross and resurrection to save you, and if you have asked Jesus to save you, then you are saved. There is not a special way you have to ask Jesus to save you, just ask him to save you with your mouth if you haven't done so. If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart God raised him from the dead, you will be saved it says in the bible. Another version of the bible says if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord... Have you confessed Jesus is Lord? Also it says that all who call on the name of the Lord will be saved. Those who trust in Jesus for salvation will not be condemned ( see Psalm 34:22 and John 3:18).
You cannot sin your way out of heaven if you have believed on Jesus and have received him. Think of it this way: if it is true that you sin too much, you will go to hell, then how much sin is too much? To that there is no answer. If that was the case, we would all be in danger because it says in Isaiah that all our righteous deeds are dirty rags before God. Jesus died for us in a gruesome way to pay for all our sins. Why would God send Jesus to die for us on the cross only to have us go to hell if we sin too much? If that was the case, it treats Jesus' torture and death on the cross as a light thing. It would no longer be grace that saves us but rather us believing on Jesus and not sinning to much. Why would God send Jesus to die only to have our eternal security dangling by a thin robe?
One thing that has helped me some with assurance of salvation is having a Christian lay has on me and pray for me to be baptized with the Holy Spirit. Perhaps you need to do the same. If you do, find a mature Christian to pray for you, not just anybody.
I can relate to the anxiety and depression. Once I had very bad panic attacks and wished I never been born. Having fear of going to hell because you are not sure if you are saved is a hard thing. I wrote some poems during this time. I would encourage you to write out your feelings and pray to God about your fears and read your bible about eternal security. Do a topical study on it. Ask others to pray for you and tell them how you feel. Pour out your heart before God. He loves you so much!
Hey WinterWoman, God loves the broken no less than anyone else. I dealt with a porn addiction for 8 years and felt the heavy guilt of sinning against God for so long. Through it all, God always would communicate that He deeply loved me regardless of my failure to be obedient.
If I can just say one thing to you it's that God doesn't feel any frustration or anger towards you, His compassion is actually so heightened right now because He sees how much pain you are in. You are deeply loved, and none of your personal shortcomings will ever change that. Not even a bit.
I would be happy to share some of my experiences on dealing with sin/depression/addiction if you are interested, just send me a PM, no pressure though