Where to start...

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WinterWoman

Guest
#1
#1
As the title says, where to begin... 25 years old. Female. Lifelong sufferer with OCD, depression, anxiety. Most troubling and crushing thing is the OCD mixing with the anxiety. Fear about not being saved one moment, fear about being truly saved and then persecuted for my faith the next. Fear the rapture coming and being left behind. Fear speaking my voice and speaking out against homosexuality especially because I have a few friends who claim they are. Fear of being alone. Heart broken by simply the way the world is even though I know it's all part of God's plan. Feel like I've suffered day in and day out for years. I talk to God but I am living a lifestyle that is sinful by living with my boyfriend and having premarital sex. I feel like I'm sinful because I work for an establishment that is related to gambling. Suffer physical complications and brain fog. Feel alone and like my family won't get saved even though they "believe" in Jesus.

Yeah, this is getting long... the list could grow but I'll stop there. Wish I could die but not really because what if I'm not really saved by continuing to live in sin even though I'm guilty about it. I don't want to go to Hell. I daydream about heaven, like I picture myself holding the palm branches with others and God in the center but freaked out I may not get there.

I don't know what I expect posting this. I know it's all over the place. I apologize for rambling. I know the answer is lean into God.
 
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CaptainGoat

Guest
#2
#2
Relax. All is OK. Get closer to the Lord. Hand things to Him. :)
 
PrynceNY

PrynceNY

Banned
#3
Aug 16, 2016
2,184
62
0
#3
Welcome WinterWoman, The scriptures says to turn from sin. God doesn't expect you to be perfect however he says be holy for i am holy. God wants you to have him first in your life. God desires for you to be obedient and turn from worldly pleasures.Tell your friends who you say are homosexual about the lord. Tell them to repent, turn from that lifestyle, and accept the lord if they desire to go to heaven
 
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WinterWoman

Guest
#4
#4
Thank you, CaptainGoat.
 
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Sully

Guest
#5
#5
You may be L-Theanine deficient. Take a look at this safe amino acid, take 100mg and if you are you will notice a change almost instantly.
 
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WinterWoman

Guest
#6
#6
PrinceNYC,

that's weird, I responded to you in the last comment but it disappeared. Thank you for your response.

I find it scary to speak out and have the negative spotlight on me. I'm not a shy person, at all, but the anxiety starts and I have an anxious thought of people rising up and wanting to arrest me or murder me for saying that. I know that might not happen but the thought scares me still.

I secretly wish faith worked like this: you could believe in Jesus, hide under a blanket from the world and evil, and be saved and forget about this place. I know that's impossible and not in Gods plan, lol.
 
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WinterWoman

Guest
#7
#7
Sully,

Interesting. I'll have to look into that. Thank you.
 
PrynceNY

PrynceNY

Banned
#8
Aug 16, 2016
2,184
62
0
#8
WinterWoman said:
PrinceNYC,

that's weird, I responded to you in the last comment but it disappeared. Thank you for your response.

I find it scary to speak out and have the negative spotlight on me. I'm not a shy person, at all, but the anxiety starts and I have an anxious thought of people rising up and wanting to arrest me or murder me for saying that. I know that might not happen but the thought scares me still.

I secretly wish faith worked like this: you could believe in Jesus, hide under a blanket from the world and evil, and be saved and forget about this place. I know that's impossible and not in Gods plan, lol.
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This may be hard to hear but its important scripture we all need to be aware of in Luke 9:26 the lord says, Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.


The lord says in John 15:18 - "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.


I understand it may make you uncomfortable to speak out however the lord said many times, "Fear not, for I am with you" Yes we all desire to be liked but the lord said those who follow him will be persecuted for his name sake but great is their reward in heaven.
 
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WinterWoman

Guest
#9
#9
PrinceNY,

Thank you for sharing that. I'm familiar with that verse. I wonder if I'll ever be able to truly let go and allow God to use me in that way.

Did you ever wonder the same thing? Or once you were saved, you were able to get up and speak the bold truth right away?
 
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WinterWoman

Guest
#10
#10
By the way, just realizing I probably shouldn't be posting in the young adult forums at 25, right? Maybe this should've been posted under the adult section. I guess I'm kind of wobbling somewhere on the border :p
 
PrynceNY

PrynceNY

Banned
#11
Aug 16, 2016
2,184
62
0
#11
WinterWoman said:
PrinceNY, Thank you for sharing that. I'm familiar with that verse. I wonder if I'll ever be able to truly let go and allow God to use me in that way. Did you ever wonder the same thing? Or once you were saved, you were able to get up and speak the bold truth right away?
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If you ask God to help you let go he will. Sometimes we tend to lean on ourselves more than God when he is more effective and gives us a new heart as well as the holy spirit to work through us. For me personally it was a progression, i did speak the truth but it was too harsh and not in love as he desired. As years went by he's taught me more and more to speak boldly telling the truth in love. At the end of the day we desire for no one to go to Hell. However we must tell the truth even if it may hurt them temporary so they will repent and accept the lord. There are probably people in Hell wishing people warned them and told them about Jesus. We have to make sure we tell others especially our loved ones so they will not be one of them.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#12
#12
Hi Winter
I used to be close to someone that sounded nearly identical to you. OCD is brutal to live with and you have my sympathies.

As far as living with you boyfriend and the fears that come as a result, that a not OCD. ANY true Christian should feel how you do, perhaps you just feel it way stronger than most.
None of us can expect to willfully live in sin and think we'll feel at peace. You, like my friend, place yourselves in positions to make your fears worse, rather than taking actions to alleviate them. You may not be able eliminate all the fears but you can make choices to have less of them, or an easier time with them. So part of the problem is what you're doing.

I wish I had more to say, something to help you find some peace. I know how difficult it is for you. Hopefully you can find a healthier relationship with God and find peace there.
 
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WinterWoman

Guest
#13
#13
PrinceNY,

Thanks again for those words. One day at time for me.
 
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WinterWoman

Guest
#14
#14
Hi Ugly,

Thank for the kindness and understanding in your words.

OCD is, well, ugly at best. It's been a strong prescence in my life. What's weird is I'm a very outgoing person. No one knows I have it unless I tell them, I enjoy public speaking, etc.

May I ask, did your friend confront his/her fears through God? Or did you never find out? I'm trying not to pry too hard, but, if we're being honest, it helps me feel less alone hearing about other OCD sufferers.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#15
#15
WinterWoman said:
Hi Ugly,

Thank for the kindness and understanding in your words.

OCD is, well, ugly at best. It's been a strong prescence in my life. What's weird is I'm a very outgoing person. No one knows I have it unless I tell them, I enjoy public speaking, etc.

May I ask, did your friend confront his/her fears through God? Or did you never find out? I'm trying not to pry too hard, but, if we're being honest, it helps me feel less alone hearing about other OCD sufferers.
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She was in a bit of a rebellious stage. It was kind of "ok God, I'm going to go do anything I want, just don't leave me". Then she would go out and act ungodly, then stress about her salvation. Or do something unhealthy then constantly be stressed about if she were unhealthy from it or not.
So, no, last I heard she was not Truly going to God.
Feel free to message me if you need to vent or want to talk about it more. I am no expert, but I have had depression for 25 years, anxiety issues for over 10 years. As well as others I've known having various issues.

Also a friendly tip. If you click "Reply with Quote" at the bottom right corner of any post it shows who you are responding to and what they said. It does not, however, alert them that you gave a response.
 
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WinterWoman

Guest
#16
#16
Ugly said:
She was in a bit of a rebellious stage. It was kind of "ok God, I'm going to go do anything I want, just don't leave me". Then she would go out and act ungodly, then stress about her salvation. Or do something unhealthy then constantly be stressed about if she were unhealthy from it or not.
So, no, last I heard she was not Truly going to God.
Feel free to message me if you need to vent or want to talk about it more. I am no expert, but I have had depression for 25 years, anxiety issues for over 10 years. As well as others I've known having various issues.

Also a friendly tip. If you click "Reply with Quote" at the bottom right corner of any post it shows who you are responding to and what they said. It does not, however, alert them that you gave a response.
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Thanks for the tip!

Well, I can't say that doesn't sound like me... to a person not saved, I don't do anything too crazy in my life, but obviously I'm sinning.

I also feel freakishly controlled by this, inside. I feel like every second I'm awake I'm consumed about going to hell, the rapture coming, all of that stuff I listed in my OP.

That is, however, the nature of OCD. You hear a startling or uncomfortable thought, sometimes the OCD will kick in and your brain will hold onto the thought (this is usually the stage where a normal person's brain can let the scary thought pass), and then it repeats in your head around and around. Even though I understand it, I still suffer from it deeply. Weird how that works, huh?

I wish God would make me strong. I feel so weak. I heard a song on the radio today about needing God as your strength. I know I can't do stuff without his strength.

I really am tired of life sometimes lol, I don't want to have to battle OCD, guilt, trying to praise Jesus through it all, deal with heartache, the devil attacking, etc.

It all feels like too much. I sometimes wish I lived in the 1800s or something so that I could've been saved and died already and went to heaven. But, that was not the plan. :rolleyes:
 
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Craigb513

Member
#17
Dec 15, 2016
104
26
18
#17
Well i would say relax and the lord will put you on the right path and if you ever need someone to talk then ylu can message me
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#18
Mar 13, 2014
42,665
17,120
113
69
Tennessee
#18
Jesus does not lose a single one that was given to Him by the Father and He won't lose you either. I have said a prayer for God to deliver you from the torment you are living with. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
 
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Muffet

Junior Member
#19
Jul 25, 2017
5
1
0
#19
WinterWoman, just reading your post is an inspiration to me! You are dealing with so much (admittedly, some of your own doing) yet I still hear the love you have for the Lord in your words, and your strong desire to trust him and walk in his will every day is quite apparent. Keep seeking him and listening for his gentle voice to guide you. And when you hear him call you, just follow; as sheep trust and follow their shepherd, so can you trust and follow Jesus. Psalm 23 is a beautiful account of our reliance on him, and his care for us. He’s with you, WinterWoman! Praying for you!
 
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WinterWoman

Guest
#20
#20
Craigb513 said:
Well i would say relax and the lord will put you on the right path and if you ever need someone to talk then ylu can message me
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Thank you so much.
 
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