I cant decide...need advise please :(

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ceejay9695

Guest
#1
#1
hi everyone..
im a christian since young..but then things didnt work out in my marriage.. i filled for divorce and got it last month.
i have 2 kids..both not with me :(
currently im in a relationship, he's a catholic thou he goes to church with me...i thought things will be better coz we attend services regularly....but then we have arguments from time to time...until we come to a point that we decided to part ways...but after few weeks we're back again...last year,i caught him cheating on me 2x..he chat online with other female friends..we patch up and promised me he will not do it again....but 2wks ago...caught him chatting with female friend in facebook...as i read their conversation...i was deeply hurt...geee i dont know what to do...im in the crossroad wherein i wanted to give up..but my heart is holding me back...i love him deeply that i cant let go...eventhough im hurt from time to time...there are times i think that it is the devil that is holding me not to let go....but on the other hand...there are thoughts that comes into my mind that i shouldnt let go...coz God gave him to me to help him to be closer to God...but as a Christian...i think he didnt see it in me fully...coz i have bad temper most of the times...im full of pride...im very tough...and i feel bad on this....coz as a christian i should show him good example...
close friends say...these are the baggages of my previous relationship that i should deal first before entering a new one...or else it will end up the same...."cycle" again :(

i dont want to be entangled in this kind of relationship....guess honeymoon stage is over....and im getting tired :(
we both love each other...but its so difficult to build the "trust" now...there are times i felt that we're drifting apart....
he wants us to be live together..but i refused..i said i need more time...and looking at the stage of our relationship....my fear is getting more & more..lately, im not exerting much effort..coz i always think...it will be the same..

need you inputs / advise please :(
 
N

natyano2

Guest
#2
#2
Hi, am not married yet but I feel to drop a thought, first wat brought about u filing for divorce in ur first marriage deal pray and with it. Marriage is for better for worse till death except infidelity. Aside that its very very too early to rush into another marriage at the moment not to talk of some one still batling with the the Lord. You need healing from God,like in my 2nd year sociology course exam question was"Divorce is not the end of marriage,discuss" sure having ur way in getting divorce is not the final bye bye to marriage,because what caused it might be taken care of over time,it maybe due to inmaturity between u in handling issues and your children may bring about the need for reuniun and so on. so my sister,to have gotten out that uniun at first am sure its not because you sight some one else u like that him so u must bear and be alone for long time of that wound to heal and give God a chance, he can bring you both together again thats his plan for your life. God HATE DIVORCE.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#3
Apr 18, 2013
9,339
2,427
113
#3
close friends say...these are the baggages of my previous relationship that i should deal first before entering a new one...or else it will end up the same...."cycle" again
Click to expand...
Ceejay9695,

This advice your friends are giving you is very good advice.

If you jump from one relationship to another, without any time to heal, you WILL continue to make the same mistakes over and over.

i dont want to be entangled in this kind of relationship
Click to expand...
By your own admission, you want out of this relationship.
You need to take a step back and listen to yourself...
there is a reason you feel this way, and say these things.

he wants us to be live together..but i refused
Click to expand...
He clearly wants you to do things which YOU KNOW are against God, and against the Bible.
God wants every Christian woman to have a man who honors God.
No man can be perfect, but God wants you to have a man who loves Him,
and who listens to Him.

There are many wise Christian women in the "women's forum" who would be glad to talk to you, and counsel you, and help you. There are also many wise Christian girls here in the "Filipino forum" who can give you good advice, and pray for you. There is plenty of good counsel, and help here... if you seek it out... and if you are willing to listen.
 
C

ceejay9695

Guest
#4
#4
hi maxwell

thank you for your inputs...appreciate it..
im in limbo right now...a roller coaster feeling...i've been seeking God's help..so that i'll be able to decide and leave this relationship...but everytime i tried...i failed :(...im always become soft...i know its the devil that's pursuing me to stay in this rel...
actually, ive been looking for prayer partner...someone that i can talk...and pour my heart out...but till now...i dont have any...thou im still praying for it...

god bless u maxwell
 
FIRE_of_ELIJAH

FIRE_of_ELIJAH

Senior Member
#5
Feb 5, 2013
387
19
18
#5
maxwel said:
Ceejay9695,

This advice your friends are giving you is very good advice.

If you jump from one relationship to another, without any time to heal, you WILL continue to make the same mistakes over and over.



By your own admission, you want out of this relationship.
You need to take a step back and listen to yourself...
there is a reason you feel this way, and say these things.



He clearly wants you to do things which YOU KNOW are against God, and against the Bible.
God wants every Christian woman to have a man who honors God.
No man can be perfect, but God wants you to have a man who loves Him,
and who listens to Him.

There are many wise Christian women in the "women's forum" who would be glad to talk to you, and counsel you, and help you. There are also many wise Christian girls here in the "Filipino forum" who can give you good advice, and pray for you. There is plenty of good counsel, and help here... if you seek it out... and if you are willing to listen.
Click to expand...
This makes sense...

I had nothing else to say..

Sister...stay strong and seek God first.
 
C

ceejay9695

Guest
#6
#6
FIRE_of_ELIJAH said:
This makes sense...

I had nothing else to say..

Sister...stay strong and seek God first.
Click to expand...

Thanks Fire_of_Elijah

im praying to be strong....and relying on God's guidance to bring me out of this situation soonest possible.

have a blessed day ahead :)
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#7
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#7
I just wanted to say that I'm praying for you CeeJay. :)
 
B

beloved3

Guest
#8
#8
Hi I am so sorry you are in this situation. I am not married and never have been - but if i might say so, I belive your problem is not about marriage or relationship per se. I think it's about making choices. You have repeatedly suggested that the decision of staying in the relationship is not from God.. So why are you still there love? You said you're confused.. But sister please let me share something with you that out pastor once said -- there is no "confused" state for us Christians.. There is just disobedience (or a hesitation to obey which is the same thing don't you think?)not that i am judging you. I just feel you ought to hear the truth :) i just thought you might want to consider praying with someone here. I am free to pray with you and my friendship is on the table if you want it. Nandito lang ako (PM lang) kung kailangan mo ng kausap. We have a women's small group too that you might be interested in joining.. I am blessed to be surrounded with strong prayer warriors and fun Christian women-friends.

A final note..A man from God will cause you to draw closer to Him (and i mean this even in the platonic men and women relationships).. Is he leading you to the Lord? i think this is something you must consider in any relationship.Also you mentioned you're divorced? You mean annulled right? I mean if you are in the Philippines... Anyway, God bless you. Nandito ako :)
 
C

ceejay9695

Guest
#10
#10
beloved3 said:
Hi I am so sorry you are in this situation. I am not married and never have been - but if i might say so, I belive your problem is not about marriage or relationship per se. I think it's about making choices. You have repeatedly suggested that the decision of staying in the relationship is not from God.. So why are you still there love? You said you're confused.. But sister please let me share something with you that out pastor once said -- there is no "confused" state for us Christians.. There is just disobedience (or a hesitation to obey which is the same thing don't you think?)not that i am judging you. I just feel you ought to hear the truth :) i just thought you might want to consider praying with someone here. I am free to pray with you and my friendship is on the table if you want it. Nandito lang ako (PM lang) kung kailangan mo ng kausap. We have a women's small group too that you might be interested in joining.. I am blessed to be surrounded with strong prayer warriors and fun Christian women-friends.

A final note..A man from God will cause you to draw closer to Him (and i mean this even in the platonic men and women relationships).. Is he leading you to the Lord? i think this is something you must consider in any relationship.Also you mentioned you're divorced? You mean annulled right? I mean if you are in the Philippines... Anyway, God bless you. Nandito ako :)
Click to expand...

hi beloved3...
Thank you for the message...
What u said is right...its my disobedience to God..and its just a matter of choice that i have to make...no confusion..
Anyway, hope we can chika soon...

Have a blessed day :)
 
B

beloved3

Guest
#11
#11
ceejay9695 said:
hi beloved3...
Thank you for the message...
What u said is right...its my disobedience to God..and its just a matter of choice that i have to make...no confusion..
Anyway, hope we can chika soon...

Have a blessed day :)
Click to expand...
Chika away love!! :) excited :)
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#12
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
136
63
#12
Ceejay, first of all, welcome to cc. :)

I'd have to agree with your friends who suggested waiting to be in a relationship while you work on things that need to be improved. You mentioned pride and a quick temper, and I think it's really great that you've identified things that need to be improved. We all have areas of our lives that need to be taken to God, and those two things you mentioned would be great things to start with.

If your boyfriend is pressuring you to live together, then he doesn't have his sights set where they should be (on Jesus). That wouldn't be a good living arrangement, for either of you. Your boyfriend's worldly attitude will distract you from following Jesus and pull you further from the things that are good. He's not the guy for you, if you're interested in following God's standards.

God bless you, and you are in my prayers.
 
dliz

dliz

Filipino Room/Forum Moderator
#14
Jun 13, 2012
1,004
8
38
#14
Hi ate ceejay,

I'm sorry if things aren't doing so good for you. I have very limited knowledge in marriage stuff but I just want to share my insights about your situation. You should pay heed to your friends and most of all pray it to the Lord that He will give you guidance and wisdom in your decision-making. Clearly, your bf has cheated on you several times already and it's a cue that you should leave him. Eventually, your bf is taking an advantage of you because he knows that you would clearly forgive him the next he gets caught. It has become a routine that goes on and on. Would you want to stay in a relationship that is filled with deceit and lies?

I agree what they posted above that maybe it's time for you leave behind the baggages and move on. I know it's gonna be hard mending a brokenheart and it's gonna take a while but remember there is a time for heartaches and time for joy. And most of all remember that Jesus Christ had promised never to leave or forsake His own sons and daughters. Though others may abandon you, the resence of the Lord always be there; and in our darkest hours, we can find His unmeasured love, strength and presence. :)
 
C

ceejay9695

Guest
#15
#15
hi dliz

thank you for your inputs...
receiving / reading messages from this post...helps me a lot...a great motivating factor on my decision to make..

yes, im holding to God's promises..he's my only source of strenght right now...

have a blessd day... :)


dliz said:
Hi ate ceejay,

I'm sorry if things aren't doing so good for you. I have very limited knowledge in marriage stuff but I just want to share my insights about your situation. You should pay heed to your friends and most of all pray it to the Lord that He will give you guidance and wisdom in your decision-making. Clearly, your bf has cheated on you several times already and it's a cue that you should leave him. Eventually, your bf is taking an advantage of you because he knows that you would clearly forgive him the next he gets caught. It has become a routine that goes on and on. Would you want to stay in a relationship that is filled with deceit and lies?

I agree what they posted above that maybe it's time for you leave behind the baggages and move on. I know it's gonna be hard mending a brokenheart and it's gonna take a while but remember there is a time for heartaches and time for joy. And most of all remember that Jesus Christ had promised never to leave or forsake His own sons and daughters. Though others may abandon you, the resence of the Lord always be there; and in our darkest hours, we can find His unmeasured love, strength and presence. :)
Click to expand...
 
L

Lydz

Guest
#16
#16
You have to love yourself first,try not to blame your self and your faith but instead strenghten your faith and relationship with God.I might not have gone through in what you're in now but I believe it might be really difficult for you.Just lean on Him my friend.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#17
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#17
That´s sad! At least u know it... Let me show you a thread where many said anything on this subject.
 
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