Why are so many women attracted to jerks?

[TeaCup]

not this woman. i already divorced one.

 

[GRA]

I don't understand the "bad boy" appeal either, you can have adventure with the nice guys. The ones who will stand by you and treat you with the respect you deserve. All those silly girls who love bad boys can keep them. lol

"You hit the nail squarely on the head with perfect precision..."

This - I believe - is "the crux of the matter" (entirely) ---- women tend to be drawn to, and "react" to, what they see 'on the surface' (which is "instantly" appealing), without looking 'further down underneath' (which must be searched out like treasure to find).

Let me explain...

In terms of honesty, integrity, morals, godliness, etc. (please understand the context) - and, even things like confidence -- a man can possess all of these things whether he has an 'active' or 'passive' demeanor.

Compare (please understand the context) :

'passive' - "walk softly and carry a big stick" (inward, private)
'active' - "walk boisterously and wave a big stick around" (outward, public)

There is a "quiet confidence" that a 'passive' man can possess - that may even surpass the "loud confidence" that an 'active' man has - in terms of the "true and real value" that it contains for the woman who can see it and understand it.

Yet - women are going to more quickly "take notice" of the 'active' man - because of the outward "surface" public display - intended for all to see. Whereas, the 'passive' man maintains an inward "deeper" private display - intended only for those closest to him to see.

The point of all of this is -- you can have just as much "adventure" with the 'nice' guys as anyone else -- you just have to "dig a little deeper" in order to "make the connection" needed to "open up the possibilities"...

In other words:

'active' - "easy, quick, instant, on-the-surface feel (whether true or not) of appeal / excitement / safety / security / etc."
'passive' - "have to work at finding out what the real man is all about so that a definite 'true' connection may be made"

The thing is -- the same appeal / excitement / safety / security / etc. may be had with either -- however, the 'passive' route takes more time, effort, and patience - but, usually yields the better long-term result...

All of the things that women believe the "bad boys" can "deliver" -- the "nice guys" can "deliver" also (even better, I think); however, a woman is initially [far?] more interested in how a guy can make her feel than whether he is "good for her" in the long-term...

( And, that is "the crux of the matter"... )

"Sorry ladies -- I do not mean to make women seem 'shallow' (or anything like that) ---- but -- this is honestly the way I see it..."

In the example above, the "big stick" represents the man's ability to "deliver" appeal / excitement / safety / security / etc.

( I am not saying that 'active' always goes with "bad boy" or that 'passive' always goes with "nice guy"; I am just trying to illustrate the difference with what I believe is "at the core" of the behavior. )

 

[TeaCup]

@GRA kudos

 

[FireWire]

I think you are missing the point.....

Women like men who actually not just LISTENS but also UNDERSTANDS what is being said....

Since its unlikely you will date your boss, being told you are a sweetheart is a nice way of saying they think you are a good "friend" material, but does not tell you that they are romantically attracted to you.

I would like to know why guys seem more attracted to sluts and women who dress provocatively or are "easy" but then the answer is pretty obvious: hormones.

Sometimes humans think with their libido more than their heart or soul or mind.

Also people don't really pray about their relationships: whether they should be in them or not.

Lots pray to keep the person, but never asked God if that person was right for them to begin with.

I prefer an honest man then one who sugar coats their words or just says what they think I want to hear.


cuz I'm strange and what I want to hear is normally not what they think I want to hear. lol

I had an ex-boyfriend who was a "nice" guy. However it got on my nerves he would always agree with me. made me think he never had a will or mind of his own. thought i was dating a robot or a pet puppy instead of an actual man.

I like being valued and appreciated but I can NOT respect or love a man who isn't strong enough to disagree with me and tell me my ideas are stupid, reckless and immature if the occasion calls for it.

luckily my husband is more diplomatic most of the time and just raises an eyebrow and says "I don't think that is a good idea."

nonverbal clues. I've found most men (and some women) are totally clueless about them or totally read them wrong.

anyway if you think so poorly of women (that they like jerks more than a decent man) then you will only see the women who are like that and totally miss out on a woman who might actually be intelligent, loving and kind enough to see past the jerks to a man worthy of love.

The question is: Are you a man worthy of love?

Do you follow God will all your heart?

Are you able to stand up for the Truth even if the world and your loved ones try to pressure you to conform to the world?

Would you curse God and die as Job's wife recommend him to do upon being afflicted or is your faith strong enough to answer wisely? Did you notice that Job didn't get a divorce just because his wife made a mistake and had 7 more children by his wife at the end of the story?

I find when men make statements like "women like jerks" that they are being JERKS and wonder why they complain about women not liking them?

brother, that is what I would call illogical.

being a jerk doesn't make women like you more. it is insulting to women to keep repeating that lie.

You've missed the point. I wasn't talking about romantic involvements with ones boss. We're talking about the fact that a lot of women go for jerks vs nice guys.

What you're saying is I'm a jerk yet I never seem to be able to attract women. Based on the comments in this thread that would be illogical.

I'm certainly not attracted to the type of women you describe and do in fact avoid and/or ignore them.

I don't always agree with women because they're not always right and women that do think they are just chauvinists.

I think poorly of women? Not all. Women are sinners too and some are clearly walking down the road of perdition.

I've seen women marry jerks and seen the consequences all too often.

I've been in the battlefield. In my 20s I never had a gf or was even dating. I was therefore told I must be homosexual. I was also told I wasn't attractive either. I nearly lost my job because of this. Who did this come from? Yes it was women. I have also been told three times that I can recall that my dna should never enter the gene pool. All from women. Do you think those kind of women are going to go for a guy who is nice? I don't think so. Those women eventually split from their partners.

Really to sum this whole thread up, opposites do not attract and people will attract people that are like themselves. It's like gears meshing isn't it? I can't see a nice kind women being with a jerk because that'll annoy him and he'll just abuse her but women have been known to do this to try and change him. Look a leopard can't change its spots and the bible is very clear about this. I haven't seen lemons growing on an orange tree in the last little while.

 

[Tintin]

Wow. I'm so sorry! That's low of those women. I bet that they hated themselves and took it out on others to relieve their pain. Just like any classic bully. I'm not making light of your situation, it's deplorable how they treated you. I've never been on a date and have also been told I must be a homosexual because of this, also that I'm ugly, by both guys and girls. So I can relate to a degree.

I've been in the battlefield. In my 20s I never had a gf or was even dating. I was therefore told I must be homosexual. I was also told I wasn't attractive either. Who did this come from? Yes it was women. I have also been told three times that I can recall that my dna should never enter the gene pool. All from women.

 

[FireWire]

Thanks Tintin.

My ex (thought I still don't even know if she really was a gf as such) told me I wouldn't be a good father so I included that because to me it means the same thing. The last one was rather recent. Anybody weaker probably would've crumbled into dust though of course I'm not strong in my own strength.

I just get upset when women band together and start picking on men and don't acknowledge their own faults and portray themselves as perfect little angels and - that they hold the purse strings so to speak. Women do treat men poorly (no doubt about that) and whatever the reason there's no excuse. It's a double standard. This is exactly how feminism started and now I believe it's reversed. It was bound to degenerate anyway of course.

I've been put down/criticised/condemned by men as well but nowhere near to the degree that women have. Now in my 40s some women are saying just the opposite. To be fair I know who I am and how the world works now but there was never any excuse for a women to be rotten to a guy unless the guy was being rotten of course. I was likely just around the wrong kind of women for a fair while.

If a women expect a certain standard from men then men also have that right.

I believe you're a nice guy Tintin and certainly not ugly. Those people will reap what they sow in due course.

 

[FireWire]

I believe females tend to lean towards males who are jerks & disrespectful because they feel that they need the attention. It's sad that these girls go for men like that but they do they feel that those men will give them the love they need. That's why as fathers and mothers its so vitally important to give our children the love and attention that is needed. No matter how hard they get.

I don't see how that can be defined as love. It can only mean women that do this don't love and respect themselves enough.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Thanks Tintin.

My ex (thought I still don't even know if she really was a gf as such) told me I wouldn't be a good father so I included that because to me it means the same thing. The last one was rather recent. Anybody weaker probably would've crumbled into dust though of course I'm not strong in my own strength.

I just get upset when women band together and start picking on men and don't acknowledge their own faults and portray themselves as perfect little angels and - that they hold the purse strings so to speak. Women do treat men poorly (no doubt about that) and whatever the reason there's no excuse. It's a double standard. This is exactly how feminism started and now I believe it's reversed. It was bound to degenerate anyway of course.

I've been put down/criticised/condemned by men as well but nowhere near to the degree that women have. Now in my 40s some women are saying just the opposite. To be fair I know who I am and how the world works now but there was never any excuse for a women to be rotten to a guy unless the guy was being rotten of course. I was likely just around the wrong kind of women for a fair while.

If a women expect a certain standard from men then men also have that right.

I believe you're a nice guy Tintin and certainly not ugly. Those people will reap what they sow in due course.[/QU
Yer' right dude...men do also have that right. I think the problem with christian men & women is that many still sneak in or try to attach worldly standards upon one another,in dating,looking for a spouse..you name it. Instead of making those standards Godly ones. It's all about renewing the mind & heart daily & until we do that,we'll continue to manipulate & hurt one another not seeing the beauty in others that God has placed there.

 

[FireWire]

I couldn't agree more iTOREtheSKY.

Well said!!

It's about time we returned to biblical standards. I've had enough of wishy-washy worldliness which changes with the wind.

 

[Kleia]

I guess the feeling of wanting to make a difference in someone else's life?
Or maybe that's just my naivety talking...

Often, I found that these "jerks" were just guys who couldn't put themselves in other people's shoes.
Who lacked understanding and consideration... then again if life doesn't teach them these things, I think the love and guidance of a good woman will.

 

[FireWire]

I'd have to disagree Kleia. Those kind of guys aren't likely to be open to be corrected by a woman. This is something their father should have taught them (assuming there was one around) or mother.

Really the only one who can teach them that is Jesus.

 

[SeatBelt]

I like where iTORE is going with this, and hesitate to point out the following... but am pointing it out anyway...
Most guys are either looking for a bad girl with a good streak (the proverbial "hooker with a heart of gold") or a good girl with a bad streak ("teaches Sunday School, but Not on Saturday nights!"). Similarly, most girls are either looking for a bad boy, with a good streak ("drives a stolen motorcycle, but raises money for orphans") or a good guy with a bad streak ("teaches Sunday School, but Not on Saturday nights!"). Maybe you've got your own examples. Maybe you've Lived your own examples. Either way, you ought to be smellin what I'm steppin in there... The cold simple fact that as Christians we ought to be looking for a Good one with a Good streak - "Teaches Sunday school because they have a heart of gold & raises money for orphans even on a Saturday night."
Hmm... I think I'm back around to iTORE's point. We need to work a little Romans 12:1&2 in ourselves, being Constantly Transformed, and the fellas hold out for our Proverbs 31 woman and the women hold out for a man Worthy of a P31! God did set the standards... why must we settle for less? Why should we settle for less? We should Not settle for less than what God intends for us.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

I like where iTORE is going with this, and hesitate to point out the following... but am pointing it out anyway...
Most guys are either looking for a bad girl with a good streak (the proverbial "hooker with a heart of gold") or a good girl with a bad streak ("teaches Sunday School, but Not on Saturday nights!"). Similarly, most girls are either looking for a bad boy, with a good streak ("drives a stolen motorcycle, but raises money for orphans") or a good guy with a bad streak ("teaches Sunday School, but Not on Saturday nights!"). Maybe you've got your own examples. Maybe you've Lived your own examples. Either way, you ought to be smellin what I'm steppin in there... The cold simple fact that as Christians we ought to be looking for a Good one with a Good streak - "Teaches Sunday school because they have a heart of gold & raises money for orphans even on a Saturday night."
Hmm... I think I'm back around to iTORE's point. We need to work a little Romans 12:1&2 in ourselves, being Constantly Transformed, and the fellas hold out for our Proverbs 31 woman and the women hold out for a man Worthy of a P31! God did set the standards... why must we settle for less? Why should we settle for less? We should Not settle for less than what God intends for us.

Exactally...see..you summed it up better than I could! Bravo young man..bravo!

 

[maxwel]

I guess the feeling of wanting to make a difference in someone else's life?
Or maybe that's just my naivety talking...

Often, I found that these "jerks" were just guys who couldn't put themselves in other people's shoes.
Who lacked understanding and consideration... then again if life doesn't teach them these things, I think the love and guidance of a good woman will.

Kleia,
I think they're talking about the kinds of guys that don't want guidance.
: )
But as far as just normal guys....
in the U.S., back in the days of the "wild west", they say it was truly wild and dangerous until
women started moving out there.
They say that women showing up caused the men to all start acting more civilized lol.
I imagine that's true.
We even have an expression that "women tamed the west".

 

[Hellooo]

yes. blatantly bonkers crazy.
I'd rather be single than married to either, but I'd rather end up with someone passive aggressive than be back with someone that is just plain nuts.

I respectfully disagree. Naturally, since this is a matter of attraction, everyone has their own preferences.

I have virtually zero tolerance for someone who chooses to just let life happen, chooses to always be a victim of their circumstances, thow pity parties, who chooses not to take a proactive role in their own life. That sort of behavior spills over into your work ethic, your ability to resolve conflicts, your ability to stand up for the things you believe. It's also incredibly annoying. I wouldn't entertain dating, much less marrying, that sort of man for a minute.

 

[Fenner]

I guess the feeling of wanting to make a difference in someone else's life?
Or maybe that's just my naivety talking...

Often, I found that these "jerks" were just guys who couldn't put themselves in other people's shoes.
Who lacked understanding and consideration... then again if life doesn't teach them these things, I think the love and guidance of a good woman will.

Been there tried it. A jerk is a jerk, yes in time people can change. A guy friend of mine was a jerk to girls. I would discuss with him at length how wrong his behavior was. At one point, before I was married, he wanted to date me. He said he would never treat me like that. I didn't believe him. It's been 15 years since our many conversations about how he treats women and he still treats women the same. I would pray for someone, but don't go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. It doesn't work. God Bless you.

 

[Jullianna]

Bad boys Bad boys wha-cha gunna do?


View attachment 47410

Hey.....watch it, Mister

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Hey.....watch it, Mister

Thinking Jullianna's fav pick up line on a man is either "Get on the ground now!" or "Lemme see your hands!" lol or is it a combo/variation of the 2? ♫wa-cha gonna do when when Jullianna comes for you?!? ♫

 

[Jullianna]

I guess the feeling of wanting to make a difference in someone else's life?
Or maybe that's just my naivety talking...

Often, I found that these "jerks" were just guys who couldn't put themselves in other people's shoes.
Who lacked understanding and consideration... then again if life doesn't teach them these things, I think the love and guidance of a good woman will.

I have heard this come out of the mouths of women in battered women's shelters more often than I care to count....while I am looking at clumps of missing hair, broken teeth, bruises, swollen jaws, busted lips and fingers that have been twisted until broken....

This is NOT a price God wants women to pay for missionary dating. Please do not do this.

 

[Umbra]

I have heard this come out of the mouths of women in battered women's shelters more often than I care to count....while I am looking at clumps of missing hair, broken teeth, bruises, swollen jaws, busted lips and fingers that have been twisted until broken....

This is NOT a price God wants women to pay for missionary dating. Please do not do this.

This is a pattern I've noticed as well. You see a girl who's kind of shaken-up, "me and my boyfriend had a fight last night. He threw me onto the bed and screamed at me."

"If he's so abusive, why do you go out with him?"

"He's just misguided. He'll change."

If you want to change a "jerk", do so as a friend, not a lover.