Well, I think you are trying...so hard to be a loving son. But as you know, it is not us that provides the faith, it is God. Maybe you need to fully surrender to him? It is hard.... think it might be useful to ask yourself what you could do more of in our life? And less of? Reading the Bible, but not 'mindlessly'. You know all about how to do a Bible study

so set time aside for that, focus in on being still, let the Holy Sprit lead you to what He wants you to know. Stop striving for answers, instead, fully trust it will be revealed. Get your house in order....be active in getting your whole live in alignment with Gods will and under His authority. This is the tough bit! But if we are not obedient to Him, we cannot hear Him clearly and then we get lost, confused and think He is not there. You already have the supernatural life! Given to you when you accepted Christ and aim alone for your salvation. You may not be living it, but it's there!! How to unleash it? I love the analogy, if you want to walk on water, get out the boat

start each day with expectation, live with it, it's the hope we have. As you speak the blessings he has given you and wants to give you over your life...you will begin to believe it. Next time you find yourself driving aimlessly....decide to drive somewhere where you can walk...a park? Even a city has its own beauty...and walk. Breath in the air Gods giving you, using the body, your eyes to see His creation. Sometimes, when we are laid low, we need to get back to basics, allowing Him to build us back up. Trust He will.
Midge is Gods child...John 1:12
Midge is Christs friend...John 15:15
Midge is united with Gods Spirit and are one with Him...1 Cor. 6:17
Midge has been bought at a price & belongs to God...1 Cor. 6:19-20
Midge is adopted as Gods child...Eph. 1:5
Midge has direct access to God through the Holy Spirit...Eph. 2:18
Midgebis redeemed and forgiven of his sins...Cor. 1:14
Midge is complete in Christ...Col. 2:10
Hallelujah Midge! And may God Bless you as you seek a deeper relationship with Him and may you walk out in His promises and plans for you. <><