I think you can only understand, if you ask God to give you the understanding. It is the Holy Spirit that saves....We live in an evil world. So what do we expect? Read the Bible with an open and seeking heart. He will make it all clear but the ways of God are 'foolishness to those who do not believe'. I was like you 13 years ago , I thought those that believed in God were deluded. I actually thought i was intellectually superior to these 'poor simple souls'
But I read, i talked to other believers and I asked God to reveal the truth to me...and He did. God has given us His book, in it you will find the meaning of life, why you are here, what His plans are for the world he created and we are destroying. We live in a fallen, sinful, decaying world. We will see increasing depravity, war and violence. The one sure hope is that Christ is real, our life here is transient and we have a choice. Believe in nothing much except our own abilities....or believe in God, the creator of the heavens and the earth, the creator of you. He loves you, He wants to know you....all you have to do is ask, sincerely. I used to seek out believers too, challenge them, often be-little their faith...but Christ took over, now I defend His children and have the joy of being given the gift of telling the lost, the Truth that can set them free. God Bless you as you seek Him, I pray you will turn to Him....He is right by your side. <><