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T
One of the first things you do is remove yourself from the temptation. No if's and's or but's about it. This is an attack from the enemy, but you can flee the temptation and resist the enemy. Then you start romancing your spouse and spend your thoughts on him, not this other person. Put that effort into the person you are married to.
M
Evil/Satan always wants your NOW. He's not interested in your tomorrow, just NOW. He says, "hey, you wanna feel good NOW? He always tells a half-truth. The whole truth is, you may feel good until you ejaculate. Then you will look down at this woman who is not your wife of 19 years, and you will feel like Adam and Eve felt when they sinned. Naked and ashamed. You threw away 19 years for 15 minutes. Don't be a fool brother. Do as she said and flee temptation.
Proverbs 5: 3-5
[SUP]3 [/SUP]For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:
[SUP]4 [/SUP]But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
[SUP]5 [/SUP]Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.
Proverbs 5: 3-5
[SUP]3 [/SUP]For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:
[SUP]4 [/SUP]But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
[SUP]5 [/SUP]Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.
B
Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, God is our ever present help in times of trouble. I went through this - the prayers of my mother, her pastor and other's got me out of it.
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
[SUP]2 [/SUP]Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
[SUP]3 [/SUP]Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah
[SUP]4 [/SUP]There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
[SUP]5 [/SUP]God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
[SUP]6 [/SUP]The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved;
He uttered His voice, the earth melted.
[SUP]7 [/SUP]The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
[SUP]8 [/SUP]Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has made desolations in the earth.
[SUP]9 [/SUP]He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariot in the fire.
[SUP]10 [/SUP]Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
[SUP]11 [/SUP]The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge.
Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
[SUP]2 [/SUP]Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
[SUP]3 [/SUP]Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah
[SUP]4 [/SUP]There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
[SUP]5 [/SUP]God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
[SUP]6 [/SUP]The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved;
He uttered His voice, the earth melted.
[SUP]7 [/SUP]The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
[SUP]8 [/SUP]Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has made desolations in the earth.
[SUP]9 [/SUP]He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariot in the fire.
[SUP]10 [/SUP]Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
[SUP]11 [/SUP]The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge.
Psalm 46
H
Its often too easy to blame what is just lack of self control, a personal responsibility, on an external cause. You are tempted, but, if you choose His way, you can resist. It is wrong so don't do it. How? Through getting away from the temptation and getting yourself under Gods authority. As the old song says 'trust and obey because there is no other way'. It's not difficult to see what you ought to do....it is however difficult to obey. The flesh is weak...fortunately Christ is not. He is enough but you do have to put Him first and not yourself. So, I pray you will start to apply self control, turn fully to God. You are accountable to God. I am sure you love Him and want Him to be proud of His daughter? I pray you will lean fully on Him and He will then lead you safely through. May He bless you as you stand on His Holy name, <><
D
Affairs always feel right in the beginning. Lots of amazing feelings and excitement. Even so, the end result is always the opposite.
A friend of mine had an affair with his neighbor's wife. It became a nightmare for him. She begged him to divorce his wife and she would divorce her husband. One day as he was leaving for work she ran out in the rain, crying and pleading that he leave his wife. He knew he had to break it off and you know how that feels, right?
Trust me. Don't do it.
A friend of mine had an affair with his neighbor's wife. It became a nightmare for him. She begged him to divorce his wife and she would divorce her husband. One day as he was leaving for work she ran out in the rain, crying and pleading that he leave his wife. He knew he had to break it off and you know how that feels, right?
Trust me. Don't do it.
D
I know another man, a young man around 19 at the time who worked in a hospital. A beautiful Korean Lady also worked with him and they had an affair. The relationship went on for a while. He even taught the woman's kids how to swim. Of course the husband found out as one of his children told him their other daddy taught them how to swim.
The husband was naturally furious and found out who this other man was. He then purchased a hand gun. Several times the husband went to his house with a loaded gun. The young man joined the army to get away from the jealous and armed husband. He felt that was the best way to avoid getting murdered.
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Speaking of murder..
I was working on a remodel of a office building. One of the VP's came in with his family. His wife was very pretty and children quite handsome. One week later we read in the paper that he discovered his wife was having an affair. That nite, around 3am he murdered her as she slept.
You do not want to have an affair because they always end badly.
The husband was naturally furious and found out who this other man was. He then purchased a hand gun. Several times the husband went to his house with a loaded gun. The young man joined the army to get away from the jealous and armed husband. He felt that was the best way to avoid getting murdered.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Speaking of murder..
I was working on a remodel of a office building. One of the VP's came in with his family. His wife was very pretty and children quite handsome. One week later we read in the paper that he discovered his wife was having an affair. That nite, around 3am he murdered her as she slept.
You do not want to have an affair because they always end badly.
Joseph ran away from Potiphar's wife. He was so desperate to get away from temptation, he left his garment she had grabbed in her hand. The Bible says to flee fornication.
Tell your spouse about it. That's a way to nip it in the bud. When I first got married, I was thinner, younger looking, and had a lower hair line, and in a country where I was considered attractive, and some women would pay me some attention. So I'd work a reference to my wife into the conversation. Women usually take the hint. Women even said, "Oh you're married."
You can tell your partner it's over and say you want to cease contact (if possible.) If it's at work, find another job if you can. You could figure out a way for the other person's spouse to find out about it. If it hasn't gone as far as sex, your life might not be threatened.
Tell your spouse about it. That's a way to nip it in the bud. When I first got married, I was thinner, younger looking, and had a lower hair line, and in a country where I was considered attractive, and some women would pay me some attention. So I'd work a reference to my wife into the conversation. Women usually take the hint. Women even said, "Oh you're married."
You can tell your partner it's over and say you want to cease contact (if possible.) If it's at work, find another job if you can. You could figure out a way for the other person's spouse to find out about it. If it hasn't gone as far as sex, your life might not be threatened.
B
Its all well and good to say don't do, and you shouldn't. And remove the temptation, which you should. But let me ask you: What need is it your trying to have met that is not being met by your wife? Have you considered that she has needs you are not meeting. You could, in your desire to have a need filled, be pushing her in the same direction that you are headed in now.
It is imperative that you figure out what this need is and discuss with you wife how she can meet that need. At the same time find out what needs she has that you have been neglecting while searching for someone else.
Listen, we all have needs and when your married it is necessary that our spouse be the primary one to fill them. Think of love as a bank. one account has your wifes name on it and she is the only one that can deposit love into it. she is the only one that can withdraw from it too. The thing is, others are making deposits too and if someone elses increases more than your wife's that is when an affair becomes a real possibility.
It not just that your weak but it is why you are weak. Find out why then find out how to repair it and get that love account full.
In Christ,
Bishop SEH
It is imperative that you figure out what this need is and discuss with you wife how she can meet that need. At the same time find out what needs she has that you have been neglecting while searching for someone else.
Listen, we all have needs and when your married it is necessary that our spouse be the primary one to fill them. Think of love as a bank. one account has your wifes name on it and she is the only one that can deposit love into it. she is the only one that can withdraw from it too. The thing is, others are making deposits too and if someone elses increases more than your wife's that is when an affair becomes a real possibility.
It not just that your weak but it is why you are weak. Find out why then find out how to repair it and get that love account full.
In Christ,
Bishop SEH
N
To bishiop seh. My situation is difficult but not uncommon I know. My wife suffered a stroke several years ago, and has had a number of medical issues sense that time. Her conditions has left has had a drastic impact on the entimacy part of our marraige. I have been placed in the role of caregiver and spouse. I lover my wife very much but I have had problems trying to seperate the caregiver from spouse. I hope this makes sence to someone. I have not had sex with the other woman but the the temptation has been much. I thought at one time. This was one thing the devil could never temp me with. I see now that my strength is not what is going to keep me. I need a power beyond my own.
B
Forgive me but you have always been her caregiver. Its part of being a husband. This means there is nothing to separate. You do have tasks that are different than before but if your loving yourwife it should have the effect of drawing you closer to her. Think for a moment, you are literally filling in for the part of her that has betrayed her. Don't let her be betrayed twice.
I understand that physical intimacy can suffer in situations like yours. You may need to consult a doctor to see what, if anything, you both can still so together. Her body has betrayed her but she is still your wife and I believe, though she may not be able to express it, she still loves you and desires you. You just need to find out how you and she can express it given her change. It won't be the same as it was before but in many ways it might be better because of the tenderness you will have to use with her.
Don't give up and don't give in. Pray and seek and you will find a way to more completely love your wife again. Also it may help you to think about one other thing. I am sure she misses intimacy with her husband too.
In Christ,
Bishop SEH
I understand that physical intimacy can suffer in situations like yours. You may need to consult a doctor to see what, if anything, you both can still so together. Her body has betrayed her but she is still your wife and I believe, though she may not be able to express it, she still loves you and desires you. You just need to find out how you and she can express it given her change. It won't be the same as it was before but in many ways it might be better because of the tenderness you will have to use with her.
Don't give up and don't give in. Pray and seek and you will find a way to more completely love your wife again. Also it may help you to think about one other thing. I am sure she misses intimacy with her husband too.
In Christ,
Bishop SEH
N
This is the part that has me so frustrated. I know if this attack was to play out as the devil wants. It will destroy more than my marriage. I wake up every morning and say. How did I allow myself to get in this. Bishop I hurt deeply, but feel so powerless at times. I will not lie and say the attention I am getting from this woman I dont like. I do. it is all the other emotions that I am dealing with that make this so hard. I will say to myself one minute. I'm done. Then turn right around and feed the situation the next. I hate this.
B
1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
This scripture is not conditional on health nor are your vows you took before God and witnesses. If you allow this change of life to give yourself an excuse to stray the damage will be beyond your ability to comprehend. As you can see from the scripture posted you are not just risking you marriage, your standing a a husband and a man but also your ability to communicate with God.
I implore you to seek the Lord and ask him to guide you in how to restore the intimacy both of you need. Your not the only one that has gone without. This is not easy on her either.
in Christ,
Bishop SEH
This scripture is not conditional on health nor are your vows you took before God and witnesses. If you allow this change of life to give yourself an excuse to stray the damage will be beyond your ability to comprehend. As you can see from the scripture posted you are not just risking you marriage, your standing a a husband and a man but also your ability to communicate with God.
I implore you to seek the Lord and ask him to guide you in how to restore the intimacy both of you need. Your not the only one that has gone without. This is not easy on her either.
in Christ,
Bishop SEH
R
Nivek - Each day, we face demons of various types. I have confidence that the Holy Spirit is working to help you overcome this. You hesitated because your heart is telling you to not do this. You are seeking wise counsel. You have learned and are responding to distancing yourself from this temptation. And myself and many others on here are praying for you. You aren't alone.
I can't add to the wisdom that the Bishop has provided to you. I have seen the destruction that affairs have on the person (guilt, confidence, moral decay, etc.) and on the family. You already know these things (or you wouldn't be asking for help). Talk to the doctor about helping you and your wife live a more sexually fulfilled life, and get back to dating her. The date can come in TONS of ways, doesn't even have to be away from the house.
Stay strong and use us (or a close friend) as your accountability partner!
Blessings brother!
Rob
I can't add to the wisdom that the Bishop has provided to you. I have seen the destruction that affairs have on the person (guilt, confidence, moral decay, etc.) and on the family. You already know these things (or you wouldn't be asking for help). Talk to the doctor about helping you and your wife live a more sexually fulfilled life, and get back to dating her. The date can come in TONS of ways, doesn't even have to be away from the house.
Stay strong and use us (or a close friend) as your accountability partner!
Blessings brother!
Rob
N
I want to thank everyone for your words of wisdom, and counsel. Bishop I realy respect your wisdom and frankness. I need this. I have done nothing but made excuses for myself in this situation. I am also in ministry and should know better. I am putting myself on a consecration. God demands much more of me and I have realy disappointed myself in this. My change starts now. Please keep praying for me, but more importantly. I will pray myself.