My husband and I are believers, but he smokes weed. I don't like it

[Duckies]

Hi there,

Thank you much for feeling comfortable about sharing this. One of the best approaches i have aver seen and can suggest is... If you are a man or woman that walks with God, know that your body is a vessel, a temple to the holy spirit. For this we are responsible for caring for it.

Another important thing is, never do something that affects your loved ones, for their trust and spiritual harmony can be affected. I truly hope he undertands this before God decides to shake him up as God does not like its diciples to walk in wrong.

God Bless you Both very much! I will be praying for you guys

 

[Outsider]

It's a bit late for you, but to everyone else out there - You need to sort out your problems before getting married, not after.

Anyway, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume your husband married you thinking you were okay with his alcohol and marijuana use. Asking him to give those things up is going to sound very unfair to him.

Talk to your husband and ask him how he thinks his alcohol and pot use will effect your son. For now, he'll be able to hide his pot use from your child, but that will change as he gets older. If your husband continues to smoke pot when your son is a pre-teen, your son will find out about his pot use and the likelihood your son will try pot will increase dramatically.

Your son is the only reason your husband should feel obliged to change his alcohol and pot habit. If you married him knowing about his lifestyle, and you didn't ask him to change it before getting married, then all you can do is ask him to stop and accept his habits (or leave the relationship) if he says 'no'.

This is why it's often suggested couples go to marriage counseling before they get married, because they often fail to establish their wants until after they put the rings on each other's fingers.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

It's a bit late for you, but to everyone else out there - You need to sort out your problems before getting married, not after.

Anyway, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume your husband married you thinking you were okay with his alcohol and marijuana use. Asking him to give those things up is going to sound very unfair to him.

I completely disagree (with all due respect). Wisdom is accrued through experience; before marriage, and especially during marriage, and in some cases: after marriage. Also, husbands and wives are to submit to one another. If the circumstances are bringing adversity into the marriage, then they should not be put on the wayside. In a world where we can peaceably disagree, we ought not be disagreeable.

It is a narcotic (and to my knowledge illegal in the US) and so should NOT be used by any born again Christian...period! It beats me completely how Christians can somehow justify that there is nothing wrong in using it (as it is a mind altering substance)! There is no specific Scripture that says it is wrong but there are other general Scriptures that forbid it. Rom 13v1-7 etc...

Wine can be considered mind altering, but it is not prohibited; neither by legality nor biblically. The abuse of it, however, is (Ephesians 5:18). I think that's key in any indulgence.

 

[Outsider]

I completely disagree (with all due respect). Wisdom is accrued through experience; before marriage, and especially during marriage, and in some cases: after marriage. Also, husbands and wives are to submit to one another. If the circumstances are bringing adversity into the marriage, then they should not be put on the wayside. In a world where we can peaceably disagree, we ought not be disagreeable.

Couples aren't going to have everything figured out before marriage, but there are certain things they should have figured out. If a person likes to spend their free time drinking and smoking pot, they need to know you want them to give such things up before marrying them. If you marry a person who loves riding motorcycles, it's unfair to ask them to quit such a dangerous activity after getting married. If someone smokes and it bothers you, you need to let them know it bothers you before getting married.

When two people marry each other, they can't always just submit to one another. Asking your spouse to completely change their life is a very big deal, especially early on in a marriage. If two people have to completely change who they are to make their spouse happy, then it's a marriage that will likely fail. People who get married should be comfortable with the other person's lifestyle, that way they don't have to sacrifice as much when change is asked for.

Obviously, there will always be room for change, and you can't cover all your bases from the start. But, the big things such as drinking and smoking pot, should be established right away. If I fell in love with a girl who loved to drink alcohol and party with friends, I would not wait until we were married before I told her it bothered me. If she married me, she likely did so assuming I was alright with her partying.

---

I'm not saying OP shouldn't ask her husband to change for his and her own sake, but she needs to understand that she's asking a lot here. To him, being able to drink alcohol and smoke pot is a pretty big deal for him! Sure, I think he should give those things up, but I don't drink or smoke pot. If I married a woman who told me to stop playing video games after we were wed, I wouldn't. That's because video games is a pretty important part of my life and anyone I marry would know that, and I would assume they would accept that if they said nothing about it before marrying me. I know it sounds petty, but that's like having a person "pretend" to like you for who you are, only to have them tell the truth after you've been chained together.

Also, to remind everyone, the father should feel obliged to change his ways for his child's sake.

 

[Truthraines]

I would greatly appreciate prayers. I'm feeling like I'm losing hope, like it its affecting me more than it is him. He says I'm being judgemental of him and not loving him for who he is. Im just very afraid of the judgement that will be brought upon our family if he gets caught, and even more so I worry about what God thinks about it. He feels like I'm trying to control him and thinks its a " you think your right and I'm not" kind of game. He cannot see any negative outcome bc he does not see anything wrong with it. He says I cannot see the future so I should not worry about it. I give it to the Lord but he is not changing him. I feel like we are growing apart bc of this and he says it's bc im letting it separate us. He wants me to just accept it and I simply cannot something that my God says no to. I just need strength to pray him through this.

 

[kessy001]

keep praying for him, keep loving him, and keep being submissive. Only God can convict a man of his wrong. I pray the Lord would strengthen you, give you grace and peace. God would definitely come through for you. Hold on, don't be weary.
would be praying for you.

It is well with you and your home.
Shalom!

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

If it is not interfering with his work, schooling or life then he doesn't have anything to be ashamed of, what particular things are you speaking about in regards to knowing what Gods word says about it? I'm just trying to figure out what is actually wrong here so I may try and give advice.

God gave us every plant yielding seed on the face of the earth. Gen 1:29 and there is nothing wrong in drinking with moderation. I personally ( been in a serious long term with someone with bad alcohol issues) would only be worried about drinking.[/QUOTE\]
Why is it that every pot head who gets saved that refuses to stop smoking uses that scripture & blows it out of context to justify getting high? How does altering the state of your mind through pot honor God? Yet getting drunk & altering your mind is wrong? I will never understand.

 

[DustinC]

1 Peter 5:8 - Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

 

[colalella2891]

I wouldn't like it if my hypothetical spouse smoked weed either... so i'm with the original poster.

My cousin is married to a guy named Jamie, and he drinks a lot... Everyone in the family thinks he's an alcoholic, while my cousin just is in complete denial about it. Smoking weed makes you high so that can't be much better...

Pass on grass.
Lol I always thought that saying was lame but oh well.

Just my opinion though, not judging anyone who enjoys doing it.

 

[jerusalem]

you have my prayers. addictive behaviors find creative excuses. the more you address it with him verbally the more opportunity he will have to reinforce his line of reasoning. if your silence on the subject makes him think you have changed your position on the subject assure that your position hasn't changed. the less you address it however gives him fewer opportunities ti defend the behavior. pray and keep praying. God gave man every seed bearing herb as food not to enter altered states of consciousness. the word translated sorcery in scripture is pharmacopea which means drugs. there isn't a fairy tale out there that doesn't include pictures of hallucenogenic mushrooms and potions etc your concerns are valid

 

[Truthraines]

This is what God has placed on my heart tonight. To keep praying and trust in HIM, not myself. I want him to fully experience Gods presence so that he will KNOW that is the highest high there is! Nothing greater or more incredible than that experience, alll the time. I want us to grow together and experience Gods love and purpose for our lives as a pure vessel for Him. I don't want it to become this legislative "right and wrong religious stuff" that poses the question "is it really that bad?" if it separates you from God then yes it's wrong, BUT we don't like black and white answers, we like gray ones that can swing both ways. I just want to love on God and please Him with the life that im living and I want him to draw my husband close to his heart also. LOVE the bottom line is love!! It' hopes all things this is what I needed to hear. You were my confirmation for what God had laid on my heart, thank you! God bless

 

[FIRE_of_ELIJAH]

Those people who said that smoking weeds is not a problem caught my attention. What? are they even serious? all I can say, there's something wrong about them. The Lord said in Hosea 4:6 "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." A real christian can definitely discern what is right from wrong.

Smoking weeds,cigars,pot, drinking alcohol are not good for our health. If you keep doing these sort of things then you are defiling your body which is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Defiled things and The Holy Spirit cannot co-exist in one place. You cannot serve God and yet at the same time you serve satan.

1 Corinthians 6:19
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;

As for you my sister in Christ, don't loose hope about your husband. Just keep on PRAYING !!!! theres POWER in PRAYER !!

James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

 

[Mo0448]

I would greatly appreciate prayers. I'm feeling like I'm losing hope, like it its affecting me more than it is him. He says I'm being judgemental of him and not loving him for who he is. Im just very afraid of the judgement that will be brought upon our family if he gets caught, and even more so I worry about what God thinks about it. He feels like I'm trying to control him and thinks its a " you think your right and I'm not" kind of game. He cannot see any negative outcome bc he does not see anything wrong with it. He says I cannot see the future so I should not worry about it. I give it to the Lord but he is not changing him. I feel like we are growing apart bc of this and he says it's bc im letting it separate us. He wants me to just accept it and I simply cannot something that my God says no to. I just need strength to pray him through this.

I would suggest you talk to him about it in a different way. Sometimes its good to communicate the "what if It were me instead" so that he can try to have some empathy towards you. Ask him to imagine a day he is driving drunk or high and he has a car accident or he kills someone better yet ask him to imagine both of you are driving with your child and a high and drunk driver hits you guys how would he feel about it? Would he still say it is okay? Or try this one, what if he was asking for advice about a problem say I don't know finances would he ask the guy that's been bankrupt and lost his home due to poor financial decisions? He needs to realize that it could be very to who he represents for many at the church. He is right now a Pharisee clean cup on the outside yet living a completely different lifestyle away from church. I will keep him in my prayers, being a Brazilian I know the we can be a little bit stubborn but I have faith God loves to humble stubborn people

 

[OwenHeidenreich]

ok well we all know its a sin but the point in this is to SHOW HIM THE JOY IN CHRIST. he sees the law, he does not see the love, spiritual gifts, joy, innocence, forgiveness, destination of heaven, holy spirit LIVING INSIDE OF YOU!!!!

youtube Dan mohler, he is a man of god who teaches about the spiritual gifts

make a jump in your faith and earnestly seek the spiritual gifts. DIVE IN THE DEEP END!

 

[Biskers]

He may be Elect of God, but we ultimately don't know that until he is saved (Note: every Elect eventually becomes saved).
[:

Not trying to derail....but what does this mean? Elect of God? I've never heard this before.
thanks

 

[BeStillMatt]

Greek word for sorcery is pharmakeia. many rely on pharmaceuticals to cope. america is a nation of drug addicts weather its in pill form, alcohol or weed. Only difference is the healthy alternative is illegal by MANS standards. I doubt God sees one better/worse than the other.

 

[guidingfaith13]

Gods people battle different temptations.. all you can do is lay this burden onto the Lord pray for your husband that the Lord with give him knowledge and understanding of his Love grace and humility! You need to trust that the Lord has it under control.. do not take humility in the judgment of others only do so in the judgment of the Lord. Once you lay it upon the Lord what others have to say will not worry you!! for this is between your husband and the Lord.. what he doesn't want to hear from you he will hear from the Lord in the Lords timing. Praying for you, your husband and son!! That your relationship will be that of one that Glorifies the Lord! With Love in him, Erica

 

[MatthewMichael]

If it is not interfering with his work, schooling or life then he doesn't have anything to be ashamed of, what particular things are you speaking about in regards to knowing what Gods word says about it? I'm just trying to figure out what is actually wrong here so I may try and give advice.

God gave us every plant yielding seed on the face of the earth. Gen 1:29 and there is nothing wrong in drinking with moderation. I personally ( been in a serious long term with someone with bad alcohol issues) would only be worried about drinking.

I'm guessing you smoke by your justification? I enjoy it too, but have been trying not to.

You conveniently left off the next sentence of the verse:

Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.

 

[MatthewMichael]

Greek word for sorcery is pharmakeia. many rely on pharmaceuticals to cope. america is a nation of drug addicts weather its in pill form, alcohol or weed. Only difference is the healthy alternative is illegal by MANS standards. I doubt God sees one better/worse than the other.

Right on brotha.

 

[guidingfaith13]

The Lord will only shame him up if he knows that what he is doing is wrong.. When you have a relationship with the Lord he meets you where you are at.. and if he truly does not believe what he is doing is wrong then the Lord will show him the Truth in his timing when his relationship with the Lord becomes stronger!! The Lord always meets you where you are at!