How do you get your mother's blessing to be friends with an older guy?

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JeyBoo

Guest
#1
#1
I am just friends with this guy, but my mom doesn't want me hanging out with him or talking to him at all. I really don't want to ruin my friendship with him. He means to much to me to lose. I just want my mom to realize that. But I don't know how to make her realize this.. I've tried talking to her, I talk to God about it a lot, and I really feel like he called me to come here for other advice..
 
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jimmydiggs

Guest
#2
#2
Depends on how much older he is, and especially his relationship with God. If he's not a Christian, have no part of courtship at all. Older males tend to have different interests than a younger female. Remember that, and you can avoid some trouble.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Well, i'd suggest following what the bible has to say. Which is to honor your father an mother.
Also, often times parents can see things in a person that you aren't able to. You see a good friend, but your mother may see something more about him that makes her leery. You need to consider that options as well. Often time, at your age, you let your wants get in the way of seeing the negative in a person.
Lastly, most older guys don't have a desire to hang out with younger girls unless they have other motives besides friendship.
And as Jimmy said, the difference in age can be a part of her decision. Friends are important, but not at the expense of disobedience, or to not use wisdom.
 
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starfield

Senior Member
#5
Jun 13, 2009
3,393
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#5
JeyBoo said:
I am just friends with this guy, but my mom doesn't want me hanging out with him or talking to him at all. I really don't want to ruin my friendship with him. He means to much to me to lose. I just want my mom to realize that. But I don't know how to make her realize this.. I've tried talking to her, I talk to God about it a lot, and I really feel like he called me to come here for other advice..
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What is your mom's reason for not wanting you to befriend this guy and how old is he?

Just so you know some older men who want to befriend young girls have ulterior motive.
 
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JeyBoo

Guest
#6
#6
He is 19. And I know that most older guys have other motives than just friendships, but I really feel that Kyle isn't like that. He's different than most guys and I trust him.
 
Elizabeth619

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
#7
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
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#7
When I was 15 I had little in common with a 19 year old guy.
He could be a decent guy, but 19 year old guys are totally different than 15 year old guys. I can see why your mother doesn't approve.
The fact he has gained your trust is in a way alarming too. Do not be naive about this. Your mother knows what is best for you. If this guy had respect for you or your mom he would honor her wishes. You are still under the authority of your parents. You are to honor them.
 
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psalm6819

Guest
#8
#8
Hi Jeyboo,

Your Mom loves her sweet girl. She's not trying to control you cuz she's mean, she doesn't want to see anyone take advantage of you. A user never presents himself as a user, they always disguise thier motive. If Kyle is truly is a friend he will understand your mom wanting to protect you. A true friend does what is best for the other person not what works for them.

At 19 Kyle needs to be looking at college or some kind of trade to support himself in the future. He has important decisions to make. He's the right age for college so 15 is to young for him. Love can develope from close friendship so guard your heart.

I have two girls (in thier 20's now) so I know what it's like for your mom. I wasn't born 57 :) so I remember what it's like to be a kid, too.

God bless you, Boo. Why don't you pray about this relationship? I can see that you want to do what is right, ask the Lord He will answer you.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#9
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
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#9
When my daughter was 15 she became interested in a neighbor boy who was going down the wrong path lickety split. Her father and I forbade her to see him. She would sneak out and meet him. Thank goodness he moved away! She could not, or would not, see the real him. She is now 22 and we've talked about what was going on in her mind...she had built up fantasies around him that just weren't true. Her dad and I saw more clearly what he was really like....violent, hateful and lazy. Unfortunately, he was good-looking and this was all she could see. Anytime his name comes up now she just gets disgusted with herself.

This probably isn't your situation but one thing that may be similar is that older people, because of more experience, can see dangers that young girls can't see. Err on the side of your mom's judgment. If you really, truly think she is misjudging the young man there are some things you can talk over with her....like asking him to dinner so she can get to know him. Agree to NOT meet him in private. Take things SLOWLY and honor your mom's desires and common sense.

Regrets are awful things to have to carry around....pray and think over carefully where you go in this relationship.
 
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intercessorginger

Guest
#10
#10
This might be a hard pill to swallow...but..
Listen to your Mother! She has been around a lot longer then you, plus she is anointed by God to protect you! If she sees something, believe me..she is right and you better listen!
 
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Jen2013

Guest
#11
#11
Hey JeyBoo,
I'm really happy to hear that you are talking about this situation with God and I encourage you to continue praying to Him :)

To be honest, I don't understand why a 19 year old man would want to hang out with a 15 year old girl, unless he has "other motives" I know it may sound cynical, but it's definitely a red flag. Even though you both are only 4 years a part, right now that is a big deal. you both are in different stages in life...one in high school/ under the age of 18 and the other either finishing high school or finished and is legal. It's a HUGE difference.

Be cautious of what he says and does around you. Does he mostly complaint you about your appearance and body? and/or is he touchy feely? if so...I would strongly advise you to stay away. He doesn't have your best interest at heart.
 
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J-Kay

Guest
#12
#12
Do you have to sneak to meet him ? Where did you meet ?
If he is a friend, he will understand and honor your mother
and her desire to protect her 'young' and 'beautiful daughter.'

I was 16 when a handsome 26 yr. old man took interest in me.
I was so flattered by his interest. He talked me into leaving my
home and run away and get married. Quickly impregnated me
and divorced me, and I was still 16 and brought back home to my
parents. Gave birth to baby girl, and finished my schooling.
My parents did not give their permission either. I had to learn the
hard way by being rebellious and listening to the 'older handsome
man.' It is not easy when we rebel.

Please don't put yourself in the position of having to learn lesson.
If he is a friend, he will wait for you, and your mothers approval.
God bless you. And please know everyone will be praying for you
and especially for your safety. (( HUGS ))

 
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Ariel82

Guest
#13
#13
If he is a real friend then he would understand your mom's position and wait until you turn 18 which is only three years from now. Real friends will still be friends even after a long separation.

Before the day of internet, planes, etc. people would go for months with no communication with family and friends. sometimes even years if they are sailing around the world or something.

Most guys have other motives when it comes to girls. Some are good at pretending they don't but eventually they will confess that their "feelings" have changed or some other line. they will do things to make you think its "your" idea and that you "love" them.

He should make friends his own age or older.

Don't fall for the line that "you seem so much more mature for your age"
 
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Ugly

Guest
#15
#15
JeyBoo said:
I am just friends with this guy, but my mom doesn't want me hanging out with him or talking to him at all. I really don't want to ruin my friendship with him. He means to much to me to lose. I just want my mom to realize that. But I don't know how to make her realize this.. I've tried talking to her, I talk to God about it a lot, and I really feel like he called me to come here for other advice..
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Well, it seems everyone is pretty much in agreement. You should obey your mom, and it sounds unwise to stay friends with this older guy. This is where you say God lead you to come for advice. Now are you actually going to listen to God's direction in sending you here and heed the advice of others? Or are you going to ignore it? Or try to change our minds too? Or go somewhere else til you find someone who approves?
This is what many people do. They come to this site, not looking for advice, even though they say they do. What they really come here for is to find people to tell them their actions are ok. I hope you don't do this. God has obviously surrounded you with people telling you this is a bad idea. Maybe God is trying to warn you.
Also, keep in mind, may times, when an older guy takes advantage of a younger aged girl, its not some stranger. Its a guy who gets the girl to trust him. That way, its easier for him to take advantage of her. And its not uncommon for them to force themselves on you if earning your trust doesn't get what they want.
Trust should take time to build and be more than a 'feeling'. Especially at your age, when you can be so easily taken advantage of because so many teens have little discernment about the people they make friends with.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#16
Apr 18, 2013
9,637
2,699
113
#16
intercessorginger said:
This might be a hard pill to swallow...but..
Listen to your Mother! She has been around a lot longer then you, plus she is anointed by God to protect you! If she sees something, believe me..she is right and you better listen!
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Agree.

There is a reason God gave you a momma.
 
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live-love-life

Guest
#17
#17
If all else Jeyboo even if his motives are good. Just being friends can make problems for him. He is not a minor and you are. If someone turned him in (even if the motives are pure) He can lose jobs and any chance a college (I have seen this happen before) Just take the time to be single and friends with people your own age and listen to your parents. They love you.
 
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jimmydiggs

Guest
#18
#18
JeyBoo said:
He is 19. And I know that most older guys have other motives than just friendships, but I really feel that Kyle isn't like that. He's different than most guys and I trust him.
Click to expand...
What does the bible say about trusting feelings?
 
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starfield

Senior Member
#20
Jun 13, 2009
3,393
58
48
#20
JeyBoo said:
He is 19. And I know that most older guys have other motives than just friendships, but I really feel that Kyle isn't like that. He's different than most guys and I trust him.
Click to expand...
You should heed your mother’s advice because she probably knows something about this guy that you don’t know, and also remember that she has greater life experience than you. Though you feel he is trustworthy, she probably doesn't but deems him a bad influence, and she cares for you and wants to protect you from potential heartache – that is her parental duty which should be respected. Furthermore, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right" (Eph 6:1). I think that verse is too often neglected.
 
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