Z
I really have no desire or want to do this, but it was a friends advice, and I trust said person so I'm taking it...
The pain and heaviness of being alone has really been closing in a lot on me lately. I've officially been single since this past January, and actually separated from my ex almost a year and a half ago now...being alone is not something I do well with, and the fact that I don't casually date doesn't help. Recently I've been grappling with the concept that God may want me single for the rest of my life, and as I get closer with getting comfortable with it, I start a new job...
I have no doubt this job is where God wants me right now. I see so much negative emotion on so many people I work with there. A lot of it being pain and anger, it's almost palpable. So God wants me to be the light to shine and the Godly example they need. The problem is, this is obviously a toxic environment, and there's someday's that are extremely hard and I just want to give up, but I know I can't.
Recently they've been ragging on me at work about being single. Their favorite subject as the butt of ridicule is me since I do my best to abstain from making inappropriate comments to women, and they know I have not had sex since long before my divorce. Normally I don't mind this type of thing, because I know they're joking, so I'll usually just laugh along with them, but it gets extremely hard having to hear it almost every day. Now it is to the point where certain people began questioning my sexual orientation. I guess for me, it made that loneliness feeling hit me that much harder. Made me remember how much I want someone to share my life with, and how I don't have anyone one, and at least at this point, chances of finding anyone are slim. Most single girls around my age I am not interested in, and any girls I would be interested in are married.
It's hard to keep setting that Godly example day in and day out and not being able to tell if it's even really helping anyone or if they just think I'm an idiot for not doing the wild monkey dance just because I can. It's even harder when they give me pressure to be in a relationship or just have sex with someone, especially when there's nothing I want more...and there's nothing I can do about it.
Well there's my venting session...guess I'm just looking for, I don't know, help, support, whatever. Want to know I'm not alone I guess.
The pain and heaviness of being alone has really been closing in a lot on me lately. I've officially been single since this past January, and actually separated from my ex almost a year and a half ago now...being alone is not something I do well with, and the fact that I don't casually date doesn't help. Recently I've been grappling with the concept that God may want me single for the rest of my life, and as I get closer with getting comfortable with it, I start a new job...
I have no doubt this job is where God wants me right now. I see so much negative emotion on so many people I work with there. A lot of it being pain and anger, it's almost palpable. So God wants me to be the light to shine and the Godly example they need. The problem is, this is obviously a toxic environment, and there's someday's that are extremely hard and I just want to give up, but I know I can't.
Recently they've been ragging on me at work about being single. Their favorite subject as the butt of ridicule is me since I do my best to abstain from making inappropriate comments to women, and they know I have not had sex since long before my divorce. Normally I don't mind this type of thing, because I know they're joking, so I'll usually just laugh along with them, but it gets extremely hard having to hear it almost every day. Now it is to the point where certain people began questioning my sexual orientation. I guess for me, it made that loneliness feeling hit me that much harder. Made me remember how much I want someone to share my life with, and how I don't have anyone one, and at least at this point, chances of finding anyone are slim. Most single girls around my age I am not interested in, and any girls I would be interested in are married.
It's hard to keep setting that Godly example day in and day out and not being able to tell if it's even really helping anyone or if they just think I'm an idiot for not doing the wild monkey dance just because I can. It's even harder when they give me pressure to be in a relationship or just have sex with someone, especially when there's nothing I want more...and there's nothing I can do about it.
Well there's my venting session...guess I'm just looking for, I don't know, help, support, whatever. Want to know I'm not alone I guess.