The Gift of Singleness (after divorce)

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Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

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#1
Sep 6, 2013
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I am single again after 16 years of happy marriage that fell apart abruptly due to affair/abandonment. I do feel like I'm in a "season of singleness" right now, and after much healing, I'm content with that. However, I've been told by multiple people that once you've been married, you are "meant for marriage" and obviously do not have the "gift of singleness". Several people have told me that not remarrying would be a shame. What are your thoughts on that theory? Are there others out there who have been married and are now content in their singleness, or did you find yourself wanting to marry again soon?
 
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Jordache

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#2
#2
I don't agree with them. It sounds more like an overly compassionate response.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

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#3
Aug 2, 2009
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I think Paul made it clear in his scripture that what he meant by the gift of singleness is simply the freedom it gives you to devote your full attention to serving Christ (as opposed to having to devote your attention to a spouse). That's all it is. Some people think its supposedly some kind of amazing wonderous gift, but Paul simply meant that it gives someone more freedom to focus on serving God.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

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#4
Aug 2, 2009
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Just want to add the scripture which goes along with my post:

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.
(1 Corinthians 7: 32-34 ESV)
 
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Shouryu

Guest
#5
#5
"Gift of singleness" and "made for marriage" sound like conveniently made up notions to comfort people who are single or married, or to make people uncomfortable if their status opposite of whatever their designation notion supposedly is.

You're single. Okay. You're single.

You're married. Okay. You're married.

I took the "gift of smoked pork belly" that was "made for breakfast" and covered it with brown sugar and dark chocolate and now it's the "gift of candy" that was "made for eating after work because bacon makes the long day melt away."

Although, we do have the "gift of forgiveness," and we were definitely "made to worship." So anytime someone tries to stick you with a worldly designation, you can pull those two out of your wallet as a Get-Out-Of-Awkward-Conversation-Card.
 
K

KJV15John11

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#6
#6
Single or married, I believe that the secret to life is doing the best you can in where you are, where God has put you in the moment. The one thing we can count on in life is change. If things never changed, we wouldn't have the opportunity to grow, not only as individuals, but in our relationship to God. Along with change, I have noticed that God has given us times of peace and quiet. It is in those times that we can assess what we have already endured and what we have learned. It also allows us time to rest and prepare for the next challenge in our lives.

it is hard to see how God is working while we are going through it, but if you take the time to look back, you will usually see that it couldn't have happened any other way, and God had it perfectly planned. So regardless of where you are at, or what you are doing, look for God, and His light will always guide you towards home.

Single or married, it is just a state of being. Keep yourself open at all times for what God has in store for you. You'll be amazed of what He can do for you, when your plans were pointed in a totally different direction. Keep moving because God cannot steer a ship in the harbor.
 
vanillakay

vanillakay

Senior Member
#7
Dec 7, 2012
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#7
Sheesh you all are such negative nellies
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#8
#8
I think the church, or church people, spend far too much time delegating, and telling people how their lives should be lived and what kind of choices they make...for instance what you just mentioned, since you were married once, you obviously don't have the gift of singleness and have to get married again. This of course has absolutely no scriptural basis.

What matters is that you live as God leads. One of the most comforting verses in the bible, to me, is in proverbs where it says a man plans his ways but the Lord directs his steps. There is nothing you can do to manipulate God's will, there is nothing you can do to force yourself into God's will. God will move you, as He pleases, into His will, as you live your life. Submit all your ways to Him and you will not fail.
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#9
Mar 22, 2013
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#9
since I have been single my entire life.. i sure wouldnt call being single a gift or good ect ect.. quite honestly I dont like it, but so is life.
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#10
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
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Grace-Like-Rain said:
I am single again after 16 years of happy marriage that fell apart abruptly due to affair/abandonment. I do feel like I'm in a "season of singleness" right now, and after much healing, I'm content with that. However, I've been told by multiple people that once you've been married, you are "meant for marriage" and obviously do not have the "gift of singleness". Several people have told me that not remarrying would be a shame. What are your thoughts on that theory? Are there others out there who have been married and are now content in their singleness, or did you find yourself wanting to marry again soon?
Click to expand...
I've never married and reached a stage where I really enjoy being single. Paul said this:

[36] If any one thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry -- it is no sin.
[37] But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.
[38] So that he who marries his betrothed does well; and he who refrains from marriage will do better. 1 Cor 7:36-38 RSV
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#11
Sep 6, 2013
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#11
Thanks everyone for the wisdom! When I say "gift of singleness" I guess what I mean is someone who seems perfect for that single lifestyle. I know people like that. They cherish their singleness. They have no desire to marry, ever. As opposed to someone who is reluctantly single. Know what I mean?
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
#12
#12
vanillakay said:
Sheesh you all are such negative nellies
Click to expand...
Really? Because I was shooting for true ambivalence. Hence the, "You're single. Okay. You're single." Meaning...yeah, so what? It's neither AMAZING, nor is it HORRIBLE. It is. That's all. It is. You are what you are, by the will of God, and we should be content in that.
 
maxwel

maxwel

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#13
Apr 18, 2013
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#13
I have the gift of not-gnawing-my-own-arm-off-while-I-wait-and-pray-for-a-wife.

Yeah... I guess I'm at peace with things.

: )
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

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#14
#14
If singleness is a gift.... can i give it back???
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#15
Feb 26, 2012
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#15
Grace-Like-Rain said:
I am single again after 16 years of happy marriage that fell apart abruptly due to affair/abandonment. I do feel like I'm in a "season of singleness" right now, and after much healing, I'm content with that. However, I've been told by multiple people that once you've been married, you are "meant for marriage" and obviously do not have the "gift of singleness". Several people have told me that not remarrying would be a shame. What are your thoughts on that theory? Are there others out there who have been married and are now content in their singleness, or did you find yourself wanting to marry again soon?
Click to expand...

My mom was married twice: once to my dad and once to my stepfather, who was amazingly abusive and an alcoholic. My mom, now, is content to be single and does not desire to remarry. Only God can tell you if He desires for you to marry again.

I find it interesting that they took that approach. In the world I live in, divorce is shameful and there's something wrong with someone who has been divorced. This stigma is slowly being broken, though. :)

If you are content in your season of singleness, that is great. Keep your eyes on God and let Him bring the healing you need. And, if He does have marriage for your future, it will be in His timing. I think you most assuredly have the right attitude right now. I pray that you are blessed and that Jesus fills you to overflowing and that you are able to minister healing and strength to women in the same situation or ones that are dealing with infidelity in their marriage. :)
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

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#16
Mar 22, 2013
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#16
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Thanks everyone for the wisdom! When I say "gift of singleness" I guess what I mean is someone who seems perfect for that single lifestyle. I know people like that. They cherish their singleness. They have no desire to marry, ever. As opposed to someone who is reluctantly single. Know what I mean?
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well I gave up on the idea of having anyone long ago, but I dont cherish singleness so blah.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#17
Oct 15, 2012
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#17
Grace-Like-Rain said:
...who seems perfect for that single lifestyle. I know people like that. They cherish their singleness. They have no desire to marry, ever. As opposed to someone who is reluctantly single.
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I think it's possible to have both. I desire to marry someday, but right now I'm really content being single. Well, it comes and goes. I cherish it about 99% of the time. When the 1% hits when I don't, it hits pretty hard, but I'm usually fine within a few hours. :p
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

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#18
Feb 26, 2012
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#18
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Thanks everyone for the wisdom! When I say "gift of singleness" I guess what I mean is someone who seems perfect for that single lifestyle. I know people like that. They cherish their singleness. They have no desire to marry, ever. As opposed to someone who is reluctantly single. Know what I mean?
Click to expand...
I totally know what you're saying. I love being single. I enjoy this season and should it never end, I will be fine with that, too. :) If it is God's will for me to marry, then right on! If not, awesome! :) Either way, I'm good.
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

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#19
Mar 22, 2013
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#19
women have it easy, all a woman has to do is walk around anywhere and make it known they are single and will have guys all over them..

guys, we can let it be known we are single and nobody cares.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

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#20
Oct 15, 2012
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#20
wisebeardman said:
women have it easy, all a woman has to do is walk around anywhere and make it known they are single and will have guys all over them..
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I must not be a woman then because that has never happened to me. :p
 
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