The Gift of Singleness (after divorce)

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Yowie

Yowie

Senior Member
#41
Aug 31, 2013
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#41
Grace-Like-Rain said:
I'm so sorry this happened to you Yowie. I can really identify with the feelings you went through. I heal more and more everyday, but still find myself wondering what the heck happened. No warning signs, no red flags... it's still shocking to even think about after such a stable marriage. And there are no answers. (I hate not knowing things, lol.) God has given me a peek at how some small things are easier now though. My life has a lot less stress in it somehow. I don't know why. Also, when you're so in love with someone (especially from such a young age) you don't really see their flaws. Now with some distance it's easier to see ways that we weren't really compatible. I just never knew because I had nothing to compare it with. It was all I knew. It's ironic that I know so much more about marriage now that I'm not married anymore.

I know that one day I'll want to remarry. Right now I don't get that lonely because I have my daughters at home with me, but when they are grown and gone I'm sure I'll start feeling it more acutely. There are some (selfish probably) things that I do like about being single though. More free time. More freedom. Control of my finances. (He wasn't good at saving money.) The knowledge that I enjoy these little things makes me wonder if I'll be happy married. But I know that all men aren't like my ex-husband, and there may be one out there who compliments my personality perfectly, and vice versa. I guess we'll see!

Many blessings to you Yowie as you head into this unchartered territory, and your new life.
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Thanks :)

There weren't particuar warning signs so to say, that I picked up on, until after it happened and then it was blatantly obvious once I found out more about the other person. But I had a feeling that would disturb me for about 2 months leading up to it and I’m sure it was a God thing because I had the feeling before something physicaly happened, but when I got the feeling was around the time a text message was sent to my ex-wife (I found out later). I ended calling it because it was doing my head in not knowing whether this feeling was legitimate or just in my head. By that time there was an affair that had been happening. I’m sure you could imagine how hard it is to call your spouse on something like that if you’re not completely sure, but it turns out the feeling was legitimate.

I understand the hate of not knowing or not getting proper closure, but I think that’s been something God has been helping me with. Letting go. I also have children and we have 50% shared custody and yeah, sometimes it gets a bit lonely, but they’re not away long so that’s good. My ex-wife was also someone I had known since we were young teens. I understand/relate to a fair bit of what you’ve said, like the finance stuff, less stress, free time and knowing more about marriage now. Although I know I always be learning.

I know this might be getting a bit too personal for a thread on a message board, but I hope it can help someone or at least someone might know there’s others who have an understanding of what they might be going through.


 
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thecreationtutor

thecreationtutor

Senior Member
#42
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
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#42
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
If singleness is a gift.... can i give it back???
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that's a direct quote out of book I have read


Today is a gift - if your married, if your single - I don't believe there is a gift of singleness, i Don't think scripture supports this - lest we become monks and nuns. Contentment and Godliness is great gain

Content - single
content married
whatever situation God has for you today
 
T

TruthLoveHope

Guest
#43
#43
mystdancer50 said:
I don't want a man, I want a godly man. I don't want what this world has, I want what God has. I don't want to be flirted with, hit on or asked out by the men that I see in this daily world, I want to be courted by one man and marry him, the one that God has for me. Everything else is distraction and noise. :)

I am divorced and recently ended a two-year relationship; he was leaning very heavily toward marriage but we were unequally yoked and it was causing me issues in my walk with God (when I actually get some "me time", I will post about this experience) but this struck me. And then as I am writing this in response to mystdancer50, I glance down and see Grace-Like-Rain's post below, and have to echo her, too!

I originally came on CC to see if there was anyone having the same thoughts as I was, and if anyone was of the same mind that I am. It's amazing to see how many of God's people keep showing up giving me advice and confirming my thought processes at times (whether they know it or not ... I'm a huge lurker with no time to post except rarely!) So thank you all! :)
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