"But I KNOW God WANTS us to be together!"

MissCris · Sep 13, 2013

Really? How does a person KNOW that, I mean really and truly KNOW, that God has brought a specific person to them and that they are MEANT to be in a relationship?

I know I'm not the only one around here who gets tired of people coming in and describing what is almost always a really bad, unhealthy relationship, and excusing it by saying that God brought them this person, or God wants them to be together.

I wonder how many bad marriages, and therefore divorces, could be avoided if people would open their eyes and realize that if the relationship is just terrible while dating, maaaaaybe they should let the person go. You know, NOT marry the guy who is already cheating while you're dating, or NOT marry the girl who is fighting you every step of the way and going out to party all the time...

I know people make mistakes, and yes, bad relationships CAN be fixed and turned around...

But what is it with so many people claiming they know God put them in these crappy relationships?

AAAPlus · Sep 13, 2013

Are you saying that when these relationships end in divorce or a messy breakup it is mostly their own fault?

...because I agree with you completely.

Jordache · Sep 13, 2013

Which one of you has been divorced? If neither then step back and stop judging those who have been divorced.
Relationships make people blind. This is a well proven fact.

rachelsedge · Sep 13, 2013

Jordache, I don't think MissCriss or AAAPlus are judging the divorced people on this board. I think they're saying that that it's a bit silly to claim that God wants you to pursue a relationship with someone who very obviously treats you badly.

I don't think she's saying that it's okay to get divorced, either. Again, I think the point is that people are blinded in relationships, think they are "approved by God", ignore Him many steps of the way, and then when things don't work out, suddenly it wasn't from God.

The point that I gather is that it's very important to be in tune with Him during a relationship, and not to loose yourself during it. It's hard to do, but that's why it's also important to have other godly counsel in your life outside your relationship. If other people see red flags that you don't, it's cause for concern, no matter how much you think it's from God.

MissCris · Sep 13, 2013

I got married when I was 17. Everyone around me told me what a bad idea it was- even apart from the age factor (me 17, him 20), things were super iffy about the whole thing. And you know what I convinced myself of? That God wanted us to be together, because otherwise, why would it have worked out so easily, why would my mom give me permission to get married, why, why, why would I have met the guy in the first place, if God wasn't putting us together?

...we were married for 10 months total.

Anyway, I'm not judging people who are divorced. I never have, and never will.

What I'm saying is that if people wouldn't rush into marriage, straight from a really bad dating relationship, on the basis of "Well, I love so-and-so, and this MUST be God's will for us!" then maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

mystdancer50 · Sep 13, 2013

Jordache said:

Indeed. Just look at Samson.

mystdancer50 · Sep 13, 2013

MissCris said:

Wow. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I am glad that God is using it to speak to you and through you.

I totally and completely agree. I constantly ask God to keep me under His wings and to not send me any men that are there to distract or pull away or destroy me. Once, God told me, "You're not rejected, you're protected." This was in light to a woman telling me that I probably get hit on all the time because I work with a lot of men, and I thought to myself, "Nope. I don't get hit on at all, actually. No one flirts with me. Strange..." But, not so strange. My Father is protecting me, as Father's are called to do, and for that I am ever grateful.

I would rather be single for all of my days than insist on a relationship that is damaging to myself, my family and my relationship with Christ.

MissCris · Sep 13, 2013

Jordache said:

I already responded to this (without the quote), but I wanted to add-

You seem to feel I'm attacking divorced people. I don't really understand where you got that from, out of my OP, because while I mentioned divorce and how it could sometimes be avoided, what I'm really talking about is people who are EXCUSING red flags and really poor treatment from their boyfriend/girlfriend by saying the relationship is from God, when it's obviously just...not.

Spiritfilled1 · Sep 13, 2013

I think it is very clear here that people are not being attacked. What is clear to me is good advice and a warning against justifying things by being convinced or convincing one's self that God wants something possibly harmful for us. Jeremiah 28: 11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." How could we ever see the "red flags" going on in a relationship and persist saying that God wants this for us? It's a matter of will, our will or the Fathers will in our lives. Which one do we choose? With people saying that in a relationship you are blinded, this is true for many. If you are putting God first before this person in a relationship and consulting God then it would be much more difficult to be blinded. Instead what often happens is people put the person in front of God and that would be idolatry and would definitely cause someone to be blind. At that point of putting anything above God anyone would be led astray by their own fleshly desires and wisdom. And our worldly wisdom is no wisdom at all.

kenthomas27 · Sep 13, 2013

MissCris - You were 17?? You asked your mom?

Hey mommy.
Mommy
Mommy
Mommy
Mother
Mother
Mom
Mommy
Mommy
hey mommy
mommy
MOMMEEE
MOMMY
mommy
mom
mom
mother
mother
mother

WHAT? What is it. What do you want?

Can I get married?

I freely admit what seems funny to me are not always funny to others. Every teacher I have ever known has told me this....

MissCris · Sep 13, 2013

kenthomas27 said:

Yes! Haha it was a LOT like that, only with quite a bit more angsty-teenage attitude thrown in.
Yep, I got my mommy to sign a permission slip so's I could get married.

Jordache · Sep 13, 2013

My comment wasn't meant to offend. I'm just pointing out something that I've been guilty of all to often myself. It's been a rough couple years of going through things I've never experienced, and failing in ways I never thought possible. But it has grown a lot of grace in me.
I too am divorced. I dated my ex-husband a total of 5 yrs before we got married, but because I was raised in a pretty abusive environment, I never considered anything he did as an issue. Many people were afraid for us, but I never heard it. I thought they were for us. Even I was afraid for us, but it didn't register for me. After so many years I began to feel too comfortable with all the dysfunction and it seemed marriage after that long was just the next step. I worked my butt off and he sat on his playing games. He was very sick and neither of us really knew it. But as it grew he became more and more withdrawn and violent. After a time I started fearing for my life. Eventually he left and I tried my best to support him but he would have none of it. Eventually I felt released by the Lord and I filed for divorce. It was only then that he reversed his choice to divorce me, but he never took any steps to resolve anything and I wasn't about to put myself back into that abusive situation.
I am dating again now and my bf and I are taking the same premarrieds class that my ex and I took. I found our old binder and was shocked at how much I actually wrote down (negatives) and how none of them clicked. Scary...
I thought the Lord had brought us together.

ServantStrike · Sep 13, 2013

I think the quote of "the heart wants what it wants" applies well here. I had to look up the quote, apparently it was by Woody Allen and related to having an affair, which makes it doubly appropriate.

Our hearts don't always tell us the truth, and we can dull our hearts to the truth by saying "no, this is what God wants." It doesn't make it true, but it can temporarily numb the pain of doing something we know we shouldn't. It ends in much more heartache in the long run not to listen to it. I've been guilty of it more times than I'd like to remember, I think we all have if we step back and look at all of the mistakes we've ever made.

As for trusting our hearts, this is what comes to mind for me. Matthew 15:
19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: 20 These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.

MissCris · Sep 13, 2013

That's the kind of thing I'm talking about, Jordache. I am absolutely not judging you for what happened, and like I said, I did the same type of thing myself. I'm sorry you went through that. It's amazing what people don't see, and it's amazing how God can guide us through it anyway and heal us.

I guess that the people who do these things, that stay in bad relationships because they think it's God's will, are much the way I was- hard headed, stubborn, blind, and in denial. They'll learn the hard way like so many others before them. And that stinks, it really does- because having done it myself, I want to warn them (though they've been warned and ignored it), and I want to shake them and show them their bleak future if they don't get on the right path.

My reasoning for having thought God wanted me with my ex-husband was how easy, how simple it was to get so involved with him. I'm wondering now what others are thinking, what events are leading them to think their bad relationships are actually gifts from God.

Fenner · Sep 13, 2013

MissCris said:

Really? How does a person KNOW that, I mean really and truly KNOW, that God has brought a specific person to them and that they are MEANT to be in a relationship?

I know I'm not the only one around here who gets tired of people coming in and describing what is almost always a really bad, unhealthy relationship, and excusing it by saying that God brought them this person, or God wants them to be together.

I wonder how many bad marriages, and therefore divorces, could be avoided if people would open their eyes and realize that if the relationship is just terrible while dating, maaaaaybe they should let the person go. You know, NOT marry the guy who is already cheating while you're dating, or NOT marry the girl who is fighting you every step of the way and going out to party all the time...

I know people make mistakes, and yes, bad relationships CAN be fixed and turned around...

But what is it with so many people claiming they know God put them in these crappy relationships?

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt sweetheart.

Stephen63 · Sep 13, 2013

MissCris said:

Some of it is simple.
1. Some of them actually believe that God is into giving them everything they want, therefore they say God did it.
2. Some are so irresponsible that they can't possibly believe it was all their fault. So the blame somebody else. Usually God
I think this scripture has some bearing on it:
James 4:1-4 (KJV) [SUP]1 [/SUP]From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? [SUP]2 [/SUP]Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. [SUP]3 [/SUP]Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts. [SUP]4 [/SUP]Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

lil_christian · Sep 13, 2013

MissCris said:

It's because they're emotionally attached. They're codependent. They CANNOT spend an hour without SOME form of communication, because if THAT happens, the feelings go away. And no one EVER wants the feelings to go away. Because "The one for you" might not be "The One" because you don't like him anymore. And they use God to justify all of this. I could show people like that in just a few minutes how much they really DON'T love each other. All they have to do is open a Bible to 1 Corinthians 13 or wherever it talks about how a husband is supposed to submit to God, lead his wife (and kids if they have any. Though that's not exactly in the same chapter, it is in the Bible.), and cherish her, and the wife is supposed to submit to the husband and help lead and nurture her kids if they have any. All they gotta do is ask themselves, "Do I do that?" and I could guarantee the answer would be a big, fat, NO.

How CAN you find out to the best of your ability?

Lots of hard prayer. Make sure you aren't texting your guy/girl every hour of every day, and make time for just yourself; no texting or calling your guy or talking to anyone else about your relationship. Give the relationship breathing room. It's not like the two of you are married yet. That way you can think for yourself and not have him/her poking at your brain and not getting a break from them. If you and him/her have peace about getting married, and have faith God says yes, then go for it.

If there's holes in my theory, it's because I haven't had a boyfriend (though I've had crushes that I've learned alot from) or been on a date or anything like that.

AsifinPassing · Sep 13, 2013

[video=youtube;S-88O5dyU08]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-88O5dyU08[/video]

Ugly · Sep 13, 2013

Jordache said:

If you read the OP fully, you see she is talking about people who come on this site, talking about all the garbage they ARE seeing, and still say it's God. And often times people point this out and then they choose to argue. That's what the post was about. Not about people who just don't see things and no one ever tells them. Most people come to this site knowing something is wrong in the back of their mind (whether its dating or another topic) and want people to tell they they're right and justify their wrong choices. And if you don't, they lash out, guilt trip or leave.
It seems whatever issue you're having, may be better off in it's own thread. I, like others, have no idea where the whole 'attacking divorced people' thing came from.

thecreationtutor · Sep 14, 2013

Jordache said:

... yeah, all the more foolish decision and expectation of the consequences - Count the cost - it's still their fault

"But I KNOW God WANTS us to be together!"

MissCris

Guest

Senior Member

Jordache

Guest

Senior Member

MissCris

Guest

Senior Member

Senior Member

MissCris

Guest

Spiritfilled1

Guest

kenthomas27

Guest

MissCris

Guest

Jordache

Guest

ServantStrike

Guest

MissCris

Guest

Senior Member

Banned

Senior Member

Senior Member

Ugly

Guest

Senior Member