Fall in Love, give 100%, swing for the fences, don't look back.

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Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#1
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#1
There was another thread where people were talking about why virginity is important-ish.

Also another thread about why guys are concerned about honesty.

I think that it has much to do with how much a person can bring into a relationship....

Am I going to be able to make this person happy?

Are they going to hide things from me?

Are they going to cheat on me?

I wish we didn't have to think of such questions.


I want to fall in love with a woman. I want her to mean the world to me. I want nothing less than to look forward to every day that I get to spend time with her.

I want for us to really understand understand each other. I want for US to make sense to each other. I want to make her laugh with me, cry with me, sing with me, create with me and enjoy being with me more than she did without me. I want her to look forward to seeing me, as I look forward to seeing her.

When I was younger this was easy. People were curious and optimistic and genuine and loyal. We believed in each other. There was a sense of rightness to wanting to be with a particular person.


Now that sense of innocent joy is faded, jaded, bitter, prideful, materialistic or just otherwise spent. There is a sense that what I could have been or what relationships used to be like is not possible anymore.


Its not because of age. Its because of all the things that come with age. All the regrets, all the compromises, all the mistakes, all the choices, all the hurt, the guilt, the pain, the loss and the sorrow, it all steals our joy and our ability to experience love. It makes us wary of giving 100%. It makes us guarded, suspicious, resentful, malicious, isolated and lonely. It makes us settle.


Now when I meet a beautiful deep intelligent complex woman, and we click or flirt or whatever I think, "That was weird, what could she possible see in me. She must be crazy." It used to be simpler, something like, "I can't wait to see her again, or talk or anything really. She is amazing!"


When I look at myself, the world, women, relationships, all of it. I don't see what I used to see. Last December I promised to take a year off from even the thought of pursuing anyone. It was a good move on my part because I had reached a point of being so tired of having to think about who and how and where and not getting anywhere. I then made the worst mistake of my life by choosing something other than love, In a rash decision, I chose not being alone over falling in love with someone. I settled for close enough. But I knew the truth, and there was nothing close enough to love to exchange for it.



I'm not "back" yet. When I get back, I want it to be right. I want to be completely free, uncompromised, unattached, hopeful, optimistic, and able to see a future where love can fly free like an eagle. (lol, but seriously) I have to be able to accept that for myself, believe in it, cultivate it, express it, and show the world just what love is capable of being.


I don't want to be a grumpy old middle aged Robin Williams in Hook. I want to be Peter Pan. I want to fly because I believe in love. I want to conquer the world. Well, not really. I just want the hope that soon, I will be able to fall in love and give it the proper attention and enthusiasm that it deserves.




I don't have a question, so this probably won't get a lot of responses. I'm okay with that. In fact, I would bet most people won't read it. I'm okay with that too. I just wanted to encourage people to see that Love really is everything we thought it could be.
 
P

Powemm

Guest
#2
#2
i enjoyed reading your post..

I have found being more focused on God filling me, i no longer have a destructive "thirst" that puts demands on my partner to quench.. i have also found my desire to meet their need increasing without becoming drained.. God continually supplies my needs.. He is sufficient!
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#3
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
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#3
I'm betting a lot of people read your post Liamson, because I'm thinking even the title itself tells us what we know we need to do, but are too afraid to. I wonder if what we call "cautious" or "careful" isn't really just bondage to our own fears and insecurities about whether we could make someone happy for life. I never used to think that way. I hate that I'm like that now. My philosophy was always "pick and stick" and that worked great for a long, long time. Now I dunno... There's a part of me that knows that people who are unhappy, or even just tempted elsewhere, have the ability to just check out. And I'm not at all confident of my ability to make someone else happy.

Swing for the fences. Don't look back.

I may need to print this out and hang it on my wall to read everyday. :rolleyes:
 
thecreationtutor

thecreationtutor

Senior Member
#4
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#4
Grace-Like-Rain said:
I'm betting a lot of people read your post Liamson, because I'm thinking even the title itself tells us what we know we need to do, but are too afraid to. I wonder if what we call "cautious" or "careful" isn't really just bondage to our own fears and insecurities about whether we could make someone happy for life. I never used to think that way. I hate that I'm like that now. My philosophy was always "pick and stick" and that worked great for a long, long time. Now I dunno... There's a part of me that knows that people who are unhappy, or even just tempted elsewhere, have the ability to just check out. And I'm not at all confident of my ability to make someone else happy.

Swing for the fences. Don't look back.

I may need to print this out and hang it on my wall to read everyday. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

ah don't say that - seem like a solid girl with good theology :D
 
vanillakay

vanillakay

Senior Member
#5
Dec 7, 2012
211
10
18
#5
Very VERY nice thread! :)


You already sound like a girls dream and knight in shining armour. I hope God blesses you with someone great. Your post encouraged me too.
 
K

KJV15John11

Guest
#6
#6
Grace-Like-Rain said:
I'm betting a lot of people read your post Liamson, because I'm thinking even the title itself tells us what we know we need to do, but are too afraid to. I wonder if what we call "cautious" or "careful" isn't really just bondage to our own fears and insecurities about whether we could make someone happy for life. I never used to think that way. I hate that I'm like that now. My philosophy was always "pick and stick" and that worked great for a long, long time. Now I dunno... There's a part of me that knows that people who are unhappy, or even just tempted elsewhere, have the ability to just check out. And I'm not at all confident of my ability to make someone else happy.

Swing for the fences. Don't look back.

I may need to print this out and hang it on my wall to read everyday. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
You can't make someone be happy. All you can do is give of yourself freely and with the love that God has instilled in you.

You can't give someone a rainbow, if they insist on running around under storm clouds.

(I'm sure if you asked the many members who have gotten to know you on CC, they would all say that you have added much happiness to their lives.)
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#7
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#7
KJV15John11 said:
You can't make someone be happy. All you can do is give of yourself freely and with the love that God has instilled in you.

You can't give someone a rainbow, if they insist on running around under storm clouds.

(I'm sure if you asked the many members who have gotten to know you on CC, they would all say that you have added much happiness to their lives.)
Click to expand...
You're right. Some people just aren't happy people. And it's not necessarily my job to "make" them happy. That's definitely on my list of things-I-know-now-that-I-didn't-before. :)

And this is an amazing family of believers. You guys make me happy. (Not that that's your job or anything.)

:rolleyes:
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#8
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#8
KJV15John11 said:
You can't make someone be happy. All you can do is give of yourself freely and with the love that God has instilled in you.

You can't give someone a rainbow, if they insist on running around under storm clouds.

(I'm sure if you asked the many members who have gotten to know you on CC, they would all say that you have added much happiness to their lives.)
Click to expand...

If you think I am running around looking for special projects to bring happiness like Santa on Christmas, you're barking up the wrong tree.

There are people who have the Capacity to experience happiness by being with me. Typically they are happy people, like me.

I realize that I may not entirely come across this way in the Forums.
 
S

Smudge

Guest
#9
#9
"I like it! I like it!" - Hook... from Hook.

Seriously, one of my favorite movies of all time. xD I'm so upset with "Once Upon a Time" for their attractive version of Captain Hook. The real Hook will always be that villain you love to hate, not because of how 'hot' he is, but how perfectly evil he is. Dustin Hoffman is just amazing.

Aaaaaand back to your lovely thread.

When it comes to my view on love, my perspective is still very naïve compared to those who have had their hearts broken. I've walked my friends through awful situations, including abusive relationships. Those have put me through cynical periods in my life, but I think that until my heart has been truly ripped in half, I will continue to bounce right back into that belief that there's a guy out there who will eventually find me and love me.

I try to ground myself so I don't float off into a situation similar to the one my friend found herself in. But, it's like waiting for Christmas, it's hard not to be bubbly and excited.

You reminded me of a guy that I once chatted with randomly. It wasn't this website, and it wasn't a dating website, and we weren't even talking about relationships. But his attitude was very dark and cold. He was a die-hard cynic and seemed to be waiting for me to make a mistake, any mistake, while paying haughty attention to me. I got the impression that something awful recently occurred between him and a girl, perhaps something that had happened before between him and another girl, leaving him furious with the entire female half of the human race. I asked him about it, and he basically admitted something was wrong, but said he wouldn't tell me what it was. I understood not telling a complete stranger your personal woes, but his attitude continued in its sour way and I was relieved when he said he had to go. He wanted to talk to me later, but I decided to perform my vanishing act.

Not that you personally remind me of this fellow- but what you were talking about. This guy was, I believe, far more cynical than you are. But even in my brief cynical moments in life, I've come to believe that cynics are truly the hopeless romantic trying to protect a broken heart... or in my case, a flesh wound. xD

You put on an iron shield of indifference and convince yourself that you know what you're doing. Your guarded emotions make you feel strong and independent. Above those who will inevitably hurt you. But I don't think that it's the right response to a broken heart. I think that's the flesh's desire response. At least I think it is... I don't know, I've only got my limited experiences and what I've learned from others to base my theories on. I just get the feeling that our response should be different, indifference may seem better than hatred, but if it leads to malice then it can't be what God wanted you to do.

My only hope is that I'm as well prepared for my lover as I can be. It makes me nervous to think that people have come up with so many expectations. A guy's standards can seem abrupt and rigid. Even the "she has to be a virgin," while I fit that criteria, it makes me nervous that the conditions are so specific. It shows that the guy knows exactly what he wants, and surely I can't fit every single dream he has dreamed.

I'm very glad that you are taking that time to allow your heart to heal though. I know too many people who say they're leaving a relationship to do the same thing, but enter a new one almost immediately. It shows dedication, and I'm sure that you'll run into a gem who'll bring that childlike love out of you.

Thanks for the inspiration to dig deep and think about these things.
 
K

KJV15John11

Guest
#10
#10
I'm not one to swing for the fences. I'd rather just lean into he pitch, roll on the ground writhing in pain, and then get a free walk to first base.

Not everyone can be a homerun hitter. :)
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#11
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#11
KJV15John11 said:
I'm not one to swing for the fences. I'd rather just lean into he pitch, roll on the ground writhing in pain, and then get a free walk to first base.

Not everyone can be a homerun hitter. :)
Click to expand...
Wait... what? Was that a baseball reference? I thought it was a ranch/cattle reference. :rolleyes:

888386-001.jpg
 
K

KJV15John11

Guest
#14
#14
Oh yeah, there are thousands of heads of Longhorns running through the Big Sky country. You see a rack of longhorns on Cadillacs all over those small towns. No one would EVER think of Texas when they see a picture of stampeding Longhorns. In fact, my first thought was upstate Maine.
 
B

BananaPie

Guest
#15
#15
KJV15John11 said:
You can't give someone a rainbow, if they insist on running around under storm clouds.
Click to expand...
Indeed. What worth is the loyalty of one woman if the man insists on running around with other women? :)
 
A

alehandra

Guest
#20
#20
Thank you for posting Liamson.. ur post its realy inspiring me..
i pray you continue growing in the lord and can inspire
more people again

be blessing
cilla
 
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