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M
I already posted what I think is best to do in this situation, but I wanted to add some stuff.
Attending a baby shower for an unwed mother isn't condoning or supporting the sin that caused the baby. It's not like you were there during the conception, cheering.
Right, yeah, super awkward.
I also don't think that this should be about you approving of or agreeing with her choices, either. By making a big deal out of not attending the baby shower, you're making the whole thing about you, and it screams "Look how righteous I am, avoiding even the appearance of evil, shunning this fornicator. Pat me on the back for choosing better than she did." Those aren't the words you've said, but it is the attitude people are reading behind your words. I don't think you intend to come across like that, but that's how it sounds.
Why not, instead, GO to the baby shower, and help this girl celebrate her future with her child, and forgive her past?
Attending a baby shower for an unwed mother isn't condoning or supporting the sin that caused the baby. It's not like you were there during the conception, cheering.
Right, yeah, super awkward.
I also don't think that this should be about you approving of or agreeing with her choices, either. By making a big deal out of not attending the baby shower, you're making the whole thing about you, and it screams "Look how righteous I am, avoiding even the appearance of evil, shunning this fornicator. Pat me on the back for choosing better than she did." Those aren't the words you've said, but it is the attitude people are reading behind your words. I don't think you intend to come across like that, but that's how it sounds.
Why not, instead, GO to the baby shower, and help this girl celebrate her future with her child, and forgive her past?
R
I'm not sure I understand what is supposed to be accomplished by avoiding a friend's invite specifically because she does not make the same life choices that you do.
Is it supposed to teach her some kind of lesson?
What lesson would she be learning from you not going?
Is it more about you than her?
Do you feel like you are more likely to be open to sin yourself if you go?
Or is this more about what other people think, and making a statement to them?
I'm guessing this attitude is a young Christian type of thing. I think if Christians now days could live to be 500+ years old, like in old-testament times, I think the most mature ones would not do things like this to people.
I don't mean this to sound rude or condescending. These are honest questions that I believe couldn't hurt to ask yourself if you're in this scenario.
Is it supposed to teach her some kind of lesson?
What lesson would she be learning from you not going?
Is it more about you than her?
Do you feel like you are more likely to be open to sin yourself if you go?
Or is this more about what other people think, and making a statement to them?
I'm guessing this attitude is a young Christian type of thing. I think if Christians now days could live to be 500+ years old, like in old-testament times, I think the most mature ones would not do things like this to people.
I don't mean this to sound rude or condescending. These are honest questions that I believe couldn't hurt to ask yourself if you're in this scenario.
Amber, I have thought long and hard about how to respond to this thread. Many emotions ran through me as I read the words you and many other wrote. I guess the best way for me to handle this is to just be completely honest.
When I was 20 I became pregnant. I wasn't married, and I still am not married. My family was so hurt by my actions. My church family treated me as if I was a common whore. The ones I used to talk to, hang out with and though loved me wanted nothing to do with me. Why? because I was pregnant. They wouldnt speak to me at church because of the child in my womb. My "Christian" friends abandoned me. I went to the minister and had counseling. I became depressed. I didn't even want to go in public because I felt like I had a flashing sign of WHORE across my forehead. I asked God for forgiveness, but it seems the church society wasn't forgiving. I was hurt, terribly hurt.
Delivery day came and my son had health problems. He had to be sent to a hospital almost 2 hours away. I just delivered so I couldnt drive myself to be with him. Mom called the church for help. They refused. My son was fighting for his life, and not a single member of my church would help(luckily family did). Well, my son recovered, and came home. He is 11 now, and a very healthy boy, but after my son came home from the hospital I left the church for years. I hated Christians. Christians that displayed the same attitude you have displayed all throughout this thread.
A baby is not a sin. The act was the sin, not the baby. A baby shower is for the BABY. Not the mother. A single mother needs support, and love. She needs Christians surrounding her to lift her up so she doesn't continue on the downward slope that I went on.
Motherhood is hard when you do it alone. It's even harder when people you thought of as friends alienate you. The way I look at it is if you choose not to associate with this woman due to her choices then she is the lucky one to not have someone holier than thou in her life.
You aren't perfect. I am sure you have sinned, and it is not up to you to condemn her for her actions. It is God's. This woman needs encouragement. Not judgement.
What I say may seem harsh, but it is the truth. The problem here is YOU and your attitude.
When I was 20 I became pregnant. I wasn't married, and I still am not married. My family was so hurt by my actions. My church family treated me as if I was a common whore. The ones I used to talk to, hang out with and though loved me wanted nothing to do with me. Why? because I was pregnant. They wouldnt speak to me at church because of the child in my womb. My "Christian" friends abandoned me. I went to the minister and had counseling. I became depressed. I didn't even want to go in public because I felt like I had a flashing sign of WHORE across my forehead. I asked God for forgiveness, but it seems the church society wasn't forgiving. I was hurt, terribly hurt.
Delivery day came and my son had health problems. He had to be sent to a hospital almost 2 hours away. I just delivered so I couldnt drive myself to be with him. Mom called the church for help. They refused. My son was fighting for his life, and not a single member of my church would help(luckily family did). Well, my son recovered, and came home. He is 11 now, and a very healthy boy, but after my son came home from the hospital I left the church for years. I hated Christians. Christians that displayed the same attitude you have displayed all throughout this thread.
A baby is not a sin. The act was the sin, not the baby. A baby shower is for the BABY. Not the mother. A single mother needs support, and love. She needs Christians surrounding her to lift her up so she doesn't continue on the downward slope that I went on.
Motherhood is hard when you do it alone. It's even harder when people you thought of as friends alienate you. The way I look at it is if you choose not to associate with this woman due to her choices then she is the lucky one to not have someone holier than thou in her life.
You aren't perfect. I am sure you have sinned, and it is not up to you to condemn her for her actions. It is God's. This woman needs encouragement. Not judgement.
What I say may seem harsh, but it is the truth. The problem here is YOU and your attitude.
Important here.....say your congrats and make sure your friendships grows .... Go to that baby shower... It'll be good for both of you. As said previously, it's her sin not yours and it's not your place to judge morally high ground or not. Be happy for her and rejoice in the gift God has provided for her , regardless of wedlock etc etc (another post another time).
Be a friend to her, just as Jezus told us to! Go not damn or judge the "wicked" love them, nurture them and pray that they may to come into the fullness of the understand in thd Good News of Fathef God and our salvation story.
leave your reservations and follow and support, just as any disciples have. Left what they have known and followed and supported. Only through your life can you witness. This young lady maybe ready to receive simply via your everyday friendship and prayer.
Be a friend to her, just as Jezus told us to! Go not damn or judge the "wicked" love them, nurture them and pray that they may to come into the fullness of the understand in thd Good News of Fathef God and our salvation story.
leave your reservations and follow and support, just as any disciples have. Left what they have known and followed and supported. Only through your life can you witness. This young lady maybe ready to receive simply via your everyday friendship and prayer.
W
AmberGardner: If you need more help to think through this, I recommend a book called "The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert". It's a story of someone who lived a sinful life, and was converted, but developed a healthy idea about how to respond to sinful non-Christians. The book doesn't mention your particular dilemma, but it puts forward (in narrative form) a vision of how to approach non-Christians living in sin. If you're reading that book, pay particular attention to anything Ken Smith says -- he's good value.
Basically, the goal of the gospel is not "make people good without Christ", but "bring people to Christ, then worry about helping them with sanctification". I mean, I still give people advice intended to make them behave according to my ethical standards, but I've grown accustomed to restraining myself a little more.
Another thing that has helped me is to realise that, according to what I call "God's judicial standard", I'm no better than they are ("they" being anyone except Jesus), except that Jesus has saved me.
Hope some of this helps,
Basically, the goal of the gospel is not "make people good without Christ", but "bring people to Christ, then worry about helping them with sanctification". I mean, I still give people advice intended to make them behave according to my ethical standards, but I've grown accustomed to restraining myself a little more.
Another thing that has helped me is to realise that, according to what I call "God's judicial standard", I'm no better than they are ("they" being anyone except Jesus), except that Jesus has saved me.
Hope some of this helps,
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