a question, breastfeeding and intimicy with husband

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
S

savedandIknowit

Senior Member
#1
Sep 26, 2013
138
0
16
#1
I know this can be a question that I should be able to work on my own and with prayer but I also want to know what other godly mature christians think,
My husband has a problem being intimate with me whilst I am breast feeding, I dont think its a problem because its his domain also, but he feels guilty, it has put our intimicy on hold but Im not willing to give up breastfeeding just to have sex, he has withheld intimicy since I was early in my pregnancy,Ive been angry with him for withholding from me. My baby is now 7 mths old and the tables have turned ,"I want to breastfeed until hes old enough to have cows milk, say about a yr old,he wants to give cows milk earlier, so Im accepting things as they are, any thoughts?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
If he's a Christian show him in the bible where it says specifically a husband and wife should not withhold sexual intimacy from each other. This is to prevent satan from getting a foothold in your marriage, as you can see is starting to happen already.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#3
Aug 2, 2009
24,655
4,318
113
#3
savedandIknowit said:
I know this can be a question that I should be able to work on my own and with prayer but I also want to know what other godly mature christians think,
My husband has a problem being intimate with me whilst I am breast feeding, I dont think its a problem because its his domain also, but he feels guilty, it has put our intimicy on hold but Im not willing to give up breastfeeding just to have sex, he has withheld intimicy since I was early in my pregnancy,Ive been angry with him for withholding from me. My baby is now 7 mths old and the tables have turned ,"I want to breastfeed until hes old enough to have cows milk, say about a yr old,he wants to give cows milk earlier, so Im accepting things as they are, any thoughts?
Click to expand...
It sounds to me like he is using the breastfeeding as a convenient excuse for an even bigger issue he may have with not wanting to have sex. If the relationship is strained because of the pregnancy and the new baby, that is perfectly understandable and maybe that's all it is that's keeping him from having the desire for intimacy. The male libido is something that can be extrememely fragile. All it takes is some underlying stress or emotional issue to 'turn off the switch' so to speak. Are you two still experiencing happy moments together? Maybe its time to schedule some time alone with each other to do something fun so that you can rekindle your relationship. I hope that helps. God bless.
 
breno785au

breno785au

Senior Member
#4
Jul 23, 2013
6,002
767
113
39
Australia
#4
I remember as our son got to about 6 months, I watched him breastfeed and there was a small irk of jealousy in my spirit, it was weird but very short lived. It crossed my mind how it's strange that my son uses my wifes breasts to feed and also ourselves at the same time during sexual intimacy but again, quickly got over it.
I suggest you two come together and commit the issue to God in prayer, it's amazing how things can change when a married couple pray together on issues.
 
S

savedandIknowit

Senior Member
#5
Sep 26, 2013
138
0
16
#5
my husband is a baby christian, Ive been trying to nurture his spiritual side, Ive watched him change with Gods grace and giving me the wisdom to handle a man like him, He has changes from a roaring outrageous contentious man to a quieter more understanding and open to biblical learning, so sexual isnt really a biggie even though i struggle sometimes with it, its nurturing his spirit also, Ive started praying openly with him when the children are about to go to sleep and he also is in the room, he has filled in the blanks when I couldnt and taking that as praying together in agreeance, a great step. It would be great for prayer for him
 
H

hattiebod

Guest
#6
#6
Ask a midwife, mother of 3, married...(that could be me!) i would just ask you both...what has intimacy to do with breast feeding? you are not feeding 24/7 and it is hard for a man. as it is also ''hard'' for a woman?? ..so, think about it, talk about it and work it out. Not his fault or yours....it takes 2. God Bless. <<>
 
breno785au

breno785au

Senior Member
#7
Jul 23, 2013
6,002
767
113
39
Australia
#7
The reason why I posted in this thread was to assure you that some men can have issues with breastfeeding and sexual intimacy, even if we dont know why, be assured that's not just your husband but an issue that can affect any man.
 
H

hattiebod

Guest
#8
#8
breno785au said:
The reason why I posted in this thread was to assure you that some men can have issues with breastfeeding and sexual intimacy, even if we dont know why, be assured that's not just your husband but an issue that can affect any man.
Click to expand...
This is a complex issue, way to complex to be addressed in such a thread, however. Awareness can be raised and it can be hoped ...As with any issues of abuse, it is hoped, that appropriate help can be sought. God Bless. <><
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#9
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
2,961
113
#9
I breastfed 4 children and never had a problem through pregnancy or till they were weaned with my husband. I am really suspicious of why he would use this as an excuse. Maybe he has some other issues, medical, personal that he needs to get help with.

Keep praying, because God can do miracles in our marriages.
 
T

Trudes

Guest
#10
#10
savedandIknowit said:
I know this can be a question that I should be able to work on my own and with prayer but I also want to know what other godly mature christians think,
My husband has a problem being intimate with me whilst I am breast feeding, I dont think its a problem because its his domain also, but he feels guilty, it has put our intimicy on hold but Im not willing to give up breastfeeding just to have sex, he has withheld intimicy since I was early in my pregnancy,Ive been angry with him for withholding from me. My baby is now 7 mths old and the tables have turned ,"I want to breastfeed until hes old enough to have cows milk, say about a yr old,he wants to give cows milk earlier, so Im accepting things as they are, any thoughts?
Click to expand...



He sounds very selfish. I hate to judge, but it seems like he wants things his way and has no understanding of your needs and his baby's needs. His refusal for intimacy is all in his head. Don't even waste your energy arguing about it because it probably won't change anything. You should just put aside your desire for intimacy. I would just make sure my baby's needs are met first. Continue to breast feed the baby, it is essential for his health. Maybe try counseling and if that doesn't work at least you made an effort.

Just for the sake of laughing and making him know you are serious-----If I were you I would purchase a dildo and place it next to him on the bed at nights. When he ask why you have that item, tell him it is because he refuses to meet your needs. Hopefully he will take you seriously then. Lol
 
T

Trudes

Guest
#11
#11
savedandIknowit said:
I know this can be a question that I should be able to work on my own and with prayer but I also want to know what other godly mature christians think,
My husband has a problem being intimate with me whilst I am breast feeding, I dont think its a problem because its his domain also, but he feels guilty, it has put our intimicy on hold but Im not willing to give up breastfeeding just to have sex, he has withheld intimicy since I was early in my pregnancy,Ive been angry with him for withholding from me. My baby is now 7 mths old and the tables have turned ,"I want to breastfeed until hes old enough to have cows milk, say about a yr old,he wants to give cows milk earlier, so Im accepting things as they are, any thoughts?
Click to expand...

Tell him you may have to spoon feed him Viagra. Maybe he is depressed, who knows.
 
S

savedandIknowit

Senior Member
#12
Sep 26, 2013
138
0
16
#12
Trudes said:
He sounds very selfish. I hate to judge, but it seems like he wants things his way and has no understanding of your needs and his baby's needs. His refusal for intimacy is all in his head. Don't even waste your energy arguing about it because it probably won't change anything. You should just put aside your desire for intimacy. I would just make sure my baby's needs are met first. Continue to breast feed the baby, it is essential for his health. Maybe try counseling and if that doesn't work at least you made an effort.

Just for the sake of laughing and making him know you are serious-----If I were you I would purchase a dildo and place it next to him on the bed at nights. When he ask why you have that item, tell him it is because he refuses to meet your needs. Hopefully he will take you seriously then. Lol
Click to expand...
NASTY, I would never buy a sex toy, they are evil in my opinion, takes away from the marraige, I wouldnt even buy it for a joke, I think some men need to back away for holy reasons, Im not going to contend about that, I have since given up breastfeeding since God wanted me to, only for that reason, Ive made my stand on feeling like i am being manipulated.Im not fully scriptured on this but I beleive the man should come unto the woman for intimicy but that is my conviction not the other way around based on Ruth 4 [SUP]13[/SUP]So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the LORD gave her conception, and she bare a son :He will come to me when he is ready, Trudes Ive read alot of your posts, where did this come from anyway,I dont know why but your attitude is usually better than this!!!!
 
S

savedandIknowit

Senior Member
#14
Sep 26, 2013
138
0
16
#14
.......... dildos and sex toys are self indulging,as well as evil, they are not God honoring, sorry for missing that in my expression of hatred towards such objects
 
M

Mammachickadee

Guest
#15
#15
1. Some men find the idea of sex during pregnancy awkward because of an underlying fear or misinformation about causing damage or labor
2. Some men get squeamish about sex with a woman who is breastfeeding because of the mess or fear of spreading germs (arousal causes an increase in lactation)

If his is an honest paranoia try not to worry about it. I would recommend not putting sex life before the health and needfor bonding of your baby.
 
S

savedandIknowit

Senior Member
#16
Sep 26, 2013
138
0
16
#16
Mammachickadee said:
1. Some men find the idea of sex during pregnancy awkward because of an underlying fear or misinformation about causing damage or labor
2. Some men get squeamish about sex with a woman who is breastfeeding because of the mess or fear of spreading germs (arousal causes an increase in lactation)

If his is an honest paranoia try not to worry about it. I would recommend not putting sex life before the health and needfor bonding of your baby.
Click to expand...
thankyou for that mummachickadee, I am beleiving this is the case
 
T

Trudes

Guest
#17
#17
savedandIknowit said:
NASTY, I would never buy a sex toy, they are evil in my opinion, takes away from the marraige, I wouldnt even buy it for a joke, I think some men need to back away for holy reasons, Im not going to contend about that, I have since given up breastfeeding since God wanted me to, only for that reason, Ive made my stand on feeling like i am being manipulated.Im not fully scriptured on this but I beleive the man should come unto the woman for intimicy but that is my conviction not the other way around based on Ruth 4 [SUP]13[/SUP]So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the LORD gave her conception, and she bare a son :He will come to me when he is ready, Trudes Ive read alot of your posts, where did this come from anyway,I dont know why but your attitude is usually better than this!!!!
Click to expand...

My intention was for you to cause him to feel pretty bad and low for avoiding intimacy. It was not intended for you to actually use it because that would be a sin by itself. I do not own one myself but I felt your pain. My husband and I come together once a week. I have a friend who's husband hadn't touched her during her entire pregnancy and after their first child, their sex life slowly came to an end. She was very sexually frustrated and often complain. I guess my intention was for you to somehow get him to feel your pain. My sister would have probably reacted the same way you just did. It actually sounded quite funny when I Initially thought of it, but I can truly see how strange and nasty it may sound to you. Not to mention, it sound strange to actually research where you could purchase it and walk in and actually buy it. :.). Yes you are right it sounds pretty dirty.

My friend is now in the process of a divorce. Her husband started sleeping with other women and not her. I have been very angry for because she suffered. She is now receiving one on one counseling. My only real answer then is couple's counseling before it goes on too long.
 
T

Trudes

Guest
#19
#19
savedandIknowit said:
.......... dildos and sex toys are self indulging,as well as evil, they are not God honoring, sorry for missing that in my expression of hatred towards such objects
Click to expand...

Yeah you are right. It was not intended for actual use but to make him feel bad and feel your pain. This was not the best thought out advice. Your husband is a new Christian too I didn't read all your comments. I am not pregnant and don't have a child as yet. Honestly I really don't have much of a clue here as what is best to do. My friend would constantly ask for advice and beside telling her to pray and seek marital counseling, I was trying to help her be creative in getting her husband's attention (anywhere from planning intimacy schedule to crying so he can see her pain of rejection-- nothing worked anyhow). Their are now living apart and are getting a divorce. What sounded initially like a good idea, is actually a bad one and not so funny after all. Sorry............not funny but sounds nasty instead.
 
T

Trudes

Guest
#20
#20
Trudes said:
Yeah you are right. It was not intended for actual use but to make him feel bad and feel your pain. This was not the best thought out advice. Your husband is a new Christian too I didn't read all your comments. I am not pregnant and don't have a child as yet. Honestly I really don't have much of a clue here as what is best to do. My friend would constantly ask for advice and beside telling her to pray and seek marital counseling, I was trying to help her be creative in getting her husband's attention (anywhere from planning intimacy schedule to crying so he can see her pain of rejection-- nothing worked anyhow). They are now living apart and are getting a divorce. What sounded initially like a good idea, is actually a bad one and not so funny after all. Sorry............not funny but sounds nasty instead.
Click to expand...
. Please disregard all together.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.