Mykim, your change starts right here, right now...with us. By the way, check my age and know that I testify to what Keegangentle says about sex. Here's the thing about any addiction; the more you yield to it the more you desire it...it's just the nature of the beast. Food, Sex, Porn, Gambling, etc...all of these vices are meant to enslave you, that's why it feels like you can't do without yours. But God is greater than these things, it's just going to take some time to clean the gunk out of the inside of you...and the cool part about this is we're *all* recovering addicts of something in our lives just like you; we're all former slaves of something, so you're in good company.
Listen to what inspired Paul says about people in the body of Christ...
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
...do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you...
This is a fact brother...and all of us are wretches, but look how Paul continues...
but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.
Christ himself says this to his disciples...
John 15:3
Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.
This implies that one MUST use his words; one must put the words on the inside. That's the only way you're going to see a change on the outside. I know you just recently accepted Christ, and so now's the time to start the cleansing process by reading, reading, reading. Get to KNOW just who you've accepted into your life. Your spirit is broken and your current life is miserable...and it will ALWAYS be (for any of us without Christ), but Christ can give you his spirit and life through his words. He said...
John 6:63
It is the spirit that gives life; the flesh [does not help at all]: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
Mattthew, Mark, Luke, John...fill yourself with it until you're overflowing. Just seek the kingdom of God first..
Matthew 6:31-34
...take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek
for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
God knows you need companionship [because "it's not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18)], provision (employment etc), and peace...but he's only going to give you the pure form of those things AFTER he's removed the corrupt form from your life. That's the trade.
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Now about your appearance; hear what the Father said to Samuel...
1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
The world looks on the outside and it's a worthless act because beauty fades. It's "all vanity" (Ecclesiastes). Even still, notice what Christ - the king of all the universe - himself looked like...
Isaiah 53:2
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him
By the world's standards,
Christ himself was actually an ugly man (contrary to the images your see of him)...and yet his spirit draws many to him the world over. Women washed his feel with their hair and sobbed at his death. Men (both good and evil) have aspired to be like him...be like this "ugly" man. And to all of us he is the most precious person to all of us and we'll even fight each other to protect his honor (lol). Father God himself smiled down on him and said three times from heaven "this is my beloved". That same light is available to you.
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And for employment; you say you're in marketing. Try to sites like Elance.com and Freelancer.com. Sites like these are where I first started my doing own thing and now I have my own clients. Companies post jobs everyday on sites like these that can lead to full-time employment, and I'm sure I remember seeing Marketing Manager-type categories. You may have to start small (offering stellar work for peanuts) just to get feedback/referrals...but when you have enough you'll have the credibility to slowly increase your rate to something that can make ends meet. Take you time and learn what each site requires for success.
However, remember your first order of business is a new spirit. Nothing you attempt will work without faith so let Christ teach you...you've got time. You're just starting out. Priests and kings just started their jobs at 30 so there's plenty of time.
One day at a time.
