being single and pornagraphy

[mykim]

You don't have your life ahead of you? You're 28. There are tons of people who get married after 30, after 40, even some after 50 or 60. Marriage has no age limit.

You know, FOR SURE, that you will never marry? Did God tell you this? You know, Elizabeth in the Bible, in her old age, probably thought for SURE she wouldn't get pregnant because of her age. Guess what happened?

I'm only 23 and I struggle with thoughts of "No one will want me. I shouldn't get my hopes up to be ultimately disappointed" and believing that I will not get married. Why should I dwell on those thoughts? Shouldn't I dwell more on the truth? That I am a daughter of God, He is mine and I am His, and my relationship status doesn't define me or somehow add to my worth, but He does. And yet, those thoughts still get me down sometimes. It's because I focus on what I think or what others may think instead of what is true.

It's a tough battle. There is no denying that. It seems the world shouts while God whispers, and we have to discipline ourselves to listen to Him instead of the world. But, you have to stop hating yourself or any relationship you have will fall apart. No, it's not a snap-of-the-fingers "Oh, I don't hate myself anymore, woohoo!" It's a continual process. But it is possible.

I know that marriage has no age limit, but i feel like i missed out in life. I dont want to be married when im wrinkly and old.

I am pretty hopeless with women so based on that, i know i won't find love and get married. I am surprised that you have those thoughts. You look better than me, I cannot even smile without looking creepy.

My biggest issue is gaining trust in God. Right now, I feel like God does not love me and I am a victim of my failures and vices.

 

[JimJimmers]

I dont want to be married when im wrinkly and old.

Honestly, that right there is a good indication that you shouldn't get married.

 

[mykim]

Honestly, that right there is a good indication that you shouldn't get married.

so you are saying that i should live as a single virgin till the day i die?

 

[jrccomputer]

Get close to God. Read the bible, go to church, and listen to some good Christian teachings

Then attempt to drop porn.

Afer you drop the porn and are on good terms with God use your church as a resource as not to relapse.

Then start building your self confidence.

It will be easier to build your self confidence once you drop porn. Porn makes you feel more worthless for many reasons.

You can't drop porn without God and a support system. You can't become confident without dropping porn.

Its a web of pain and suffering. You need to take one demon down so you can fight the next one. Fighting to demons at once is far too difficult.

You really can't do any of this on your own. You need God and an old male who you can discuss these feelings with.

 

[JimJimmers]

so you are saying that i should live as a single virgin till the day i die?

Try again. I am saying you are currently in no position to get married, with that attitude. Marriage is for life.

You want to get married just for sex, and until that changes you shouldn't get married.

 

[mykim]

Try again. I am saying you are currently in no position to get married, with that attitude. Marriage is for life.

You want to get married just for sex, and until that changes you shouldn't get married.

You need to understand that I am extremely sexually frustrated. It makes it worse knowing that the only way for me to have sex is to pay a prostitute and that makes me feel depressed.

 

[Chinekwu]

mykim,i observed that every one of your post was in some way, negative.
That is wrong...the power of life and death are in the tongue....be careful.
God also tells us in His word that 'whatever He hears us say,that will He do'...and God doesn't joke with His word
Honestly,my advice is that you go back to the word and study/learn what God says about you,aand the beautiful promises in store for you...One thing i've learnt is that the ONLY real source of faith is the BIBLE!....When you're outside His word,fear and doubt and hopelessness etc comes and then,you start treading on dangerous ground.
change your mindset by feeding on the Word daily/more...with discipline. then,by God's grace,let your speech and utterances line up with the word and will of God and you'll be amazed at what God can do an will do.
God said that He has exalted His word above His name!!!!....do u understand how heavily,wonderfully reassuring that is?
you are fearfully and wonderfully made...

 

[Chinekwu]

With all you've mentioned/posted..one could question your prayer life,your bible study life....even the kind of people that surround you...I'm sorry but that's a hard truth
God's grace

 

[mykim]

With all you've mentioned/posted..one could question your prayer life,your bible study life....even the kind of people that surround you...I'm sorry but that's a hard truth
God's grace

Like i said, I have only recently accepted jesus christ as my savior. Before that, I was angry at god and resented him. As for people, there are hardly any in my life. I am pretty much isolated. I am in front of my computer in my room 24/7

 

[Chinekwu]

Like i said, I have only recently accepted jesus christ as my savior. Before that, I was angry at god and resented him. As for people, there are hardly any in my life. I am pretty much isolated. I am in front of my computer in my room 24/7

OK..then,I'm sorry
But you need people that can encourage you,and help build you up spiritually ..you cannot do this on your own..
Isolation and Christianity don't mix well..they don't go hand in hand at all.

 

[Huckleberry]

Hi,

I have recently decided to accept jesus into my life, but I still have a lot of issues. Currently, I cannot find employment or make a living and also still single.

I am a 28 year old virgin and have never ever had a relationship or a woman in my life. This has caused me to become heavily addicted to pornography over the years. I also know that I am ugly and disgusting and will never be able to get married. I say that i am disgusting because my hands are always cold and sweaty and i have an ugly face. Also, women are just not interested in me.

What am I to do about this? I don't want to displease god but i cannot deal with being alone and dieing a kissless virgin. I need my pornography to ease the pain. I tried praying to god to help me resist, but I just can't. Is there any hope for me? I feel so miserable when I see happy christian couples. I know that i will never find love and marry.

First thing you need to do is get your focus off of women.
That will work itself out when you are least expecting it.

Get working. You have a degree in marketing, so first you market yourself.
Make your own job for now. It's fall, get into the leaf business.
Very low overhead. All you need is a rake, bags, and transportation.
Go to nice neighborhoods.
For $50 you will rake, bag and dispose of all someone's leafs.
Do two houses a day and you're pulling down $500 a week minus expenses.
Since you have a degree in marketing, you should know how to make people aware of your service.

Concentrate on becoming financially independent.
Ladies like that.

 

[mykim]

OK..then,I'm sorry
But you need people that can encourage you,and help build you up spiritually ..you cannot do this on your own..
Isolation and Christianity don't mix well..they don't go hand in hand at all.

I do need to make more christian friends for support. This isolation just makes me stray from God.

 

[rachelsedge]

I am pretty hopeless with women so based on that, i know i won't find love and get married. I am surprised that you have those thoughts. You look better than me, I cannot even smile without looking creepy.

Let me show you something. I posted this a while back. Look at that, as well as the responses to it.

Most everyone struggles with something they think that someone else could never possibly look over. I look at some of my friends and know that they struggle with various things, but I'll think, "But at least they have ____ and ______ ". That's not right. That's putting focus on what God has given others and not on what He has given you. God doesn't call us to be like someone else. He calls us to be His child, however we are made to be. You may have sweaty hands; I have scars and other flaws I won't list ; other people have other things. You may wish you had someone else's problem, because their seems easier than yours. What good does wishing do, though?

My biggest issue is gaining trust in God. Right now, I feel like God does not love me and I am a victim of my failures and vices.

I hear you there, too. Things have happened in my life that took me back to square one with God, it felt like. In trusting Him, in going to Him. I hope that you can find some encouragement here as well as at your church. ChristianChat is absolutely wonderful and has greatly helped me, but really there's nothing that can beat real-life brothers and sisters in Christ who see you often.

Edited to add: I'd also highly encourage you check out every "episode" of Matt Chandler's "Recovering Redemption" sermon series. They are 50 minutes long each, but man does it fly, it's just saturated with truth based on Scripture. I'm watching them every week as part of a ladies Bible study group, and they are phenomenal. CLICK HERE for the website where you can listen to them.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

You are sexually frustrated because you are watching porn all the time. Stop watching porn and you might be able to concentrate on other things. Also, you may not have been able to get a job in your field, but I'm betting you can get a job somewhere. Getting a job will solve a LOT of your problems. It will give you money and independence. It will increase your confidence. It will allow for social interaction, making friends and getting to know people. It will get rid of all of this dangerous free time you have. And it might even allow you to get your own place. Yes, even a McDonald's job will do all this for you. So get out there and turn in some resumes!

 

[jrccomputer]

You are sexually frustrated because you are watching porn all the time. Stop watching porn and you might be able to concentrate on other things. Also, you may not have been able to get a job in your field, but I'm betting you can get a job somewhere. Getting a job will solve a LOT of your problems. It will give you money and independence. It will increase your confidence. It will allow for social interaction, making friends and getting to know people. It will get rid of all of this dangerous free time you have. And it might even allow you to get your own place. Yes, even a McDonald's job will do all this for you. So get out there and turn in some resumes!

Hmm sounda like something someone else said

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Hmm sounda like something someone else said

I didn't read all the responses, I admit. (Kind of exhausted from working all day... ) Still, good advice bears repeating!

 

[kenthomas27]

Mykim - I'm tired and aching and want to tell you your self indulgence is worse than your indulgence with porn and what difference does it make -

Then Rachelsedge makes such gentle plea's and Gracelikerain such straight advice and Jim jimmers and JCCcomputer - all with soulful Godly patience and wisdom......and it humbles me. They are better people than me.

Then I think - what if you're the one that brings a thousand souls to Christ? What if you're the one who changes the man who changes the souls of a million? Who am I who is tired and aching and offers nothing?

None of these challenges you face mean anything Mykim - nothing. They are lies to make you think you are alone.

I just pray tonight you look through this dark glass and see clearly tonight. And heed the advice of these fine people who are better than me.

 

[jrccomputer]

I didn't read all the responses, I admit. (Kind of exhausted from working all day... ) Still, good advice bears repeating!

I was just Joshing you....get it cause my name is Josh

 

[christian74]

Hi,

I have recently decided to accept jesus into my life, but I still have a lot of issues. Currently, I cannot find employment or make a living and also still single.

I am a 28 year old virgin and have never ever had a relationship or a woman in my life. This has caused me to become heavily addicted to pornography over the years. I also know that I am ugly and disgusting and will never be able to get married. I say that i am disgusting because my hands are always cold and sweaty and i have an ugly face. Also, women are just not interested in me.

What am I to do about this? I don't want to displease god but i cannot deal with being alone and dieing a kissless virgin. I need my pornography to ease the pain. I tried praying to god to help me resist, but I just can't. Is there any hope for me? I feel so miserable when I see happy christian couples. I know that i will never find love and marry.

First and foremost, CONGRATULATION for accepting Jesus into your life. That's a GREAT start!
Being a virgin for 28 years - it's a BLESSING once you understand the complication and devastating effect of having sex outside of marriage has on you. The last thing you want from your marriage is not having that intimacy with your wife that comes from marriage because you became so numb to it with all sex or porn before getting married.

I know it's not easy, especially when you life had been shaped by world for so long. However, now you have Jesus as your LORD and SAVIOR and just give Him little bit more trust than before. Just little bit more.
I strongly recommend you to read Psalms everyday because it was mostly written by David who is considered as a man after God's own heart. He knew what he looked like in God's eyes and what his worth in God. You don't have to try to mediate or anything - simply read Psalms out loud every day and see where it takes you. I bet you, I BET YOU it will change your real understanding of who who are.

Lastly, don't try to please God. It's not about pleasing God. Or should I said it's more about pleasing yourself by enjoying God's company because He absolutely enjoys your company. Whatever you have on your mind (whether dying as a virgin or not finding a job or etc) tell Him directly and make a complaint - God, what's up with my life right now? Why am I still in this mess? I thought things would get better once I decide to believe in you. Why don't you do something? Eh?? Just talk to Him about how you hate being a virgin and not finding jobs and such everyday and read Psalms (it could get dry time to time but KEEP ON READING brother).

Well, once again, I congratulate you for making that decision to follow Jesus Christ and just keep at it regardless how many times you fall and stumble.

God bless.

 

[MrHonest]

A lot of the things you say are negative and when you restart you can't keep restarting negative on all these ideas you have about yourself. Work on each one at a time and the fact that you have an aunt that will support you is a blessing so show her you are thankful for that by telling her so.

You have more blessings than you realize start counting them and it will help you feel better, being alive is a vanity you know? Very vain of us to have computers, very vain of us to think negatively or have jobs or suffer. These are all blessings and the fact you experienced them and remain on this path towards seeking God is a blessing too!

It doesn't matter who your ancestors were and it doesn't matter who your family is you make your choices and choose whether or not you will serve a God who will bless you if you seek HIS WISDOM. Not your ideas or the world's ideas or random christians ideas, God's Word is the important and only ideal you need to listen to and obey! Your brothers and sisters here are trying to help, we're trying to help this is a blessing!

The flesh will always want and will never stop wanting you have to learn to control it or it will control you. You are serving an idol by making so much time for this addiction that you say its part of your life as if it made you who you are today. You forget your God you forget your Savior Jesus Christ has set you aside and now you have to seek God's Word in order for you to grow or else you'll remain the same negative guy who thinks that his feelings and emotions are what the world revolves around.

Make time for church (volunteering and being an active member), make time for Bible studies (at home and at church), make time for prayer, make time for friends (there are plenty of people in the world don't say no one will accept you) and get out of your house or... don't, its your choice. Make time for God or else He will not make time for you. You will see more blessings than ever and you will see the love that you seek and you will have people looking for jobs for you. Churches are supposed to be a family why don't you go ask them how they are and see that they will ask you how you are too.