I tend to attract super conservative women. I don't even mean politically conservative, I just mean that they are ON all the time. They have to look the part all the time. Which in turn they see me as a project. They also tend to take themselves way too seriously and have a very narrow range of emotions. They aren't terribly joyful and they don't cry when littlefoot's mom dies, old yeller gets shot, or in toy story 3 when he passes his toys on.
Also they are typically preoccupied with the way things look.
Her - "Here let me fix your Tie, it looks too fat or something."
Me - "Its a double windsor its suppose to look fat."
"Well let me fix it and this shirt is almost the right color, do you have something more white and less cream?"
"My pants, aren't black, and wearing a white shirt with brown pants is too formal, for this church."
"I shop for all guy friends and they trust my judgement."
"Maybe you should date your guys friends then, because you don't seem to trust my judgement."
*boom* dating relationship destroyed on a Sunday Morning before church.
Its as if they don't see me. They just see how other people see me and they like that. Its as if they want to help me, but they don't want to participate in what I'm doing and they aren't terribly interested in my ideas, thoughts, passions or pursuits.
And when I take an interest in their ideas, they get confused because I know about stuff that I shouldn't like cooking and sewing and sculpting. When I am romantic and creative, they get embarrassed and feel smothered. Its as if they don't want me to really like them, they want me to go through the traditional motions.
I guess thats fine, but it always leaves me feeling like I'm living in the wrong narrative. I feel like there are thousands of men who would love a woman who leaves them alone in their pursuits and who doesn't expect a man to take an interest in hers. They want me to be simple and predictable. They want me to watch TV and play videogames, and fix trucks while they make dinner and complain about how unappreciated they feel.
Then I get jealous of men who have women in their lives who participate. Women who aren't cheerleaders but teammates in their men's lives. Couples who challenge each other to cookoffs, who do mixed volleyball leagues together, who dance together, who play ultimate frisbee together, who workout together, who read to each other, who do their Bible Studies together, who pray together, and who aren't afraid to try something new.
So now, when a woman expresses an interest in me, I have to ask them what it is that they like about me, to sort of save us both the trouble of potentially ruining a friendship or breaking a heart, just to find out that we are terrible for each other.
"Just because we aren't right for each other, doesn't mean there is something wrong with either of us. Its not a fix it kind of thing. There is someone who will value all that you are, and you will see him a someone I could never be. He is a good man and I wish you the best."
