being single and pornagraphy

[mykim]

So I went to the sexual brokenness recovery group at my church. It is an all male group and all of them have/had problems with pornography and masturbation. But unlike me, they have spouses and are still addicted. One of them went as far as disconnecting the internet and having his wife watching over his back to keep him accountable.

One of them gave their phone number to me for moral support. I still have not called because I have trouble opening up to other people. I feel a bit awful because I think that i am the only one in the group who will not make any progress. All of them were talking about their sobriety from pornography.

 

[christian74]

One of them gave their phone number to me for moral support. I still have not called because I have trouble opening up to other people. I feel a bit awful because I think that i am the only one in the group who will not make any progress. All of them were talking about their sobriety from pornography.

mykim, my man, looks like you took a BIG step in your quest by actually going to that meeting which I'm sure took you a lot of courage to just be there. You got some gut there!

One thing I gotta tell you is that you need to stop being pessimistic even it is a realistic forecast of what will actually happen. You see, there's this power, POWER in what you think and especially what you SPEAK with your mouth. In the beginning, God did not create the heaven and earth by swirling around some magic staff or something but rather He SPOKE and it was done (He spoke, "Let there be light," and there was light.) I know this concept doesn't make much sense and sounds like a baseless method. Hebrews 11 said it is impossible to be well-pleasing to God without trusting Him that He exists and He rewards those who seek Him. When you went to that place, that was you putting trust in God that He exists and rewards to those who trust Him. However, when you thought or said, "I think that i am the only one in the group who will not make any progress." BAM, right there, you just killed your trusting in God part. You going there shows your trust in God, believing that you can and will make progress but things you say can kill that trust in an instant.

So,.. try to stop saying negative things but rather say, "you know, looks like i'm the only one who will not make any progress because i'm single and no spouse and no one is there to be accountable and all, BUT because i now believe in God and He will do something about it, therefore, I WILL make some progress down the lane." I say things out loud while I'm driving where no one can hear me and you should do the same by shouting out all the things you wish and hope.

And if you think you are having trouble opening up to people, I don't know what's all this going to that place where you literally have to expose your shamefulness to bunch of strangers .

You are doing just fine my man.
So keep at it and don't give up.

 

[Markum1972]

I have not read through the entire thread... only your initial statement.

"I need my pornography to ease the pain."

It is God that teaches us the errors of our own ways. He shows us how we ourselves cause our own pain and suffering. Through our trust in Him, we obey His will even when we do not understand. When we do so, we see the fruit of it in our lives.

Pornography does not ease your pain. It in fact throws salt in the wound of loneliness. Imagine if you would being VERY hungry. Would I be doing you good or more harm if I gave you a picture of a steak to ease your hunger?

Think on this. Seek the Lord and His wisdom in this.

You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.

 

[mykim]

mykim, my man, looks like you took a BIG step in your quest by actually going to that meeting which I'm sure took you a lot of courage to just be there. You got some gut there!

One thing I gotta tell you is that you need to stop being pessimistic even it is a realistic forecast of what will actually happen. You see, there's this power, POWER in what you think and especially what you SPEAK with your mouth. In the beginning, God did not create the heaven and earth by swirling around some magic staff or something but rather He SPOKE and it was done (He spoke, "Let there be light," and there was light.) I know this concept doesn't make much sense and sounds like a baseless method. Hebrews 11 said it is impossible to be well-pleasing to God without trusting Him that He exists and He rewards those who seek Him. When you went to that place, that was you putting trust in God that He exists and rewards to those who trust Him. However, when you thought or said, "I think that i am the only one in the group who will not make any progress." BAM, right there, you just killed your trusting in God part. You going there shows your trust in God, believing that you can and will make progress but things you say can kill that trust in an instant.

So,.. try to stop saying negative things but rather say, "you know, looks like i'm the only one who will not make any progress because i'm single and no spouse and no one is there to be accountable and all, BUT because i now believe in God and He will do something about it, therefore, I WILL make some progress down the lane." I say things out loud while I'm driving where no one can hear me and you should do the same by shouting out all the things you wish and hope.

And if you think you are having trouble opening up to people, I don't know what's all this going to that place where you literally have to expose your shamefulness to bunch of strangers .

You are doing just fine my man.
So keep at it and don't give up.

I guess what I meant to say is that it feels awkward for me to call a stranger even if he is a christian.

I have not read through the entire thread... only your initial statement.

"I need my pornography to ease the pain."

It is God that teaches us the errors of our own ways. He shows us how we ourselves cause our own pain and suffering. Through our trust in Him, we obey His will even when we do not understand. When we do so, we see the fruit of it in our lives.

Pornography does not ease your pain. It in fact throws salt in the wound of loneliness. Imagine if you would being VERY hungry. Would I be doing you good or more harm if I gave you a picture of a steak to ease your hunger?

Think on this. Seek the Lord and His wisdom in this.

You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.

I said that porn eases my pain because I know i will be single till the day i die. That's another 50-60 years of misery and loneliness i have to look forward to. it's really awful being sexually frustrated involuntarily celibate man

 

[Markum1972]

Clarification understood. However, still not true.

Your statement of misery and loneliness also may or may not be true.

Was God not able to create a mate fit for Adam? Is not God able to do all things even to the very raising of the dead?

God told the children of Israel of His will for them that they should inherit the promised land. Yet they would not hear it cause they could not see it with their eyes. So instead, they murmured against God saying that God had brought them into the wildness to die. It was done for them as THEY SPOKE despite God's will which was clearly told to them.

The power of life and death is in the tongue.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things that are not seen.

Let us humble ourselves before our mighty God and seek His will. Let us trust in Him to purge us from our sinful desires that we might seek His kingdom and His righteousness firstly in our lives. Then shall we be perfected and lack nothing.

Let us have the faith of Abraham and even Abraham's servant who went into a foreign land trusting that God would deliver to him a mate fit for Isaac.

 

[mykim]

Clarification understood. However, still not true.

Your statement of misery and loneliness also may or may not be true.

Was God not able to create a mate fit for Adam? Is not God able to do all things even to the very raising of the dead?

God told the children of Israel of His will for them that they should inherit the promised land. Yet they would not hear it cause they could not see it with their eyes. So instead, they murmured against God saying that God had brought them into the wildness to die. It was done for them as THEY SPOKE despite God's will which was clearly told to them.

The power of life and death is in the tongue.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things that are not seen.

Let us humble ourselves before our mighty God and seek His will. Let us trust in Him to purge us from our sinful desires that we might seek His kingdom and His righteousness firstly in our lives. Then shall we be perfected and lack nothing.

Let us have the faith of Abraham and even Abraham's servant who went into a foreign land trusting that God would deliver to him a mate fit for Isaac.

I know it's wrong and that there is no excuse for it, but i am in a bad place right now. In my current state, I am not an eligible bachelor. No job, no house, and terrible-terrible genetics. All i got is weak faith and my hopeless addiction.

 

[Markum1972]

I am 41. I am single, have never been married, and have no children.

Yet, like Abraham, I shall put my full trust in the Lord. I am comforted in knowing that Abraham was of a great age when God fulfilled His promise to him. Abraham's wait was not in vain. Out of Abraham's seed came many nations as was promised. Through great trial and adversity Abraham was able to grow to a place where God was able to bless him in a great way.

I will not go into great detail, but this past year God reconnected me with the woman I loved 23 years ago. The closer we grow to God, the closer we grow to one another. It is unlike anything I could have ever imagined. We can think of one another when separate and we know it in our spirits and will even discuss it at later times. We can literally think things to one another without a word and get the complete message. It is a level of intimacy that I never even knew could exist between a man and a woman. We have absolutely no physical contact in our current situation and yet have a level of intimacy that surpasses anything that could be experienced with the flesh.

God speaks to us and through our connection with Him, we are connected in heart and mind. There will come a day soon when we are no longer separated physically but our hearts and minds are being joined and established in such a way that will be there when we are also connected physically. It is not something that could ever be experienced through a desire of each others flesh.

Only God can give a desire for good things that go beyond our own understanding. Your struggles are not in vain unless you decide that they should be. Choose to do the will of God and they shall not be.

Seek Him for His strength for it is not something that you can do in your own. He will make what seems impossible a reality. Do not speak against His will. Subject yourself to His authority and walk by faith; not by sight.

I have great hope for you that through your adversities God is doing a new thing. You shall not be able to not know it. Yield to His will and you shall see it.

Grace and peace with you through our Lord, Jesus Christ. So be it.

P.S. If your faith WAS weak, you would not be here seeking.

 

[Liamson]

Markum I really REALLY appreciate what you bring to this place.

 

[Markum1972]

Markum I really REALLY appreciate what you bring to this place.

Thank you Liamson. I miss you all. God has been keeping me busy but I am hoping it is within His will for me to be here more often. I have been blessed by so many of you. God has truly used so many of you to grow me in ways that I am sure most of you don't even realize.

 

[mykim]

Even if i could get rid of the pornography, i dont know if i could deal with the masturbation issue. Would getting a love doll be just as bad? Given my hopelessness with women, maybe a realistic lovedoll would be better than succumbing to pornography?

 

[ServantStrike]

Even if i could get rid of the pornography, i dont know if i could deal with the masturbation issue. Would getting a love doll be just as bad? Given my hopelessness with women, maybe a realistic lovedoll would be better than succumbing to pornography?

You're getting into very fringe category here, and we're in mixed company.

Yes, it's realistic to stop masturbation - but there is theological debate on whether or not you even have to (I recommend you do though, there is almost no way to do it without your mind wandering). If you just cant slay that dragon yet, then work on one thing at a time.

No, a doll is not cool. If you're ever going to give yourself a fighting chance, keeping a silicone shot of C cups in the closet is going to ruin it - guaranteed. And why train yourself to lust after an inanimate object. Not to mention the doll is modeled after a real woman isn't it, so... that's still lust.

Get strong enough to where you can be a man completely on fire for Christ and you'll be surprised at all the things that start changing in your life. This may take many months, but the payoff is life long and eternal.

You joined the men's discussion group right? Post your struggles there. There are at least 4 or 5 of us who check it daily. There are other men there strugging with pornography and masturbation (myself included - but I wont say with what on open forum). You can post a lot more freely there too as it will not be there for women and children to see.

 

[mykim]

You're getting into very fringe category here, and we're in mixed company.

Yes, it's realistic to stop masturbation - but there is theological debate on whether or not you even have to (I recommend you do though, there is almost no way to do it without your mind wandering). If you just cant slay that dragon yet, then work on one thing at a time.

No, a doll is not cool. If you're ever going to give yourself a fighting chance, keeping a silicone shot of C cups in the closet is going to ruin it - guaranteed. And why train yourself to lust after an inanimate object. Not to mention the doll is modeled after a real woman isn't it, so... that's still lust.

Get strong enough to where you can be a man completely on fire for Christ and you'll be surprised at all the things that start changing in your life. This may take many months, but the payoff is life long and eternal.

You joined the men's discussion group right? Post your struggles there. There are at least 4 or 5 of us who check it daily. There are other men there strugging with pornography and masturbation (myself included - but I wont say with what on open forum). You can post a lot more freely there too as it will not be there for women and children to see.

I guess my trouble is trying to replace my addiction with something else. One guy at our sexual brokenness recovery group said that he replaces his addiction with service to God. The problem with me is, i don't know how service can overcome sexual frustration and lust.

 

[ServantStrike]

I guess my trouble is trying to replace my addiction with something else. One guy at our sexual brokenness recovery group said that he replaces his addiction with service to God. The problem with me is, i don't know how service can overcome sexual frustration and lust.

It forces your mind to stop thinking about the lust. And sexual frustration wanes with time and discipline.

As for replacing it with service to God, that's fine, but, if we cannot walk in obedience to Him, we can only go so far. Now, that service can start slow and build up. You can start it right now by helping the people in the group you are in at your church, and by just talking to people here on CC etc.

Remember when people told this stuff would make you go blind, or grow hair on your palms? Those were lies. But sexual sin will leave a dark stain upon your soul unless you deal with it.

PSSSST, join us

 

[mykim]

It forces your mind to stop thinking about the lust. And sexual frustration wanes with time and discipline.

As for replacing it with service to God, that's fine, but, if we cannot walk in obedience to Him, we can only go so far. Now, that service can start slow and build up. You can start it right now by helping the people in the group you are in at your church, and by just talking to people here on CC etc.

Remember when people told this stuff would make you go blind, or grow hair on your palms? Those were lies. But sexual sin will leave a dark stain upon your soul unless you deal with it.

PSSSST, join us

I have signed up to help at an event at the church. It is the least I can do for now. This would be easier if I did not have so many odds against me.

 

[ServantStrike]

I have signed up to help at an event at the church. It is the least I can do for now. This would be easier if I did not have so many odds against me.

Then join together with other men and stack the deck so the odds are in your favor. You can do this as long as you don't go it alone. You said you were nervous to call other men in your church, call on some of your brothers in Christ here on CC. We're states and even oceans away. There is no one to awkwardly bump into at the grocery store, just edification. There are others here who struggle with the same issues you struggle with.

As Iron sharpens Iron, so one brother sharpens another.

And... if you think the odds are against you. Here's an amazing spiritual warfare verse for you. You're simply picturing yourself surrounded by all of the lust that ensnares you. Remember He whom you serve!

2 Kings 6
15Now when the attendant of the man of God had risen early and gone out, behold, an army with horses and chariots was circling the city. And his servant said to him, “Alas, my master! What shall we do?” 16So he answered, “Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” 17Then Elisha prayed and said, “O LORD, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.” And the LORD opened the servant’s eyes and he saw; and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.


One of these days you're going to look up and realize you're not alone in the battle at all. We're never alone. Let God watch you succeed where you used to fail, and praise Him for his mercies!


Brace for impact.. things are about to get... spiritual.

 

[Markum1972]

I have personally witnessed the effects of pornography and chronic masturbation. God opened my eyes to how it affects my relationships with women on a scale that I was not aware of. There are such subtle changes in your thinking and behavior.

As God continued to work on my heart in this, He showed me a woman. Her outline was sharp and precise but the other details were hazy and unclear. God showed me deep within her heart. I saw her from within and the many details of who she was were made clear. I found myself admiring her and even loving her without ever having seen her face. I wondered who she was.

As I began to meditate on what God showed me, God began to work on my heart. He asked me, "Who is that you would like to be for her?" Things that were done in secret were being weeded out of my life bit by bit as God began to shape me and prepare me for her.

Many years later I am still far from perfect but through the patience, mercy, and forgiveness that God has had with me, He has given me the same for others.

We can either choose to fix our eyes upon our lusts or fix our hearts on the desires that God has given us. Those things that God has prepared for us are far greater than anything that any evil imagination could ever dream up.

In order to be obedient to His will, we must put our full trust in Him.

 

[ServantStrike]

Now that guy. That guy gets it!

Nicely said Markum.

 

[mykim]

are there actually any people who live a lifetime of celibacy for God? I am afraid that is the path I will have to take and it does not look very appealing to me. I wonder how those monks do it.

I don't know how i am going to meet those expectations without stumbling

 

[ServantStrike]

are there actually any people who live a lifetime of celibacy for God? I am afraid that is the path I will have to take and it does not look very appealing to me. I wonder how those monks do it.

I don't know how i am going to meet those expectations without stumbling

There are.

Your biggest challenge right now is you're thinking in the flesh. You're thinking that no one can possibly stay celibate for life. When you think in the spirit, you are reminded of verses like these:

Phillipians 4:
12I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

1 Corintihians 10
[SUP]13 [/SUP]No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

 

[mykim]

There are.

Your biggest challenge right now is you're thinking in the flesh. You're thinking that no one can possibly stay celibate for life. When you think in the spirit, you are reminded of verses like these:

Phillipians 4:
12I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

1 Corintihians 10
[SUP]13 [/SUP]No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

The problem is that I have not seen many christian singles so I do not know how viable it is long term. Most people I met were couples and the only few singles I saw were broken men or women who come from unhealthy families. Some of the normal singles I met have had past relationships so they at least have hope.

I think involuntarily choosing a celibate virgin life is going to be a tough battle for me. Especially, now that even masturbation is a sin. I have managed 1 day of sobriety so far. It was tough, but i hope I can pull another day of sobriety. I still can't bring myself to delete my videos though. It is fear that is preventing me from going through with it.

On a side note, not masturbating will also cause wet dreams for me. I have not had a single wet dream ever since I got hooked to masturbation, but I am not looking forward to dealing with the mess. I guess there is a downside to everything.