Premarital sex: Why so much compromise?

[AAAPlus]

Hey Chey60,

Back on the OP, I am familiar with that site and that question. It's one of the first ones it gives you, which is good for us Christians because it means, for most people, you can immediately tell if they are a true believer or not. I like that site because you can set what you want the other person's response to be. I set it to "After the wedding" and marked it as MANDATORY. And I always checked a girl's profile to make sure she answered the same. It was rare; 90% of the girls put "After 5 or more dates".

 

[ServantStrike]

I just said that we are ALL practicing sin, you added the rest by YOUR definition. That is the reason I hate to use labels or certain terminology, it's meaning is based on what the audience believes instead of what the speaker explains. And you're right, our hearts is what God looks at . . . And yet, so many Christians feel they are in a position to judge what only God can see.

I find it extremely rare for a pastor to preach equally of all sin. He is still human, a sinner himself, and he will preach on those things that are in the forefront of his own mind. As we have witnessed in the past, how many times have we seen a preacher or politician take a stand against sexual sin just to get caught doing the exact same act themselves.

I find that most of the time, when someone is pointing out others' sins, it's because they are trying to distract others from their own.

I see where you're coming from, but she is right in that sexual sin gets lumped into a special category. This is like... the first post you've ever made I have to disagree with. Sexual sin IS different. We're all sinners, and we shouldn't tolerate any sin, but sexual sin seriously complicates things.

1 Corinthians 6
[SUP]15 [/SUP]Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! [SUP]16 [/SUP]Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “The two shall become one flesh.” [SUP]17 [/SUP]But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. [SUP]18 [/SUP]Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the [SUP][j][/SUP]immoral man sins against his own body. [SUP]19 [/SUP]Or do you not know that your body is a [SUP][k][/SUP]temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from [SUP][l][/SUP]God, and that you are not your own? [SUP]20 [/SUP]For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.



I mean sex is only supposed to be between one man and one woman until death. The sexual act of consummating the marriage is given unique scriptural insight.

Ephesians 5
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.


Sex creates a tie between two people. None of this soul mate stuff society is pushing either. There is a literal bond formed between the two people.

 

[surprisingrose]

Chevy60, preach it sister! Have you been in the bible study room lately. Those verses in 1 John 1 and 3 are the very scriptures I used to show how very clear the bible speaks about sin. I also used how that godly sorrow would repentance. Godly sorrow is when we are totally broken about our sin and turn and no longer walk in that sin, because repent mean to turn.
Yeah, concerning single sights I was disappointed to see that I had absolutely no matches, because of my stand on purity before marriage. Where is that man that will hang in there with me. Praying for that one man God knows where he is. Don't ant to look, just wait on the Lord to bring him to me or me to him. God knows where I'm at :0)! In Song of Solomon it speaks of not waking love before it's time... it's time starts on the wedding day. She is speaking to the virgins, encouraging them to wait, but she needs a godly gentleman waiting too. Granted the lady does set the tone of the relationship.. she is the stronger one in that area or at least is suppose to be. Out side of marriage is just using each other, there is no commitment and it grows empty real fast. A study showed that every man that a woman is intimate with it cause damage to her self-esteem, because God created her to bond with only one man. As women we bond easily. Only intended for one gentleman in life; more than one we need emotional healing that only God can do.

 

[CatHerder]

This attitude isn't really gender specific -
I recently got in touch with an old acquaintance, who calls herself a Christian. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, and for a while was considering being "friends with benefits" with him.....and was talking about this like it was normal behavior. I can't wrap my head around that.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

This attitude isn't really gender specific -
I recently got in touch with an old acquaintance, who calls herself a Christian. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, and for a while was considering being "friends with benefits" with him.....and was talking about this like it was normal behavior. I can't wrap my head around that.

It actually IS normal behavior

UnBiblical? Yes.....Uncommon? No

 

[JoyofLord]

So.. I have to say, after all this talk about dating sites.. I did ask the question after all, I went back on one that has a questionnaire after having been off it for some time.
There are all these questions regarding christianity that so many of the men answer in such a great way..then there's this one " After how many dates would you figure you would have sex" and they all answer between 1 and 2 or 3 and 5..
seriously!! none say "After the wedding"...
why is this???
I realize the draw is so hard to resist! but aren't we supposed to try to buffet our flesh?

I don't get this at all..

I laugh at this one, I put on my dating profile on a Christian only dating site I believe in no sex or living together before marriage I have had hardly any men my age - a handful and the rest old guys contact me. Before I put that on my profile I was a hit and had a lot approaching me. Just goes to show it's the fact that they think they might get sex that draws them. I understand this lifestyle before I was saved no worries but after being saved and coming to Christ I want a different life and I want someone who treasures me and I am not willing to give it away. It is true when you have sex you become one, you have a soul tie so to speak.

 

[KJV15John11]

I see where you're coming from, but she is right in that sexual sin gets lumped into a special category. This is like... the first post you've ever made I have to disagree with. Sexual sin IS different. We're all sinners, and we shouldn't tolerate any sin, but sexual sin seriously complicates things.

1 Corinthians 6
[SUP]15 [/SUP]Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! [SUP]16 [/SUP]Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “The two shall become one flesh.” [SUP]17 [/SUP]But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. [SUP]18 [/SUP]Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the [SUP][j][/SUP]immoral man sins against his own body. [SUP]19 [/SUP]Or do you not know that your body is a [SUP][k][/SUP]temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from [SUP][l][/SUP]God, and that you are not your own? [SUP]20 [/SUP]For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.



I mean sex is only supposed to be between one man and one woman until death. The sexual act of consummating the marriage is given unique scriptural insight.

Ephesians 5
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.


Sex creates a tie between two people. None of this soul mate stuff society is pushing either. There is a literal bond formed between the two people.

I agree with you that sexual sin seriously complicates things. I agree that sex CAN create a tie between two people. It was designed to do exactly that. But not everyone who has sex takes that view, thus comes away with an emptiness because they didn't enter it correctly. Just like marriage was created to bond a man and woman forever, but many enter marriage without truly committing in their heart to abide by their vows. Or they choose to break their commitment later.

What happens when a husband and wife have sex for the very first time together, and then later on, the husband has sex with another woman, what happened to that tie? Is the wife still "tied" to that man even though he has left her. That thinking has made those wives either condemned to be alone for the rest of their lives, or constantly in a position to take back again, and again her husband regardless of his deeds.

All I see is a lot of people making choices, and doing exactly what they feel they want to do, wrong or right. These "ties" are not forever, unless the two people involved CHOOSE to honor it.

The media has over-sensualized sex so that it is an enticement to watch a show, movie, buy a product, or do something to try and fill that desire. Religion has made it into the "forbidden fruit" which, due to human behavior, makes it even more desirable. That was represented in the Garden when Adam and Eve were allowed everything but one, and they ended up wanting it. That is why Prohibition didn't work. I had an history teacher explain that if they made ice cream sandwiches illegal, everyone would want them, even if they didn't care before. What is the best way to guarantee the most views of a thread? Put "sex" in the title.

Pornography has become an epidemic within our churches because they were raised with this "forbidden fruit" concept, making them even want it more. They go to those websites because they can try and fill that desire in secret. They usually don't come forward until they're caught because of the stigma that is put upon it. If it was treated like any other sin, people would be willing to seek help easier and may not even fall into the temptation to begin with.

Why can't we instead just emphasis what a beautiful thing it is when it is between a husband and wife, as God intended. To promote chastity until marriage, but not condemning those who falter to wearing a "scarlet letter" for the rest of their lives. Preventing young men and women from faltering by building their self-esteem and building skill sets that will help them stay focused and undeterred. To stop tempting human nature with the "forbidden fruit" pulpit pounding, and replace it with achieving a goal worthy of working towards.

 

[djness]

So.. I have to say, after all this talk about dating sites.. I did ask the question after all, I went back on one that has a questionnaire after having been off it for some time.
There are all these questions regarding christianity that so many of the men answer in such a great way..then there's this one " After how many dates would you figure you would have sex" and they all answer between 1 and 2 or 3 and 5..
seriously!! none say "After the wedding"...
why is this???
I realize the draw is so hard to resist! but aren't we supposed to try to buffet our flesh?

I don't get this at all..

Great question! I'll answer that with a "why do all the christian women who seem interesting either already have a kid or want to have sex?"

 

[KJV15John11]

This attitude isn't really gender specific -
I recently got in touch with an old acquaintance, who calls herself a Christian. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, and for a while was considering being "friends with benefits" with him.....and was talking about this like it was normal behavior. I can't wrap my head around that.

It's actually quite simple. She wants him so badly that she'll enter into any kind of relationship to be with him. There is the thought by some women that if they satisfy his sexual needs, he will eventually see her as more than just a friend . . . With benefits. The same way many guys are willing to be "just friends" in hopes that eventually, she will see him as more than that.

As a side note, regardless of your intent, I actually prefer that we say "he/she calls or says they are or considers themselves Christians" just because we really don't know in their heart if they are. If we say they definitely are or not, that not only says we know their heart, but can become a stumbling block to others who have knowledge of unChristian like behaviors by them.

 

[KJV15John11]

There is going to be the Bible Quoting person....

The Person who recounts from experience why this is bad....

The "Fallen World" Person, who reflects on all the ills this world contains...

Rinse and Repeat. 29 pages later when Agreement has been reached and conclusions have long been arrived at, this thread will live on, like a gross Frankenstein-esque reminder that no one in their mind would disagree with.

People will brings bats, pitchforks, torches and the mob will simply continue its frothing quest to lay one more hit into a horse whose death is but a shadow of memory.

I should of heeded your warnings but I've sat too long on the sidelines whenever this topic arose.

 

[zeroturbulence]

So.. I have to say, after all this talk about dating sites.. I did ask the question after all, I went back on one that has a questionnaire after having been off it for some time.
There are all these questions regarding christianity that so many of the men answer in such a great way..then there's this one " After how many dates would you figure you would have sex" and they all answer between 1 and 2 or 3 and 5..
seriously!! none say "After the wedding"...
why is this???
I realize the draw is so hard to resist! but aren't we supposed to try to buffet our flesh?

I don't get this at all..

I wasn't a christian until about 8 years ago. Before that, the general rule was that sex usually happens on the 4th date. I don't mean for me, I just mean that is what people who aren't 'religious' think is normal... and it doesn't matter if you don't consider yourself 'religious' as a christian. As long as you take your christianity seriously you are labeled as religious by the secular crowd.

 

[1still_waters]

Because at their core, some people are just fulla hogwash.

Some women simply mean "I don't want to have sex with someone I don't know.": When they say they want to wait for marriage.

Some men say they want to wait for marriage, because they know lying through their teeth will keep the woman until she knows him, then he can stop his lie, and she can stop the hogwash front.

Then there are actually people committed to waiting.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Because at their core, some people are just fulla hogwash.

Some women simply mean "I don't want to have sex with someone I don't know.": When they say they want to wait for marriage.

Some men say they want to wait for marriage, because they know lying through their teeth will keep the woman until she knows him, then he can stop his lie, and she can stop the hogwash front.

Then there are actually people committed to waiting.

lol....That's the best answer so far

 

[ServantStrike]

Because at their core, some people are just fulla hogwash.

Some women simply mean "I don't want to have sex with someone I don't know.": When they say they want to wait for marriage.

Some men say they want to wait for marriage, because they know lying through their teeth will keep the woman until she knows him, then he can stop his lie, and she can stop the hogwash front.

Then there are actually people committed to waiting.

Hog.. wash..

Is that what they do right before they start making bacon?

 

[Fenner]

My potential match and I had the discussion..but he didn't set a "Date" per se..what he said was this..
"But I don't believe a piece of paper issued by a gov't and standing in front of a preacher makes you married.
Marriage is the commitment made between a man and a woman before god !

It annoy's the heck out of me when I hear people say that. It's not about the piece of paper. But from a legal standpoint that piece of paper is important.

To me that's an excuse from someone who isn't ready to make a full commitment to you period. My son used to play with this boy that lived by us, his parents weren't married 2 kids and no plans to marry. I didn't question it, his Mom brought up that they'd been together so long that they are common law married. She said she had no problem not having a marriage license, etc, etc. This is until the day he left, then it was we aren't legally married so it's going to be hard to get spousal support, etc, etc. Well he came back so I guess they are common law married again.

This guy didn't need a bright blinking sign over his head to say, I don't want to officially commit to this woman, for me to know, he didn't want to. Sad for her, sad for the kids. They moved I think they are still together, but I don't know.

You don't have to have a giant wedding, just the wanting and willingness to commit to each other. When people it's apiece of paper, it's a slap in the face to me. I've been married 14 years, 2 children, and good times and bad. I take my marriage vows seriously and I can tell from the way my husband behaves he does too.

 

[Chey60]

So... I after speaking to this gentleman.. on the phone I found out that the term christian is loosely thrown around
anyway.. done with the sites.. not for me..

 

[Chey60]

It annoy's the heck out of me when I hear people say that. It's not about the piece of paper. But from a legal standpoint that piece of paper is important.

To me that's an excuse from someone who isn't ready to make a full commitment to you period. My son used to play with this boy that lived by us, his parents weren't married 2 kids and no plans to marry. I didn't question it, his Mom brought up that they'd been together so long that they are common law married. She said she had no problem not having a marriage license, etc, etc. This is until the day he left, then it was we aren't legally married so it's going to be hard to get spousal support, etc, etc. Well he came back so I guess they are common law married again.

This guy didn't need a bright blinking sign over his head to say, I don't want to officially commit to this woman, for me to know, he didn't want to. Sad for her, sad for the kids. They moved I think they are still together, but I don't know.

You don't have to have a giant wedding, just the wanting and willingness to commit to each other. When people it's apiece of paper, it's a slap in the face to me. I've been married 14 years, 2 children, and good times and bad. I take my marriage vows seriously and I can tell from the way my husband behaves he does too.

This is a wonderful post!!
and you are exactly right..
and honestly, I told him this too.. he was the first christian EVER that I have talked to that thinks that you can get married in a backyard before God and your friends, no pastor, no license, nothing and commit to one another and then that's it.. you are married.
I did tell him.. "why don't you admit you don't like the wedding, the expense or the ceremony"..
he said a couple other things that were to me, just rude..
and never spoke about the Lord at all..
every christian man in my "friendship dating" history at least talked about scripture and God.. alot..with me,
that was the main parts of our conversations, so this was really strange for a man who said he was a christian and very serious about it AND an ordained minister.

Anyway I just said "Since our values differ so much I think it would be a good idea not to pursue a relationship. Thank you and be blessed in your search"
that was that..
I am trying to delete my account but it keeps giving me a javascript: value 0.. and won't let me..
so I just deleted all my info and pics

thanks Fenner for this great post

 

[Chey60]

Because at their core, some people are just fulla hogwash.

Some women simply mean "I don't want to have sex with someone I don't know.": When they say they want to wait for marriage.

Some men say they want to wait for marriage, because they know lying through their teeth will keep the woman until she knows him, then he can stop his lie, and she can stop the hogwash front.

Then there are actually people committed to waiting.

I truly believe this..
when my ex (earlier this year) said that like me he didn't want to have sex before marriage..
I think he was doing that because as I said before he was an octopus..
and it was frustrating and annoying..
I truly am committed to waiting for two reasons A. its fornication without the covenant and B. I didn't wait before..
so for 5 years I have kept this commitment.. I am not saying it would be easy, I am saying that it's my heart's desire
and if I find a man who is truly committed to waiting (like my brother with his bride)
then we can both "help" in that area to not stumble one another..

but yea, I agree with this post alot!!

 

[Fenner]

This is a wonderful post!!
and you are exactly right..
and honestly, I told him this too.. he was the first christian EVER that I have talked to that thinks that you can get married in a backyard before God and your friends, no pastor, no license, nothing and commit to one another and then that's it.. you are married.
I did tell him.. "why don't you admit you don't like the wedding, the expense or the ceremony"..
he said a couple other things that were to me, just rude..
and never spoke about the Lord at all..
every christian man in my "friendship dating" history at least talked about scripture and God.. alot..with me,
that was the main parts of our conversations, so this was really strange for a man who said he was a christian and very serious about it AND an ordained minister.

Anyway I just said "Since our values differ so much I think it would be a good idea not to pursue a relationship. Thank you and be blessed in your search"
that was that..
I am trying to delete my account but it keeps giving me a javascript: value 0.. and won't let me..
so I just deleted all my info and pics

thanks Fenner for this great post

He doesn't sound like the real deal to me either. Sorry you can't delete your account that would be frustrating. Anyhow glad you joined CC, I like your posts.

 

[Chey60]

Hey Chey60,

Back on the OP, I am familiar with that site and that question. It's one of the first ones it gives you, which is good for us Christians because it means, for most people, you can immediately tell if they are a true believer or not. I like that site because you can set what you want the other person's response to be. I set it to "After the wedding" and marked it as MANDATORY. And I always checked a girl's profile to make sure she answered the same. It was rare; 90% of the girls put "After 5 or more dates".

Yep!!! me too and got the same thing though a couple said "after 1-2 dates"..
it's just a let down to think that the only place I will meet a guy is in my church.. I don't know ONE single man there..
I just know all the married couples..but the single guys do not talk to me at all.
and so I don't even know that there is anyone I would be interested in there. God would have to bring someone completely new who would take the time to wait after church and talk to me, or ask someone about me..in order for me to even know..
since I sing on the praise team two services..and sit in front and take notes , and we don't have a fellowship time afterwards.. just before... and guys would have about 15 minutes to approach and talk to me.. God can do this of course but ..it hasn't happened yet


My gripe about this recent man?? who was about 95% my match and had my looks and height desires??:
He said that since I was no longer a virgin, I could NOT wear a white wedding dress..because in the worlds eyes that means virgin (not true anymore it just stands for purity...) even though I told him that I am more pure in my heart than half the girls getting married in white..
(although I am please to say I know one girl who was pure before her first marriage 2 years ago..she married my former worship leader who was pure as well and she wore white proudly)
That he didn't "FEAR GOD"...that he had a problem with authority..
and that he was a licensed minister..(I was thinking, so is someone else I know and they lived a poly amorous lifestyle)
It was bad enough he told me that he didn't believe in weddings though he would DO it if he had to..
UGH

anyway not my match apparently lol
I have had my fill after less than a week