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As I drove to church yesterday morning, I realized that this coming Thursday is Thanksgiving. I was reminded of how on Thanksgiving Day of 2010, I sat my family down and told them that I had been suicidal and self-harmed in high school.
I had told them that I wanted to tell them my testimony, since I was going on a mission trip a few months after that, I told them it was "practice". But really, it was to admit those struggles I had been through. I had hid it, so they had no idea. I knew I wanted to do it over Thanksgiving break (I was in college) and it just so happened that the one time that all of us were together, no one going here nor there, was Thanksgiving day. Kind of a bomb to drop on such a day, ha.
I remember sitting in the living room with them all. My heart was pounding. I considered backing out of my decision. But I knew I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started crying before I even said anything. I almost couldn't get the words out. But I did. They were in shock, and didn't really know what to say. Who does? They asked a few questions, that day and the weeks that followed, but overall it was acceptance. I tear up just writing this, thinking of how hard that was.
We don't really talk about it now. I don't feel the need to bring it up, and neither do they; it's something I have moved on from, that past. It still has its affects on me, but not in the way it used to. I'm glad that I told them. At first I regretted it, but that regret didn't last too long. Even though we don't talk about it, it feels like there are no barriers now, no "What if they find out" fears in the back of my mind.
This Thanksgiving will be 3 years from that day. I can't believe it's only been 3 years. It feels like so much longer. So much has changed in such a short amount of time.
I am thankful for my family.
I had told them that I wanted to tell them my testimony, since I was going on a mission trip a few months after that, I told them it was "practice". But really, it was to admit those struggles I had been through. I had hid it, so they had no idea. I knew I wanted to do it over Thanksgiving break (I was in college) and it just so happened that the one time that all of us were together, no one going here nor there, was Thanksgiving day. Kind of a bomb to drop on such a day, ha.
I remember sitting in the living room with them all. My heart was pounding. I considered backing out of my decision. But I knew I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started crying before I even said anything. I almost couldn't get the words out. But I did. They were in shock, and didn't really know what to say. Who does? They asked a few questions, that day and the weeks that followed, but overall it was acceptance. I tear up just writing this, thinking of how hard that was.
We don't really talk about it now. I don't feel the need to bring it up, and neither do they; it's something I have moved on from, that past. It still has its affects on me, but not in the way it used to. I'm glad that I told them. At first I regretted it, but that regret didn't last too long. Even though we don't talk about it, it feels like there are no barriers now, no "What if they find out" fears in the back of my mind.
This Thanksgiving will be 3 years from that day. I can't believe it's only been 3 years. It feels like so much longer. So much has changed in such a short amount of time.
I am thankful for my family.
D
So guess who's a BIG procrastinator? Me! I have laundry, packing, and studying for a mid term (which is tomorrow) to do. And, I have to be early to my 8:30am class tomorrow to make up part of a lab. Take my advice, boys and girls, don't procrastinate!
Or at least hire some help to do it for you.
Or at least hire some help to do it for you.
"He he he, I'll just make my future self do it!"
D
It's probably cruel to toy with your food in some of these threads, but...it IS fun sometimes
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M
I'm having brownies for dinner. I don't care what anyone else here has, that's what I'm having.
And then I'm considering a bubble bath.
And then I'm going to find the fluffiest, softest, warmest blanket I own and curl up in my comfy chair with a fluffy, soft pillow and eat more brownies while I watch a movie that will make me cry.
And then I'm going to eat more brownies and go to bed.
...at which point I may feel like throwing up...
And then I'm considering a bubble bath.
And then I'm going to find the fluffiest, softest, warmest blanket I own and curl up in my comfy chair with a fluffy, soft pillow and eat more brownies while I watch a movie that will make me cry.
And then I'm going to eat more brownies and go to bed.
...at which point I may feel like throwing up...
A
I am working myself out of my position at work and trying to get the fella I support during the day into a day program that would benefit him. This might happen soon. There is a position opening up that I can take if I choose, it would be a guaranteed 27 hours a week, I would have to find extra work in other homes to bring me up to 40 hours, which means I might have to give up my saturday or sunday. I am in the process of looking for a new job working with children with disabilities in schools, and really rather not take that position at my current job. But I don't have the job yet, not even an interview and being an Educational Assistant in schools are term positions, so I'll have to figure out what to do when the term is up...