A-Ray, I don't believe in women being overseers of the church, so that will show through in my post. If I were you, and one of my wife's problems was lack of submission toward her husband or respect, I don't think I would go to a woman pastor for counseling. My preference would be for a man, and one that took both the husband and the wife's role seriously. It's easy to find pastors in the western world who take the man's role seriously. In theory, at least, if you tell a group of men that they are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, they aren't going to argue with that. But if you tell women to submit to their husbands in a lot of churches, watch out. It's not popular these days, but it's still in the Bible. There are those who have published books claiming that the Greek words don't mean what they meant to all the commentators who actually read Greek in the early centuries of Christianity. So 'submission' gets redefined without justification, and some commentators want to hang on to certain dennotations and connations of 'kephale'-- head, and not the other meanings of the word. Before going to a pastor for marriage counseling if I were you, I'd make sure he took these things seriously. I'd also want a counselor who takes I Corinthians 7 seriously, including the part about not defrauding one another.
People reacted negatively when you used the word 'control' in regard to your wife. Jesus taught against lording over others like the Gentiles did, but that doesn't mean He rejected all leadership. There is a heritage of godly leadership that includes the leadership of Moses, David, Ezra, and Nehemiah. The husband is the head of the wife and is to lead his family. My guess is your more likely to find a pastor who believes this way in a church where the pastor isn't a woman.
Let's say your wife is not submissive and respectful and won't sleep with you, and you go to a Feminist counselor who blames everything on the man, who doesn't believe wives should be submissive to husbands, who calls it 'rape' if you try to persuade your wife to consentually have sex with you. (You've seen the posts in this forum.) One counseling session with an 'expert' who feeds your wife these ideas could cause more damage. Be careful, even with Christian counseling experts or pastors. Find out what the counselor's philosophy of marriage is, first. I wouldn't go for counseling to someone who had been divorced either. Find someone whose experience is making things work, not someone whose experience is how to survive a divorce.