Hi. I'm 26 my husband is 23 we've been married for 2 1/2 years now. We both started off doing drugs arguing domestic violence. Ect. I finally got saved and God mad a total 360 on me. I fell in love with God. Started gaining blessings found a church home all while my husband was incarcerated. I've been there for him through thick and thin. Vice versa. He eventually got saved, turned his life around and our marriage was beautiful for about a week. He started doing things he said he didn't want to do anymore. As well as leaving me for days in the house without calling me to check up on me and my children who continuously witness him leaving. A part of me wants to divorce and another part just believes that he is under spiritual attack. I haven't heard from him in almost a week I'm tired of feeling mistreated when he walks out like he has no wife and kids. But another part of me is wanting to wait until he comes home to fix this marriage. I believe God wants to fix it. I really don't know what to think or do at this point. I'm just tired of not feeling like a wife and having my kids in the middle also hurting because of his decisions. Help!!!! Advice please!!
divorce or reconciliation?
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S
I'm very sorry to hear what your going through. From reading about your situation, the best advice that I can give is to try The Love Dare. My ex-wife left me, in a similar situation, but now I'm with a very Godly woman and am giving The Love Dare 110%. So, I would honestly try that and see what happens.
B
Dear Christian wife. I am praying for you and your husband right now. Praise God you have realized your need to seek wise counsel. Many Christian marriages are being torn apart over many different issues. I'm no exception. The most important thing I did was to commit myself to walking with God and not let the circumstances determine my thoughts towards God. I still have the same wife for 30 years; thanks to God's mercy. You are right; sister. Your husband is under attack. But he's not possessed. He just doesn't understand the full extent of his sinful nature. The Devil goes after the flesh. He knows this man's heart hasn't learned what commitment means. So bring this matter continually to the Lord. keep yourself and your children in the faith mode. Children need to know that you've placed their dad in Jesus's care. I have spent many lonely days many years ago. And sometimes I thought they would never end. But, your heavenly Father answers prayer. He expects complete trust and obedience from his daughter; You. There will be a change in both you and your husband. Let patience have her perfect work; as the scripture says. Read your bible to your children. Pray with your children. Do not confide in them. Confide in mature Christian adults. Ask and you shall receive. God bless you and your children and your husband. Love in Christ; your brother, Larry
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So sorry you're going through this! Larry has some great advice 
.
As you remain strong in the Lord and keep praying for your husband, you will grow spiritually and emotionally. Your children are watching you in how you respond to your husband's issues. What an opportunity for them to learn about unconditional love! That doesn't mean tolerance of sin but it is a constant and unselfish type of love (the kind that God shows to all of us).
You may want to go to Focus on the Family's website for help. Dr. James Dobson has written about 'tough love' and how to deal with loved ones who are drawn to worldly ways without thought to who they are harming.
Also, remaining close to your church family will provide a lot of support. But be careful who you confide in. When you're husband returns and starts attending church with you, it would not be good if there was gossip going around about him. He will need a fresh start.
Bless you and may the Lord grant all of your petitions and desires.
. As you remain strong in the Lord and keep praying for your husband, you will grow spiritually and emotionally. Your children are watching you in how you respond to your husband's issues. What an opportunity for them to learn about unconditional love! That doesn't mean tolerance of sin but it is a constant and unselfish type of love (the kind that God shows to all of us).
You may want to go to Focus on the Family's website for help. Dr. James Dobson has written about 'tough love' and how to deal with loved ones who are drawn to worldly ways without thought to who they are harming.
Also, remaining close to your church family will provide a lot of support. But be careful who you confide in. When you're husband returns and starts attending church with you, it would not be good if there was gossip going around about him. He will need a fresh start.
Bless you and may the Lord grant all of your petitions and desires
.
M
I was in the EXACT same situation of being abused and having my husband leave without communication for days on end. I brought up the divorce word with a very selfish ultimatum and found out very quickly that that just made him want to leave more. In the end you have to recognize that you chose to marry him, and you chose to love him. You can choose to love him still, especially with God's help... and as a result you can find peace in spite of the poor situation.
The Bible makes it clear that a believer should only divorce in cases of infidelity, and at face value his negligence under your current circumstances might not be grounds for divorce. If he is still contributing financially there isn't a ground for divorcing him because of negligence. Another option would be legal separation, but again... that is man's law and not God's law. Just pray about your situation and lead by example for your husband. Win him back.
The Bible makes it clear that a believer should only divorce in cases of infidelity, and at face value his negligence under your current circumstances might not be grounds for divorce. If he is still contributing financially there isn't a ground for divorcing him because of negligence. Another option would be legal separation, but again... that is man's law and not God's law. Just pray about your situation and lead by example for your husband. Win him back.
Christianwife87, I've been through a divorce due to infidelity (he cheated), still even then I waited and waited for it to be healed, though we were separated physically, I stayed celibate for 8 years, and we remained married while he was living with and sleeping with another woman and had a child with her. All my Christian friends told me that I was not allowed to date until I was officially divorced. I obeyed their advice. It was very difficult and I was very lonely, but God was there with me and I learned so much in that time by myself and gained a deep love and knowledge of God that I never had when I was with him. I rededicated my life to Jesus during that time period. all that is to say that, there is a scripture in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 6 or 7 that says "if he is not content to ''dwell'' (i.e. live with) you, then let him depart, (leave), a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases." so Yes God HATES divorce, and do your best not to go in that direction, and if you have Biblical grounds. I would say, that your husband is as the Bible states, "not content to dwell with you". Therefore, you are allowed an out. (try to work it out first, but if that's not possible, and he is still "abandoning" you, then I'd say you have a right to think about divorce. But I would ask you to contact your Pastor and tell him all you've told us here, and tell him all the details about your husband leaving and all. I believe that if you seek God on this, He will lead you in way you are to go. God bless you sister, and I will be praying for you.
In Christ, Braveheartgal
In Christ, Braveheartgal
O
I don't have an opinion of if you should leave or not, I just know what the scripture says to you:
[SUP]27 [/SUP]Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. I believe this is a scripture for the wife bound to a husband as well. Either way, your covenant with the Lord stands.
I pray that he matures. In the meantime be the strong one he is obviously taken by demonic spirits.
Will keep you in Prayer.
[SUP]27 [/SUP]Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. I believe this is a scripture for the wife bound to a husband as well. Either way, your covenant with the Lord stands.
I pray that he matures. In the meantime be the strong one he is obviously taken by demonic spirits.
Will keep you in Prayer.
You may want to look at the Focus on the Family website. It has a lot of great resources for troubled marriages.
One thing that I think he should not be allowed to do is to come and go as he pleases. This is just subjecting your home, your life, and yours children lives to constant disruption. Next time he wants to return tell him it has to forever or never, and he has to break if off with other women....he wants the best of two worlds at the expense of everyone else. This is completely selfish.
For your children's sake, as well as your own, your home needs to be as peaceful and Christ-oriented as possible. A husband getting away with blatant sin will not promote this. Essentially, he has abandoned you and the Bible says that abandonment is cause for divorce. But, try to work it out first. It will be painful but at least later you can say that you tried to help him.
He has free will to choose or reject God's mandates but you don't have to let that affect you and your children.
Praying for you...comfort, strength, and guidance from the Holy Spirit.
One thing that I think he should not be allowed to do is to come and go as he pleases. This is just subjecting your home, your life, and yours children lives to constant disruption. Next time he wants to return tell him it has to forever or never, and he has to break if off with other women....he wants the best of two worlds at the expense of everyone else. This is completely selfish.
For your children's sake, as well as your own, your home needs to be as peaceful and Christ-oriented as possible. A husband getting away with blatant sin will not promote this. Essentially, he has abandoned you and the Bible says that abandonment is cause for divorce. But, try to work it out first. It will be painful but at least later you can say that you tried to help him.
He has free will to choose or reject God's mandates but you don't have to let that affect you and your children.
Praying for you...comfort, strength, and guidance from the Holy Spirit.
it is very painful to lose someone you love,and to learn that they don't value you as you hoped they would..speaking from expierence,I would say that you become stronger in what god allows you to learn from it. you learn that true lasting happiness and fulfillment comes from the lord,where we as humans are falable to each other and to God for our own selfish pursuits..it seems only in the rarest of cases..when someone says they love you,they really do through all time and tide,and any hardship and those words become action,no matter how the wind changes..I truly pray that you find your strength in this,and remember that God can turn even the most crumbled occurance..into a miracle in your life! I wish you and your family true peace..in the name of the lord!
There's a lot of truth in this . There is a saying - 'what doesn't kill us, strengthens us'...I think this is true when we take our hurt to the Lord for healing. IF we react correctly, we can use any crisis as a stepping stone to God. Our reaction is crucial. That means not letting hurt turn into resentment and bitterness. Maintaining a Christian attitude in all circumstances is not easy, but the Holy Spirit is willing and able to help us in this.
. There is a saying - 'what doesn't kill us, strengthens us'...I think this is true when we take our hurt to the Lord for healing. IF we react correctly, we can use any crisis as a stepping stone to God. Our reaction is crucial. That means not letting hurt turn into resentment and bitterness. Maintaining a Christian attitude in all circumstances is not easy, but the Holy Spirit is willing and able to help us in this.
You have been given some wonderful Godly advice here and I am not sure if my contribution means anything at all, but I have found in times of crisis, especially in marriage it is so easy to focus and be frustrated at what the other person isn't doing. It's normal, but let him go and give him to God. If he is indeed under spiritual attack , giving him fully and completely to Christ is all that you can do at this moment. Instead of focusing on your husband, focus your attention to God and serving him in spirit and in truth...ask God for what you desire from this experience. Restoration, reconciliation, etc. I believe that he will do that for you, but this could also be a test for you...so keep your eyes on Christ and let him lead you in what you ought to do. God bless and praying for you.
Christianwife87,
I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I don't think you should be thinking about divorce right now. You should be praying for him. If he isn't contacting you, there may be a reason. He could be incapacitated for some reason. I don't have your history, but if that happened to my wife, I'd be calling the hospitals. If he just left to be alone and isn't calling, that's a bad thing too. But it sounds like some good things were happening in your husband's life before this happened. If I were you I'd keep praying. I get the impression that you would rather just see him married to you, clean from drugs, being responsible, and serving the Lord.
I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I don't think you should be thinking about divorce right now. You should be praying for him. If he isn't contacting you, there may be a reason. He could be incapacitated for some reason. I don't have your history, but if that happened to my wife, I'd be calling the hospitals. If he just left to be alone and isn't calling, that's a bad thing too. But it sounds like some good things were happening in your husband's life before this happened. If I were you I'd keep praying. I get the impression that you would rather just see him married to you, clean from drugs, being responsible, and serving the Lord.
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A
Today I saw your Post 7 on this same issue, so thought I'd go back and see what happened. Here's your answer for today -- nothing but the same drama (yours - not his) for 21 months.
Why do you keep asking for advice when you listen to no one? Not to people on here, counselors, your family, certainly not to him, and no mention of God's advice at all. One pattern I notice with you -- you're always right, so why ask for advice?
I do feel badly for your kids. They have no grownups for parents.
Why do you keep asking for advice when you listen to no one? Not to people on here, counselors, your family, certainly not to him, and no mention of God's advice at all. One pattern I notice with you -- you're always right, so why ask for advice?
I do feel badly for your kids. They have no grownups for parents.
Thank you for your response, even though this post was from 2013, I've posted plenty since then, your comment was appreciated but the fact that you really don't know me, it wasnt well thought out, if you have any questions, I'd rather you ask instead of assuming. For this to be a Christian site, I really didn't see the Christianity in your advice at all. I continued with my marriage because I didn't give up, I very aware that the drama is still going on, but who's to say that I make myself a part of it? Clearly I don't want to be apart of it anymore because I filed for divorce, which back then in 2013 I would have never did. One thing is, you don't know me at all to judge me as a parent, because throughout it all, my kids still had me. I don't talk about my kids because I don't involve them in what's going on between him and I. We've never argued in front of our children, so our children live a kids life. Now of course common sense would tell you that If I am posting on a Christian site, I am looking for Christian advice which I dont feel that you've provided. But thanks anyways.