Am I horrible?

[opalann]

Many years ago I married at the age of 18 and subsequently divorced. Neither of us were ready for marriage and at the time weren't aware of how to work at it.

13 years ago I remarried my current husband and we had a child. After the birth of our first child I was baptized for the first time in my life. We have a STRONG, love filled marriage that is wonderful.

Both marriages were civil marriages preformed at the courthouse.

I was recently informed that my current marriage is adulterous and not good in the eyes of the Lord. That I should dissolve the marriage.

I am looking for someone who can tell me if this is true or false. While I am hoping it is false because I love my family very much and want to be a good Christian, I don't want someone to just tell me what I want to hear.

were either union even considered marriages in the eyes of the Lord because they did not take place in the church?
Am I causing my husband to commit adultery because of my previous marriage?
What do I need to do to make this right?

 

[alexis]

I will totally be disagreed with I'm guessing...

Adultery is a sin.

Even looking upon someone with desire is lustful and just the thought means we have committed adultery. This is all in Paul's letters to the churches. Wiser members can give you the scripture.

Here is the thing what I wrote means almost all have committed this sin in God's eyes if I read scripture correctly.
what does this mean for me.. It kinda means that man places higher weight on certain sins..

Me personally I am pure of sexual sin, partially cause I'm young. But am I free of sin, YES... Don't get me wrong I sin, have negative thoughts about people. That's the one I struggle with the most. See again just thinking it is a sin. But u am free of sin because Jesus died so I may be free.

Just pray to God and accept his gift.

Christ died so you would be free of sin. It's DONE nothing you have to DO.

Accept His love and live according to His lessons. We can not undo what we have done. But God so loves us that there is no need He sent His only Son to sacrifice so we may be free of sin.

God said judge not yet ye be judged... I think you love your family they love you and Christ said love everyone so sounds like it is within His will.

God bless and much love,
Lexi

 

[J-Kay-2]

Many years ago I married at the age of 18 and subsequently divorced. Neither of us were ready for marriage and at the time weren't aware of how to work at it.

13 years ago I remarried my current husband and we had a child. After the birth of our first child I was baptized for the first time in my life. We have a STRONG, love filled marriage that is wonderful.

Both marriages were civil marriages preformed at the courthouse.

I was recently informed that my current marriage is adulterous and not good in the eyes of the Lord. That I should dissolve the marriage.

I am looking for someone who can tell me if this is true or false. While I am hoping it is false because I love my family very much and want to be a good Christian, I don't want someone to just tell me what I want to hear.

were either union even considered marriages in the eyes of the Lord because they did not take place in the church?
Am I causing my husband to commit adultery because of my previous marriage?
What do I need to do to make this right?

I might be wrong, but where is it written you have to have a Church wedding
to make it legal ? You obeyed the law of the land, at least here in U.S.A., we
are legally married in the Courthouse.

As for your having been married and divorced, then remarried, you are saved,
and I would not be concerned with this anymore. Every thing you did was legal.
I believe when you got saved, you asked the Lord to forgive you for your past
sins, right ? So you are forgiven. I do hope your husband is or will receive Christ.
The Lord forgives when we ask, and He throws our sins away as far as the East
is from the West, to remember them no more.

God bless you and I pray you find peace. But, I think you are being tormented
for no reason ~ Just my opinion. Bless you in your future with the Lord as your
Savior and as you grow in Him spiritually.

 

[Heartsearcher]

you know, even if it was a sin does grace not cover all sins? if it was a sin just repent and its fixed simple as that. God will remember it no more.

 

[santuzza]

It is a bit unclear when/if you became a Christian. If by being baptized you mean at that time you made a profession of faith is Jesus Christ and accepted His free gift of salvation and that is when you became born-again, I would say that your past relationships were never God-ordained and therefore have been forgiven. So, as Christ said, "Go and sin no more."

I would not worry about ANY sin you had prior to your conversion and belief in Jesus Christ -- they have been removed as far as the east is from the west.

 

[santuzza]

BTW, my husband was married and divorced prior to being saved, and we have no doubt whatsoever that our relationship is completely in the Lord and without sin -- at least from the marriage/adultery perspective!

 

[J-Kay-2]

OpalAnn: I was married at a young age also. It was a short lived marriage.
He was older than I, and wanted a divorce shortly after marrying me. I was
not saved. I later met and married my now husband of 50 years. Still unsaved.
After I did get saved, I too, worried about that 'adultery' issue. I was afraid I
caused my husband to be an adulterer. It finally was shown to me because I
was saved and my past was forever forgotten by God when I repented. I did
add that issue as one of my sins. My husband did get saved later. But, when
I read you were told you needed to dissolve your marriage, someone is giving
you wrong advice. Bless your heart. Go to a Pastor if you feel you need more
to make you feel better. Jesus loves you and He desires for you and your home
to be a place He can live. Be assured you are married in the sight of God.

 

[brokenclay]

opalann You are not horrible; you are human. Every soul on this site cannot live a Christian life without Christ. The scripturres are given to them who have not yet believed in the only begotten son of God. And the scriptures; by the Holy Spirit guides us in all Truth. So the Spirit of God and the Word of God convict the unbeliever of their need to repent and turn to God and He also convicts the Christian of his sins. If you are not yet a believer you might be utterly offended. Non of us can undo what we did in ignorance or on purpose. But we can move forward and ask God for forgiveness; because forgiveness comes from God. So fare no scripture yet but there will be as others I pray who are well equipped will help you. God bless you and you husband. May you find favour with the one who loves you unconditionally. And so do we. Larry

 

[Angela53510]

I am so sorry that someone told you this awful lie. This is legalism at its worst. God loves you, and he is blessed that you have a good marriage, with a child.

What would be the point of divorcing? What would happen to your child, who right now has two married, loving parents?

God does not like divorce, no doubt about it. But a marriage before you were a Christian, God has hidden that from his sight. If this was someone in your church, or this is the doctrine of your denomination, then you need to leave. Find a Bible believing church that understands that 50% of all Christian marriages end up in divorce. And two wrongs don't make a right.

Your first marriage is long over. You have given your life to Christ. Don't even consider this lie. Love your husband, your child, and serve God.

 

[Toska]

It breaks my heart that you were told that about your marriage and it has caused you so much concern. I believe that, since you were baptized after your divorce, your current marriage is valid and not adulterous. No, God does not like divorce but, when you dedicated your life to Him, all of your sin was washed away. It sounds like you have a very good life with your husband and child. Enjoy that life and continue to serve Him. God Bless.

 

[secularhermit]

I don't know the CIVIL laws in your country or STATE, if that civil marriage of you were illegal, you couldn't have married another (according to society and some states).

According to legalisms, ALL are dead for breaking God's laws. Moses had and interracial marriage, and WE don't know why he married a foreigner, because he was formerly united to Sephora...

Secondly, did you married because God told you to do that or IT WAS YOUR PERSONAL DECISION? (YOU KNOW IT WELL).

Thirdly, if marriage were so sinful and ugly, why do we re-marry? I'm thinking about all those kings who had more than one spouse... Are you cheating like David did to enjoy another man's woman ?

Civil marriage is less "spiritual" than those performed at churches? Wow! Real marriege begins when two people made the decision to walk the same road (Amos 3:3) YOU DID NOT NEED A THIRD PART TO WITNESS, except to back up and reinforce a record that gave your children a surname.

You are not ugly, but that person who is hypocritically legalistic.

you are not an adulterous woman (neither the one you married) unless any cheats on the other.

 

[ServantStrike]

OP, if what I'm reading is correct, you divorced the first time, and then later married the same man again?

You re-married your first (and only) husband? And now you are told you are living in sin because that marriage was done through local government and not at a church?

 

[Toska]

OP, if what I'm reading is correct, you divorced the first time, and then later married the same man again?

You re-married your first (and only) husband? And now you are told you are living in sin because that marriage was done through local government and not at a church?

That was what I thought the first time I read the post. I think she is talking about two different men. The part that made me think this is where she mentioned that her second marriage is adulterous.

 

[J-Kay-2]

That was what I thought the first time I read the post. I think she is talking about two different men. The part that made me think this is where she mentioned that her second marriage is adulterous.

I was like previous poster, I thought she married same man twice. But when I
went back and re read it, I see it as you do. BTW... has she responded anywhere ?
God bless her. I pray she has the peace she needs. ~

 

[vansfordave]

Nah. Married is married. Actually, there is no standard for "married" in the Bible. Basically if you are saying that the two of you are married, you are married in the scriptural sense.

 

[OneWayOnlyJesus]

You are fine, stay the course. Trust in God, not man. God loves you and your sins (past, present and future) were all paid for on the cross. Accept His gift of eternal righteousness and you will not fall into condemnation. God bless.

 

[john832]

Well, I read a lot of opinion, but no one said what the scripture says...

1Co 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Co 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

For converted Christians there is no remarriage. Paul here is just emphasizing the teaching of Christ...

Mat 5:31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Now notice this next verse in I Cor. 7...

1Co 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

Who are the rest here? Paul is addressing the situation where one is converted, the other is not. Now let's read on...

1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

It is better, if the marriage works, that it stay together, but...

1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

If the unconverted leaves, the converted is no longer bound in marriage. They are free to remarry. If the situation is as you have portrayed, neither one was converted, then the marriage is not binding.

Divorce is never good, but there is no sin that God cannot forgive (except the one we will not repent of).

Don't believe me, believe your Bible and do as the Bereans did...

Act 17:11 These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.

 

[opalann]

I want to thank everyone who took the time to respond. My current husband is not the first man I married. I married my second husband...Then became a Christian and was baptized.

I have worried about this issue for quite awhile now. I have called an elder from my church who is supposed to be getting back with me in the next few days to give me his view on my particular problem but I have to say that those who have responded here have helped to put my mind and heart at ease a little. I have prayed about this and my heart is more at ease.

I will let everyone know what my church says.

 

[opalann]

John, I want to thank you for showing me these references in the Bible. It has helped a great deal

 

[intercessorginger]

We have all done dumb things when we were young..how can we even count them all?
But our Lord is so gracious as to cleanse us from all sin,by his precious blood. He remembers our sins no more! If we go back and remind him..we are doing wrong! 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness... if you have repented....you have repented..!!
[h=3]My opinion..God has given you a second chance at a real and Godly marriage..be happy![/h]"I was recently informed that my current marriage is adulterous and not good in the eyes of the Lord. That I should dissolve the marriage." That is a lie and you know where lies come from!!