Why, Exactly, Do You Want a Significant Other Anyway?

[seoulsearch]

Hello Everybody,

Ok, this may sound like THE obviously obvious question, but WHY is it that most of us single people want a boyfriend girlfriend (husband/wife) anyway?

Why do you personally want someone in your life as a companion? And how much of it do you think is socially contrived--meaning, would you still want someone as badly if it didn't seem like everyone else had someone, too?

If you were around mostly all single people who were happy with their status, would it bother you as much not to have anyone? Would we still feel the same way about really wanting someone in our lives if it weren't for the media, advertisement, and the supposed social norm?

Paul wrote that some people are meant to be married... and some are meant to be single... but if we weren't constantly bombarded with shining images of supposedly happy couples and families around us, do you think more of us would be content (or at least, less impatient) with our single lives?

After considering these factors... what, in your opinion, makes you believe you life would be better if you had a significant other?

 

[kiwi_OT]

That is an excellent point there about what Paul said about singlehood. But I personally like to look at Genisis 1:18 where God said that it is not good that man should be alone. He knew that despite giving Adam an entire world (perfect world at that) to organise, he knew that he would be lonely. Cant get more sense than that really. And if that is the word of God why would I dispute that? lol. Theres something unexplainable in each of us that makes us want to reach out to another and stay that way.

 

[seoulsearch]

That is an excellent point there about what Paul said about singlehood. But I personally like to look at Genisis 1:18 where God said that it is not good that man should be alone. He knew that despite giving Adam an entire world (perfect world at that) to organise, he knew that he would be lonely. Cant get more sense than that really. And if that is the word of God why would I dispute that? lol. Theres something unexplainable in each of us that makes us want to reach out to another and stay that way.

You brought up a great point in reminding me of Genesis 1:18, Kiwi. Additionally, I also think of passages such as Ecclesiastes 4:9 and 12 ("Two are better than one"; "A strand of three cords [presumably husband, wife, and God] is not easily broken"), although these two passages in the context are seen as alluding more to friendships rather than marriage, it's true that God did not make human beings to be alone. We are, at the very least, meant to be social creatures.

However, something I have been thinking about lately: I wonder, exactly, how long Adam was alone before God declared that it was not good. Twenty minutes? A day? Three months? Fifty years? I'm not aware of any reference to the time span between God's creation of Adam, and then Eve (if anyone knows, please give me something to refer to because I'd love to research it myself.)

The reason I've thought about this is because I've heard some argue this passage ("It's not good for the man to be alone") as a "Biblical reason" for starting a relationship with someone who either isn't ready or else is entirely wrong for them, which I doubt would receive God's blessing either. I once had a guy friend hint at this passage as to why he thought we should date (it was basically, "I'm a Christian, you're a Christian, I'm single, you're single... we should get married immediately!") and I was not at all comfortable with that.

As much as we would love to have someone... RIGHT NOW... I always wonder exactly how long it was before God decided that Adam needed a companion, and what kind of character growth and development he had to go through first.

For example, I'll see singles (both men and women, both Christian and non-Christian) who, for example, are struggling in certain areas: smoking, drinking, doing pot, shopping excessively, massive credit card debt, no way of supporting a family, etc. and they all say, "I want someone NOW--I'll change when I find the right [magically inspiring] person."

Wouldn't it be wiser to start working on these things and have as many as possible dealt with before entering a marriage, and maybe that's why God is making some of us wait so long? I'm not saying at all that we somehow have to be "perfect" or completely free of all our issues in order to find someone... but I just know I've dated guys in the past who were looking for "inspiration" to change... and it's NEVER worked out... (because what they were really doing was making excuses), and that has inspired me to let God work on changing me as much as He wants and whenever He wants.

What do you all think? And, sorry I've strayed a little, but yes... what are the reasons that you want someone in your life?

 

[christiancollegegirl]

Some people just don't want to be alone anymore. I haven't dated much, but I liked it. I miss hanging out and being with that one person all the time. Ii'm single again, and it's lonely sometimes. When I do start dating again, it's going to be because I genuinely care about him, not because I want soeone to date and he happens to be standing right there.

 

[Matthew]

I think for the most part it is just human nature, at some time in life we feel the need to be with another person because we are designed to make more of oursleves and not being alone is the first step.

The people I know who are single and happy about it only are because they have dated and it hasn't gone well and they have a renewed appreciation for the freedom and lack of confusion that comes with it, for me having never had a serious relationship I haven't had that experience yet so I still want to be with someone more than they do, I might have it and then feel how they do now, but I have been alone for so long it is only natural to want a relationship.

 

[JesusmyLord]

That's a great question Kimberlea. I think people have a need to be loved, comforted, and feel special in someone's eyes. I also think people have the need to love, comfort, and make someone feel special. But as Christians, marriage can go even beyond that; it would be nice to have someone whom you may strengthen and be strengthened by in faith.

 

[shiningthrupain]

I personally don't think I need/want a significant other....I enjoy being alone, and just having God.

 

[seoulsearch]

I just realized I never even answered my own question . I'd like to have someone for a whole slew of reasons... but the main ones would be to have someone to talk to everyday, discuss things with, pray... share household chores and bills with but also to learn from each others' interests and talents... someone to laugh at my corny jokes and make me laugh as well...

Loneliness is a terrible thing. But, I've been lonely when I've been around someone too, so I hope for what God chooses for me and that He'll change my heart to be content with whatever and whomever He's chosen.

I'm thankful for my growth in being alone but I guess I'd like to think I'd also become a more mature, complete person in different ways when blessed with the presence of the right God-fearing man as well.

 

[eugenius]

God gave us a sex drive so that we reproduce and have children and continue the human race. How much more simple can it be?

That is just the physical scientific reason. Of course a partner is much more than that. Even as Jesus said, In the beginning God made them male and female, and a man is to leave his family and to find a woman and they will become one.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hello Everybody,

Ok, this may sound like THE obviously obvious question, but WHY is it that most of us single people want a boyfriend girlfriend (husband/wife) anyway?

Why do you personally want someone in your life as a companion? And how much of it do you think is socially contrived--meaning, would you still want someone as badly if it didn't seem like everyone else had someone, too?

If you were around mostly all single people who were happy with their status, would it bother you as much not to have anyone? Would we still feel the same way about really wanting someone in our lives if it weren't for the media, advertisement, and the supposed social norm?

Paul wrote that some people are meant to be married... and some are meant to be single... but if we weren't constantly bombarded with shining images of supposedly happy couples and families around us, do you think more of us would be content (or at least, less impatient) with our single lives?

After considering these factors... what, in your opinion, makes you believe you life would be better if you had a significant other?

I used to be content being single. It allows me freedom to do things I might not be able to do if I was attached (stay up late, eat unhealthy foods, sleep a lot, take improptu road trips, spend hours on the computer, etc..). All that was great until I met two lovely young women when I went back to school this year to learn a new career. I did not date them, and frankly I am much too old to date them anyway, but something about their charm and bright spirits awoke the old desire in me to have a partner.

Suddenly all the freedom I had didn't amount to anything. I was made acutely aware of my existence as a fatherless, lovelife-less and lonesome person. I felt like the whole world was a big empty place full of distant strangers and I had no one, no one who really loved me, no one who really understood me, no one who really wanted to spend the REST OF THEIR LIFE on this earth with poor old ME. To say I was saddened would be a gross understatement. I cried my eyes out and pleaded with all my heart to the Lord to please not let me live an entire life without love, a life knowing that I may never meet a woman who might care enough to love and marry this sorry old excuse for a man that I am, a life without a child that I can hug and hold and know that he or she depends on me as their daddy.

I told the Lord that it weighed so heavily on my heart and so He must have put it there, and so I asked Him to please not forsake me this desire which He has placed in me. I did not go looking for reasons to want a partner. I was content being single. It all happened without my hand in it.

That is why I want a partner.

 

[Snoopy]

Well,.. Why wouldn't you want to be with somebody?

 

[paulou]

i think that my life long partner would be like a best friend to me, somebody to share my life with,feelings,thoughts and to support eachother and be there for eachother too.

 

[seoulsearch]

I used to be content being single. It allows me freedom to do things I might not be able to do if I was attached (stay up late, eat unhealthy foods, sleep a lot, take improptu road trips, spend hours on the computer, etc..). All that was great until I met two lovely young women when I went back to school this year to learn a new career. I did not date them, and frankly I am much too old to date them anyway, but something about their charm and bright spirits awoke the old desire in me to have a partner.

Suddenly all the freedom I had didn't amount to anything. I was made acutely aware of my existence as a fatherless, lovelife-less and lonesome person. I felt like the whole world was a big empty place full of distant strangers and I had no one, no one who really loved me, no one who really understood me, no one who really wanted to spend the REST OF THEIR LIFE on this earth with poor old ME. To say I was saddened would be a gross understatement. I cried my eyes out and pleaded with all my heart to the Lord to please not let me live an entire life without love, a life knowing that I may never meet a woman who might care enough to love and marry this sorry old excuse for a man that I am, a life without a child that I can hug and hold and know that he or she depends on me as their daddy.

I told the Lord that it weighed so heavily on my heart and so He must have put it there, and so I asked Him to please not forsake me this desire which He has placed in me. I did not go looking for reasons to want a partner. I was content being single. It all happened without my hand in it.

That is why I want a partner.

I can relate very, very well to everything you've written, Zero. And my heart goes out to you because I am feeling the exact same way as you: "Will I have to go through this life alone?" Even my doctor (how helpful is this) gently hinted that my biological time frame for having a family is starting to snap shut.

May God remember us all who are lonely.

The funny thing is though, I am also exactly like you in that I'm fairly content with being alone (I mean, sure there are times it's really, REALLY rough but I enjoy the freedom too)--it's when I'm around other people that it REALLY triggers the loneliness... seeing their kids run up to them exactly as you described... and THEN I really feel like I'm missing a limb or crucial element of life.

 

[seoulsearch]

Well,.. Why wouldn't you want to be with somebody?

Good point, of course, Snoopy... my main purpose with this thread was to maybe get people thinking about how much wanting a partner is exacerbated by the things we see around us--in other words, how much of the pain of being alone is from actually being alone... and how much of it is from envy, and possibly jealousy of what we seen around us.

I'm NOT saying it's somehow horrible or evil to feel this way... I just wondered if the pain of loneliness is worse because of social pressure and advertising (it's the psychologist in me.)

 

[Pheonix]

I don't know about everyone else, but I want to be able to share my life with someone. I want someone who I can be completely vulnerable with and not be afraid. I want to share my soul with someone. And I hate being alone.

That being said, its better to be alone than in a relationship that make you miserable, or facing the situation where you are unable to respect the other person.

That's my two cents!!

 

[seoulsearch]

I don't know about everyone else, but I want to be able to share my life with someone. I want someone who I can be completely vulnerable with and not be afraid. I want to share my soul with someone. And I hate being alone.

That being said, its better to be alone than in a relationship that make you miserable, or facing the situation where you are unable to respect the other person.

That's my two cents!!

I completely agree with you, Phoenix... it would be nice to be able to feel like I can be "completely myself" with someone and that they'd accept me, quirks and all.

And I also agree that it's better to be alone than with the wrong person (unfortunately, I had to come to this conclusion through lots of my own bad decisions because of not wanting to be alone.)

Why does it seem, though, that so often in life... it's as if you're facing the lesser of two evils... (as in, always having to debate... what which choice is less painful? Because sometimes it seems like NONE of the options are particularly appealing, you just have to try to choose what's going to be less detrimental.)

 

[Jennifleur]

I don't know about everyone else, but I want to be able to share my life with someone. I want someone who I can be completely vulnerable with and not be afraid. I want to share my soul with someone. And I hate being alone.

That being said, its better to be alone than in a relationship that make you miserable, or facing the situation where you are unable to respect the other person.

That's my two cents!!

That is how I feel. Yes, we should be content as singles, and God may want to impress that on us while we are single, to teach us that true joy and companionship are found with Christ alone. But we were created for companionship, and therefore we crave it. It is a God-given desire, but like any good thing if we place too much emphasis on it then it can wreck our relationship with God. Life's joys are best when shared. And when rough times hit, it's good to have someone to lean on through those times. Yes, Jesus is always there. But there's something about having someone physically present with you.

As for Adam and Eve, and the amount of time between their creation, it was less than a day. The end of Genesis 1 says that they were created on the 6th day. So, very little time passed. But regardless, even if Adam wasn't yet lonely or aware of his need for a companion, God is omniscient and anticipated that need beforehand. And He does the same for us. We can't always see how He is working behind the scenes, but we can be confident that He is working.

 

[ChristopherMichael]

After considering these factors... what, in your opinion, makes you believe you life would be better if you had a significant other?

Well Seoul, my primary love language is touch. That really only works if there's another person in the picture. Also, I love the companionship you feel you when you are in a relationship with an awesome, Godly woman. Few things are as great as watching a sunset or something with your significant other. On the flip side, few things sting more than getting to the top of a mountain or something and seeing that you're alone and have no one to share the view with.

Seems like kind of a softball question.

- Topher

 

[Leilaii425]

Well Seoul, my primary love language is touch. That really only works if there's another person in the picture. Also, I love the companionship you feel you when you are in a relationship with an awesome, Godly woman. Few things are as great as watching a sunset or something with your significant other. On the flip side, few things sting more than getting to the top of a mountain or something and seeing that you're alone and have no one to share the view with.

Seems like kind of a softball question.

- Topher

I see your dilemma, since your love language is touch. Here are some other alternatives to touching a woman.

-Licking ice cream
-Touching dryer sheets
-Getting as close to another woman as possible while standing in a line and sniffing her hair. Just make sure her husband doesnt see you. That could be trouble.
- Looking at yourself in a mirror and pretending your talking to your future spouse.
- When your next to an attractive woman, ''accidently'' bump into her.
- Clean your toilet
- prune a bonsai tree

 

[MahogonySnail]

Oh yeah and touching a cactus is a good alternative to touching a mediterranean woman who doesn't shave her legs.