Men PLEASE help me on this one

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TinyTee

Guest
#1
#1
I am newly married. A lil over a year married. My Husband and I have had our ups and downs. Here's my dilemma... Every time me and my Husband (before marriage) would have issues, he would run back to his ex leaving me to feel as if that's where he really want to be. After being hurt by this he decided to "come clean" and tell me the only reason he went back to her was because he knew she was easy. Now I admit we were living in sin but after all the storm we decided to surrender to Christ. We stopped having sex with each other until we were married. So at that point, I'm thinking this man is serious and maybe he does truly Love me and I do have his entire heart. I thought all the nonsense was behind us when it came to his ex. Fast fwd some years later he was reminiscing about our first date but he referenced the date of his ex! I was SO hurt and crushed! Now ladies if you're reading this I need your opinion too. Am I overreacting? Men, is that a sign that maybe he's still stuck on her? I need help because I'm fed up with dealing with this emotional roller coaster concerning his ex. Be honest with me please. I prayed God would speak to me thru one of you. I have no one else to talk to concerning this. Please help me.... Thank you in advance
 
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djness

Guest
#2
#2
Tell him she is in the past and that is where she needs to stay and he needs to get over her. He married you for whatever reasons known or unknown. If he can't get over her well, I would say don't marry him so it is a bit late for that I guess but you should be letting him know it hurt you and is unacceptable.
Probably say it in a more diplomatic way though I guess. If that doesn't work then talk to your pastor about counseling options next.
 
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TinyTee

Guest
#3
#3
@Djness... Exactly. He said he doesn't think it's that big of a deal :-(
 
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Theodore

Guest
#4
#4
I don't understand, is that even possible? What was his response or yours after he made that error. I need more info to understand.
 
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Theodore

Guest
#5
#5
When you two got married has your relationships been getting closer with God? Do you read scriptures together?
 
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TinyTee

Guest
#6
#6
@Theodore... I became upset. And his response to my reaction was it's not that big of a deal. My question is, do you think he's still not over his ex? How can he confuse the dates like that when they are so far apart. To me it's because he was thinking about her when he was talking about "our" first date. That's the only logical explanation I can come up with unless someone gives me a different point of view...

Yes our relationship did and still us growing with God. We don't read scriptures together but we pray together every night
 
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Theodore

Guest
#7
#7
In the time of being married after all the ups and downs, have you guys given thanks to the lord? Have you to made a pact to build more faith?
 
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TinyTee

Guest
#8
#8
@Theodore... we thank Him every night. We are so grateful for all He has done for, in and thru us. I don't get it... I really don't get it. I feel so hurt...
 
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Theodore

Guest
#9
#9
Honestly, you have to ask yourself a few questions because you know him best. When you just get married it's all about the honey moon and all the good stuff even if the guy is not changed. You say that he does pray so I am assuming he has a relationship with God. So, if he is changed it is possible to of made a honest mistake but I am pretty sure he would been picturing you in the thought....maybe because in his heart he really wants all his memories to be about you. Therefore, if you are feeling a way about it then maybe you should ask yourself if you have really forgiven him of his past.
 
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Theodore

Guest
#10
#10
Maybe you have not fully forgiven him for his past actions and just needed one thing to trigger your pain.
 
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TinyTee

Guest
#11
#11
@Theodore... hmmm now that is confirmation for me. I asked myself that same question. Did I truly forgive him because it brought me back to the hurt. Something to think about. And yes he does have a relationship with God. Thanks so much!
 
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Theodore

Guest
#12
#12
I say to let him know that you are hurt from what he said. Do not hide your pain and do not start an Argueement, just communicate. A lot can be accomplished through effective communication in a relationship.
 
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TinyTee

Guest
#13
#13
@Theodore... I tried to let him know it hurt me and he downplayed the situation. Now he seems upset with me for being upset with him. Go figure...
 
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Theodore

Guest
#14
#14
TinyTee said:
@Theodore... hmmm now that is confirmation for me. I asked myself that same question. Did I truly forgive him because it brought me back to the hurt. Something to think about. And yes he does have a relationship with God. Thanks so much!
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I would also read up on some gospel books on forgiveness and how to forgive.
 
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TinyTee

Guest
#15
#15
Theodore said:
I would also read up on some gospel books on forgiveness and how to forgive.
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I will do that. I need to know and understand because I'm starting to see I don't fully get it.
 
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Theodore

Guest
#16
#16
TinyTee said:
@Theodore... I tried to let him know it hurt me and he downplayed the situation. Now he seems upset with me for being upset with him. Go figure...
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Well now we just have to fix this mess that we created:).... Lots of love, compliments and sorrys. Let him know the truth, that it brought up past feelings and that you will be working towards getting those thoughts and bruises healed.
 
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TinyTee

Guest
#17
#17
Theodore said:
I would also read up on some gospel books on forgiveness and how to forgive.
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Theodore said:
Well now we just have to fix this mess that we created:).... Lots of love, compliments and sorrys. Let him know the truth, that it brought up past feelings and that you will be working towards getting those thoughts and bruises healed.
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Thank you SO much for your honesty! That's what I'll do and see where God leads me from there...
 
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Theodore

Guest
#18
#18
TinyTee said:
Thank you SO much for your honesty! That's what I'll do and see where God leads me from there...
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Thank you, for choosing to go about it the right way.
 
J

jayson1

Guest
#19
#19
Well here goes from a male perspective. You admit that you were engaging in a sexual relationship before marriage. We are by nature inclined to feed our carnal natures that we are so adapt with. Only by the conviction and power of the indwelling Spirit of God can we do anything different. Do be completely honest with your husband. However realise and acknowledge that nothing can be changed of the past, and that Christ our saviour has already paid that price, and has forgiven. Instead focus on a union and covenant together with Christ for the future. Let's be honest, men get things muddled up when it comes to events. This is not about how good his memory is... with the right woman.... but his current connection and intention of his heart towards you right now. I pray the Lord heal past hurts and reveal his plan and purpose for your lives together for the future. Amen!
 
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danschance

Guest
#20
#20
TinyTee said:
I am newly married. A lil over a year married. My Husband and I have had our ups and downs. Here's my dilemma... Every time me and my Husband (before marriage) would have issues, he would run back to his ex leaving me to feel as if that's where he really want to be. After being hurt by this he decided to "come clean" and tell me the only reason he went back to her was because he knew she was easy. Now I admit we were living in sin but after all the storm we decided to surrender to Christ. We stopped having sex with each other until we were married. So at that point, I'm thinking this man is serious and maybe he does truly Love me and I do have his entire heart. I thought all the nonsense was behind us when it came to his ex. Fast fwd some years later he was reminiscing about our first date but he referenced the date of his ex! I was SO hurt and crushed! Now ladies if you're reading this I need your opinion too. Am I overreacting? Men, is that a sign that maybe he's still stuck on her? I need help because I'm fed up with dealing with this emotional roller coaster concerning his ex. Be honest with me please. I prayed God would speak to me thru one of you. I have no one else to talk to concerning this. Please help me.... Thank you in advance
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First of the type of love you describe is what the world calls love. Worldly love is very insecure and needs constant reassurance. "He looked at another woman, does that mean he doesn't love me?" Worldly love is about what you get out of the relationship. Godly love is patient, kind, doesn't count wrongs, it seeks what it can give, not what it can get. Godly love forgives and is not insecure, it is not focused on self but loves the other unconditionally.

Love God first and foremost and find a man who also loves God first and foremost.
 
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