Men PLEASE help me on this one

[TinyTee]

Well here goes from a male perspective. You admit that you were engaging in a sexual relationship before marriage. We are by nature inclined to feed our carnal natures that we are so adapt with. Only by the conviction and power of the indwelling Spirit of God can we do anything different. Do be completely honest with your husband. However realise and acknowledge that nothing can be changed of the past, and that Christ our saviour has already paid that price, and has forgiven. Instead focus on a union and covenant together with Christ for the future. Let's be honest, men get things muddled up when it comes to events. This is not about how good his memory is... with the right woman.... but his current connection and intention of his heart towards you right now. I pray the Lord heal past hurts and reveal his plan and purpose for your lives together for the future. Amen!

Thank you so much for your feedback! I hear you loud and clear. Sounds to me like God is trying to tell me I blamed my Husband when it's me that need working on. As another said I have not truly forgave. It's so hard when it's so much pain but I do admit my Husband is a very different man in Christ and I should lean on that. I appreciate your honesty and helping me out. Thank you so much....

 

[TinyTee]

First of the type of love you describe is what the world calls love. Worldly love is very insecure and needs constant reassurance. "He looked at another woman, does that mean he doesn't love me?" Worldly love is about what you get out of the relationship. Godly love is patient, kind, doesn't count wrongs, it seeks what it can give, not what it can get. Godly love forgives and is not insecure, it is not focused on self but loves the other unconditionally.

Love God first and foremost and find a man who also loves God first and foremost.

Ouch! That's what I needed. How true is that!!! So me Loving God first, can you say from experience that it will take away this pain? I already thought I was Loving God first. As I'm reading the responses, God is showing me where my pain lies and that it still exists. How do I let it go? I don't want to be insecure. I don't want to be jealous. I don't want to hold onto this hurt but I just don't know how to let it go. I honestly thought I did let it go. But obviously not. But how? I want to be a Loving wife, a Godly wife. I want to give that Godly Love. I want him to make a mistake with a date and me be able to brush it off. But it hurt! It hurt so bad. Sorry to become so emotional but then again I Am woman. Any advice on how to get rid of this hurt and pain for good? Again, I already feel I Love God first. Maybe it's not enough?

 

[danschance]

Ouch! That's what I needed. How true is that!!! So me Loving God first, can you say from experience that it will take away this pain? I already thought I was Loving God first. As I'm reading the responses, God is showing me where my pain lies and that it still exists. How do I let it go? I don't want to be insecure. I don't want to be jealous. I don't want to hold onto this hurt but I just don't know how to let it go. I honestly thought I did let it go. But obviously not. But how? I want to be a Loving wife, a Godly wife. I want to give that Godly Love. I want him to make a mistake with a date and me be able to brush it off. But it hurt! It hurt so bad. Sorry to become so emotional but then again I Am woman. Any advice on how to get rid of this hurt and pain for good? Again, I already feel I Love God first. Maybe it's not enough?

What hurts worse than love on this planet? Pray about it and give it to God. The focus of your life should be Jesus Christ first and foremost. Jesus is the answer to every question and Jesus is the solution to every problem. Pray and keep on praying for an answer. God speaks to me once or twice a month and each time it is awesome, but it took me 3 years of pressing in to Him before I heard him clearly.

 

[TinyTee]

What hurts worse than love on this planet? Pray about it and give it to God. The focus of your life should be Jesus Christ first and foremost. Jesus is the answer to every question and Jesus is the solution to every problem. Pray and keep on praying for an answer. God speaks to me once or twice a month and each time it is awesome, but it took me 3 years of pressing in to Him before I heard him clearly.

I have been praying and will continue to pray. I appreciate you. One thing I will say to you now is this... Love don't hurt, it's the lack of Love that does. But I can't wait to hear Him and hear Him clearly. Thanks again for your time and advice. You have been a great help.

 

[secularhermit]

I am newly married. A lil over a year married. My Husband and I have had our ups and downs. Here's my dilemma... Every time me and my Husband (before marriage) would have issues, he would run back to his ex leaving me to feel as if that's where he really want to be. After being hurt by this he decided to "come clean" and tell me the only reason he went back to her was because he knew she was easy. Now I admit we were living in sin but after all the storm we decided to surrender to Christ. We stopped having sex with each other until we were married. So at that point, I'm thinking this man is serious and maybe he does truly Love me and I do have his entire heart. I thought all the nonsense was behind us when it came to his ex. Fast fwd some years later he was reminiscing about our first date but he referenced the date of his ex! I was SO hurt and crushed! Now ladies if you're reading this I need your opinion too. Am I overreacting? Men, is that a sign that maybe he's still stuck on her? I need help because I'm fed up with dealing with this emotional roller coaster concerning his ex. Be honest with me please. I prayed God would speak to me thru one of you. I have no one else to talk to concerning this. Please help me.... Thank you in advance

I haven´t read that whole (above) But I stopped at this: "he would run back to his ex leaving me to feel as if that's where he really want to be."

1) I could tell about one of my brother who married too soon, after two month, another woman he´s now divorced.
2) I could tell, about me, who married a woman I´m now divorced, clearly knowing "I loved" another´s company.

If you knew HE LOVED ANOTHER, you made a mistake like me and my brother did.
If he runs to her, he is guilty for running and her ex is guilty for receiving him, A MARRIED MAN, who clings to another (it could be another person, by the way).

If something happens, do not cling to another man after you be completely healed. The same advice applies for me.

 

[TinyTee]

I haven´t read that whole (above) But I stopped at this: "he would run back to his ex leaving me to feel as if that's where he really want to be."

1) I could tell about one of my brother who married too soon, after two month, another woman he´s now divorced.
2) I could tell, about me, who married a woman I´m now divorced, clearly knowing "I loved" another´s company.

If you knew HE LOVED ANOTHER, you made a mistake like me and my brother did.
If he runs to her, he is guilty for running and her ex is guilty for receiving him, A MARRIED MAN, who clings to another (it could be another person, by the way).

If something happens, do not cling to another man after you be completely healed. The same advice applies for me.

I appreciate your honesty! I see you too have been hurt and it seems you are giving me advice based off your hurt. When you read the full story it states the "going back to his ex" occurred before we were married and that he came clean and after surrendered our life to God. At that point, he has become a changed man. My thing was why would he reference a date that didn't belong to me? I asked myself did he really change our is he hiding it better now. Honestly, everything happens for reason. Everything. And I think that God is trying to advance my family spiritually and I needed to come face to face with my hurt. What better way than to set me off? Now if you were the first to comment, I probably would've thought it was all my Husband's fault but being that God revealed to me thru the previous comments that it was me that needed the healing, I now look at the situation different. I pray that you are healed and delivered from your pain. Thank you so much for taking that time out.

 

[Blackson]

I am newly married. A lil over a year married. My Husband and I have had our ups and downs. Here's my dilemma... Every time me and my Husband (before marriage) would have issues, he would run back to his ex leaving me to feel as if that's where he really want to be. After being hurt by this he decided to "come clean" and tell me the only reason he went back to her was because he knew she was easy. Now I admit we were living in sin but after all the storm we decided to surrender to Christ. We stopped having sex with each other until we were married. So at that point, I'm thinking this man is serious and maybe he does truly Love me and I do have his entire heart. I thought all the nonsense was behind us when it came to his ex. Fast fwd some years later he was reminiscing about our first date but he referenced the date of his ex! I was SO hurt and crushed! Now ladies if you're reading this I need your opinion too. Am I overreacting? Men, is that a sign that maybe he's still stuck on her? I need help because I'm fed up with dealing with this emotional roller coaster concerning his ex. Be honest with me please. I prayed God would speak to me thru one of you. I have no one else to talk to concerning this. Please help me.... Thank you in advance

Thank you for your being honest. Honest people are honestly helped most of times. First thing I can tell you my sister is that the foundation on which you built your marriage is shaky. By having sex while on courtship is telling God that you are fine and does not need help. One thing I do not know is whether he divorced the ex after you have already met or before. Whatever the case, you may be seeing the consequences of your mistakes. The fact that you have repented and that God has forgiven you does not remove the consequences of that sin. All you need is humble yourself before God and ask God that I better fall in your hand rather than in the hands of the sinners.

By this, your husband is not serious about you. He is telling you that you are a mistake in his life. Secondly, marrying a divorced person most often results in such things. I advice you to seek serious counselling from Men of God. He does not love you.

 

[TinyTee]

Thank you for your being honest. Honest people are honestly helped most of times. First thing I can tell you my sister is that the foundation on which you built your marriage is shaky. By having sex while on courtship is telling God that you are fine and does not need help. One thing I do not know is whether he divorced the ex after you have already met or before. Whatever the case, you may be seeing the consequences of your mistakes. The fact that you have repented and that God has forgiven you does not remove the consequences of that sin. All you need is humble yourself before God and ask God that I better fall in your hand rather than in the hands of the sinners.

By this, your husband is not serious about you. He is telling you that you are a mistake in his life. Secondly, marrying a divorced person most often results in such things. I advice you to seek serious counselling from Men of God. He does not love you.

Thank you for your honesty and feedback as well. I do agree that there's consequences for our past actions but I don't see where you would get he doesn't Love me from this story. Can you elaborate? He was never married so there wasn't any divorce. We are newly committed to Christ. Like totally committed. I'd say for the past 2 1/2 years. So I agree that our relationship was rocky to begin with but I also believe God broke us down and now we are on solid ground. I definitely need to humble myself more. I know God is going to place me where I need to be. I trust that with all my being. Thanks again for your input!

 

[Blackson]

Thank you for your honesty and feedback as well. I do agree that there's consequences for our past actions but I don't see where you would get he doesn't Love me from this story. Can you elaborate? He was never married so there wasn't any divorce. We are newly committed to Christ. Like totally committed. I'd say for the past 2 1/2 years. So I agree that our relationship was rocky to begin with but I also believe God broke us down and now we are on solid ground. I definitely need to humble myself more. I know God is going to place me where I need to be. I trust that with all my being. Thanks again for your input!

I think I took the "His ex" to be ex wife or whatever. What is this, 'his ex'? I did not mean to resent you but to help you find marriage a satisfying thing.

 

[TinyTee]

I think I took the "His ex" to be ex wife or whatever. What is this, 'his ex'? I did not mean to resent you but to help you find marriage a satisfying thing.

I apologize for not being clear. His ex girlfriend at the time is what I meant. But yes I know that you are only trying to help and I appreciate it. I was just confused with why you would conclude with "he does not Love you" I am trying to understand where you got that from.

 

[secularhermit]

I am sorry! I have this trigger that works so fast when I see those situation I mentioned above... Allow me to tell you more, just in case this serves any of you:

My ex-wife knew my attachement to my ex-girlfriend. She was very patient with MY fault to accept I was despised (Because I asked her to merry me first than that who marry me).

One day I was dreaming with the one I thought I loved with all my streght. That dream I had was erotic (sadly to say it, but it was true and sinful) because I was married to another WHO ACCEPTED ME as wrong as I was.

My ex-wife gave me a soft kiss on my lips, one I remotely remember because it served me to confess her the dream I had, that morning, with another woman.

When I awake to real life, like a manly Snow White, I asked her: Why did you kiss me that LOVING way? (I never felt a kiss like that).

She said: "I simply felt I wanted to kiss you." So I quickly acknowledged God on this, and I confessed her my sin, my erotic dream, and it took US some time to be "healed". She spent 13 years by my side but, THIS YEAR, it was when I realized I wasn´t in love with that woman (Because I met her recently, and know her well now).

My ex-wife, in that process of healing me, had dreams that helped me to see that bond I had was demonic and I made my ex-girlfriend a golem of her (a torn thing now I know it was, just by this year ended up).

 

[TinyTee]

I am sorry! I have this trigger that works so fast when I see those situation I mentioned above... Allow me to tell you more, just in case this serves any of you:

My ex-wife knew my attachement to my ex-girlfriend. She was very patient with MY fault to accept I was despised (Because I asked her to merry me first than that who marry me).

One day I was dreaming with the one I thought I loved with all my streght. That dream I had was erotic (sadly to say it, but it was true and sinful) because I was married to another WHO ACCEPTED ME as wrong as I was.

My ex-wife gave me a soft kiss on my lips, one I remotely remember because it served me to confess her the dream I had, that morning, with another woman.

When I awake to real life, like a manly Snow White, I asked her: Why did you kiss me that LOVING way? (I never felt a kiss like that).

She said: "I simply felt I wanted to kiss you." So I quickly acknowledged God on this, and I confessed her my sin, my erotic dream, and it took US some time to be "healed". She spent 13 years by my side but, THIS YEAR, it was when I realized I wasn´t in love with that woman (Because I met her recently, and know her well now).

My ex-wife, in that process of healing me, had dreams that helped me to see that bond I had was demonic and I made my ex-girlfriend a golem of her (a torn thing now I know it was, just by this year ended up).

Wow! No need to apologize. I have certain triggers too that I'm working on. But thank you for sharing your story and experience. 13 years is a long time. But I'm glad you finally decided to let her go be with someone who truly does Love her. She deserves that. And you deserve Love as well which I'm sure you will find as long as your honest with yourself first and of course keep God first; That should go without saying. We're all going to be just fine! I claim it in the name of Jesus!

 

[Blackson]

I apologize for not being clear. His ex girlfriend at the time is what I meant. But yes I know that you are only trying to help and I appreciate it. I was just confused with why you would conclude with "he does not Love you" I am trying to understand where you got that from.

That was if "going back to the ex' meant leaving you for another woman whom he had already done away with-even the past. I took it to be needless for a now married man to go back to the old, and then later tell you that he did so because the ex was easy. In fact it pains, even for me for someone to compare me with another person of my opposite. Sorry once again. i think i did not come in well this time.

 

[secularhermit]

WE love you, tinytee.

Slow down and read.

 

[Lyta137]

I am newly married. A lil over a year married. My Husband and I have had our ups and downs. Here's my dilemma... Every time me and my Husband (before marriage) would have issues, he would run back to his ex leaving me to feel as if that's where he really want to be. After being hurt by this he decided to "come clean" and tell me the only reason he went back to her was because he knew she was easy. Now I admit we were living in sin but after all the storm we decided to surrender to Christ. We stopped having sex with each other until we were married. So at that point, I'm thinking this man is serious and maybe he does truly Love me and I do have his entire heart. I thought all the nonsense was behind us when it came to his ex. Fast fwd some years later he was reminiscing about our first date but he referenced the date of his ex! I was SO hurt and crushed! Now ladies if you're reading this I need your opinion too. Am I overreacting? Men, is that a sign that maybe he's still stuck on her? I need help because I'm fed up with dealing with this emotional roller coaster concerning his ex. Be honest with me please. I prayed God would speak to me thru one of you. I have no one else to talk to concerning this. Please help me.... Thank you in advance

I am sorry! I have this trigger that works so fast when I see those situation I mentioned above... Allow me to tell you more, just in case this serves any of you:

My ex-wife knew my attachement to my ex-girlfriend. She was very patient with MY fault to accept I was despised (Because I asked her to merry me first than that who marry me).

One day I was dreaming with the one I thought I loved with all my streght. That dream I had was erotic (sadly to say it, but it was true and sinful) because I was married to another WHO ACCEPTED ME as wrong as I was.

My ex-wife gave me a soft kiss on my lips, one I remotely remember because it served me to confess her the dream I had, that morning, with another woman.

When I awake to real life, like a manly Snow White, I asked her: Why did you kiss me that LOVING way? (I never felt a kiss like that).

She said: "I simply felt I wanted to kiss you." So I quickly acknowledged God on this, and I confessed her my sin, my erotic dream, and it took US some time to be "healed". She spent 13 years by my side but, THIS YEAR, it was when I realized I wasn´t in love with that woman (Because I met her recently, and know her well now).

My ex-wife, in that process of healing me, had dreams that helped me to see that bond I had was demonic and I made my ex-girlfriend a golem of her (a torn thing now I know it was, just by this year ended up).

I just want to acknowledge you guys for coming out with your situations. its really gonna help alota young people to reflect about such things in a relationship. whilst coming out with what is at your hearts you are really helping a lot of other people...including myself...

I must admit, I am really moved...

@tiny I may be young and may not know much about marriage but one thing I know, is that God is the healer of, and the mender of what is broken. I prayed that God show himself true in your life and this situation. Even when all hope seems to be lost, He is the God that makes a way where there seems to be none... God is in control of your situation!

@mr. A.J Wow! I bet this had been some huge rollercoaster in your life as well but what encourages me most about it all is that you still come out of it all and say 'God im still following you despite this'. Standing strong and edifying us with the word on cc. Big applaud.

I pray for more grace in both your lives. Tinytee to endure this 'temporal' experience and mr.hermit to continue standing strong!!! By his GRACE we can do all things...

God bless you a lot!!

 

[BrotherG]

sweetie this something i shared with a friend before she married. in any time we meet some one whom we might think of marring one day. remember how when you was in school and you study hard for that test you about to take because you really want a passing grand. am i right about it. then with that in mind put that person you are with in that same way. brother if you don't pass this test you got to go. your not going to test these goods .. your not only going to respect my body. your have to respect my mind as well. friend the Lord has the right mate for you that will love you truly. we all will have our difference in any relationship. but respect one another always. you want some one who will be faithful even through trails.. BrotherG

 

[surprisingrose]

TinyTee, I've learned in every situation to give it to God. He is the Spirit of Truth and knows everything going on in your and your husbands hearts. It is a big deal to you and the Lord knows that and cares about it. Let him talk to your husband about this. Find you some really good scriptures pertaining to the Lord's love for you and your husband and stand on those. Rest in Jesus' love, his love never fails, though human love does sometimes. He is near to those of a broken heart and contrite spirit. Many times I ask to Lord to do in me what I cannot do for myself. That's why he died on the cross, to help us with what is too hard for us. He loves you and your husband and wants healing and stablitiy in your marriage. Ask the Lord to help you and your husband to have hearts of understanding and forgiveness. Cry it out! Jesus loves you...

 

[Cee]

My advice, he said it wasn't a big deal, don't make it one, you are questioning his intentions and honesty the more you focus in this. He made a mistake in his recall it happens, I do think this is a good insight to see what Holy Spirit wants to replace this past hurt and lie with...
He chose you. He loves you. Settle it in your heart and see him as the man God gave you to lead, care, and bless you. Next time the enemy reminds you of your past, remind him of who Jesus says you are. You are blessed and a blessing.

C.

 

[bigcurt2000]

If a man loves his wife, then what is on his heart is only his wife. A EX should be ex'ed out of his heart! I don't care if she's easy or not! the issue is his desires. Why do you desire to go to someone thats easy. Why would she allow him back if he's with someone else. Now you must ask yourself what would Jesus do! Feel sorry for this man cause he is mentally unstable & clearly not ready for this responsibility of holding someone heart in his hand for life. Pray for him, & find him a spiritual counselor. Not due to he's your husband, but due to he's a hurting man. A husband doesn't act like that. So your married but he's not a husband. Pray for your marriage, & for your strength in dealing with this nonsense. PRAY PRAY PRAY!

P.S "EVERYONE!!! please pray for my son safety & favor from GOD & Men! Curtis Anderson - Highlight Videos, Schedule & Roster - Hudl

 

[bigcurt2000]

Also remember that you had alot to do with this behavior as well! sexual sin & sleeping together, then it's no surprise that sexual sins are still in the mist of ya'll. sin don't worry about if its with you, him, ex'es neighbors, etc... it's going to hang around. REPENT & be the light for him, cause he's in darkness. Well both of you, & if I be real I AM TOO! so I understand the issues!