Just curious...

[Jullianna]

Hi Jullianna,

Yes, that's what I said that it is wise for a believer to get to know someone before they marry them. There is no where in the bible that says getting to know your future husband/wife before marrying them is wrong. [Agreed ]

I just said that if God wants it to happen for two people to marry without knowing each other, then definitely God can do it cuz God is capable of doing absolutely anything. So for example, look at Isaac and Rebekah. How they got married when they didn't know each other at all, although they were related. Their story shows God's sovereign hands because also at that time the woman did not have the right to make a decision about her own marriage. Yet, Rebekah did. However, we have to remember that God does NOT work randomly. I mean Isaac and Rebekah's circumstances were different.

Your questions 2 and 3, you're already assuming that courting or dating is evil [Not assuming it to be evil at all. Someone in these forums said it was and I was trying (and failing) to follow that logic ] and so, you're asking how would they cherish and respect each other when they don't know each other. These are valid questions. But I guess you've got your answer now that Courting or dating is NOT evil.

What I AM asking is how you cherish and respect (per scripture) complete strangers. That's all.

But, yes, I do have the answer I was seeking. Clearly there are a lot of people out there who date and do not have sex, which was the sole purpose of this thread.

Thanks to all of those who participated.

 

[LightningClap0002]

I have more questions:

1. Does anyone, anywhere have any scripture whatsoever regarding either courting or dating?
Not a book/link reference written by someone we don't know, but actual scriptural references showing that this is somehow more godly than dating someone with the intent of getting to know that person for the purpose of possible marriage while abstaining from sex?
Anyone? Anyone? Or are we going to turn this into another merry-go-round thread where people argue semantics and opinions?

There are definitely a myriad of ideas about how to do relationships, I refer to two of the larger groups by the terms dating and courting (I am not alone in that). But in the end, what is important is what they mean, not what they are called. As for Biblical support for what I call courting, the best I can give you is the idea of One. One God, One helper for Adam, One People, One body, unity... I don't think courting is the only way or that dating is always evil, but I'm also not just playing the devil's advocate here; I really do believe that God desires for us to only be so tightly bonded with Him or one other person for our whole life. I've seen Christians simultaneously 'dating' 10 guys at once, heard of Christians who date one person at a time but go through girls on a monthly basis etc. In the end, I think the Bible encourages us to not enter into relationships lightly, I can find some scriptures for that if you aren't aware of any that you think fit that description. To tie this this all in with the OP, I think the more people you develop deep one-on-one relationships with and spend time alone with, the more likely you are to slip into sex. The quicker you enter into relationships, the less likely that you spent time truly seeking God's will on the matter, the more likely sin is to be present as you go your own way.

2. What does the courting vs dating debate have to do with whether or not Christians can court/date and not have sex? Are you saying that if you choose to call it dating rather than courting you are somehow obligated to have sex?
Doesn't the poll pretty clearly demonstrate that nobody believes there is an obligation or strong correlation between dating and sex?

Maybe I'm off target here, but these are the things that I've seen when it comes to dating, sex and God's role in romantic relationships.

 

[Jullianna]

Yes, the poll does answer the initial question as to whether it is possible for Christians to date/court without having sex. However, there seems to be some implication that people who say "date" have faulty screws on their moral compasses and might be more likely to cheat/date multiple people at once or date for sport than people who use the same word my grandparents used for dating, which is "court". For the past couple of years the word "court" seems to imply holiness (without scriptural back up), while "dating" is perceived somehow as being sleazy. It's pretty insulting to people who do not cheat, do abstain from sex and are seeking God's will regarding relationships. I don't think some folks realize that this is probably the reason these discussions become so heated at times, you know?

 

[LightningClap0002]

Yes, the poll does answer the initial question as to whether it is possible for Christians to date/court without having sex. However, there seems to be some implication that people who say "date" have faulty screws on their moral compasses and might be more likely to cheat/date multiple people at once or date for sport than people who use the same word my grandparents used for dating, which is "court". For the past couple of years the word "court" seems to imply holiness (without scriptural back up), while "dating" is perceived somehow as being sleazy. It's pretty insulting to people who do not cheat, do abstain from sex and are seeking God's will regarding relationships. I don't think some folks realize that this is probably the reason these discussions become so heated at times, you know?

Yeah, I guess I do have some negative opinions about what dating means to a lot of people. In the end, the thing that bothers me the most about the majority of people I've known who date is not the sleaze or cheating, but something that I think is just as detrimental, though much less obvious. What I once heard called "serial-dating." Many dating relationships I've seen only seem to really have the "emotional" commitment. That commitment is pretty easily given up or lost. Even if done in a non-sleazy, respectful way, the emotional pain that comes from losing such an emotional commitment seems to be more scarring (albeit different scarring) than the loss of someone with whom there was a real deep commitment to.

Again, it's really hard to discuss dating because I feel like the word encompasses a true spectrum of ideas. In the end, I really do hope that people aren't entering relationships just to figure out if they're compatible with, attracted to, or happy around the other person. :S I'd like to think that's a Biblical concept, but can't say I've ever put together a real Biblical argument for it. Maybe some day I'll have to see what that really looks like.

 

[1still_waters]

There is a certain assumed purity when things of the past are mentioned.
"Today" is often viewed as dark, while "yesterday" carries connotations of a time more innocent.
Yesterday's grass is greener.

As a way to bring yesterday's innocence into today's darkness, we grasp for old terms and traditions, and suggest they be followed to restore the lost innocence and purity.

Let's be cautious about replacing today's tradition, with yesterday's tradition, while assuming yesterday has the support of Bible.

 

[Jullianna]

Yeah, I guess I do have some negative opinions about what dating means to a lot of people. In the end, the thing that bothers me the most about the majority of people I've known who date is not the sleaze or cheating, but something that I think is just as detrimental, though much less obvious. What I once heard called "serial-dating." Many dating relationships I've seen only seem to really have the "emotional" commitment. That commitment is pretty easily given up or lost. Even if done in a non-sleazy, respectful way, the emotional pain that comes from losing such an emotional commitment seems to be more scarring (albeit different scarring) than the loss of someone with whom there was a real deep commitment to.

Again, it's really hard to discuss dating because I feel like the word encompasses a true spectrum of ideas. In the end, I really do hope that people aren't dating just to figure out if they're compatible with, attracted to, or happy around the other person. :S I'd like to think that's a Biblical concept, but can't say I've ever put together a real Biblical argument for it. Maybe some day I'll have to see what that really looks like.

I think maybe the thing is that a lot of people are looking at non-Christian couples who date and how they do it vs. how Christians date. This would likely be problematic if dating unbelievers, but hopefully less so if we don't play with fire like that.

 

[Jullianna]

There is a certain assumed purity when things of the past are mentioned.
"Today" is often viewed as dark, while "yesterday" carries connotations of a time more innocent.
Yesterday's grass is greener.

As a way to bring yesterday's innocence into today's darkness, we grasp for old terms and traditions, and suggest they be followed to restore the lost innocence and purity.

Let's be cautious about replacing today's tradition, with yesterday's tradition, while assuming yesterday has the support of Bible.

Exactly. Shouryu made an excellent point within the past few days regarding the courting practices of David, Jacob and a few others from ancient times that were not exactly overflowing with holiness.

And you HAD to bring that donut in here, didn't you? TEASE.

 

[LightningClap0002]

I think maybe the thing is that a lot of people are looking at non-Christian couples who date and how they do it vs. how Christians date. This would likely be problematic if dating unbelievers, but hopefully less so if we don't play with fire like that.

Now are you talking about Christian's dating or Christian dating?

RE: Stilly, I actually didn't know that courting was an old-fashioned thing until after I had already formed my opinion on it. But I get what you're saying

 

[Jullianna]

Now are you talking about Christian's dating or Christian dating?

RE: Stilly, I actually didn't know that courting was an old-fashioned thing until after I had already formed my opinion on it. But I get what you're saying

*Pokes Lightning in the eye with his apostrophe*

 

[Oncefallen]

I've been courting the idea of working nights a hospital nearby.

St Al's or St Luke's?

 

[fourleaf]

I will date a true Christian in the future and we will wait until marriage.

 

[MySavior]

I will date a true Christian in the future and we will wait until marriage.

me too sis.
I was in a relationship with a true christian woman til things got worst.
I said mean things to her which I feel bad.
It didn't come out rite, I do miss her tho.
I wanna apologize to her but its too late.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

me too sis.
I was in a relationship with a true christian woman til things got worst.
I said mean things to her which I feel bad.
It didn't come out rite, I do miss her tho.
I wanna apologize to her but its too late.

It may or may not be too late for reconciliation, but it's never too late to apologize for old wrongs.

 

[cyphercat]

THE QUESTIONS OF THIS THREAD ARE:

1. If people think that courting/dating is evil, how do they propose to meet/obtain a spouse?

2. How does a man cherish a woman he does not love (i.e. - a stranger)(Ephesians 5)?

3. How does a woman respect a man she does not know (i.e. - a stranger)(see Ephesians 5)?

View attachment 68010

1. They don't. They are mostly delusional and repressive. If God wants them to marry they will.
2. God makes him. God takes his pride and self love, and replaces it.
3. Charity. Charity believes all things, including "I can respect this man I do not know."