Minus 5 degrees here,and pretty much no end in sight of any warmth to come.
I woke up a little anxious today...stressed...
Ok. I lie. A lot! Of both of those thing's. and as I sit here & go over thing's making lists of what I need to do today,and grumbling in my own head of how badly I don't want to venture out to do these thing's...how all I want to do is hide under the covers & envision myself someplace else.
I have been praying under my breath. Thing's that to my mind & making no sense,and then I log on CC...and as always I come to my favourite thread...STREAMS. I see so much sadness,mixed with humour...stress...hopefulness..regret...wandering...amazing encouragement...needs,wants,desires...it's all here under one strange little roof of a thread.
I don't have the words to help anyone. I cannot fix situations. I cannot comfort those whom I barely know or those who I love. The plain simple fact is that I feel like NOTHING.
THIS IS A LIE!
..and every day I have to determine with all my heart that I am not going to focus on the mess that my life has been (and in some ways still is) It's not to be in denial of thing's...but to choose not to let it consume me. Believe me,it is so much easier to just give into my own demons & pain. I often wonder if there's a point in my christian walk where God will suddenly make everything "right" that's messed up in my life.
Then I realize that He did. Over 2000 years ago by sending His Son.
So even knowing this....many many many times,I can say with 100% honesty I will still look at God & say,"Yeah...and???" "What else have you got for me Lord,'cause I feel like nothing in my life is working...ever...and thanks for the whole Jesus thing,but I'm still a mess!"
This is life. Up's - Down's...all of it. I don't understand God fully,and I'm not sure I ever will.
LOL ,and not to sound disrespectful (which He understands my heart when I say this) but...I don't care any more!
God is God. I am Jim. He loves me. Even if I don't have this perfect little cookie cutter christian life of rainbows & awesomely good times with my church family & friends.
It breaks my heart to see people I care about hurting...then I realize it hurts Jesus more I guess. I dunno...it's easy not to care anymore,and not care in a spiteful,depressed way about thing's. I know. I do it. Try not to. But yeah...happens a lot.
I don't feel cool or special,or ever once like I have the inside track on how to live my life better for God or for other's...and I certainly don't know how to LOVE other's the way I so desire to. I EPIC FAIL 24/7 - 365! True Story.
...and still God loves me.
...and still there are pockets of people He has placed in my life over the years who deeply..genuinely have loved me too.
...those are the thing's that help give me hope.
Knowing that everyone struggles to overcome each day and I am not alone in this. There is ALWAYS someone out there who is praying for us,thinking of us...asking God to look out for us,loving us..and we may never know who they are. You just can't convince me that they aren't. I'm not even talking about Jesus,that's a given.
Once again I have gobbled up a chunk of this wonderful thread birthed from the heart of persNickety to help us all encourage one another or just open up about life...from the most mundane to the most tragic...to the most epic...to the most joyful!
It's all here...it's like the body of Christ...it's like..no,it is the church!
...and it's perfectly,beautifully flawed.
...and that's ok.