I have been told that it is good for the experienced to give advice to the inexperienced. So, I would like to open up this thread as an opportunity for the married folks (like myself) to give small treasures to the singles.
I shall start:
My grandmother always told me to figure out what end of the toothpaste tube he squeezed first, before even thinking about marrying him. This isn't about reading into his tooth cleansing routine to see what mental issues he has (I say 'he' because this is from a female perspective), This is about the dreaded word DATING. Give it a good solid 2 years to get to know the person. For example:
My husband, who we will call Jim, is the kind of guy who can't stand perfume. I like perfume, even though it doesn't seem like it. During our time dating, This was revealed to me through a very interesting story involving one of his ex-girlfriends and his hat. (I also found out he treasures his hats and hates to be texted all day and the general location and character of his ex-girlfriends)
He also found out things about me. Of course, if he asked I would have told him whatever he wanted to know, but getting to know another person is not just about Hobbies and common interests, It's about how they behave. Like studying a new species of animal. because what they do and say and how they look is a clue as to what they do behind closed doors.
Often times, people get overly desperate and turn off some alarms. Don't. And if something happens that sets off an alarm or two don't ignore it, but don't act on it right away (unless he or she hurt you physically) think about it. Try and predict consequences of reoccurring behavior. If he is flirtatious with other women while you are dating, this should be a major problem for you. However, If he isn't one for picking up the tab once in a while, it's not too big of a deal. If he or she is pushing for sex, even when you expressed beforehand your beliefs on the topic, that should also be a "hot potato."
What you need to ask yourself is: can I live with the consequences of his or her behavior? Because once you enter into marriage, Divorce should not even be in your vocabulary. Til DEATH do you part. not: Til YOU DO SOMETHING I DON'T LIKE do we part.
I shall start:
My grandmother always told me to figure out what end of the toothpaste tube he squeezed first, before even thinking about marrying him. This isn't about reading into his tooth cleansing routine to see what mental issues he has (I say 'he' because this is from a female perspective), This is about the dreaded word DATING. Give it a good solid 2 years to get to know the person. For example:
My husband, who we will call Jim, is the kind of guy who can't stand perfume. I like perfume, even though it doesn't seem like it. During our time dating, This was revealed to me through a very interesting story involving one of his ex-girlfriends and his hat. (I also found out he treasures his hats and hates to be texted all day and the general location and character of his ex-girlfriends)
He also found out things about me. Of course, if he asked I would have told him whatever he wanted to know, but getting to know another person is not just about Hobbies and common interests, It's about how they behave. Like studying a new species of animal. because what they do and say and how they look is a clue as to what they do behind closed doors.
Often times, people get overly desperate and turn off some alarms. Don't. And if something happens that sets off an alarm or two don't ignore it, but don't act on it right away (unless he or she hurt you physically) think about it. Try and predict consequences of reoccurring behavior. If he is flirtatious with other women while you are dating, this should be a major problem for you. However, If he isn't one for picking up the tab once in a while, it's not too big of a deal. If he or she is pushing for sex, even when you expressed beforehand your beliefs on the topic, that should also be a "hot potato."
What you need to ask yourself is: can I live with the consequences of his or her behavior? Because once you enter into marriage, Divorce should not even be in your vocabulary. Til DEATH do you part. not: Til YOU DO SOMETHING I DON'T LIKE do we part.