Divorce.
My words are Not going to be popular around here or anywhere now a days. That is alright. I'll be dismissed because I am young and my marriage is young, fine.
However, I should tell you that I have experienced the butt end of divorce and I know many people (related to most of them) who have gone through it. I also know a few that are in a constant state of divorce (not legally but the attitude is the same). I also have known quite a few successful marriages (again, related to a few) lasting 40 years and on. Do I think I am the "love and marriage guru"? no. But I firmly believe my words because they are the words of the tested and tried, the experienced.
I appreciate your stories and I understand the pain. No, not everyone who goes through a divorce is bad or evil. That is not the object of my post.
Now, I will say this as an overall statement and go into it:
Hardness of heart is the real cause for divorce.
All of the divorce testaments have this in common. Someone had a hard heart. What is a hard heart? Some would say cold. Translation: unforgiving, unloving, unmerciful, untrusting
Sound familiar?
An example:
In the case of adultery (because that seems to be the most popular excuse "but Jesus said it was ok"). let's say the woman (and I flipped a coin for the gender roles so there can be no discrimination. both males and females do it) committed adultery, already we have a hard heart, toward the man and apparently toward God. Now, she can soften her heart and ask for repentance from both God and the husband and stop sinning or she can make it harder and continue regardless of who it hurts. Phase two of the scenario, when the Husband finds out, either directly from her mouth or stumbling upon it or whatever, He has a decision to make as well. He can play dumb and act like nothing happened(which just hurts people, don't do it), he can address the issue with a forgiving and merciful heart and attempt to help her rebuilt her relationship with himself and God(soft), or he can divorce the sorry sod and "be done with it."(hard)
It just keeps going from there.
In the case that the woman up and leaves, for whatever reason, she has a hard heart and doesn't want to deal with it. There really is nothing the husband can do but pray for her to get her heart right. Should he remarry? no, not until she dies. Sorry, it is biblical. (Praying that she dies is not ok either, I checked)
Why do I believe divorce should not be in a young couples vocabulary? because that is what the devil wants is for there to be dysfunctional families! Believe it or not, your relationship with your spouse affects your relationship with God and vice versa. If there are kids involved, you are affecting their relationships as well! Ultimately, it may affect someone's opinion and feelings towards God. If it's negative there will be consequences.
In conclusion:
Problems can be fixed, but ONLY if both are willing. Change only happens with yourself, you can never change your spouse, your friends, your kid(s), anybody.
I now leave you with my qualifications for speaking on this topic:
My parents got divorced when I was 1.
My mother got divorced again when I was between the ages of 6-7
My Grandparents on my father's side divorced when my dad was young, but I had the privilege of listening to the story over and over and over. -_-
I have a Great aunt who got divorced just a few years ago
The vast majority of my aunts and uncles have gotten divorced at least once
On the flip side, My great grandparents (that I had the honor of being around) were married almost 76 years before my nana died.
My maternal grandparents have been married around 40 years
the same with my pastor and his wife
And finally my husband and I go to marriage counseling almost every wednesday