Hope Deferred

[zaoman32]

Just a question: how did you know that God showed you where to go? Not judging, just curious cus I get confused with that as well.

ps no worries about the wrath. Arwen83 is dead and gone XD

For good couple years as I asked God where he was leading me I could just feel him saying to wait. With this particular situation I asked, and as much as I was sure he was saying "wait" before, I just felt this full assurance as I prayed that God had this particular thing set aside for me. On top of that, I was getting counsel from someone whom is very godly, and they were no doubt praying for me, and feeling themselves that God was wanting me to move forward into this. (hopefully that person isn't beating them-selves up because of this).

I do want to thank everyone for the time and thought they put in their responses I appreciate, and I respect many of your opinions, and insights probably more than you know. There's just this thing I'm trying to grasp and wrap my head around. If God tells me, yes go for it you got it, then what has happened to that hope?

I was talking with SeoulSearch the other day about Jesus praying in the garden before he was arrested. Now, as she pointed out, she felt it was very disheartening. Jesus literally came here just to die, and as he states in his prayer "take this cup from me." So, he didn't even want to die right? I mean, I hear pastors talk about how Jesus boldly went to die without complaint and wonder "did you even read that prayer?" Though to me, that prayer shows that Jesus was indeed therefore human right? He didn't want to die, and even asked if it could be done any other way. So we know God understands emotions, and disappointment, and hopelessness right? So, God would understand my anger and frustration, and this huge aversion I have to hope right? And he understands that that is exactly what I would have felt had I been through this situation I felt he was leading me through. If that's indeed the case then there are really only two conclusions as to why I would have been put through that situation. One, God is trying really hard to get me off His back and kick Him to the curb, or two, for some reason beyond my finite mind, God is convinced that it is absolutely vital that I be pushed to that very edge of the cliff where I question who he is. If we are to assume that what the bible says is true, then not only would we have to believe the latter would be true, but we would have to believe that it is done for my good right?

So, where do I go from here? I still have to learn to trust that this God is going to be good to me, despite facing this situation. I burn with anger, and frustration, and depression right now, so horrible, that I won't even mention what I'm thinking, but for some reason, as the days go, I'm still directed to face Him. I'm still seeing all these religious posts about hope. I don't want to live a life in vain. My biggest fear is going through life missing what it is God has for me, and I guessed I had always hoped for more than this, but we'll see I guess.

 

[MissCris]

zaoman...

I have absolutely nothing to offer here except prayer...times like these I hate, hate, hate that I haven't got any answers for my friends, that I can't do something tangible to help you. Just know that I am praying, that many of us here are praying, for you and your situation.

 

[Fenner]

Zaoman praying for you. I'm sorry I sort of blew apart your question in the other thread, that wasn't my intention. I hope this hard time ends for you soon. God bless you.

 

[zaoman32]

Zaoman praying for you. I'm sorry I sort of blew apart your question in the other thread, that wasn't my intention. I hope this hard time ends for you soon. God bless you.

You are just one of several people on this site that I really treasure, and I always expect and appreciate your input. No worries on your response, as simple as it may have been, there was still something encouraging about it so thank you

 

[GreenNnice]

Wise words here, filled with hope

 

[Kingdom_Mystic]

A Dream Deferred

[SIZE=+2]by Langston Hughes[/SIZE]

Langston Hughes homepage

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

 

[abby75]

We are all here to exercise our agency. We were given the gift of agency to choose between what is right and what is wrong. Yes it is depressing and maddening when our plans fall thru or we dont get what we want or desire. When we choose the right, and exercise our agency by making the right choices...we make ourselves stronger each and every day. Even when we dont feel like our prayers are being answered, God is answering us. He is saying that the time isnt right. Having hope is the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill his promises.

 

[Jesus_lover_of_my_soul]

It is very vital to our lives, hope being deferred hurts. My ex would call me and say that he loved me all the time, and then disappear and I couldn't find him. It hurt so much and now my heart is so messed up, I can't even look at guys that I like in the face anymore. And when I feel my heart it seems like it is always beating like it wants him back and is expecting him because he made me happy..but then it just slows down and then beats fast and deep were it hurts my chest. Heart break truly does hurt, so much. Especially when it is overwhelming the pain and no one can even tell or has a clue.

 

[GreenNnice]

There's a difference between hope and expectation. It's the expectation that does us in. We are to expect God to do things, yes. But we expect all the bells and whistles. Sometimes those extras aren't for us. Sometimes it's just not the will of God.


As for being led somewhere and not getting what you thought. I absolutely get that! However, there is one thing I know for sure. As God guides me down the path he's set out for me, the point is to become more Christ like. And personally, the only way I seem to conform to his image is via pain and reshaping. I wish I could tell you it's sunshine and roses, but it's not always. Most of the time it's blood, sweat, and tears. Lots of tears. But I've willing told the Potter that I want to be broken and remade. The shape I've made myself into is awful, and honestly, I need to be broken, stomped on, turned into dust, and made back into clay kind of a lot. My favorite scripture in the New Testament is Romans 5:1-5. It says...

I don't think we should expect things from God, but, I get it, duchessaim, you, milady are saying honest words here, that stress man to the fabric of its soul, I think, because we need to hope in Him and not in the things of this world. I expect things from God, too, but, racheedge said things well , too, tempering your honest words, duchessaim, which hit all too close to home really. WE need to be expect tough things in life, that we don't like doing, places that we don't want to be being, from God, but, keeping in mind that He is our hope in life for salvation after we die but, also, He is our hope for things we see happening in our lives in the here and now of our lives' happening.

ok, I posted this in the "streams" thread, but in order to avoid the wrath of that particular OP by getting her thread off track, I'm just making a new thread to get some insight.

So...I've seen a lot of posts regarding hope recently and how vital it is to our lives, here's my question, what good is hope if there's nothing to fulfill it? I don't want the cheesy "Jesus died for you blah blah blah" christiany answer. If you're hoping for better, and God shows you where to go, and it's not delivered, what good has that hope done for you?

I'm going to be honest with you guys. I hate being here.

Please, don't just start spewing bible verses without actually praying either, you're just making this whole thing look like a joke.

Yes, the Lord leads. Pray all the time, Scripture says, 1 Thessalonians 5. I marvel at the inspired words of Paul in writing those words, "Pray without ceasing." I think, in so doing things in that prayerful way, it helps us in understand how our hope in God's plans for our live materialize in our lives. God answers prayer, gives us hope.

If life is tough for you, zaoofmen, and, I hope and pray this does not sound cheesy, but, I'm sure you've heard it said, but God is really at work us when we are thinking 'I hate it here,' and we are STILL doing things for Him, like, when we are doing threads that really resonate with others' mindsets and get them to thinking about what 'hope' really is in their life, like, I think, this thread's done for so many, bro .

Keep serving Him, playing for Him, you are part of His band, bro, NEVER let anyone stop His music from playing in your life

I still have hope. I have hope that God will bring good from my mistakes. I have hope that my disappointments are not for nothing. I have hope that I'm making a difference somehow. I have hope that I'm serving as I've been called. I have hope that the patience He is teaching me is not for nothing.

Ecclesiastes 3
3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
[SUP]2 [/SUP] a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
[SUP]3 [/SUP] a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
[SUP]4 [/SUP] a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
[SUP]5 [/SUP] a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
[SUP]6 [/SUP] a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
[SUP]7 [/SUP] a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
[SUP]8 [/SUP] a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Every season I've gone through in my life has been preparation for the next. I hope I'm learning as quickly as I can. I hope I'm changing as willingly as I should. I hope I'm living the life I need to live in order to bring about the things I'd like to see in it. I have hope for big changes. Soon. Very, very soon.

Time is His gift given us, among many gifts, which, truly do happen at different times in our lives. There are these very words in Scripture somewhere, forget where, but they are there, 'His due time,' and, this refers to His timing for things to happen in the 'seasons' of our lives.

---------------

I also liked what littleC said, 'You can't seperate God and hope. Because He is hope.


amen, milady. If you don't do something of leading dorm devotions or bible study, or, even, considering bible classes in college and see where God takes you with them--in addition to your music theory study--I think, you may be missing His 'boat' for you. Not that I'm calling you 'Jonah' or anything if you don't follow this advice from uncle green The Lord leads .

 

[ServantStrike]

I wish I had an answer for you man.

All I know is sometimes the answers to prayers come quickly and unexpectedly, while at other times, we can have the same issue for days, months, years, decades, or more and it never goes away.

The apostle Paul mentioned a thorn in his flesh. I do not know what it was exactly, but he was never healed of it on this side of paradise. I don't think that's a typical case, but it can happen. I don't think that's what will happen to you either.

Whatever happens, keep the dialogue with God open, and walk in faith that it will get better. Even if it never does, you will be refined in fire during the process.

 

[Fenner]

You are just one of several people on this site that I really treasure, and I always expect and appreciate your input. No worries on your response, as simple as it may have been, there was still something encouraging about it so thank you

That was very sweet thank you. I feel the same about you and missed your posts. Especially the one's about your looks, not the your ugly but those crack me up. Glad I could say something to help a little.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I'm posting this for whatever its worth. I lost hope too today and after praying, I believe God showed me this scripture which was when Jesus told the disciples that he must suffer greatly and be killed in Jerusalem..

(Matthew 16:23-28 NLT)

[SUP]23 [/SUP]Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”
[SUP]24 [/SUP]Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. [SUP]25 [/SUP]If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. [SUP]26 [/SUP]And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?[SUP][l][/SUP] Is anything worth more than your soul? [SUP]27 [/SUP]For the Son of Man will come with his angels in the glory of his Father and will judge all people according to their deeds. [SUP]28 [/SUP]And I tell you the truth, some standing here right now will not die before they see the Son of Man coming in his Kingdom.”

 

[GreenNnice]

There's a difference between hope and expectation. It's the expectation that does us in. We are to expect God to do things, yes. But we expect all the bells and whistles. Sometimes those extras aren't for us. Sometimes it's just not the will of God.


As for being led somewhere and not getting what you thought. I absolutely get that! However, there is one thing I know for sure. As God guides me down the path he's set out for me, the point is to become more Christ like. And personally, the only way I seem to conform to his image is via pain and reshaping. I wish I could tell you it's sunshine and roses, but it's not always. Most of the time it's blood, sweat, and tears. Lots of tears. But I've willing told the Potter that I want to be broken and remade. The shape I've made myself into is awful, and honestly, I need to be broken, stomped on, turned into dust, and made back into clay kind of a lot. My favorite scripture in the New Testament is Romans 5:1-5. It says...

ok, I posted this in the "streams" thread, but in order to avoid the wrath of that particular OP by getting her thread off track, I'm just making a new thread to get some insight.

So...I've seen a lot of posts regarding hope recently and how vital it is to our lives, here's my question, what good is hope if there's nothing to fulfill it? I don't want the cheesy "Jesus died for you blah blah blah" christiany answer. If you're hoping for better, and God shows you where to go, and it's not delivered, what good has that hope done for you?

I'm going to be honest with you guys. I hate being here.

Please, don't just start spewing bible verses without actually praying either, you're just making this whole thing look like a joke.

For good couple years as I asked God where he was leading me I could just feel him saying to wait. With this particular situation I asked, and as much as I was sure he was saying "wait" before, I just felt this full assurance as I prayed that God had this particular thing set aside for me. On top of that, I was getting counsel from someone whom is very godly, and they were no doubt praying for me, and feeling themselves that God was wanting me to move forward into this. (hopefully that person isn't beating them-selves up because of this).

I do want to thank everyone for the time and thought they put in their responses I appreciate, and I respect many of your opinions, and insights probably more than you know. There's just this thing I'm trying to grasp and wrap my head around. If God tells me, yes go for it you got it, then what has happened to that hope?

I was talking with SeoulSearch the other day about Jesus praying in the garden before he was arrested. Now, as she pointed out, she felt it was very disheartening. Jesus literally came here just to die, and as he states in his prayer "take this cup from me." So, he didn't even want to die right? I mean, I hear pastors talk about how Jesus boldly went to die without complaint and wonder "did you even read that prayer?" Though to me, that prayer shows that Jesus was indeed therefore human right? He didn't want to die, and even asked if it could be done any other way. So we know God understands emotions, and disappointment, and hopelessness right? So, God would understand my anger and frustration, and this huge aversion I have to hope right? And he understands that that is exactly what I would have felt had I been through this situation I felt he was leading me through. If that's indeed the case then there are really only two conclusions as to why I would have been put through that situation. One, God is trying really hard to get me off His back and kick Him to the curb, or two, for some reason beyond my finite mind, God is convinced that it is absolutely vital that I be pushed to that very edge of the cliff where I question who he is. If we are to assume that what the bible says is true, then not only would we have to believe the latter would be true, but we would have to believe that it is done for my good right?

So, where do I go from here? I still have to learn to trust that this God is going to be good to me, despite facing this situation. I burn with anger, and frustration, and depression right now, so horrible, that I won't even mention what I'm thinking, but for some reason, as the days go, I'm still directed to face Him. I'm still seeing all these religious posts about hope. I don't want to live a life in vain. My biggest fear is going through life missing what it is God has for me, and I guessed I had always hoped for more than this, but we'll see I guess.

Two !

-------
You're not 'missing' anything either, zaoofmen, God's blessed you with so many things and you're very questioning here of God and asking Him to show Himself, to, in essence, I think what you're saying, is to 'show me hope, Lord,' confirms your doing things greatly, just like Jacob, who wrestled with God (Jacob and the Angel story in Genesis). Hey ! KEEP wrestling with Him ! ! Ask God to show you things, now, keep in mind, we are NOT to test God, Scripture tells us, like Jesus who was tested (tempted) by Satan in the wilderness. But, God wants us to reach out to Him with our cares and concerns, for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

God bless you, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, you are gifted in so many ways, one of which is having a pretty good 'social' following on c.c. Many, many, many respect your opinions and like your honestness. I do, too, like your thoughts/words said on here, interesting and lively and spiritually meaning straight from Him to us to savor and look through His looking glass for us to see , to find hope

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

yanno..I was just thinking Z-man...I know this may like mean nothing to you at all & could very well be considered a "derailment" of yer' thread,but you know me...I just say what I feel needs to be said.

Yer' life is like messed up now,no doubt. Filled with doubt & just uncertainty. Something about you that I ALWAYS think of & remember most about you...something (in my own opinion) that is Not a screw up or failure..or hopeless...
The truth,fact..whatever you want to call it...is the faithfulness of God inside you that has made you into an awesome & loving Father to your children.
I can recall reading some of your posts when I first joined...reading the heartache of your divorce,and all the junk you were/are dealing with...but I was so amazed by the love & commitment you displayed concerning your kids.

I'm not bringing this up to make you "feel good"..I am reminded of this every time I see a post by you,no matter what it is about. I always think to myself "Wow..God is / has done an amazing work in this guy!" So many men forsake their children..or neglect their duties...and in all of your pain & anger you have allowed God to work through you...helping you to be faithful as a loving Dad to them. You may not even understand what I am trying to say...but yanno what..it doesn't matter..I am trusting God that you will get what I am trying to convey.

If nothing else in your life has seemed to pan out...remember this one thing...
You have been blessed & anointed to be a Father..and yanno what..yeah,yer' not perfect..but yer' a Darn good one from all that I have seen in you!

 

[xtinaz]

What an awesome thread Its awesome because its real stuff that real people have to deal with.

Zaoman you sound like such a deep person - with a deep love for God and a deep desire to just live for him and give you best - what an awesome thing that is already I love that about you - I think that through this answers may not be what you are looking for but just some deep, refreshing encouragement - ( how it sucks to be in a place of adversity and question marks! )

You are not alone

Just endure this hardship - the hope we have also is that these things don't last forever. And none of it is in vain. We gain so much in those deep , dark times! I cant explain it, but keep pressing on - from glory to glory - he is faithful to complete the work in us ...

I remember a similar season I went through - It felt like wrestling...literally exhausting - so many tears! And snotty noses lol....anyway, as hard as it was - and dark, uncertain and scary - I came out the otherside so much better its hard to explain. It like strengthened me deeper than anything, grounded my faith even more and faith just seemed so much more firm. I came out so much more confident - like I had in my desperation, lost a little of me through the hardship and gained a lot more of him. Instead of being rocked back and forth by opinions and theorys - I suddenly knew where I stood with my faith.

I would hate to ever have to go through that pain again, but I got so much out of it that is priceless.

It never makes sense until your on the other side of it all and you just look back on it and think...daym...now I know what he was doing You like discover things and find things like 'hope' more than what you thought it was....



Just be confident and endure it - if there is any comfort I can give you that Im certain on - its that if you love him, you want your life to be used by him and you just desire to do his will - than nothing you do or go through will ever be in vain



Blessings brother! I hope I was of some help and made a little bit of sense - but most of all I will be praying, so worth it

 

[GreenNnice]

It is very vital to our lives, hope being deferred hurts. My ex would call me and say that he loved me all the time, and then disappear and I couldn't find him. It hurt so much and now my heart is so messed up, I can't even look at guys that I like in the face anymore. And when I feel my heart it seems like it is always beating like it wants him back and is expecting him because he made me happy..but then it just slows down and then beats fast and deep were it hurts my chest. Heart break truly does hurt, so much. Especially when it is overwhelming the pain and no one can even tell or has a clue.

Psalm 37:4 ,

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.'

What you said of your heart hurting, Jesusinmysoul, I thought of this.

The Lord leads.

Blessings to you, milady, keep beating Satan to a pulp by bravely telling others your stories of your heart and, always remember, the Holy Spirit IS in our heart if we let Him in. That's not me, that's Scripture, it's so beautiful to know that for me

This isn't saying we all are perfect and such because His Spirit is in our heart but He's there to help us, and, so wants us to be blessed in life, to have hope, now, and, tomorrow,

 

[zaoman32]

yanno..I was just thinking Z-man...I know this may like mean nothing to you at all & could very well be considered a "derailment" of yer' thread,but you know me...I just say what I feel needs to be said.

Yer' life is like messed up now,no doubt. Filled with doubt & just uncertainty. Something about you that I ALWAYS think of & remember most about you...something (in my own opinion) that is Not a screw up or failure..or hopeless...
The truth,fact..whatever you want to call it...is the faithfulness of God inside you that has made you into an awesome & loving Father to your children.
I can recall reading some of your posts when I first joined...reading the heartache of your divorce,and all the junk you were/are dealing with...but I was so amazed by the love & commitment you displayed concerning your kids.

I'm not bringing this up to make you "feel good"..I am reminded of this every time I see a post by you,no matter what it is about. I always think to myself "Wow..God is / has done an amazing work in this guy!" So many men forsake their children..or neglect their duties...and in all of your pain & anger you have allowed God to work through you...helping you to be faithful as a loving Dad to them. You may not even understand what I am trying to say...but yanno what..it doesn't matter..I am trusting God that you will get what I am trying to convey.

If nothing else in your life has seemed to pan out...remember this one thing...
You have been blessed & anointed to be a Father..and yanno what..yeah,yer' not perfect..but yer' a Darn good one from all that I have seen in you!

ok, now you're just making me blush.

What an awesome thread Its awesome because its real stuff that real people have to deal with.

Zaoman you sound like such a deep person - with a deep love for God and a deep desire to just live for him and give you best - what an awesome thing that is already I love that about you - I think that through this answers may not be what you are looking for but just some deep, refreshing encouragement - ( how it sucks to be in a place of adversity and question marks! )

You are not alone

Just endure this hardship - the hope we have also is that these things don't last forever. And none of it is in vain. We gain so much in those deep , dark times! I cant explain it, but keep pressing on - from glory to glory - he is faithful to complete the work in us ...

I remember a similar season I went through - It felt like wrestling...literally exhausting - so many tears! And snotty noses lol....anyway, as hard as it was - and dark, uncertain and scary - I came out the otherside so much better its hard to explain. It like strengthened me deeper than anything, grounded my faith even more and faith just seemed so much more firm. I came out so much more confident - like I had in my desperation, lost a little of me through the hardship and gained a lot more of him. Instead of being rocked back and forth by opinions and theorys - I suddenly knew where I stood with my faith.

I would hate to ever have to go through that pain again, but I got so much out of it that is priceless.

It never makes sense until your on the other side of it all and you just look back on it and think...daym...now I know what he was doing You like discover things and find things like 'hope' more than what you thought it was....



Just be confident and endure it - if there is any comfort I can give you that Im certain on - its that if you love him, you want your life to be used by him and you just desire to do his will - than nothing you do or go through will ever be in vain



Blessings brother! I hope I was of some help and made a little bit of sense - but most of all I will be praying, so worth it

this was so typical and simple, and yet very encouraging, thank you

 

[Shouryu]

yanno..I was just thinking Z-man...I know this may like mean nothing to you at all & could very well be considered a "derailment" of yer' thread,but you know me...I just say what I feel needs to be said.

I was reading this thread on my phone while at the gym a few hours ago. And all I could think was...I don't have any words of wisdom, but I know that the reason M is being willed forward, despite how he might feel right now, are his kids. And he needs to know just how awesome of a father he is, and when I get home and on a real keyboard, I'mma tell him!

But I didn't get to come home for several hours, because a sister needed my tech support...and so God sent Jim to basically say almost exactly what I was going to say.

Zao - I see your photos and stuff on Facebook, I see what you write here. Man, you are the best d...arn single dad I can imagine. You've been dealt a brutally crappy hand, but man, do you love your kids. Your kids know love in a way that makes me jealous...not that I've ever felt unloved by my folks, but man, I look at the smiles on those munchkins faces...

I hate what that woman did to you. But I love who you are to your kids. I have no answers for your pain, for your sense of of limbo...but I know that what He's done in your life shines upon your children, and I know that your children know love. Bless you, my brother.

 

[Jullianna]

Many of us ARE praying, Batzaoman. Know that.

 

[IloveyouGod]

I was reading this interesting book called How to handle adversity for Dr. Charles Stanley. The book mentioned what you've mentioned here that YES God feels and understands our frustration, hurt and grief. When Lazarus the man whom God LOVES got really sick, God didn't go to heal him right away but rather waited till Lazarus died and decayed THEN He went. And although God knew He will bring Lazarus back, yet, God wept!!!! ALL of this to say that sometimes God would interrupt our health or happiness for the sake of a greater goal. After ALL of that, God raised Lazarus from the dead and God's glory was crystal clear to the whole world. Imagine if God had gone and healed Lazarus right from the beginning, His glory won't be as big and clear as bringing Lazarus back from the dead and after being decayed, right? See the difference? It's NOT about us. God uses us for His glory.

God is faithful in His promises that He won't test us more than we endure BUT we do not know how much we can take. We might think this is as much as we can deal with. That's what WE think. God KNOWS exactly how much we can endure and how far He can push us. So because sometimes there's a difference between what we know and what God knows, we think that God did not keep His promise when He actual IS keeping His promise.

The difference between us and none-Christians is that we have hope in God that He will bring it to pass. We have hope in ALL of his promises for us in the bible and THAT'S what makes us continue in this life.

One last thing I wanna say is that God's signs are SO CLEAR. Like black and white. No room for questioning if it's a sign from God or not. The minute you question it, then know it is not something from God. I'm saying this in general. I'm not talking about the sign YOU saw from God. I know nothing about that.

God bless you. I'll pray for you.

For good couple years as I asked God where he was leading me I could just feel him saying to wait. With this particular situation I asked, and as much as I was sure he was saying "wait" before, I just felt this full assurance as I prayed that God had this particular thing set aside for me. On top of that, I was getting counsel from someone whom is very godly, and they were no doubt praying for me, and feeling themselves that God was wanting me to move forward into this. (hopefully that person isn't beating them-selves up because of this).

I do want to thank everyone for the time and thought they put in their responses I appreciate, and I respect many of your opinions, and insights probably more than you know. There's just this thing I'm trying to grasp and wrap my head around. If God tells me, yes go for it you got it, then what has happened to that hope?

I was talking with SeoulSearch the other day about Jesus praying in the garden before he was arrested. Now, as she pointed out, she felt it was very disheartening. Jesus literally came here just to die, and as he states in his prayer "take this cup from me." So, he didn't even want to die right? I mean, I hear pastors talk about how Jesus boldly went to die without complaint and wonder "did you even read that prayer?" Though to me, that prayer shows that Jesus was indeed therefore human right? He didn't want to die, and even asked if it could be done any other way. So we know God understands emotions, and disappointment, and hopelessness right? So, God would understand my anger and frustration, and this huge aversion I have to hope right? And he understands that that is exactly what I would have felt had I been through this situation I felt he was leading me through. If that's indeed the case then there are really only two conclusions as to why I would have been put through that situation. One, God is trying really hard to get me off His back and kick Him to the curb, or two, for some reason beyond my finite mind, God is convinced that it is absolutely vital that I be pushed to that very edge of the cliff where I question who he is. If we are to assume that what the bible says is true, then not only would we have to believe the latter would be true, but we would have to believe that it is done for my good right?

So, where do I go from here? I still have to learn to trust that this God is going to be good to me, despite facing this situation. I burn with anger, and frustration, and depression right now, so horrible, that I won't even mention what I'm thinking, but for some reason, as the days go, I'm still directed to face Him. I'm still seeing all these religious posts about hope. I don't want to live a life in vain. My biggest fear is going through life missing what it is God has for me, and I guessed I had always hoped for more than this, but we'll see I guess.