Friendliness or Flirting?

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Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#1
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#1
Another thread has me questioning how other people view "flirting". I tend to be friendly and joke around with people sometimes, and it doesn't matter what gender or age they are so I've ever even thought to consider that flirting. Men, women, elderly, children... I just like to smile and interact with people I come across when I am in a playful or happy mood. Now I'm wondering if that is seen as inappropriate by some people, if the recipient happens to be the opposite sex. Why flirting? Why not just genuinely enjoying one another's company for a short time?

Is this a regional thing? Perhaps people in the south are simply more open and outgoing than in some other areas? It's very common to make small talk, laugh and smile with total strangers you see while running errands in Small Town Texas.
 
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iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#2
#2
No matter how you conduct yourself Grace,there will always be people who find how you act inappropriate or perhaps too forward...or maybe even too reserved. I've been accused of flirting many times & I know in my heart I so wasn't! Some people read too much into thing's like a smile..a compliment...or a look. Then there's people who don't look at any of that & are oblivious. You just have to be who you are. Of course there's obvious things that one wouldn't do,but I've noticed sometimes people will misconstrue someone's joyfulness with flirtation,simply because that person is so friendly.

GLR you certainly have nothing to concern yourself about as someone who would come across in an inappropriate manor.
I can say,for me...I've never seen you as anything but encouraging,happy,loving,kind & respectful to all genders here.
(now what you do at home is a whole different story) lolololol:) I keeeed I keeeed
 
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IloveyouGod

Guest
#3
#3
I'm like you Grace! As a matter of fact, I have more male friends than females n' I laugh and joke exactly like you as I feel so comfortable in my skin as they say it. But my friends are as Godly as I am. And it depends also on how close they are whether they're males or females. I don't joke with everyone the same way.

I don't think what we both do is called flirting at all. Flirting is when you do or say things to attract a man's attention to you physically or maybe sexually. Like to have the bad intentions. OR if you joke in an inappropriate way, as in saying some bad words or comments and jokes that has sexual meanings or implies to something bad. All of this is flirting and so inappropriate and shows how cheap and low the woman is.
 
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BananaPie

Guest
#4
#4
Well, I'm somewhat like you in that I like to horse around in the joy of the Lord, and when I see you horsing around being jolly, I don't see that behavior as flirting.

Perhaps flirting carries a "look at me, I'm easily available" tone in sharp contrast to simple silliness like "Stilly, you're cute in that cheesecake avatar" comment. (All my respect to our dear Stilly). :D

There are several in forums who are pretty good are horsing around in good, clean taste, and I find them pretty entertaining, frankly. :)

Usually flirts get banned sooner than not, or their flirting gets so obnoxious that they simply are ignored, and they leave the site.
 
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just_monicat

Senior Member
#5
Jan 1, 2014
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#5
i am laughing at this because i read through the thread that you're referencing and was reminded of something that i had to learn when i was in my twenties.

i'm so outgoing, friendly, and with people that i have a fun rapport with, i will be somewhat playful and goofy. i laugh a LOT.

well, in my twenties, my boyfriend at the time (an introvert) told me that my life (as a girl) would be so much easier if i learned to modify how i choose to goof and laugh, interact with guys. i kid you not, i was so mortified when he told me this.

he said,"why do you think "so and so" asked you out?" "um. "i have no idea! that was SO random. he's like too old for me and i'm not sure why he thinks we'd be a good fit..."
"well, last week you spent 10 minutes laughing, flirting with him, even teased him about something. don't you think he thinks you are giving him some big hint?"

at that moment, every conversation i could think of in recent memory flashed through my head. think major facepalm. according to his assessment, apparently i'd flirted with most of my church's male population, and all various kinds of random people, homeless men, service workers, and the like.

years later that conversation is something i'm very grateful for (he is still one of my besties). but i've just always been just super friendly, no strings attached--my whole life! but knowing this has made my life easier, because i've learned some of the things that i ought not to do if i don't want to be sending all kinds of mixed messages. and i dial way back around guys, generally speaking.

actually, i've learned a lot about how extroverts are perceived from my introverted pals.
 
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BananaPie

Guest
#6
#6
iTOREtheSKY said:
GLR you certainly have nothing to concern yourself about as someone who would come across in an inappropriate manor. I can say,for me...I've never seen you as anything but encouraging,happy,loving,kind & respectful to all genders here.
Click to expand...
...and don't forget she's docile, honest, obedient, beautiful, forthcoming, smart, patient, funny, goofy, sweet,...
 
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iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#7
#7
...I know she is,but I didn't want her head to explode all at once. LOL
 
S

Sponge_Bob

Guest
#8
#8
Na first off i have a beautiful partner. But with that aside yes i honestly do think there is a lot of unnecessary smiling and small talk that happens. In order for you to see thru the smile and pointless small talk to the core of what a person is desiring you have to have a certain amount of perception and skill on reading people. At this point in my life i have gained that but I have to admit earlier in my life it was confusing lol. Although to your person this can be confusing. There are certain things i only do when I actually feel those things. But if you have people doing them when they dont feel them lol you got to have another way of feeling them out which i found out and am glad to possess because now I can cut through the mountain of BS to the core without wasting time or my precious energy. It is all about mastering the skill of reading people. When you master this you will hardly waste anytime. I can interact with a person and within moments i can decide what their purpose is and whether or not its genuine interest in me or not. Theres even more stuff you can read beyond that but to those of you who have also mastered reading people lol those things are only known by us.
 
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BananaPie

Guest
#9
#9
As you know, it wouldn't be proper to say "Whoville over there is a flirt," but flirts are easily recognizable: they are romantically playful, but you know their behavior is skin deep ink, if not paper smoke altogether.

At any rate, all saints should avoid being "skin deep" about anything. We should know what is crossing the line; understand when the line is being crossed, and set standards for ourselves for the glory of God. :)
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#10
#10
I think IToreTheSky worded it perfectly. I do agree with you though Grace, people are genuinely more open and friendly in some places. I grew up on the east coast, the place I grew up people are kind of reserved when it comes to speaking with strangers in general.....I spent a year in southern California and it works completely different out there compared to my hometown. People are much more open, warm and inviting. I miss being there. 70ish degrees all year long and it almost never rains.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#11
#11
Good thread, Grace. This is something I really have to watch. I've always been a tomboy and so many of my friends are guys, so I'm very comfortable kidding around with them. I'm also very demonstratively affectionate. It upsets me when something is misunderstood and I hurt someone else's feelings because of this. My mom used to call it to my attention a lot.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#12
#12
I generally don't trust people who are flirty, nor do i take anything that person says seriously. I have a huge intolerance for that. It seems desperate to me. I'm speaking of those people who flirt with everyone and anyone..

I'm mostly a friendly person and act the same with everyone. I'm sarcastic and like to joke around with people, but that's intended in no way to be flirty. I think there is a pretty thick line between flirting and just being friendly. In person i think it's a lot easier to pick up than say over the internet like this.
 
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just_monicat

Senior Member
#13
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
17
0
#13
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
I'm mostly a friendly person and act the same with everyone. I'm sarcastic and like to joke around with people, but that's intended in no way to be flirty. I think there is a pretty thick line between flirting and just being friendly. In person i think it's a lot easier to pick up than say over the internet like this.
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well, that's just it. there are people who are friendly and fun with everyone, and then there are people who are only friendly like that with guys.

what has been described as "local custom" friendliness that people perceive is pretty much the extroverted experience regardless of where you live. i've lived in more than a dozen states in practically every region over this country and i always found friendly and outgoing people (some more than others) because that's my nature.

for as much analyzing i've spent trying to be aware of how i'm perceived, there is one advantage that comes with being an extrovert and being so outgoing. i love heading out with our street evangelism group and talking to total strangers, calling on people who've expressed interest in learning more about God/salvation. : )
 
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BananaPie

Guest
#14
#14
[video=youtube;-pyC7WnvLT4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pyC7WnvLT4[/video]

Check out the guy when he winks and his overall facial expressions. Is he flirting, or simply performing for the audience's enjoyment?
 
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wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#15
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#15
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Another thread has me questioning how other people view "flirting". I tend to be friendly and joke around with people sometimes, and it doesn't matter what gender or age they are so I've ever even thought to consider that flirting. Men, women, elderly, children... I just like to smile and interact with people I come across when I am in a playful or happy mood. Now I'm wondering if that is seen as inappropriate by some people, if the recipient happens to be the opposite sex. Why flirting? Why not just genuinely enjoying one another's company for a short time?

Is this a regional thing? Perhaps people in the south are simply more open and outgoing than in some other areas? It's very common to make small talk, laugh and smile with total strangers you see while running errands in Small Town Texas.
Click to expand...
I got to say regional. come to where I live and try to be friendly or joke around with us when we dont know you. we are going to think you are a few rocks short or on meth. here its a if I dont know you dont try and act like my friend cause you aint.

But if I go a couple counties south and east it gets more like you describe.
 
Descyple

Descyple

Senior Member
#16
Jun 7, 2010
3,023
48
48
#16
I've always flirted with as many women on CC as possible. Not because I've been desperate, but because I have the "gift of flirtation", and I didn't want to neglect it, "Do not neglect the gift you have" - 1 Timothy 4:14.

It is actually mentioned in the "gift" chapter of 1 Corinthians 12, but only in the "Flirt With Others As You Would Have Them Flirt With You" translation!!!
 
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NightRevan

Guest
#17
#17
I'm afraid unless it was really direct or obvious I probably wouldn't realise someone was flirting at all. I'm really kinda clueless usually so I'd just put it down to them just being friendly (which it usually is so it's a safe assumption ;) ) . As for myself I'm polite and friendly (sometimes a bit reserved at first) in my interactions, and tend to just view people in that light :)
 
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J

just_monicat

Senior Member
#18
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
17
0
#18
BananaPie said:
Check out the guy when he winks and his overall facial expressions. Is he flirting, or simply performing for the audience's enjoyment?
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that first wink looks like a tic.

i think he's performing for his own enjoyment. he looks high to me...
 
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BananaPie

Guest
#19
#19
Descyple said:
I've always flirted with as many women on CC as possible. Not because I've been desperate, but because I have the "gift of flirtation", and I didn't want to neglect it, "Do not neglect the gift you have" - 1 Timothy 4:14.
Click to expand...
Yeah, if I didn't know any better, I'd delete you from my iPhone. :rolleyes:
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#20
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#20
BananaPie said:
[video=youtube;-pyC7WnvLT4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pyC7WnvLT4[/video]

Check out the guy when he winks and his overall facial expressions. Is he flirting, or simply performing for the audience's enjoyment?
Click to expand...
I caught one wink, but there didn't seem to be a flirty look behind it because it was so quick. Then the rest all looked like he was just enjoying singing. Maybe I don't have a good flirt-o-meter. :p
 
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