age differences in relationships

Donkeyfish07 · Feb 19, 2014

I've seen 16 year olds in my hometown more mature and responsible than adults. Like this one old timer, his parents died when he was like 14, so he lied about his age and went into the coal mines at 15 and raised all 3 of his younger siblings. He was more of a man at 15 than a lot of 30 year old men I know

Fenner · Feb 19, 2014

just_monicat said:

I don't have experience myself, but my best friend is married to someone 10 years younger than she is. She's 43 he's 33, they've been married for 10 years and have 2 children. I always thought he was a mature person, when she met him he was 19. After they'd been dating for a while she asked me what I thought of him. I told her that I thought he was the nicest guy I think she's dated. I meant it.

I agree with it's not the age but the stage scenario.

Jullianna · Feb 19, 2014

I agree with Misty. It's not about age, it's about life experience and maturity in Christ for me.
Historically I have preferred older men, but that hasn't always worked out well either.

NodMyHeadLikeYeah · Feb 19, 2014

I dated someone 10 years younger than myself once. Other than that it's always been 1 or 2 years older or younger.

My problem with younger guys (18-23) is that there feelings are usually fickle and they don't have the wherewithal to deal with relationships.
I'm not saying they are all this way, so don't get me wrong. This is just from what i have seen myself.
With that being said, on the other hand younger guys are more relaxed. Older one's are more ''Let's get married and have kids tomorrow!'' There is to much pressure. Especially from a christian older guy.

I would never go 10 years older than myself. I'm not even sure i could do anything past 31 or 32 at this point.

Monica, you said someone 32 asked you out, and you're 42 i believe? In my opinion that age difference is much better than say 32 and 22. 32 is old enough to be more settled in life and not so wishy washy.

BananaPie · Feb 19, 2014

Animus said:

Like totally cool! So, your range is [0.8x -- 1.2x] years, iff x > 22.5 years. Your curve seems to have a slight y = e^x behavior.

Perhaps a slight correction to your cool range could be
[x -- 1.2x] when 18 < x < 22.

Otherwise, an 18 y.o. would be dating out-of-legal-age 14 year olds, and 21 kids would be dating 16 year olds on the lower bracket. Yikes! You're cool.

secularhermit · Feb 19, 2014

biscuit said:

Good morning, Biscuit!

I do agree with MATURITY and I'd like to add more: God's will (1), Same FAITH (2), Absolute COMMITMENT (3), Fellowship of LIKES and IDEAS (4), Sexual MUTUAL attraction (5), money "assured" by being able to work and to raise their children, the housing and that will to remain TOGETHER in the house and its chores...

I'm glad one of my brothers got a young woman of 37 and he is of 51. Each time I hear her saying "I adore your brother"... I've laughed and said: I love -and adore- GOD solely. No trust to depend on too much. I have seen how WE humans change.

MrHonest · Feb 19, 2014

Not to insult anyone but dating seems weird to me now. I know that dating depends on where you grow up: some places date some places don't. So as I read the bible a lot of devout believers didn't "date" and the bible never talks about their love life in detail. I know its hard to explain where the limits in dating begin and end but when you look at the examples of our ancestors its more of a friendship thing and once you've been friends long enough you "just know" this friend of mine is the one I "want." Because of course God is going to bless you with someone if you've taken the right steps in life to be a mature christian and at that point where: being with someone will benefit your faith, growth, and joy of accepting all the things that God gives you in that relationship as God's divine gifts and never as: this isn't what he, she, or i want of this situation.

Its more about what you need than what age, likes, or any detail you want. And you have to make sure it does not affect your or their relationship with God. Of course God won't set you up with someone you won't get along with but you know what I'm saying, I hope. Kissing and anything to do with temptation usually affects your relationship with God

not to say I didn't do it but its interesting how easily we will want to say what should be part of what we want in a 'friendship' than what we say shouldn't because it may put our relationship with God at risk.

I dated and I've been asking God lots of stuff about who I am and who I'm supposed to be for my best friend/ future wife. So the best thing to do is pray, ask God, look in His Word, and ask other Christians like we do. ( I sound so mushy, garsh ) I pray you get your answer

secularhermit · Feb 19, 2014

ww_21 said:

I guess you ment: "My age GAP 5 years older than I am.". I thought it was my dislexya solely, but I see there is a technical problem some people had in common.

iTOREtheSKY · Feb 19, 2014

For CatHerder..."This is not a dating site!"

pssshhh I hope people know when I said that it was to be funny or dripping with sarcasm. Personally I could care less about anyone's love life or lack thereof,unless it's somehow impacting me directly.

With all that said,I had opinions about age difference that were never really grounded in anything biblical,let alone anything other than general stereotypes. I used to think I'd never be with someone under 30 or no one older than 50 (having had these thoughts when I reached 40)
Again I found myself limiting God. Like GLR pointed out,it's stages in your life more than age. If 2 people are compatible & fit just right,and happen have an age gap,I dunno...if those 2 people don't mind it or find it a problem,then what business is it of anyone else's?
This whole thing about Men leading women or trying to control them,that this is why some of them seek out younger women.
I will speak only for myself on this.
Firstly, I have never "sought out" any woman of ANY age with the idea of wanting to lead or control them,or fashion them into someone that would do what I say without question.
Men who have this heart motive,IMO have zero business being in a relationship,because this mindset is so opposed to what the Bible even says about men loving their wives,or how a brother in Christ should treat his sister in Christ.
Second,I don't much care what age a woman is,as long as she is intelligent,funny,well grounded in who she is,and loves God.
If I am her husband I wouldn't demand or expect anything of her except her love. Physical age doesn't always play into how mature a person is. With that said,obviously as a 43 yr old man,I'm not gonna be interested in dating some girl who is like 18,no matter how mature she is in her attitude just for the simple fact that she herself hasn't had time to really experience life yet on her own. Besides,when you are that young,yer' still not fully sure what thing's in life you really want yet...people change & grow all the time when they are under 20. It wouldn't be fair to try & be with someone so young IMO.
Thirdly,the main thing is this...being open to God,not limiting Him. If it really bother's you to date someone or envision yourself married to someone with a large age gap younger or older then don't sweat it. There shouldn't be such pressure. Just don't limit yourself because of things like being worried what other's will think or stuff like that. Besides,I don't believe God would have you marry someone that you really felt terribly uncomfortable with due to age. He knows our hearts desire,and I'm pretty sure if He wants you with someone.both you & the other person will be just fine in whatever age difference is among you.

rachelsedge · Feb 19, 2014

I've never dated so I can't say from experience, but if he's got more in common in relating to things with my dad than with me, he might be too old for me.

I adore my dad and it is a requirement that my father approve of and get along with whatever man comes into my life. However, as much as I'd like to say age doesn't matter, I'm not sure I could bring myslef to date someone only a little younger than my parents. I'm not going to say a cutoff, because "who knows", but I am saying that it would take a lot of thought, consideration, and persuasion, and even then, I may not go for it.

biscuit · Feb 19, 2014

secularhermit said:

Oh how I wish you were around to hear the ridicules from my sister's so-called friends and family members. She was devastated and she came to me for advice on the matter since we are only one apart. I gave her my blessing and told others to back off. BTW, none of my sister's friends got married or ever had decent boyfriends. My sister will be celebrating her 38 year of marriage this year. She was 21 and he was 37 when married. They got married 6 months after dating.

secularhermit · Feb 19, 2014

@ Biscuit (solely)

Thanks for the invitation, but I declined. I used to think their way, but I changed.

I "overheard" their ideas (their ideas are) and I hope they never get too OLD (to finally see themselves they are the same, and their young mind is inside an old body).

My dad, 3 or 4 decades was about to marry one 1/2 Italian woman... Her family pushed her -so much- that she left him. To my father's surprised, he told me she was virgin at the age of 32).

She was too pretty... that I guess my dad would have needed several bodyguards to be safe, enough with her, far away from those "cats" going around life alleys. Ja! Ja!

I have heard A LOT of good and successful experiences, but each has to show, or post, what his / her expectation are: That's honesty. I wouldn't date a person I don like. I know I was a cheater. I know the reasons why many persons love to be cheating or flirting, so I decided to stay my own limits. I chose those I dared to contact... And thanks, again, for having given me the change to approach a real friend.

wisebeardman · Feb 19, 2014

biscuit said:

but lets be honest here, what she had was prob a one and a million thing. it is sorta the exception then the rule.

IloveyouGod · Feb 19, 2014

Great question Monica.

I dated a gentleman who was 4 years younger than me. But his thinking and behavior was always older than his age and he never liked dating someone younger n' I don't even see that he could be with someone younger than himself with the way he thinks and acts. And even though it didn't work out between us. We are still good friends. Mind you, while dating him, the problem was MINE. It was always in my head that he's younger. It wasn't a tie-breaker for the relationship. But I see it everyday, maybe because age difference in my head is an issue. I still chose to date him for a lot more other reasons that made me make that exception. But I'd say bottom line if the age difference is NOT an issue for both of you, and that the guy is being mature enough, then I'd go for maximum 5 or 4 years younger. But that's just me because again like I said, him being younger could be annoying to me. I don't have patience for a childish behavior or stubbornness at all. Also experience in life and being mature n' sophisticated is very important to me. And these are things that you can still find it in young guys. But it also depends on the percentage of its existence. How much mature do I want him to be?? How sophisticated do I want him to be?? Do you know what I mean?

just_monicat said:

NightRevan · Feb 19, 2014

Hmm usually with relationships by the time you hit your later 20's I also assume a roughly 8-10 limit either way, their are exceptions outside this (though there is definitely to me something as to young, say a 30 or 40 something marrying a 18-21 year old, I would find that a bit odd or creepy, perhaps there are exceptions but yeah would weird me out

) . Anyway, I guess I as long as it feel within that bracket it would be the compatibility, maturity in Christ and union of direction and purpose and all those things that would matter, not who was older or younger specifically. So I do see an issue with it personally

just_monicat · Feb 19, 2014

upon further reflection, i've concluded that i've allowed myself to buy into the idea that i need some validation or even (daresay) permission to do something, in which no real red flags exist at this time. however, when things don't look the way you think they ought to, it's not uncommon to shake it, question it, and even light it on fire to see what happens.

i think i've been doing a skosh of that.

what you all shared was helpful and i appreciate it. i just need to get over myself. : )

akrick · Feb 19, 2014

BananaPie said:

Excellent, BananaPie!

Your expository reconstructing after dissecting has increased our understanding exponentially.

You have my admiration... yet again.

BananaPie · Feb 19, 2014

Thank you kindly, Captain AKrick.

If wasn't until I saw your post that I realized the inequality I initially posted had an error. It's now corrected. ...blushes...

akrick · Feb 19, 2014

BananaPie said:

As divulged elsewhere I only had one semester of calculus and I am no brainiac.... ditto on the blushes.

BananaPie · Feb 19, 2014

Remember the tune to Welcome Back Kotter? .

age differences in relationships

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