never had a gf. don't see much hope of ever getting one. any suggestions?
- Thread starter Arcynaculr
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Well I myself had one real girlfriend at age 16 lol, so I can't say I never had a g/f but I can say its been a long time. Plus that relationship only went as far as kissing and it ended in quite an angsty drama mess pretty quickly too. To be honest for a while this upset me and bummed me out as is natural, but I ended up re-becoming friends with the girl and honestly I know so much about her life that I am actually amazingly greatful I never went any further with her. Not that I hate her nor am glad her life from what she last told me circa 5 years ago has had much dreadful harship. Indeed I pity her all the more for it and often wonder about her as I haven't talked to her for a while and hope she is better now.
For a while I wanted a girlfriend and proposed such arrangement with some fine ladies who are still my friends that are good women despite their flaws and keeping in mind we were all younger back then and much changed between then and now. All them rejected me outright lol. At first one struggles with the rejection, pretty much not mad at being rejected you just wonder what you doing wrong and how you might improve, but since those friends are still a part of the community and get to pretty much keep abreast on me local mythos, and know much about that person as a member of my community its like okay, I am actually glad we never hooked up lol, saves me much of that MTV/Jerry Springer Drama that I absolutely do not want in a marriage.
So then for last few years until back in 2013 around time I found this website and of course before I finish the Bible I fall into that Lonely Single Guy complex don't even bother trying to date. I get it, I get the mentality, but at the same time since learning more about the Bible, that there is a God, that Jesus is God and the state of our current world and time that I had to ask myself somethings and still do of course. Since I always wanted kinda selfishly to just have a good wife and a family and all that good American Dream white picket fenced goodness I never questioned that I want to marry a good woman, and even won't have sex with anyone and expect my equal half to likewise never have lay with anyone. After reading the Bible and knowing much about philosophy, history, just all the knowledge attainable and questionable I can think of and of course having so much of that answered by the many books and letters of the Bible and just the Truth shown unto my face in my time with my eyes; I am kinda unsure now whether I want to be Married or not.
I mean I personally would love to get married to a righteous and beautiful woman. What man wouldn't? At the same time though I look at myself, I look at all of humanity, I look at today, I look at the past, and I guess at the future and I have to say maybe that be unfair to a mate and unfair to myself. I just feel it would be so selfish right now while so much is happening and going to happen and while I myself am vastly unworthy still. Right now I myself have much more to learn and not only that but based off what I have learned I now have some undestanding that there is some real peril for our entire human family in our time now, but also a real chance to avoid that peril and turn back. So at the same time I am not sure if it be faithful to myself or God to just go get married and live my little American Dream fantasy while it is so readily apparant that humanity is devouring itself at a faster pace than ever just from what I do know and from what I do not know that's of course always the craziest pieces of the puzzle and since I am a piece as we all are pieces, where I fit in is also of my great interest at the moment, for I do not know, and is what I am trying to learn more about.
I think even though you (Arcy) are of a different backsground and thinking than I am, that you probably feel some of the same things or have at least felt some of the same things I felt in different periods of my life thus being able to relate somewhat. To you I say, let's just for a moment theorize that you will never have a girlfriend (if you want let's say I will never get married and have sex
) Remember this is just a hypothetical situation. Is this really such a depressing thing my brother? Right now we are free to learn about and help save ourselves and the people of our time era just by speaking and thinking about Jesus without any worries that the many enemies of this world could use a lover as leverage against us. This in fact makes you much more powerful as individuals than many people in this whole planet since the many enemy forces of the world could use a lover as leverage against us. Plus hey that's just going by the theory we shall never have good women mates. Perhaps that theory will not come to pass and some good women made equal to us that wanna marry us will present themselves in due time. If that theory that we will have our missing ribs is correct it be wise to try to make ourselves individually better in expectation for our theoretical future wives.
For a while I wanted a girlfriend and proposed such arrangement with some fine ladies who are still my friends that are good women despite their flaws and keeping in mind we were all younger back then and much changed between then and now. All them rejected me outright lol. At first one struggles with the rejection, pretty much not mad at being rejected you just wonder what you doing wrong and how you might improve, but since those friends are still a part of the community and get to pretty much keep abreast on me local mythos, and know much about that person as a member of my community its like okay, I am actually glad we never hooked up lol, saves me much of that MTV/Jerry Springer Drama that I absolutely do not want in a marriage.
So then for last few years until back in 2013 around time I found this website and of course before I finish the Bible I fall into that Lonely Single Guy complex don't even bother trying to date. I get it, I get the mentality, but at the same time since learning more about the Bible, that there is a God, that Jesus is God and the state of our current world and time that I had to ask myself somethings and still do of course. Since I always wanted kinda selfishly to just have a good wife and a family and all that good American Dream white picket fenced goodness I never questioned that I want to marry a good woman, and even won't have sex with anyone and expect my equal half to likewise never have lay with anyone. After reading the Bible and knowing much about philosophy, history, just all the knowledge attainable and questionable I can think of and of course having so much of that answered by the many books and letters of the Bible and just the Truth shown unto my face in my time with my eyes; I am kinda unsure now whether I want to be Married or not.
I mean I personally would love to get married to a righteous and beautiful woman. What man wouldn't? At the same time though I look at myself, I look at all of humanity, I look at today, I look at the past, and I guess at the future and I have to say maybe that be unfair to a mate and unfair to myself. I just feel it would be so selfish right now while so much is happening and going to happen and while I myself am vastly unworthy still. Right now I myself have much more to learn and not only that but based off what I have learned I now have some undestanding that there is some real peril for our entire human family in our time now, but also a real chance to avoid that peril and turn back. So at the same time I am not sure if it be faithful to myself or God to just go get married and live my little American Dream fantasy while it is so readily apparant that humanity is devouring itself at a faster pace than ever just from what I do know and from what I do not know that's of course always the craziest pieces of the puzzle and since I am a piece as we all are pieces, where I fit in is also of my great interest at the moment, for I do not know, and is what I am trying to learn more about.
I think even though you (Arcy) are of a different backsground and thinking than I am, that you probably feel some of the same things or have at least felt some of the same things I felt in different periods of my life thus being able to relate somewhat. To you I say, let's just for a moment theorize that you will never have a girlfriend (if you want let's say I will never get married and have sex
) Remember this is just a hypothetical situation. Is this really such a depressing thing my brother? Right now we are free to learn about and help save ourselves and the people of our time era just by speaking and thinking about Jesus without any worries that the many enemies of this world could use a lover as leverage against us. This in fact makes you much more powerful as individuals than many people in this whole planet since the many enemy forces of the world could use a lover as leverage against us. Plus hey that's just going by the theory we shall never have good women mates. Perhaps that theory will not come to pass and some good women made equal to us that wanna marry us will present themselves in due time. If that theory that we will have our missing ribs is correct it be wise to try to make ourselves individually better in expectation for our theoretical future wives.
Arcy the first thing you need to do is stop feeling pity for yourself, if you keep doing that you will mold yourself into that and by doing that hide the true person you are, it may seem hard but life isn't easy have to be strong, and i wish this experience can actually get you closer to God, because when you have the love of Christ nothing else may matters when you know that God actually love you, everything else can take it's time and will fall into place eventually hope this help
I would first interject - you get the girl - but the depression does not go away?
"right person" or being the right person?
Do you see the need to be emotionally healthy for a relationship?
-many of us can attest to relationships, built with emotionally unhealthy people
What do you want from that person
What do you want to be for that person
How can you actively go about doing that while you wait?
J
Be careful what you wish for ... you just might get it.
What do I mean ... let's say you finally meet a girl personally ... no, not on the Internet.
You begin to like her ... why? ... because you are desperate and will do anything to have a girlfriend.
You become clingy and she rejects you ... you now end up even more depressed than you are now.
I'm sorry if I offended you ... that was never my intent.
I just want you to relax and be selective.
Let God make the match for you and don't force the issue of having a girlfriend for the sake of just having a girlfriend.
I have seen all too many people, both male and female, have their hearts broken ... why? ... they just couldn't wait to find the right person. I am going thru that very thing with my grand daughter ... she has a supposed boyfriend that does nothing but verbally abuses her and she just takes it because he pays attention to her. WHAT ???
Just count your blessings that you aren't in a relationship like this one. She is wiseing up but absolutely miserable right now.
Don't let this or something similar happen to you.
With what I detect as desperation in your email will only lead to heartache after heartache.
You think you are depressed now ... things can be a lot worse we you do have a girlfriend ... take the example of my grand daughter.
Let the Lord lead you to the right girl. Attend a church and get to know the girls there. Don't look at their outside but inside. If they truely walk with the Lord you will be on the right path towards happiness.
Best wishes to you and in finding a girl that accepts you as you are!
GOD BLESS
What do I mean ... let's say you finally meet a girl personally ... no, not on the Internet.
You begin to like her ... why? ... because you are desperate and will do anything to have a girlfriend.
You become clingy and she rejects you ... you now end up even more depressed than you are now.
I'm sorry if I offended you ... that was never my intent.
I just want you to relax and be selective.
Let God make the match for you and don't force the issue of having a girlfriend for the sake of just having a girlfriend.
I have seen all too many people, both male and female, have their hearts broken ... why? ... they just couldn't wait to find the right person. I am going thru that very thing with my grand daughter ... she has a supposed boyfriend that does nothing but verbally abuses her and she just takes it because he pays attention to her. WHAT ???
Just count your blessings that you aren't in a relationship like this one. She is wiseing up but absolutely miserable right now.
Don't let this or something similar happen to you.
With what I detect as desperation in your email will only lead to heartache after heartache.
You think you are depressed now ... things can be a lot worse we you do have a girlfriend ... take the example of my grand daughter.
Let the Lord lead you to the right girl. Attend a church and get to know the girls there. Don't look at their outside but inside. If they truely walk with the Lord you will be on the right path towards happiness.
Best wishes to you and in finding a girl that accepts you as you are!
GOD BLESS
In this temporary emotional state, you are not helping yourself, or her - you are creating a functional savior, and when she fails you, and fails to live up to your expectation, you will end up hating what you had to have- creating death in her life, as well as yours
I am not trying to be mean, but ultimately it is out of selfishness that you seek a woman. It was in my life, for the longest time. If I was in a relationship before now - I would have destroyed her, and myself
The best thing is you are only 20 - if you get after the Grace, if you lay hold of Salvation, if you yield to Christ and His word, He can change you from your depressive thoughts - and teach you a better way
so that when you do meet a girl, you have something to offer her, instead of your mess
took me 15 years to realize this
I am not trying to be mean, but ultimately it is out of selfishness that you seek a woman. It was in my life, for the longest time. If I was in a relationship before now - I would have destroyed her, and myself
The best thing is you are only 20 - if you get after the Grace, if you lay hold of Salvation, if you yield to Christ and His word, He can change you from your depressive thoughts - and teach you a better way
so that when you do meet a girl, you have something to offer her, instead of your mess
took me 15 years to realize this
What if i meet a girl who has only a mess to offer? Should i reject her because she has nothing better to offer? Or do i help her get something better, even if i have the same mess, i can still love and care about someone. and thats all some people need. to be loved and cared for. but you have to prove it. actions speak louder than words.