I know; BUT

Jullianna · Mar 9, 2014

When I walked through the door at church today, two little girls were jumping up and down. They couldn't wait to tell me about a new pet. They followed me to my seat, telling me all about their week. One of my favorite parts of Sunday. And then this conversation happened:

Her: I invited two boys and a girl to my birthday party. One boy and the girl came. The other boy just ignored me while I was talking with him.

Me: Aww. Some boys are like that.

Her: BUT...he's cute

Starts young, doesn't it? Thinking it is okay to be treated badly because he/she is "cute" or attractive to us in some way? He/she has issues completely unrelated to us, but we take responsibility for them and try to "fix" them? We somehow think we have to? We don't want to hurt their feelings (As if somehow their feelings are more important than ours...why is that?)?

On some level we know it. We know we know it. We do it anyway.

And we don't realize how stupid it is until a 1st grader says it out loud.

IloveyouGod · Mar 9, 2014

Well, when you get to know someone, you have a specific criteria n' you know nobody is perfect, so once you find the traits or things that you are looking for, you tend to give the blind eye to other things that might be bad, but are not important to you. So in your example, for those who are looking for beauty, once they find it, it blinds them to see other bad personality traits. It's a trap that most people fall into it and those who got bitten before knows better not to do it again. OR should know better not to.

lil_christian · Mar 9, 2014

Jullianna said:

Wow, I guess it can! I mean, I was never really ever all that boy crazy. But sometimes, it can. One of my sisters as far back as I can remember, she always had a crush on a guy (as far as I know she's only had 1 or 2 crushes...though they were long and drawn out). It's kind of crazy that it can start out so young.

Though my other sister has always been a bit of a "Fixer." Since the guys she's had crushes on or have been in a relationship with...she's tried to change them. She thinks love will change them. It's kind of sad...

I can't say I'm perfect in the relationship department. Though I don't have any significant experiences or memories that would contribute to this.

ww_21 · Mar 9, 2014

I dislike the fact that people think it's okay for others to treat them badly because said person is attractive.

A male friend of mine told me this last week -He and his best friend were discussing me and he told his best friend that he would date me and his best friend told him he better not because I seemed to be the type who would not stick around. I asked him to explain that this meant and he said his best friend is of the perception that if a woman is attractive, she is likely to cheat or walk away from a relationship, she is unable to commit. I think it's silly. I've never and I will never judge someone based on outwards appearances I go for what's in the heart.

Jullianna · Mar 10, 2014

I agree, ww.

Years ago I was watching a tv show and a male supervisor came in to talk with a female worker about some things she was doing wrong in the workplace. She pulled her gorgeous head out of the frig, turned to him and asked, "Did you just talk to me like I was ugly?"

I was at a party once and overheard a conversation where a woman was being very rude to a guy. He finally looked her in the eye and said, "You aren't hot enough to get away with that", and walked away.

It's crazy on both sides of the coin, isn't it?

I know intelligent, Christian men and women who have become involved with people they should not have just because they were attractive, had good jobs, other people thought they were "a catch", and even those who presented themselves as Christians who were not. They were willing to overlook abusive behaviors or even the fact that someone wasn't really a Christian for those things. They ended up having a very difficult time getting out of the relationship, as well as getting over it.

There's an old song about looking through the eyes of love. We should be looking through the eyes of Christ. Pray for them. Help them when/if you can. But walk away. It's not easy. Others may not understand. But walk away. Love is wonderful, but it has to be holy and it has to be mutual.

Donkeyfish07 · Mar 10, 2014

I'm guilty of this too. I'm a pretty strict person when it comes to arguing. If someone wants to argue/nag at me I'll be like "If your going to be negative, don't talk to me at all"......and just cold shoulder them until they either just give up and leave me alone or apologize and be reasonable. BUUUUUUUT, the extremely pretty girls get away with a little bit more......I usually only warn someone once but the ones I'm swooning over get 3....maybe even 4 strikes before I give them the icy shoulder.

Donkeyfish07 · Mar 10, 2014

Jullianna said:

The underlined are great examples. We all learn at some point that at least in the secular world (99% of the christian world as well) that some people are more valuable than others. That's not really true IMO, but it's how people think about other people. People that are more valuable than you are allowed to treat you like crap, and people less valuable than you....well you get to treat them like crap.

I don't function that way for the most part but I had to de-brainwash myself in my late teens. Learning that type of thinking is so normal and automatic. I think that's also where the idea of "Leagues" come into play. As in "he/she is out of your league"......when really, there is no such thing if you don't let yourself get sucked into that belief system.

butterflame · Mar 10, 2014

Hello!

.
Well, I agree with you guys. Most people these days treat others based on people's outward appearances, which actually one of the reasons of divorce, low self esteem of others, and etc. We are conditioned by this "league" mentality like what was said above. I think one of the major influences comes from the media. As we all know, media promotes beauty of outward appearance, and it is what people these days follow. I remember someone I had mutual understanding before. . . I told him I liked him but he didn't believe me, I asked him why, and he said," Because I'm out of your league, I'm fat. . ." But I told him that I really liked him and it took me a long time to prove it to him because he didn't believe me. Lol. I loved his heart and I was blind about his appearance. I think love should be like that. . ."blind in outward appearance but can see the heart."

Donkeyfish07 · Mar 10, 2014

butterflame said:

I have a friend who told me that when he was in high school, one of the really pretty cheerleaders flirted with him and told him she liked him. He said he thought about it for a second and said "You know, I think that's bull crap. Don't you have anything better to do than mess with me?".

He thought it was a joke or something that she was doing to tease him because she was supposedly so far "out of his league". One of her friends came up to him and said "You didn't have to be so mean to her, she really likes you ya know"......He still didn't believe it and never followed up on it or apologized. I smacked him in the back of the head when he told me about it and called him a dummy. lol

Fenner · Mar 10, 2014

It's so funny you posted this about the kids Jullianna. I just found this little heart shaped note in my 2nd grade son's book bag, it said: David you make my hart feel warm, from ?. It had a little tree drawn on it with pink hearts. They spelled heart, hart. Adorable.

butterflame · Mar 10, 2014

Hahaha.
What I really love about someone is the gentleness and honesty, I think good looks is just an extra factor.

butterflame · Mar 10, 2014

Donkeyfish07 said:

I have a friend who told me that when he was in high school, one of the really pretty cheerleaders flirted with him and told him she liked him. He said he thought about it for a second and said "You know, I think that's bull crap. Don't you have anything better to do than mess with me?".

He thought it was a joke or something that she was doing to tease him because she was supposedly so far "out of his league". One of her friends came up to him and said "You didn't have to be so mean to her, she really likes you ya know"......He still didn't believe it and never followed up on it or apologized. I smacked him in the back of the head when he told me about it and called him a dummy. lol

Hahaha.
What I really love about someone is the gentleness and honesty, I think good looks is just an extra factor.

Jullianna · Mar 10, 2014

Donkeyfish07 said:

THANK YOU about the "leagues" thing!

I've never been able to wrap my head around that either.

"I would ask you out, but you are so far out of my league."

"You are at the top of the dating food chain"

"He/she is so out of their league"

Jullianna · Mar 10, 2014

Fenner said:

They start young, don't they?

When my son was in kindergarten a little girl grabbed him and kissed him behind the coatrack. Scary, huh?

Liamson · Mar 10, 2014

Jullianna said:

Lets put it this way...

In Sports there is a Draft. Each team gathers together and decides on a pecking Order amongst themselves. Typically its the opposite of the previous year's standings for fairness. But for our analogy lets assume the best get the number one pick and the worst teams pick last.

If Men are teams, then Ladies are draft choices. And if you are at the top of the food chain, then you are like the Peyton Manning of Draft picks.

Now If I'm the Browns, then I'm not even going to bother trying to go after Peyton. Just like the Chargers tried to get Eli and He shot them down, to go to the New York Giants.

The right team, a worthy team, has to step up and say, I choose you. Because the Jaguars don't deserve to waste 4 years of anyone's career.

Jullianna · Mar 10, 2014

Liamson said:

But what about the cheerleaders who see amazing things in the chubby guys? (To use Donkeyfish's example) What if the cheerleader doesn't see those values in the Quarterback, only in the chubby guy; but the Quarterback asks and the chubby guy never does?

Donkeyfish07 · Mar 10, 2014

Jullianna said:

That reminds me of an article I read somewhere about how so many men complain that "women only go for bad boys and never go for nice guys", it was based on a conversation between a man and a woman. The guy asked the lady who wrote the article "Well why do you all seem to go for the bad ones and not the good ones?.

The lady replied "Because they ask"

.

Liamson · Mar 10, 2014

So really the problem is the Male pecking order.

I went to a wedding last month where the Bride was always dying for me to ask her out. I knew that my friend & roommate was in love with her. I knew that he would love her more than I ever could. But he was shy and had so much to lose by doing it wrong.

Whenever she needed help and called me, he was always the one who was there for her. Even when she would hint at getting coffee with me or whatever, he was faithful in pursuing her.

Eventually after years of always being there for her, he brought up, why not me? And she was still Skeptical.

I even had to put a little fire under the bridge for her to realize that he was better for her than I was.

Finally he confessed his love, crawled out of the Friend-box and like 3 months later they were married, to hopefully live happily ever after.

Also because she was the Alpha female of her friends and I was the defacto leader of mine, it was assumed that we would be good for each other. Even her friends stayed away from me, because I was sort of "Claimed" by her. But in reality, I thought she wasn't my type at all.

Fenner · Mar 10, 2014

Jullianna said:

Girls seem to start before the boys. My Daughter and her friends already talk about crushes, they're in first grade. I tell her all the time that boys just don't think that way right now and they have strange ways of showing you that they think you're cute. I wish they wouldn't even think about it yet.

Jullianna · Mar 10, 2014

Liamson said:

So really the problem is the Male pecking order.

I went to a wedding last month where the Bride was always dying for me to ask her out. I knew that my friend & roommate was in love with her. I knew that he would love her more than I ever could. But he was shy and had so much to lose by doing it wrong.

Whenever she needed help and called me, he was always the one who was there for her. Even when she would hint at getting coffee with me or whatever, he was faithful in pursuing her.

Eventually after years of always being there for her, he brought up, why not me? And she was still Skeptical.

I even had to put a little fire under the bridge for her to realize that he was better for her than I was.

Finally he confessed his love, crawled out of the Friend-box and like 3 months later they were married, to hopefully live happily ever after.

Also because she was the Alpha female of her friends and I was the defacto leader of mine, it was assumed that we would be good for each other. Even her friends stayed away from me, because I was sort of "Claimed" by her. But in reality, I thought she wasn't my type at all.

I am definitely not in a place where I can argue against the guy who is there for you when others have abandoned and/or hurt you.

I know; BUT

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