Mockery/Passive-Aggressive Remarks vs Godly Correction/Encouragement

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J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
Mockery: Mockery - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Passive-Aggressive Behavior: Passive-aggressive behavior - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Is it appropriate for followers of Christ to use mockery or passive-aggressive behaviors in dealing with one another?

What do you think the impact of these behaviors might be?

How would you explain the difference between these two negative/hypercritical behaviors and godly correction/encouragement?

Has your walk with Christ or your relationships with other believers ever been damaged in this way?

Do you think some people don't understand the difference between being critical of a wrong thing and using hypercritical personal attacks against other believers?
 
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CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#2
Mar 20, 2013
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ooh...I could write pages on this! Maybe I'll write more as I am off to a rehearsal soon...

I see passive-aggressive behavior as something that weak people do when they are afraid of confrontation, but still want to express their anger over a situation or a person. It is childish and is not appropriate behavior for a mature believer.

The hypercritical nature should not have a place either, although it is present in too many believer's lives as well.

When these two are paired up, you get some very interesting and very dysfunctional codependent dynamics.



BTDT - not again!
 
I

IloveyouGod

Guest
#3
#3
Those who uses mockery or passive-aggressive behaviors knows nothing about love. They use it to destroy people and they can actually lose a soul for Christ. It's like in my church we learn the first thing to attract none believers is to love them first and accept them the way they are n' listen to what they have to say because people won't listen unless they are heard first. But if we decide to judge them and use this mockery or passive-aggressive behavior with them, we will definitely lose them.

God's correction is a chastening out of His love for us. For us to grow in our spiritual life with Him, NOT to be destroyed. :)



Jullianna said:
Mockery: Mockery - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Passive-Aggressive Behavior: Passive-aggressive behavior - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Is it appropriate for followers of Christ to use mockery or passive-aggressive behaviors in dealing with one another?

What do you think the impact of these behaviors might be?

How would you explain the difference between these two negative/hypercritical behaviors and godly correction/encouragement?

Has your walk with Christ or your relationships with other believers ever been damaged in this way?

Do you think some people don't understand the difference between being critical of a wrong thing and using hypercritical personal attacks against other believers?
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S

Stuey

Senior Member
#4
Aug 17, 2009
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Passive aggressive I think by definition isn't a good thing - although to be honest I've seen one friend use it well to make a point. He'd just say something really awkward to hint that he thought something was unacceptable.

Mocking - depends how you do it. Half of Australian/British humour is mockery - self mockery and that of your friends. Need to be careful who you mock though, some don't take it well, nor really understand what you are doing.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#5
#5
Stuey said:
Passive aggressive I think by definition isn't a good thing - although to be honest I've seen one friend use it well to make a point. He'd just say something really awkward to hint that he thought something was unacceptable.

Mocking - depends how you do it. Half of Australian/British humour is mockery - self mockery and that of your friends. Need to be careful who you mock though, some don't take it well, nor really understand what you are doing.
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And if it is damaging to anyone in any way, intentional or otherwise, is it a godly practice?
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2009
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Whenever I try to be passive-aggressive I always fail on the aggressive part. -_-
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#7
Sep 6, 2013
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My ex-husband was passive aggressive. He rarely complained about anything. For instance, you may leave your toothbrush in a certain spot in the mornings. It may irritate him that you put it there. He would never say anything to you. You would just come home one day and find that the toothbrush had been thrown in the trash, and you would have to do a lot of guesswork to figure out why. There was a definite "I'll teach them a lesson" aspect to everything that he did, but it was always quiet and indirect.

Mockery, in my opinion, is even more harmful though. I do not have a vengeful spirit and have never been passive-aggressive. But I am guilty of condescension to gain ground in an argument.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#8
Aug 2, 2009
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Grace-Like-Rain said:
My ex-husband was passive aggressive. He rarely complained about anything. For instance, you may leave your toothbrush in a certain spot in the mornings. It may irritate him that you put it there. He would never say anything to you. You would just come home one day and find that the toothbrush had been thrown in the trash, and you would have to do a lot of guesswork to figure out why. There was a definite "I'll teach them a lesson" aspect to everything that he did, but it was always quiet and indirect.

Mockery, in my opinion, is even more harmful though. I do not have a vengeful spirit and have never been passive-aggressive. But I am guilty of condescension to gain ground in an argument.
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See if that was me I'd just let you keep putting your toothbrush in that same spot until one day I would very politely ask if it would be ok if you put it somewhere else and then you (not really you, Grace) would yell back at me about how you need to keep it there and why that's the best place for it.. and then I'd just quietly say 'ok, nevermind' and then go to my room and cry. :p
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#9
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
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zeroturbulence said:
See if that was me I'd just let you keep putting your toothbrush in that same spot until one day I would very politely ask if it would be ok if you put it somewhere else and then you (not really you, Grace) would yell back at me about how you need to keep it there and why that's the best place for it.. and then I'd just quietly say 'ok, nevermind' and then go to my room and cry. :p
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Hahahaa.... poor Zero! I'd move my toothbrush for you. ;)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#11
#11
Thank you all for your input. I've been listening a lot and reading a lot, and it seems like the wisdom of Matthew 18 regarding how people are to deal with one another has so often been replaced by mockery and passive-aggressive hatefulness.

If one's motives are truly noble, God's way is best. When I see/hear things that are dripping with mockery and hurtful intent, I can almost hear the same hissing sound Eve must have heard. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The INFJ in me tends to not hear the actual words that are spoken, but the pride, arrogance, bitterness, fear, vengeance and/or jealousy behind them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
James 1:26 If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.







 
J

ji

Guest
#12
#12
Jullianna said:
Mockery: Mockery - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Passive-Aggressive Behavior: Passive-aggressive behavior - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Is it appropriate for followers of Christ to use mockery or passive-aggressive behaviors in dealing with one another?

What do you think the impact of these behaviors might be?

How would you explain the difference between these two negative/hypercritical behaviors and godly correction/encouragement?

Has your walk with Christ or your relationships with other believers ever been damaged in this way?

Do you think some people don't understand the difference between being critical of a wrong thing and using hypercritical personal attacks against other believers?
Click to expand...
what about Jesus when He replied to pharaees/saduccees of His time?
i started a thread on this,feel free to answer and not fight...
Actually i am trying to understand the border line since many CONDEMN and when it comes for them to justify,they talk like they have their personal advocate to justify...
Shouldn't there be a clear margin?
 
S

Stuey

Senior Member
#13
Aug 17, 2009
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Yes - that is where the care comes in. - I actually try to build people up through my teasing - I love it when people tease me. - In a sense it is saying "I feel comfortable enough with you that I feel you can take a joke." You do have to be very careful though, and that is something that I've learned in the last few years. - I also try and space my insults with compliments.

There are differences in Australian-British and American culture though - America doesn't as much have the teasing/self deprecating culture - It's quite common in Australia.

I think a lot depends on motives - are you actually trying to hurt them? Or are you making a joke at their expense that you know they will be hurt by?
 
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jedidiah_asher

Guest
#14
#14
Im a passive-aggressive type of person. I mean as I read all the post here, I kinda relate to most of the comments. And I know for a fact that right now I am not becoming good example. What should I do? :(
 
J

ji

Guest
#15
#15
jedidiah_asher said:
Im a passive-aggressive type of person. I mean as I read all the post here, I kinda relate to most of the comments. And I know for a fact that right now I am not becoming good example. What should I do? :(
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Pray more to God...to get Wisdom from Him,so you don't go to people for their views...
 
J

ji

Guest
#16
#16
Stuey said:
Yes - that is where the care comes in. - I actually try to build people up through my teasing - I love it when people tease me. - In a sense it is saying "I feel comfortable enough with you that I feel you can take a joke." You do have to be very careful though, and that is something that I've learned in the last few years. - I also try and space my insults with compliments.

There are differences in Australian-British and American culture though - America doesn't as much have the teasing/self deprecating culture - It's quite common in Australia.

I think a lot depends on motives - are you actually trying to hurt them? Or are you making a joke at their expense that you know they will be hurt by?
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both are not good,talk to point....
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#17
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
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#17
jedidiah_asher said:
Im a passive-aggressive type of person. I mean as I read all the post here, I kinda relate to most of the comments. And I know for a fact that right now I am not becoming good example. What should I do? :(
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I think it helps to be more open about your feelings before you come to the point of "aggressive". Don't hold it all in. Make a deliberate effort to talk about issues you have before they get serious. Hope this helps!
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#18
#18
ji said:
what about Jesus when He replied to pharaees/saduccees of His time?
i started a thread on this,feel free to answer and not fight...
Actually i am trying to understand the border line since many CONDEMN and when it comes for them to justify,they talk like they have their personal advocate to justify...
Shouldn't there be a clear margin?
Click to expand...
I don't know that I can see Jesus in a passive-aggressive role at all. Standing in the midst of them, telling people not to be like them, calling them a brood of vipers, blind guides and whitewashed tombs to their faces sounds pretty direct to me. :)
 
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Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#19
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
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#19
If we are honestly trying to correct someone, it helps to get them to see things they way that other people do, rather than simply calling them on behavior that they are doing.


sort of like how Nathan gave David a Parable, so that David could feel and understand the emotion behind why what was happening.


I think a lot of times, we do the same thing. We want someone to have a sort of "emperor's new clothes" experience with their activity, to see on their own, what it is that they are doing wrong. So we sort of passive aggressively drop hints and clues to coerce them into agreeing with us.


But human nature is a fickle mistress. She does not understand or take kindly to being poked and prodded into doing anything, understanding anything or changing anything.


Also because none of us have the kind of authority to really go after someone and say, "what you are doing is wrong." We tell those people to shove off. Cause thats kind of the thing with like "Judgemental Christians" and the Westboro baptist church. They tell people they are wrong all day, and it doesn't seem to change much.


So as counterintuitive as it sounds, making fun of something, by making it obvious to everyone just how strange it is, has a better likelihood of changing someone's mind than simply telling them that its wrong.



So rather than saying do this or don't do that, painting a picture that illustrates why doing this is wrong, so that people can discover it for themselves is really the best way to change someone's mind about something.


I think thats sort of the point of most parables.


tl;dr If you push someone, they push back but, if you let them think it was their idea, they agree with you.
 
J

jennymae

Guest
#20
#20
Liamson said:
tl;dr If you push someone, they push back but, if you let them think it was their idea, they agree with you.
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Hmm....maybe the new car wasnt my idea after all...:confused:
 
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