I am facing this crazy idea of how dating works for me.

[UpstateNYChristianBro]

I have been praying and looking for my bride and its harder for me because of my hearing impairment. I was hard of hearing since birth and the ladies I met were either fakes/phonies, users then I got wiser and it was still very hard because I became cautious as I got older. It was harder to find one. In church, there was not anybody at all. My Deaf church had like a dozen Deaf people and there were NO females MY age. It was either senior citizens or little kids! There were also a lot of us men. It was more of men's club style than a true family church. This caused problems.

Well, let's move on. I looked toward the Hearing church or main church and the ladies... they did not want me! I had fellowship with them with singles activities but nada for years!!

Then I went on missions with my pastor/president of a missionary organization to Central America. All of sudden, the women wanted me from those countries rather than closer to home. This frustrated me because I know what they wanted: to come to the States. You have to really see that. No offense, foreigners.

Then finally in November 1998, I started to go on the net for first time with my email address. I enjoyed the net and discover you can find someone online as I thought it might be easier. First 2 years were so easy. I met many local ladies but when I met them, whoa. First one was really different than I thought she was. Second a doctor.. and I thought I have a chance. Of course, all ladies are Christians. But the doctor did not want me. Her loss.

I met a few locals and it was well. But different goals they had or personalities not match or interests.. One was a conflict of interests and she was best one I ever met! A pastor's daughter who works for my insurance company as an investigator. I did not want her to look into my stuff. That is the kind of job she has and always go to court as they sue against their own clients whatever.. So, I had to let her go.

I seem to get it all wrong. Anyway, skip to the one I met and married to. I was so frustrated as I was approaching age 40 and gave up in anger and then at a singles dance which is owned by a Christian and I met someone who became my wife and I thought she was a Christian. Love can blind sometime you know but also I wanted to marry and have children. Really wanted that done so I can retire with children as adults!

We got married and ended badly because we fought often verbally. Two or three times she almost wanted to beat me up. She smokes. I don't.

Divorced. Well, back in the scene and I am doing this for one more time before I actually turn 50. I still want to have children. I feel always behind in everything since birth. I did not sit up and talk till 2.5 years of age. Yes, late! I spend more time in school than other kids. I started at age 2.5 at pre-school! Graduated at 18. Longest! GRR! Then I couldn't afford a car and did not get one till age 19.

I am way too talented and smart. I fixed my computer last night with out a college education. I am skilled in art, design, and drafting. I graduated with a Certificate from adult career training school. But no jobs.

I ran as freelance and its tough. Starting own company. tough too.

Back to this, my point is, when I am online dating, all I get are the Filipinas interested in me rather than American women! Why is that? Is it because I am 5 feet 2 inches? I know this is similar to what I experienced in Central America. Money, America's dream (to be honest, there is none!), and good life than in their homelands.

Please I found they are very nice and sweet ladies but I wish that is what I see in American women and hook up and all. But no. Is it because of my Deafness, my shortness that do not meet the American women's dream man of Tall-Dark-Handsome?

One thing I want to give advice. American women, please stop dreaming of that tall, dark, handsome gentleman. Even if you are 5 feet even. I know women shorter than I am prefer taller than me. I had an ex girlfriend who prefer someone else who is taller and bigger than I am and I dumped her and she went to marry that guy she preferred! Disgusted! Stop it!

Why are American ladies have such an attitude. Even Christians! Stop it! If an American Christian man is interested in you, GIVE HIM A CHANCE! Thank you for listening!

 

[Ugly]

Well, we get posts on this site about women complaining all men, even 'American Christian men', want is sex.

Yet not all men are after sex, and not all women are after 'talk, dark and handsome'.

Perhaps you should consider that it's the culture of women in your area to be that way, rather than blasting millions of women you don't know, accusing them of things. Otherwise they could just as easily label you as a man that wants nothing but sex. Would that be a fair assessment of you if they put you under some broad label like that, just because of their local experiences?

Maybe the real issue is you're in the 'dating scene' which is full of desperate people willing to say and do whatever they can to find someone. Rather than chase after some secular method of viewing people of the opposite sex like want ads, skip the whole process and try praying and meeting women, as friends, and see if something develops from that.

You seem to take each lack of interest in you as some sort of dig against you. Maybe the reasons have nothing to do with your physical appearance and more to do with your attitude. Or maybe there was just no connection to draw them in.

I am also known here for saying that women have more interest in looks than they admit, but even i don't take it as far as you.

And to criticize women for preferring taller men, guess what. They can't help that. Its been studied and both women AND men view a man who is taller, more athletic, full head of hair, etc... as stronger, smarter and a natural leader. Notice 'both women and men' think that just by appearance alone.

You're quick to point out your own positive personal attributes, and that the only problem here are the women, but perhaps there is some lack in yourself that keeps women away. Maybe a natural personality trait. Maybe a habit from your upbringing. Who knows.

Another thing i'm known for pointing out on this site is that i'm not much to look at, i've never made much money, i am not an alpha male, but i've still dated. I may not have had much to offer in worldly or physical aspects, but that hasn't prevented me from dating. It may be time to stop making generalizations towards women and step back and look at yourself a little more closely.

 

[Nautilus]

Being 6'3'' I just cant relate sorry.

 

[biscuit]

Why are American ladies have such an attitude. Even Christians! Stop it! If an American Christian man is interested in you, GIVE HIM A CHANCE! Thank you for listening!

Welcome to the 21st century. Just remember, it goes both ways with gender.

 

[UpstateNYChristianBro]

Nautilus, I am FIVE feet three.

 

[parablepete]

You can't find any women here this is just talking site no dates.

Ugly will be all over you! Just so u know.

 

[UpstateNYChristianBro]

Now this discussion is OVER! Thank you!

 

[1still_waters]

Nautilus, I am FIVE feet three.

I had a friend in college who is your height, the women loved him. You gotta own the height thing. Confidence goes a long way. If you're trying to be logical about this attraction thing, quit. Few like a guy because of "logical" reasons.

 

[BananaPie]

Now this discussion is OVER! Thank you!

Ah, you are welcome to enjoy other threads.

That's how we'll get to know you, and you'll get to know how cute and silly we are... or have become...

 

[seoulsearch]

Now this discussion is OVER! Thank you!

Just had to add my 2 cents here... Yup, I'm short. Slightly shorter than you.

Interesting thing... I've found many guys around my height to be perfectly attractive in the physical sense, but you know what was really unattractive? Hearing them talk about all the women who wouldn't go out with them because of their height.

Sure, it's probably a reason in some cases. But hey... then there's all the people who can't get dates because they don't not skinny enough, rich enough, social enough... and on and on it goes. So many reasons, but only two ways to look at it.

Just a few years ago, I dated a guy not much taller than me. You know what I liked about him? He had a positive, uplifting attitude, was a hard worker, and was kind to others around him. And yeah, he kept in shape and had a nice physical appearance as well. But lots of guys fit that standard, even if they're short.

What makes me shy away is when I've met short guys (I'm not saying the OP specifically, I'm just speaking from my own experience) who excessively complain about all the women and dates they supposedly lost out on because of their height. It's like they're saying, "Yeah, I could have be dating dozens of models, movie stars, and celebrities... but because I'm not tall enough... I get stuck asking someone out... like you." Gee. That really boosts my confidence, thanks. Hey, I just saw some 6' gorgeous blonde chick stride by... Why don't you go chase HER???

MOST of us have reasons why others have seen as as undateable. I was once dumped because the guy's cousin didn't like that I was of a different race. But it's like anything else. Who wants to hear someone complain about The Race Card? I don't. I figure, Hey, if you have a preference, Best Wishes, hope it all works out with you. Sure it hurts, but life goes on and you have to keep finding positive things (and people) to keep you going.

A lot of women don't mind if a man is short. But if he constantly plays "The Short Card" (or "The Poor Card", "The I'm Too Nice of a Guy Card", "The Not Every Guy Can Be a Jock Card", "The Women Only Like Bad Boys Card", etc.), guess what?

That's likely going to send ANY woman running, no matter how tall or short she is. (And yes. I realize women have PLENTY of their own cards too.)

But the bottom line is, maybe not so much confidence (it depends... no one likes cockiness either)... but attitude really is everything, and you can choose whether it's negative or positive.

 

[seoulsearch]

Just as a P.S. to the OP... I can sympathize with you about being dumped for someone taller.

When I was 25, my husband dumped me for a much-taller, 19-year-old redhead.

See? It happens to us ladies too!

 

[just_monicat]

i wholeheartedly agree with kim's (first) post.

if there's one thing that will cause me to immediately lose interest in a guy, it's when he brings up height related garbage. because i'm slightly taller than the average (almost 5'8") i too have had to hear about height preferences on the other side of the coin.

i've known guys who were my roughly my height, but only dated short women. out of kindness to my brothers, i won't attempt to speculate on why this might be.

as i've said many times, height (within reason) doesn't play more than a bit part in whether i find him attractive or not. i have dated guys who were roughly my height to my ex's 6'4".

but you know what is attractive? a guy with confidence.

shorter guys lamenting their height is as silly as taller girls not wearing heels.

and, ain't no guy taking my heels from me...

 

[zeroturbulence]

So basically, what we're all saying is... size doesn't matter.

 

[just_monicat]

shorter guys lamenting their height is as silly as taller girls not wearing heels.

and, ain't no guy taking my heels from me...

on second thought, if people have to shut off their ceiling fan when you come inside their house, perhaps you shouldn't be wearing heels...

 

[Misty77]

on second thought, if people have to shut off their ceiling fan when you come inside their house, perhaps you shouldn't be wearing heels...

Or have Texas-sized hair. =)

 

[seoulsearch]

So basically, what we're all saying is... size doesn't matter.

aken

You know how it is, Zero...

It's all about taking what God's given us, whether we perceive it as an abundance or a lack, in the most Godly, edifying manner we can manage.