FLIRTING POLL: harmless fun or serious intent

[DarlinNadia]

Flirting. Harmless fun or Serious Intent. I created a poll years ago and questioned randomly selected people to answer if Flirting was just harmless fun or if the Intent behind flirting is serious business. i was completely shocked at the results. Once there are some results, I'll share my findings previously.

Definitions:

Harmless Fun: This type of flirting is designed to lift someone's spirits - make them smile or feel good about themselves. There is nothing serious about it - it is only meant as a temporary uplift. This is often what Flirtatious people believe in as it doesn't mean you want to date or get together with the person but just to make them know they've got something desirable.

Serious Business: This type of flirting is reserved for people that you intend to flirt with a person as a way of indicating your interest in them. This is a means to an end flirting... This means that you would not flirt with someone unless you ultimately wanted to pursue something with them. No Flirt is made carelessly.


Please share your experiences... what you think flirting means or indicates ... and mis-read flirtations where people have taken your flirts in the completely wrong direction or assumed something was there that was not. Times when someone has been bent out of shape because of your ability to flirt and their lack of ability... or disdain for someone that is flirtation and seemingly doesn't protect their purity or lessens their intentions by careless flirting... What is your idea or opinion on flirting.

 

[Animus]

This is all presupposing that people either want to date someone or they have no romantic inclinations towards them. I don't believe this is the case. Often we see people that have a number of admirable traits, and we are in a sense attracted to them, and we would consider dating them but for whatever reason the circumstances are such that it is not likely to happen, practically speaking.

A good example of this is this website. You might see someone that is physical attractive and has an interesting personality, but they live in Sweden, so while on one hand you are, in a sense, interested (I'll refer to this as the first type), on the other hand you know that you aren't realistically moving to Sweden anytime soon, and so you would not consider yourself seriously interested in dating (this is the second type of interest).

But this distinction doesn't stop people from flirting. People tend to flirt so long as they are experiencing the first type of interest. I also find that no person ever flirts unless they experience the first type of interest. If you wanted to lift the spirits of a young child, you would not do so through flirting, because you are not interested even in the first sense (unless you happen to be a pedophile).

You have to be interested in the first sense in order to be interested in the second sense. By this, you can tell if someone is not interested in you at all, and you can tell if someone is interested in you in the first sense, but never the second sense (based on flirting alone).

That's what I think flirting indicates/means.

 

[MarkMulder]

"To flirt, or not to flirt, that's the question."

Kinda sums up the whole topic, you either do or don't.
It's so typical of girls to wanna overcomplicate things:

*inserts Jane Austen novel here, dies of boredom*

 

[DarlinNadia]

i've been called a highly flirtatious person. I've toned it down remarkably through God's help... however, sometimes flirting gets the best of me... I have flirted with very old men and even women... it's not a romantic type of flirting in my eyes. I do not think I'm explaining it very well. Which furthers my point that flirtation is seen by many people in many different ways.

A waiter or waitress flirts with me for a good tip, this happens all the time. I do not mis-read their intentions thinking they are romantically interested in me. That said, when someone IS interested in me.... I typically miss the flirt or minimize it has harmless and unintentional interaction.

That leads me to the serious type of flirting. I was SHOCKED when I was younger the amount of people that felt flirting was a means to an end. That a person simply would not flirt with someone they were not interested in because they see flirting as a way of showing interest.

Interestingly, This may very well be the way it is intended.... that flirting should not be considered harmless.... I have had many people throughout the years mis-read my harmless flirting as something more than it was ever intended to be...

 

[zeroturbulence]

Waitresses won't even flirt with me for a tip.

 

[DarlinNadia]

"To flirt, or not to flirt, that's the question."

Kinda sums up the whole topic, you either do or don't.
It's so typical of girls to wanna overcomplicate things:

*inserts Jane Austen novel here, dies of boredom*

Over-complicate it for certain... it is mandatory you leave this thread as confused as I am.
Is flirting a matter of purity or is it playful social interaction?

 

[DarlinNadia]

"To flirt, or not to flirt, that's the question."

Kinda sums up the whole topic, you either do or don't.
It's so typical of girls to wanna overcomplicate things:

*inserts Jane Austen novel here, dies of boredom*

Over-complicate it for certain... it is mandatory you leave this thread as confused as I am.
Is flirting a matter of purity or is it playful social interaction?

Waitresses won't even flirt with me for a tip.

maybe i scream flirt with me or something like that .. I perhaps exude flirtatious vibes

 

[ww_21]

uhmmm I'm not a flirty person, I've never been. The only persons I have flirted with or PERSON rather (lol) was someone I was genuinely interested in. I've never been able and I will never be able to flirt with someone I am not interested in simply because I do not wish to confuse or lead anyone on. I also tend to back away from those who flirt freely and openly... when I see someone being all smooth with words I wonder to myself just how much practice have they had? I would very much rather someone's adoration towards me be a bit raw and honest than well versed and 'practiced'... yeah... lol

 

[jitterbug]

I am a hopelessly harmless flirt lol. I guess you can blame my father for that. I like to flirt for the fun factor. Making a woman smile and laugh is the greatest way to brighten any mans day, and I'd like to think that it boots her self esteem in the process. A tasteful compliment given in good context with a rye smile is a wonderful thing to me.

 

[Nautilus]

^Prfetty much me too. I'll harmlessly flirt with serves, cashiers, friends, and older women like at church and its just me being nice and friendly(yes i know ME being nice and friendly) But then the is also serious flirting. Its completely different methods and actions when its someone I would consider actually dating.

 

[DarlinNadia]

I'd like to think that it boots her self esteem in the process is a wonderful thing to me.

HAHAHA I know I butchered your quote but it made me laugh out loud. BOOT that Self esteem! Swift Kick, that's what i always say lol

But then there is also serious flirting. Its completely different methods and actions when its someone I would consider actually dating.

I find it difficult to actually flirt with someone I really like. I tend to be bashful and awkward when I like the person... which is completely opposite of my Natural personality.


I must say I'm really confused by the poll. years earlier I was under a very distinctive impression that most people felt that Flirting was a means to an end that was specific to romantic interest and here it's appearing to be more playful. I'm going to side with the fact that some people might not yet have voted... because of how much of a shock I had in my younger years.

I do understand that everything is open to interpretation

 

[just_monicat]

i think outgoing, extroverted people are highly disadvantaged when people start calling others a "flirt" in a negative way.

my family has called me a "born flirt", but i seldom set out to be one. i'm just very naturally comfortable talking with others, and have a very playful personality. it has taken me awhile (and some education from my guy pals) to learn how not to be as misconstrued by my actions (even though it still does happen). also, i am playful with both with men and women, often because i want to encourage or cheer someone up. acknowledge them, let them know that i "see them"...

however, when i'm actually trying to flirt with a guy, he knows it.

not that it happens all that often.

 

[Ugly]

It's both. It just depends on the person and their intents. I've done both.

 

[BananaPie]

*inserts Jane Austen novel here, dies of boredom*

...but there's nothing boring about Col. Brandon...
Who is a total gentleman encompassing ethically manly values, beard and all.

 

[BananaPie]

Well, call me "square;" here's my number.

Where I come from, flirting is a dishonorable behavior of a coquette person, and we, Reformed Baptists, are taught to distance ourselves from flirting as part of our ethics.

I strongly believe (and practice) flirting is strictly limited to godly couples in an openly exclusive relationship, or flirting is also proper between spouses married to each other. I find it very cute to see elderly saints still flirting with each other 314 yrs later.

Everybody else, just take a cold shower and read Psalms all day long.

 

[DarlinNadia]

Everybody else, just take a cold shower and read Psalms all day long.

more like Song of Solomon ... like leaping Gazelles! or fawns or .. I can't remember it all. My Intimacy Bible Study was on the Song of Solomon and it is where I learned and came to respect Biblical Roles of men and women. Interesting Fact: I studied this while I was going through my divorce. Talk about a challenge. God gave me the strength for the challenge and I came out the other side more refined and polished. Praise God.

 

[just_monicat]

Well, call me "square;" here's my number.

Where I come from, flirting is a dishonorable behavior of a coquette person, and we, Reformed Baptists, are taught to distance ourselves from flirting as part of our ethics.

I strongly believe (and practice) flirting is strictly limited to godly couples in an openly exclusive relationship, or flirting is also proper between spouses married to each other. I find it very cute to see elderly saints still flirting with each other 314 yrs later.

Everybody else, just take a cold shower and read Psalms all day long.

saith the introvert. : )

hmmmm. i can't help but wonder whether there is 50 shades of flirting?

i've witnessed behavior that i am sure was thought to be merely "flirtatious" (by the "flirter") that i found closer to "animal in heat" activity.

 

[Tintin]

I have another option.

I'm generally a naturally friendly guy (an extroverted introvert, if you will) and appropriately playful with both genders (but only if I get along with the person). This has been seen by some people as flirty behaviour. It's not recognised as such by myself, or even the girl I would be talking to but other "observant" people who stick their noses into everyone's business (or think it's their job to match-make people). I'm most definitely not a flirty person, even if some see it that way at times.

 

[kenthomas27]

flirting? umm.......uhh.......well, let's zee......

Harmless intent.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

There are different types of flirting. I don't really consider "playful social interaction" the same thing as flirting. It's just being playful, teasing. I tease people all the time. Kids, men, women, old people, teenagers, whoever. I would not consider this flirting. When other people do it to me, even men, I usually don't consider it flirting.

Flirting seems to imply a sexual undertone.