Premarital sex

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Sophia1993

Guest
#1
#1
I made this post before but forgot to ask one question which I will get to in a second. Me and my boyfriend have been with each other for a couple years. We are each other's first, and want to get married eventually. I'm a born again christian and I still have one problem. I still have premarital sex with him. And I don't think I can repent. With that said, I'm going to hell, right? I've repented for everything except for that.. I'm really upset too and scared. I know I should repent but for some reason I can't for this one. We love each other and will get married eventually once I have a stable job. I'm a really good person too. I help people and I'm kind and can't even kill a spider. Do you think I would really go to hell just for that one thing? I'm thinking of just praying about this one. Just wanted to see what others think and have to say. So what happens if I don't repent for that one thing?
 
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kennethcadwell

Guest
#2
#2
The way I look at things in this situation, you can still be forgiven. The reason I feel this way is because how do you feel in your hearts. A marriage certificate is actually a man made thing to appease people. Before Moses there was no certificates, but they were still considered husband and wife. Do you both consider yourselves to be husband and wife in your hearts and have told that to God. Then your union is acceptable, but in mans eyes the certificate was made to accept union. Just like preachers, a lot of people will not listen to you unless you show a paper that shows you have been ordained to preach. Before the book of Acts in which it showed a selection process not all were ordained. Even Jesus and John the Baptist were looked down upon by the Pharisees because they did not give them the authority to teach the word.
 
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Spokenpassage

Guest
#3
#3
kennethcadwell said:
The way I look at things in this situation, you can still be forgiven. The reason I feel this way is because how do you feel in your hearts. A marriage certificate is actually a man made thing to appease people. Before Moses there was no certificates, but they were still considered husband and wife. Do you both consider yourselves to be husband and wife in your hearts and have told that to God. Then your union is acceptable, but in mans eyes the certificate was made to accept union. Just like preachers, a lot of people will not listen to you unless you show a paper that shows you have been ordained to preach. Before the book of Acts in which it showed a selection process not all were ordained. Even Jesus and John the Baptist were looked down upon by the Pharisees because they did not give them the authority to teach the word.
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This is not right. If she were to break up with her boyfriend (not really Sophia) then what you have stated would make her divorced. What if a partner decide to break up? Jesus said whoever marries a divorced person commits adultery unless it was because of immorality. I don't believe this counts as a marriage at all.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
If you are both so spiritually unstable as to not be able to quit, are you sure you're even ready for marriage? The head of your spiritual household is presently someone who is not willing to surrender himself to God, or get you to either. How good of stewards will you be in marriage if you aren't even good stewards in dating? You're so focused on the 'going to hell' aspect, you're missing other important things going on. Any good Christian pre-marital counseling will tell you you need to go At Least six months without sex, if you're already sleeping together, before getting married. And if you can't do that, you shouldn't get married. Perhaps you need to consider where your heart is before either of you move forward into something neither of you seems ready for.
 
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Eze20

Guest
#5
#5
John 4:18 ​
[FONT=Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.[/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]God's word shows us sex before marriage is considered fornication and is wrong. We cannot live double lives, instead we have to follow Jesus whole heatedly. It is hard and no one can do it by will power, but by walking in the Spirit.
Do not harden your heart and make peace with the sin, instead pray to Jesus for Him to help you and deliver you from the situation.
If you want really get free from that sin, He will deliver you from it. [/FONT]
 
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kennethcadwell

Guest
#6
#6
Spokenpassage said:
This is not right. If she were to break up with her boyfriend (not really Sophia) then what you have stated would make her divorced. What if a partner decide to break up? Jesus said whoever marries a divorced person commits adultery unless it was because of immorality. I don't believe this counts as a marriage at all.
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Then Adam and Eve were never married, and the rest of the generations were never married up tell Moses by your out look cause there was no certificate. And remember that in the scriptures it was talked about that the certificates were allowed cause of the hardness of mans hearts. If they do break up then yes it would be wrong unless it is for sexual immorality. If you consummate your union to God in Jesus name then it is acceptable to God. Because remember Jesus is our High Priest, and if you bring your union before Him then it is a marriage agreement rather you have the paper or not. That is for mans appeasement, but also there is this to too remember if two people live together for a certain amount of time in our society it is called common law marriage.
 
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Sophia1993

Guest
#7
#7
So what happens to a couple that never got married but are together for 60 years? (I know a couple like this)
 
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Sophia1993

Guest
#8
#8
well, i kinda have an idea of where i'm going when i die, haha. thanks for your responses :)
 
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Tintin

Guest
#9
#9
I understand non-Christians who've had sex before marriage but it seems pretty rare these days even for Christians to keep themselves.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#10
Mar 26, 2014
4,414
2,405
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#10
Sophia1993 said:
I made this post before but forgot to ask one question which I will get to in a second. Me and my boyfriend have been with each other for a couple years. We are each other's first, and want to get married eventually. I'm a born again christian and I still have one problem. I still have premarital sex with him. And I don't think I can repent. With that said, I'm going to hell, right? I've repented for everything except for that.. I'm really upset too and scared. I know I should repent but for some reason I can't for this one. We love each other and will get married eventually once I have a stable job. I'm a really good person too. I help people and I'm kind and can't even kill a spider. Do you think I would really go to hell just for that one thing? I'm thinking of just praying about this one. Just wanted to see what others think and have to say. So what happens if I don't repent for that one thing?
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Having Pre-marital sex with your boyfriend makes you "really upset and scared" but you don't think you can stop. To me that sounds more like addiction than love. Being a "good person" doesn't save you or make it ok to keep a little sin on the side.

So it's probably time to ask yourself some tough questions: What keeps you from getting married, especially if you are already acting like you are married? How are you going to feel about giving yourself away to this guy, if something prevents you from getting married? Do you want to get married just so that having sex won't be wrong anymore? Do you talk about the practical side of marriage (where you want to live, how many kids you want to have, how to handle your money, what you would look for in a church you want to attend together, potential conflict areas, will you pursue a career or be a homemaker (especially if and when you have children), etc.

Please remember God is not the enemy. His commands are to protect you from being hurt, not to find an excuse to send you to hell. Part of repentance is changing the way you think about something. Right now you sound like the biggest problem you see with sleeping with your boyfriend is that God is mad at you for it. The real issue is that you are making yourself vulnerable outside of the protection of marriage. He can walk out on you tomorrow and there is nothing you can do and no right that you have to stop him or keep him with you. It would be like a knight taking off his armor outside of the castle during a battle. The castle would protect him without armor, but outside of it, it's just too dangerous to go around without protection.

The other thing is that repentance is a choice. You can choose to repent and try to live to please God no matter what you feel like doing. If you are serious about this, it's probably time to find a pastor or trusted spiritual mentor to confess to and talk things out with. All the best to you Sophia, and may you find the strength to honor God in all you do.
 
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Sophia1993

Guest
#11
#11
Having Pre-marital sex with your boyfriend makes you "really upset and scared"

no, it doesn't. the thought of going to hell because of it does. i very much enjoy making love to my lover.
What keeps you from getting married, especially if you are already acting like you are married?

we are both currently unemployed, and looking. so i don't want to get married until we are financially stable.

I guess I will pray to God on this one, because I do want to repent, but my boyfriend said he will not wait until marriage. I think God is the only one who can change his heart. I will talk to my bf about this again, but he is not taking this whole "religious" thing seriously, even though he is a believer.. I am hoping God can change him with at least that decision because it will be very hard for me to leave someone I love.
 
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faroukfarouk

Banned
#12
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#12
Read Romans 2 about repentance and then figure whether what the Bible says - and what you know to be true - is more important to you than keeping your bf.
 
78jon

78jon

Banned
#13
Nov 20, 2013
50
0
0
#13
Who are you repenting to? Who are you asking forgiveness from? Mankind and the church? You don't have to worry about that sex being wrong to a higher power. I wouldn't worry about it. Thanks for sharing that though, I think?
 
78jon

78jon

Banned
#14
Nov 20, 2013
50
0
0
#14
Did the Holy Spirit tell Jesus to tell that woman who apparently had or had been through 5 husbands she was wrong? I doubt it. It may have been wrong in some humans viewpoints and she wasn't accepted by the "locals", though I';m not sure the Holy Spirit said it was wrong.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#15
#15
78jon said:
Did the Holy Spirit tell Jesus to tell that woman who apparently had or had been through 5 husbands she was wrong? I doubt it. It may have been wrong in some humans viewpoints and she wasn't accepted by the "locals", though I';m not sure the Holy Spirit said it was wrong.
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Really? Of course the Holy Spirit wasn't cool with it. Jesus didn't condemn the woman but offered her redemption through Him.
 
78jon

78jon

Banned
#16
Nov 20, 2013
50
0
0
#16
I think some people's ideas of a Holy Spirit are slightly off reality. Is that stated in the scripture? That the Holy Spirit convicted that woman of a sin?
 
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Animus

Guest
#17
#17
Sophia1993 said:

I guess I will pray to God on this one, because I do want to repent, but my boyfriend said he will not wait until marriage. I think God is the only one who can change his heart. I will talk to my bf about this again, but he is not taking this whole "religious" thing seriously, even though he is a believer.. I am hoping God can change him with at least that decision because it will be very hard for me to leave someone I love.
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People will say anything when their heads are clouded with sex. I'd wager that he is only even a little bit "religious" for your sake, and probably watches pornography like the majority of the secular population, and would just as soon find someone else to fornicate with if you told him you would not. Is this really the man you want to raise your children? I know a lot of people that ignored the signs and told themselves that once they got married that all would be well. It is not true. I know that it is very hard to leave someone you love for this reason, because you think that you might wake up one day and God will have made everything right, but that's not the way God works, he doesn't bend reality so that our sin is rewarded. Will there ever come a day when sin is not enjoyable, whether this or another? You've been fed propaganda your entire life about sex, but your conviction cuts through it. Pray about this, and don't listen to your boyfriend when he says, "It's not a sin", you both know that's not true.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#18
#18
78jon said:
I think some people's ideas of a Holy Spirit are slightly off reality. Is that stated in the scripture? That the Holy Spirit convicted that woman of a sin?
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I don't believe it is stated. I believe I'm going by the nature of the Holy Spirit as revealed throughout God's Word. We're not told the rest of her story, but there's good reason to believe the Holy Spirit was working on her soul. She personally encountered the Jesus, the very Son of God! How can that not change a person?
 
78jon

78jon

Banned
#19
Nov 20, 2013
50
0
0
#19
You'd be surprised about a Holy Spirit. That Spirit will turn someone's gun right on their head and pull the trigger. It'll look just like a suicide. Blasphemers get it bad too. Preachers can't even touch on blasphemy, unless they want to preach outside the bible.
 
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J-Kay-2

Guest
#20
#20
Sophia1993 said:
Having Pre-marital sex with your boyfriend makes you "really upset and scared"

no, it doesn't. the thought of going to hell because of it does. i very much enjoy making love to my lover.
What keeps you from getting married, especially if you are already acting like you are married?

we are both currently unemployed, and looking. so i don't want to get married until we are financially stable.

I guess I will pray to God on this one, because I do want to repent, but my boyfriend said he will not wait until marriage. I think God is the only one who can change his heart. I will talk to my bf about this again, but he is not taking this whole "religious" thing seriously, even though he is a believer.. I am hoping God can change him with at least that decision because it will be very hard for me to leave someone I love.
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I believe you are sincere in being afraid of Gods judgement. The issue is
the way you feel while committing the act itself. You need the intimacy and
want to feel loved. I can assure you, it is probably more lust at this point than
love. And we know when we scratch an itch it feels better for a while. I am
not putting you down even though I know you are sinning against God. I am
leaving that up to God and you to work out. I did go on a search and read
something from another site and found this part very interesting and I think
anyone who reads it will find it interesting too.

Young people today need to be taught to abstain from sexual intercourse and remain pure virgins before marriage. So many problems in marriages today stem from the fact that they are not virgins when they marry. Young people are bringing wounded emotions and diseased bodies into their marriages because of prior promiscuous affairs. STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) are so widespread that the statistics are shocking. There are 12 million new cases of STDs annually in the United states and 67% of these occur among persons under the age of 25. In fact, every year one out of six teens contracts an STD. 100,000 to 150,000 women become infertile each year as a result of STDs.¹ Others endure years of pain as some of these diseases are incurable. What a tragic price to pay for sexual sins. The Bible is right when it says fornication is a sin against one's own body.​
The sin of fornication is not only defined as illicit sexual intercourse between those who are not married but also is an umbrella for other sexual sins as well. The Bible also speaks of the sin of incest as fornication in 1 Corinthians 5:1:​
"It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife."
​
The Bible also lists whoremongers as fornicators in Revelation 21:8:​
But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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All prostitutes and pimps are fornicators. Couples who just "live together" according to the Bible, are committing the same sin that whores commit.Singles who "make love" fall into the same category. Just because society has accepted this type of living does not make it right. The Bible must be our standard of what is right and wrong.We must change our standards if we do not want the wrath of God to fall on us. God hates sin but He loves the sinner. If anyone repents and calls on Jesus today He will help them to come out of any illicit relationship and heal them of all past hurts and even heal any disease that they may havecontracted.​
God gave us the laws in the Bible for our good. They are not meant to deny us any good thing but they are given so we can enjoy the proper sexual relationship in the proper time. If we obey the words of the Bible and "flee fornication" andglorify God in our bodies, the Lord will bless us beyond what we could believe.
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