how do you feel about those who make unconventional/eccentric choices?

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just_monicat

Senior Member
Jan 1, 2014
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inspired by a thread started by darlinnadia

some people choose to follow a very traditional path in their lives socially, professionally and otherwise. others, not so much. the question darlinnadia asked got me thinking about how some of us aren't very comfortable with riskier or less popular choices.

several years ago, i had been dating a guy for about three months, and he casually said to me, "ok, so when do you plan on growing up and doing things the normal way?" or some approximation of that question. i was genuinely confused why he would assume my choices were simple immaturity.

as i've gotten older,i still believe there are plenty who feel that there is only a few "right ways" to living, rather than a wealth of acceptable options.

how tied are you to conform and follow social, cultural, style, vocational, and even church-culture expectations?

in what ways are you eccentric or unconventional?

can you accept and be with someone who doesn't want to follow every conventional expectation?



 
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how tied are you to conform and follow social, cultural, style, vocational, and even church-culture expectations?
I'm not at all. Even back when I was a member of a non denom church,I came in there 1st time in all my heavy metalness..long hair concert tee's etc. No one at the time knew I was saved,'cept for the Pastor,because he knew my Mom & she'd told him that I and my other bandmates were looking for a church to attend that we could submit ourselves to for some sort of accountability & have as a church family/home base type of thing to be involved with. I ended up being asked to join the praise & worship team a few months after joining to play drums,and the old drummer used to wear a suit jacket & tie. I told them all flat out: "I sweat,I cant do the suit jacket thing,but I'll wear a tie & look presentable,if yer' cool with that,then you have yerself a drummer." I never once felt the compulsion to look a certain way. I cut my hair off after my 2nd year there,because I wanted to,not because I felt any pressure to conform to what many of the members who attended there looked or dressed like. If I were ever to join another church again,I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to make anyone stumble,but in the same breath,I'm not going to be Mr. suit & tie guy. That's just not me..ever. Besides,personally I think that an entire church body that dresses all pristine,sometimes can alienate new new people just coming in off the street who may not have the money to "dress up". I like seeing a mix of people at any church,and I think Jesus would want people to feel accepted for however they come to Him. His Spirit will work on their hearts later if how they are dressed is a serious problem to themselves or others,I believe.
in what ways are you eccentric or unconventional?
I would say I am unconventional in maybe just the simple fact that I really don't think we can box God into specific ways of working in the hearts & minds of people. Sure,there are obvious principals & guidlines He has set into motion that He is not going to go against,but once many of us get saved (and I've been guilty of this many times) we tend to box Him into a certain way that He will always move or certain vehicles He'll work through...then we tend to get prideful,judgemental,and worst of all (imo) unteachable. I've always been on the fringe of "normal" as far as my musical tastes or artistic ideas & interests lie,and it became even more noticeable once I got saved,just how non-conventional my tastes were. I dunno if I would be considered eccentric,but I am certainly not the A-Typical christian guy...never have been. Sometimes..very rarely,it bothers me...sometimes I wish I "fit in" more than I have. For the most part I don't honestly care. I've grown enough over the years to be fairly comfortable in my own skin. I tend to try to encourage those who feel out of place in the body,and let them know that it's not always a bad thing to be different...just as long as what yer' doing isn't blatantly against God's word.
can you accept and be with someone who doesn't want to follow every conventional expectation
Yep. Most of my closest friends over the years are & have been unconventional. If you mean "be with" in the sense of a dating or marital romantic fashion,then the answer is still yes,but they would have to at least at their core be a christian & have the same core beliefs in Christ as me. I'm not out to change anyone nor have them conform to my perspective of christianity or relationship with God,nor do I want someone being my shadow or clone.
 
I would go exactly by the book when it comes to my church teachings because it reflects the bible teachings. But I'm hundred percent willing to be unconventional or completely eccentric when it comes to cultural or social rules IF the cultural or social rules are not right or obsolete or not true etc. etc.
Like for example I'm willing to marry a man from a different culture than mine as long as he respects and abides by my religious values. :)
 
(* monicat, I read your post again after done writing my response, and I have this feeling that I kinda misunderstood your question/topic haha - oh well, I will just click and disappear.)



I see on Yahoo News time to time on how certain college degrees will become "worthless" because of lessening earning power or what degrees have brighter prospect, again, in terms of earning power. I never cared about what makes more money but rather cared about what I like and what I am passionate about. When I was in high school, I had three dreams I was passionate about - or five if you count becoming an astronaut so I can walk on the moon and see the earth; and other one being an arcade owner where I give out free tokens to kids who bring in their report cards - and I pretty much had a chance to live out the first two dreams and now almost at the point of achieving the third one at the age of 40. So I do get those silent look/pressure about why are you still at where you are in terms of social ladder when most people in your age group are way ahead of the game. I know I am not completely free from that silent look/pressure and in fact got out of that comparison trap by finding my worth and identity in Christ but I am glad I followed through what I liked rather than what I was expected to follow. If I am ever blessed with having my own kids, I will make sure to tell them what I want and expect from them is that they do and follow what they like and feel passionate about rather than having to choose a certain path because it will prepare them to make more money and earn higher social status.

I've been listening to a series of sermons recently and realize that I've been living my life as a Christian in an unconventional way by staying in my comfort zone, concerning only about my own faith and my own life, basically doing squat in terms of sharing and spreading the gospel to others, when there are people out there sharing and spreading the good news, healing the sick, driving out the demons, and even raising the dead in the name of Jesus Christ, which is and should be the norm for those who are washed in the blood of Jesus Christ. Seriously, when was the last time I actually approached and witnessed to someone? Yes, you can always be part of the business of seeking and expanding the Kingdom of God by supporting missionaries and witnessing to people around you through your godly life - which sounds like the kind of life I've been trying to live - but I think it's really about me trying to justify when in fact I am simply scared and don't see what Father sees - billions of souls ready for harvest.
 
I have issues with Baseball Caps... I dated a guy once... well .. let's call it dating for ease of conversation.. at any rate, he wore BUG eye glasses (I disliked not being able to see his eyes) and he wore a baseball cap and every single time he'd try to kiss me the bill of the hat would hit me in the forehead. EVERY SINGLE TIME.....

Same thing with Cowboy hats.

Since I relying on lip reading, I also have issues with mustaches.. and I'm not a fan of dramatic mustaches, the handlebar ones .. etc

So .. No hats, no lip hair, no shades? hmmm maybe some shades, just depends.

Edit: Dress like Kakashi Hatake and I'm likely to obey whatever you say. ... but you have to have copy ninja skillZ
 
I'm all for being unconventional and eccentric, but out here there's some unconventional people I'd rather steer clear of.
Not that they're bad or anything, just that they're well... weird.. and maybe have some mental issues?.. o_O
 
I think there are great things to learn from the people who live their lives according to 'acceptable' norms (and I guess codes or rules) and also the eccentric type. At my church, we have a few families that are 'traditional' who consider and follow safe and careful boundaries, but they give good advice about keeping it all together. Then there are the eccentric ones who get me excited about mundane things, come up with new and out there concepts and who always have me in stitches from laughter.

Personally, as a kindergarten teacher, I work my myself hard to deliver an outstanding curriculum, I build loving relationships with the children with set boundaries and high expectations, and I follow through with my behaviour management strategies without flinching. At the same time, I am the teacher that thinks its okay to play my violin while dancing on a table, I think its fun to push the children down an elevated plank while they're sitting in a storage container with wheels (it didn't last long, the container broke, I laughed) and that its okay to have a water fight if I am working on my birthday.

I have a pretty set standard on the way I dress regarding how high my skirts are and how much skin is being revealed, but I do like throwing in some aviators, a leather jacket and laced up boots with a pretty knee high dress.

I guess variety is nice. I think both people who live life according to acceptable norms and eccentric people are great to have in my life, however, you would have to consider and think about people who'd go to the extreme.
 
just_monicat said:


how tied are you to conform and follow social, cultural, style, vocational, and even church-culture expectations?

in what ways are you eccentric or unconventional?

can you accept and be with someone who doesn't want to follow every conventional expectation?

Click to expand...

I recognize and wholeheartedly agree with the need for norms and rules. As for conformity, you have to know me before you realize how unique and unconventional I am. I'll generally follow norms that I don't think are important or stupid. I won't violate important principles or do stupid stuff without very good reason (which means a lot of social and style expectations are discarded immediately). Let's say I don't believe in non-conformity for its own sake, but I just gotta be me.

Most of my non-conformity is of the internal kind. Even when I think the same as a lot of church people, I probably got there by a different route. I'm highly introverted and don't bother faking otherwise. Brutally honest, I don't bother faking anything so deal with it. I have good manners but little tact at times. Some of my best friends and mentors are dead authors or fictional characters (yeah these are kind of one way relationships). Oh and I am one of the most coldly logical, rational females you will ever meet (like I've thought it through and decided that I would consider marrying someone I had no emotional attachment to if he were a good Godly man that I could respect and I believed we could do more to build God's kingdom as a team than apart).

Not want to follow every conventional expectation that's ok. But have some good reasons for your course of action, not just casting aside the rules or being rebellious. I have a hard time with people who don't have consistently applied standards. As far as a romantic relationship, I like routine and knowing what to expect and I'm a compulsive planner. That lends itself to someone who follows a more traditional path or someone who would value those strengths in me enough to let me have my way in that most of the time but would occasionally interrupt my plans with explosions of spontaneity.
 
If the person happens to be female, it just makes me more interested. There's plenty of so called "normal" people out there, the oddballs are more fun
 
I am a pretty conservative person, I mean by the way I dress and jewelry, makeup etc. I've always been one that thinks when it come's to jewelry and makeup that less is more.

In today's society I see a lot of tattoo's and piercings. I am not someone who like's that look, but I don't think people who do are bad people. I honestly probably wouldn't date someone who had a million tattoo's and piercing's just because I find that unattractive. This is just my taste and I know plenty of others who do find that attractive and whatever, to each his own.

I doubt someone who is all decked out with that stuff would find me attractive either. I'm a very casual dresser and I love sneakers, so I probably would be more attractive to a jock or something, or a nerd. I don't know. I haven't dated in years.

The only think I suggest is, if you plan on doing a lot of tattoo's and piercings, like those gauges they put in their ears, really think about it. OK you're 19 now in college, when you're out of school looking for a job, just remember you might have to cover that stuff up. Regrets don't remove tattoo's and if you stretch your ear lobes out enough the only way to fix that is with plastic surgery.
 
Fenner said:
I am a pretty conservative person, I mean by the way I dress and jewelry, makeup etc. I've always been one that thinks when it come's to jewelry and makeup that less is more.

In today's society I see a lot of tattoo's and piercings. I am not someone who like's that look, but I don't think people who do are bad people. I honestly probably wouldn't date someone who had a million tattoo's and piercing's just because I find that unattractive. This is just my taste and I know plenty of others who do find that attractive and whatever, to each his own.

I doubt someone who is all decked out with that stuff would find me attractive either. I'm a very casual dresser and I love sneakers, so I probably would be more attractive to a jock or something, or a nerd. I don't know. I haven't dated in years.

The only think I suggest is, if you plan on doing a lot of tattoo's and piercings, like those gauges they put in their ears, really think about it. OK you're 19 now in college, when you're out of school looking for a job, just remember you might have to cover that stuff up. Regrets don't remove tattoo's and if you stretch your ear lobes out enough the only way to fix that is with plastic surgery.
Click to expand...

Ms. Fenner:

I see what you mean. Although today I think the whole thing of piercings and tattoos has come full circle. For example, teen girls and their moms started getting extra ear piercings in the late 1970s. Which means that a 19 year old and a 45 year old who got double sets of rings put in at around 1979 would now be 54 and 80 respectively.

There was also an article in the Huffington Post about the large numbers of older women getting tattoos.

Some Christians just don't like it. Others fight against it. Others instead embrace it and get faith based designs that are potentially useful in witness.

Blessings.
 
Fenner said:
... I don't know...
Click to expand...

PS. Ms. Fenner:

Here is an extract from the Huffington Post article (I'm not saying this is what ppl ought to do, but it certainly seems like a trend):

' "...most of my clients are in the older bracket," Gallo-Kohlas told The Huffington Post. "We see a lot of women in their sixties and seventies getting their first tattoos." Gallo-Kohlas recalls a woman in her sixties who got a tattoo because everyone in the golf clique at her gated community had one. It seemed like the thing to do in order to fit in. '

Many Women Get Tattoos Post 50 – And Don't Regret It Later


 
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