A "New" Breed of Rebel: The Intellectual "Bad Boy" (Or Girl)?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

I've been thinking about this lately and am not 100% sure how to put it into words, so please bear with me.

*Disclaimer: I am NOT trying to insult anyone for believing God has gifted them intellectually (and for some reason, I keep spelling "intellectual" wrong, so please forgive any errors I might make!) We have MULTITUDES of people out there with all kinds of God-given talent who are serving others. What I'm talking about here is the context of people who purposely use their abilities to intimidate or put down other people for their own self-empowerment.*

I have often heard the stereotype that "Women Only Want Bad Boys". When I was younger, the definition of a "Bad Boy" seemed to be someone who depended on a select set of characteristics to get him (or her) by in life: good looks, charm, natural ability, attitude, etc. that supposedly allowed them to "buck" the system or "play by their own set of rules." Supposedly, this was attractive because it displays "confidence". (I was never attracted to this personally.)

As I've gotten older, I seem to be encountering more and more people who felt like misfits or "nerds" in their teens and early adulthood, but as older adults, they're now more confident in their abilities and not afraid to let everyone know exactly how much ability they have. For instance, maybe it's a computer junkie who's turned his once "geeky" (in the eyes of others) hobby into a career and has done quite well because if it. Or maybe it's someone whose study skills always earned top marks, and now as an adult, they've found they can rock most anything involving complex series of information.

Something subtle, and sometimes not-so-subtle that I'm finding in my adult life is what I see as the advent of "The Intellectual Baddie"--someone who is now very confident in their skill set--and not afraid to let other people know it. In fact, they really enjoy crushing people under (what they perceive as being) their vast intellectual superiority. The Bible Discussion room is a classic example. Often times, reading the posts makes one wonder if the goal of some posters is actually to help people better understand The Word of God... or if it's some sort of WWF Championship in which the most militant participants are out to "trump" everyone else with their "obviously" vast, superior knowledge (all in the name of the Lord, of course, which makes it righteous, right???!!!) I have even sometimes read about users bragging that they will "probably be banned" from the site because their understanding is far beyond that of any other participant and therefore, they will be ostracized because of their own superior knowledge.

Interestingly, I've also observed that many who use their intellectualism as their own pedestal often claim they are the nicest, most Godly-serving people around and are quick to declare anyone who rejects them romantically as being "superficial", "worldly", and "only interested in looks or money". Of course, if one wants to make it sound super-spiritual, they will also add, "YOU KNOW, the LORD looks at the HEART."

Yup. I would agree: they are showing their hearts quite readily. And, to tell you the truth, I, not being a person of such vast intellectual superiority, would feel terrified to even ask such a person a question, let alone tell them anything about myself, my life, or my mistakes. They'd just make me feel like a big moron or would pull out their vast "measuring stick", to which I could not compare, as I see them do to anyone else around them... and who wants to be around someone who makes you (or other people) feel that way?

The reason I'm writing this thread is because of my own frustration in the dating world, as well as everyday life. Past examples I have encountered include watching (male and female) co-workers who felt they "knew it all" constantly berate and correct young co-workers who was just starting out, as well as dating situations in which I would watch a guy pretty much talk about how everyone else around him was an idiot... But then somehow I guess he expected me to feel comfortable with not only talking to him, but also somehow forming a close bond, relationship, and intention of marriage!!!

I'm sorry, but my heart just doesn't work that way. Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE intelligent discussion. I may not be able to keep up, but I try to learn whatever I can. I have a good friend who is incredibly talented in the area of law, but he doesn't put me down or make fun of me when I get confused about the differences between, let's say, a felony and a misdemeanor (sorry, I just don't have a lot of experience in breaking the law.) In fact, he always tells me about his older cousin who is "smarter and faster" than he is... supposedly... But because he values the talents in others, he never makes that big of a deal of his own, making him approachable and comfortable to talk to.

I've noticed in the past few years that while I've never been attracted to "traditional bad boys", I'm most certainly not attracted to the intellectual ones either.

And it makes me at a loss of how to explain my reasoning when they sometimes inquire very adamantly as to why I'm not interested in seeing them again. I don't know how to say, "You project yourself as being so smart and way beyond everyone else... that I couldn't see myself as capable, worthy, or smart enough to be able to feel comfortable to talk to you either."

Now I know someone like this might say to himself, "Eh, that's ok!! If her self-esteem is that low, that's her problem and not mine!" or, "She's obviously way below me and too stupid to deserve someone as smart as I am anyway!" Which is all fine and good. And of course, it's not just men. I get frustrated when I see intellectually superior women talking down to other women (often younger) as well. (It happens to me A LOT, because 30-something's often assume I'm younger than they are.)

I'm just never really sure as to how to deal with the situation in hand.

Has anyone else run into this? I would love to hear about your experiences and thoughts. What have you said and done in such situations?

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

I have a tip for you: put in the time and effort to improve your own skill sets to a point of competency and mastery and then you won't feel so intimidated by others whom have put years of hard work to gain those skills sets that you feel you have to write these long winded posts criticizing them/us/whomever.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

In my experience, people who tend to make others around them feel stupid are actually lacking self-confidence themselves. It's a sad thing... for people who are so brilliant-minded to feel the need to be condescending or unkind in order to make themselves look or feel more superior. I know several people who are like this. Regardless of WHY they do it... it's unkind and thoughtless, and that definitely doesn't appeal to me.

Of course, sometimes I feel inferior to people through no fault of their own, and I'd never hold that against them. A whole lot of people ARE much smarter than me. I know that I have other strengths though, so I can live with that as long as they are kind and patient with my weaknesses.

As far as what I've done in those situations... in one instance, it is a friend of mine and I know that she does it because she has a need to feel adequate and smart. I try to remind myself of that and be patient with her. For another person I knew, I would tend to scoff at their more obvious attempts to appear super-intellectual. I think they got the hint. I'm not in awe, mister. Cut the act! Be intelligent. USE what God has given you, but for HIS glory, and not your own.

 

[posthuman]

i'm sure i have been on the giving end at least as much as the receiving end and i suspect an awful lot more. =\

i'm one of those people that grew up making high marks in school and succeeding in sports and everything else i put my hand to and being told how bright i was & how much potential i have for my whole childhood. i've struggled internally to be humble and meek my whole life, in rejection of it, but i know too that i hurt people's feelings often without ever meaning too. i've had a lot of education and things come out of my mouth in not the way that i mean for them to sound. i see it in other people, but i see it in myself more than anyone else -- i can't make apologies for myself; i'm just confessing. i'm sorry =[
it's pride.

you make a good point about Bible discussion - and not just that one section of the forum. a lot of us who wouldn't be so prideful in other areas get zealous and aggressive when we start to talk about the Bible, moreso than others even do about politics. i think - well i hope, and also think - that a lot of that is simply ignorant love. we have great convictions in our hearts over God, and we lash out with words before we think & pray, or really take time to understand each other.

there are a number of people here i've seen completely defeat that, who are always posting with gentleness & compassion, and i greatly admire that - it's a reflection of Christ in them

i hope there are more people like those in all of our lives, and we can all learn to be more like that ourselves too. i know we will, because "the work He has begun in me, He will not fail to complete" !!

 

[seoulsearch]

I have a tip for you: put in the time and effort to improve your own skill sets to a point of competency and mastery and then you won't feel so intimidated by others whom have put years of hard work to gain those skills sets that you feel you have to write these long winded posts criticizing them/us/whomever.

Thanks, Age. I knew I could count on you. I certainly wasn't writing this to you personally but I'm sorry you took such offense.

I'm not a complete moron to all, just some, and that's ok.

I grew up in Lutheran schools, have taken several Bible classes, and have read 6 Bibles (NIV, The Message, Amplified, Apologetics, Spirit-Filled Life, Billy Graham Training Bible) from cover to cover as my own personal studies over the years, as well as dozens of books.

Once upon a time, I was a year away from completing a Master's Degree in Psychology, with only my thesis and one or two classes to complete (and had already written my thesis proposal in three sections, earning 92%-95% on each section in a class where I was told the prof never gave out higher than an 89%. I was also in the middle of actively conducting my thesis project.) I assisted several doctoral students with their dissertations and was a TA for one of my graduate professors, and worked for a semester at a school for special needs children. I guess these people were really fortunate they didn't know how ridiculously dumb I am or they might not have accepted me into their programs to work as an assistant!

As I've said in other posts, at the time, I had an interest in criminal psychology and wanted to specialize in things such as serial murderers. I spent a few years in a ministry in which I wrote, spoke, and visited with inmates who had committed crimes like rape and murder. It's an interesting thing to talk to someone with LWOP (life without parole) who, by age 20, he had killed 2 people (one being a parent) and shot a third (another relative) about what kind of plan God now had for their life. These are the things I've been doing with my time as a single person.

I apologize for not being intelligent enough for YOU, Age, but I manage as best I can in the plan I believe God has for my own life. I truly enjoy learning from other people.

I wish you the best, Age, and God bless.

 

[seoulsearch]

Grace and Posthuman, thank you so much for the honesty in your posts.

I'm sure there are times I've been guilty of this as well. I can't pinpoint the times when someone felt too intimidated to ask me a question or approach me, but it sure does make me sorry for when it happened and want to work at allowing God to change me into a more humble, Godly person.

My above post was not meant as bragging, but rather as a reply to Age's accusation that I myself have not poured years of hard work and dedication into education and self-development. I am always working on learning something, whether in formal education or in my own personal time.

The whole point of this thread is that just because God may bless us in this area... We don't have a right to use it against other people as a way to belittle them or make ourselves look better.

 

[PopClick]

I have a tip for you: put in the time and effort to improve your own skill sets to a point of competency and mastery and then you won't feel so intimidated by others whom have put years of hard work to gain those skills sets that you feel you have to write these long winded posts criticizing them/us/whomever.

The OP really isn't about skills that people have, as much as it's about what people THINK they have. Often those two things differ greatly.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

The OP really isn't about skills that people have, as much as it's about what people THINK they have. Often those two things differ greatly.

Or, about how they use what they have.

 

[seoulsearch]

The OP really isn't about skills that people have, as much as it's about what people THINK they have. Often those two things differ greatly.

As usual, Pop is here to save the day as my interpreter.

(What should I write as my excuse, Pop? "Me no speakie die English veddy well!" )

 

[PopClick]

Or, about how they use what they have.

Definitely. There are a lot of really smart people that don't have much tact. But I've found that usually if someone is incredibly vocal about their skills (to the point of boasting and attempting to put others down), it's because they want people to think that they are more than they are. If they let the truth speak for itself... well, it might not say what they want it to say.

 

[DuchessAimee]

It comes down to pride. Someone who is a know it all is prideful. Someone who is rebellious is prideful. It doesn't matter if someone thinks they're the best or the worst, it's pride that causes someone to think that way.

 

[seoulsearch]

^^^ Points above. You know, the next time I want to write a thread... I think I'm just going to have Pop, Grace, and Posthuman write it for me. They seem to be communicating the subject a lot better than I am.

I have a tip for you: put in the time and effort to improve your own skill sets to a point of competency and mastery and then you won't feel so intimidated by others whom have put years of hard work to gain those skills sets that you feel you have to write these long winded posts criticizing them/us/whomever.

One last thought to address the accusation that I have not put any time into my own skill set: one of the most important things I learned during my own educational journey is when I had to step down because I was exceeding the boundaries of my own capacities.

A few examples of the inmates' stories that were beyond what I personally felt I could handle: the teenage inmate who tried to hide the body of the person at school he'd shot and would have been perfectly fine to just walk away as if nothing happened. The inmate who, at ages 15 and 17, was convicted on two separate occasions for molesting girls as young as 8 and 5, and though he was only serving 5 years when I corresponded with him, he said he knew that "unless I get help, I know I'll keep offending". The inmate who had no qualms about causing bodily harm (stabbing other inmates) with intent to kill because he found it "satisfying."

These types of things were beyond what I could personally handle, because I began to feel responsible (as a Christian, I started to somehow wish/think that my interactions with them would magically change their behaviors.)

One of the most important lesson I learned during that time was that I wasn't smart enough, strong enough, or spiritually mature enough to deal with these kinds of issues in such up-close circumstances.

Many would see this as a weakness, but for me, it was a chance to learn my own limitations, and ask God how He can utilize my weaknesses in other directions.

 

[seoulsearch]

Another point of this thread is that I just wish such people would want to collectively share knowledge and experience (validating that others around them have just as much value and talent to contribute) instead of trying to dictate the conversation or situation. As Grace pointed out, it's fine to have intellectual talent, it just depends on how we use it and what our approach is when interacting with others.

Several years ago I ran into an old acquaintance from high school... We got into a brief but basic conversation about certain genetic traits and he expressed surprise that I could remember and produce a simple version of a Punnett Square. (I admit to pulling at a lot of brain cells I hadn't used in a while. )

It made me sad that he didn't apparently didn't see me at all as being someone who might actually be able to contribute to the conversation! I couldn't claim to know much more beyond that but in a situation where I actually feel invited to contribute, rather than being a forced "student" would be much more enjoyable... not to mention educational.

 

[Animus]

So I Googled "What is an intellectual?" and I got Urban Dictionary saying, "Someone who has found something more interesting than sex and alcohol."

I find that the most annoying "intellectuals" are the ones that are actually not the brightest ones. A lot of their intellectualism comes from reading what someone has written about a subject, and then repeating that whenever the subject comes up. This will often result in the person pulling out their intellectualism at odd times, so that they can prove that they have it. This will also result in them trying to steer the conversation to the topics they know about, even if the other person will clearly not be interested.

 

[seoulsearch]

So I Googled "What is an intellectual?" and I got Urban Dictionary saying, "Someone who has found something more interesting than sex and alcohol."

I find that the most annoying "intellectuals" are the ones that are actually not the brightest ones. A lot of their intellectualism comes from reading what someone has written about a subject, and then repeating that whenever the subject comes up. This will often result in the person pulling out their intellectualism at odd times, so that they can prove that they have it. This will also result in them trying to steer the conversation to the topics they know about, even if the other person will clearly not be interested.

Great post, Animus. Thank you!

The ironic thing about that definition of an intellectual is that some (NOT all, of course, but some) intellectuals I've been around... tell the dirtiest jokes, make the crudest suggestive remarks, and let you know that they'd be interested in sex anytime it was offered. Which only adds to my feelings of extreme discomfort.

Now of course, I'm NOT saying anyone with half a brain is like this... It's just very ironic to me that I've met some guys who are SO into what THEY feel they know that they don't bother asking anyone else to contribute... and yet all that intellectual wisdom apparently isn't enough to override the compulsive addictions to pornography and blatant sexual suggestions. I'm not saying this to condemn, but rather, what I can't understand is why they'd be so judgmental of everyone else when they're losing their own battle.

And, what can be considered "intellectual" is very subjective. I know a guy who made failing grades throughout school despite trying his hardest, but you put most anything mechanical in front of him and he can fix it. I visited him at his workshop once and was amazed at the array of things waiting for his attention, from computer printers and transistors to lawnmowers and a car... but he could repair every single one of them, and he never had a formal education beyond high school. I would definitely consider him to be one of the smartest people I know, and I was grateful when I asked him to please explain the concept of "torque" in the context of his work... and he didn't try to bowl me over with knowledge, laugh, or insult me for asking.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Count on me for what? I never took offense. Why are you fabricating so much false innuendo from my simple post and twisting it so badly?

Obviously, I never called you a moron. I just gave my viewpoint that you appear to be overly sensitive (which has been substantiated by your overly defensive reply here) and somewhat intimidated by serious debates and offered what I have observed is one way to overcome that.

But if you'd rather be immature then by all means carry on.

Thanks, Age. I knew I could count on you. I certainly wasn't writing this to you personally but I'm sorry you took such offense.

I'm not a complete moron to all, just some, and that's ok.

I grew up in Lutheran schools, have taken several Bible classes, and have read 6 Bibles (NIV, The Message, Amplified, Apologetics, Spirit-Filled Life, Billy Graham Training Bible) from cover to cover as my own personal studies over the years, as well as dozens of books.

Once upon a time, I was a year away from completing a Master's Degree in Psychology, with only my thesis and one or two classes to complete (and had already written my thesis proposal in three sections, earning 92%-95% on each section in a class where I was told the prof never gave out higher than an 89%. I was also in the middle of actively conducting my thesis project.) I assisted several doctoral students with their dissertations and was a TA for one of my graduate professors, and worked for a semester at a school for special needs children. I guess these people were really fortunate they didn't know how ridiculously dumb I am or they might not have accepted me into their programs to work as an assistant!

As I've said in other posts, at the time, I had an interest in criminal psychology and wanted to specialize in things such as serial murderers. I spent a few years in a ministry in which I wrote, spoke, and visited with inmates who had committed crimes like rape and murder. It's an interesting thing to talk to someone with LWOP (life without parole) who, by age 20, he had killed 2 people (one being a parent) and shot a third (another relative) about what kind of plan God now had for their life. These are the things I've been doing with my time as a single person.

I apologize for not being intelligent enough for YOU, Age, but I manage as best I can in the plan I believe God has for my own life. I truly enjoy learning from other people.

I wish you the best, Age, and God bless.

 

[maxwel]

Some of us ain't hardly got no smarts at all...

that's why God made us purdy.

: )

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Count on me for what? I never took offense. Why are you fabricating so much false innuendo from my simple post and twisting it so badly?

Actually, it looked to me as if you took offense and responded accordingly. I don't know if you were addressing Seoul based on previous interactions from other threads in other forums, or if you felt that her post was addressing you personally, but her OP made perfect sense to me and did not seem to justify your response to it. Just a bit of objective food for thought.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Nope. I didn't. So you assigned meaning to it that never existed. Best to just ask in the future. Just a bit of objective food for thought .

Actually, it looked to me as if you took offense and responded accordingly. I don't know if you were addressing Seoul based on previous interactions from other threads in other forums, or if you felt that her post was addressing you personally, but her OP made perfect sense to me and did not seem to justify your response to it. Just a bit of objective food for thought.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I have a tip for you: put in the time and effort to improve your own skill sets to a point of competency and mastery and then you won't feel so intimidated by others whom have put years of hard work to gain those skills sets that you feel you have to write these long winded posts criticizing them/us/whomever.

Okay then.