Does having sex make you married?

[iTOREtheSKY]

This begs the question if a harlot repents, is she still defiled? a divorced woman, same thing... if she's given a certificate of divorce, is she still defiled?

The BIGGEST Question I have is: If someone is not part of the Body of Christ... does this rule apply still? Can't hold non-believers to these rules and laws can we?

I expect more of the Body of Christ, non-believers aren't under the spirit or the law I thought.

We can't & don't..God does though. Ever hear of Judgement Day?

 

[zeroturbulence]

Here's my 2 cents...

Sex is an act.

Marriage is a commitment.

Does act = commitment? I think not.

Next!

 

[just_monicat]

The 5th husband of the Woman at the Well is not technically her hhusband because technically she is an adulteress against her first husband.

but that makes no sense to me. then she would have 1 husband, and several adulterous affairs. why would he acknowledge 5 husbands but not the marriage of the current man if sex equaled marriage?

Tamar and Judah did marry. Even Judah laments that Tamar was more righteous than he was because he should have given her to his son in marriage instead of delaying. Notice also Judah put away Tamar and slept with her no more and as far as we know this is the last time Judah have sex in the Bible.

tamar and judah marry? i don't see any evidence of that--even though there's a pretty good expectation of such. but the way it reads in genesis tells me that she wasn't immediately acknowledged as his wife simply because of sex.

As for David and Bathsheba, them having sex was probably one of David's biggest offenses to the Lord. Especially when you consider that it was adultery due to Bathsheba being married to Uriah the Hittite whom was such a loyal follower of David he even refused to enjoy his time off on leave from the battlefield. Surely it is written how David is cursed by the Lord for what he did.

yes, their act of sex was considered a sin and offense in the sight of God. but having sex alone didn't create or acknowledge them as married.

marriage in the bible seems to additionally require an acknowledgement of such intention, not just a physical act.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

I think Dinah's story is a good example too. I always kinda felt bad for Shechem. We see Dinah and Shechem have sex and Shechem's soul cleaved to Dinah. Shechem offer anything possible to make their marriage legit. His dad Hamor even offers all the daughters of his tribe as payment!

Even Jacob is fine with this agreement.

Then Simeon and Levi slay the Hamorites. Observe the argument between Jacob and his two sons over this. Jacob is dismayed, and I personally lean to his viewpoint on the situation too, I'd be real scared in his spot saying now everyone in the land will try to kill him. Then again as an oldest brother with a lil sister myself, I kinda get Levi and Simeon's point of view of family honor too.

Very tricky are the affairs of the heart no doubt!

 

[Animus]

I'm with CatHerder.
1 Corinthians 6:9 - "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,"

Fornication - "sexual intercourse between people not married to each other."

If sex is marriage then this word has no meaning; it is impossible.

I agree that marriage is not run by the state, and therefore if you and your significant other decide to get your relatives and go have a priest marry you before God in some bush, without inviting Uncle Sam, then that's fine. But this is a very different thing then fornicating with your fiance and then saying, "We are married in God's eyes" which I have heard so often said. I understand that people here are trying to say that sex is a very serious bonding, which is true, but not all serious bondings are marriage. Also consider that if sex is marriage, then there is also no such thing as divorce (sex cannot be undone) and all sexual activity done thereafter is adultery. But the bible talks about two cases where divorce is tolerable,

"And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." - Matthew 19:9

"But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace." - 1 Corinthians 7:15

 

[Markum1972]

A couple of other things.

God is committed and does not lie. He created us in his image and as his children we are to be growing in his likeness.

So when two commit to become one flesh, they should honor that commitment and remain together and let no man (even their own selves) to divide that apart.

This next thing could create great controversy with many churches. Paul goes on to say that if a man behaves improperly towards a woman that is not married, he has done no wrong. Remember that God created men and women to have affection towards one another. It says "Let them marry". It does not say to discourage them from doing so, yet this is the stance I here many in the church taking today.

1 Corinithians7:36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.

I will go even farther to say that I have observed that condemnation concerning this behavior has discouraged young people from remaining together and has encouraged them to fornicate. Just something to think about.

 

[Markum1972]

This begs the question if a harlot repents, is she still defiled? a divorced woman, same thing... if she's given a certificate of divorce, is she still defiled?

The BIGGEST Question I have is: If someone is not part of the Body of Christ... does this rule apply still? Can't hold non-believers to these rules and laws can we?

I expect more of the Body of Christ, non-believers aren't under the spirit or the law I thought.

It is to the believer...
1 Corinthians 7
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

 

[just_monicat]

That's a great question.

The actual word "marriage" first appears in Genesis 34 with Dinah. Dinah was considered defiled until an agreement had been made between the families and they were allowed to marry.

The very first use of the term wife is in Genesis 2:24 & 25. It is described as the act of a man clinging (through what the new testament calls natural affection; Romans 1 and 2 Timothy 3) to his "wife" and the two becoming one flesh as a result.

I think that Matthew 19:5-6 says it more clearly than anywhere else when Jesus said...

5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Note that in this passage, Jesus says that God put them together. God created man to have this affection. He then says to let no one divide them.

Understand that there are forms of sexual interaction that are considered vile and defiling. The scripture discusses these cases as well. When you look at everything written though, it appears to be a consent between a man and woman to become one flesh through natural affection that occurs between them.

Now, think about how differently young people today might behave if they understood the true implications of having sex with someone else.

Lastly, 1 Corinthians 6 exemplifies this once again...

16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

does the phrase "one flesh" equal marriage? we see over and over in scripture this phrasing of "one flesh", but it isn't the same word (in hebrew or greek) as "marriage".

thus, one clearly creates a soul or spiritual tie with another in the act of sex--we know that to be absolutely clear in scripture. however, that still isn't the equivalent of marriage.

one of the things that i've seen happen over and over again with christians is they make the mistake of having premarital sex, and try to "fix" the problem by planning to or actually marrying, believing that they're now "married in the eyes of God".

i think following that logic is a fallacy supported by the whole "if we had sex, we're already married in the eyes of God" notion.

once sin exists, it cannot be corrected, only repented and forgiven.

but are they "married" by that sinful act? i don't think the bible supports that at all.

 

[Markum1972]

I'm with CatHerder.
1 Corinthians 6:9 - "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,"

Fornication - "sexual intercourse between people not married to each other."

If sex is marriage then this word has no meaning; it is impossible.

I agree that marriage is not run by the state, and therefore if you and your significant other decide to get your relatives and go have a priest marry you before God in some bush, without inviting Uncle Sam, then that's fine. But this is a very different thing then fornicating with your fiance and then saying, "We are married in God's eyes" which I have heard so often said. I understand that people here are trying to say that sex is a very serious bonding, which is true, but not all serious bondings are marriage. Also consider that if sex is marriage, then there is also no such thing as divorce (sex cannot be undone) and all sexual activity done thereafter is adultery. But the bible talks about two cases where divorce is tolerable,

"And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." - Matthew 19:9

"But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace." - 1 Corinthians 7:15

Fornication in scripture is not defined this way. Fornication is the result of joining yourself to more than one person by not remaining with the person you have become one body with. Nowhere in scripture will you find it described as "sex before marriage". That is a man-made understanding. Let scripture define itself. Line upon line, precept upon precept.

It is similar to the word faith, which first appeared in scripture and was also defined by scripture in Hebrews 11, Romans 10, and other places. The definition that you see in a dictionary is nowhere even close.

 

[DarlinNadia]

I'm seriously thinking I'm due money somewhere.. or at least a cow.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

imo...Great points Monica.

 

[Markum1972]

does the phrase "one flesh" equal marriage? we see over and over in scripture this phrasing of "one flesh", but it isn't the same word (in hebrew or greek) as "marriage".

thus, one clearly creates a soul or spiritual tie with another in the act of sex--we know that to be absolutely clear in scripture. however, that still isn't the equivalent of marriage.

one of the things that i've seen happen over and over again with christians is they make the mistake of having premarital sex, and try to "fix" the problem by planning to or actually marrying, believing that they're now "married in the eyes of God".

i think following that logic is a fallacy supported by the whole "if we had sex, we're now married" notion. once sin exists, it cannot be corrected, only repented and forgiven.

but are they "married" by that sinful act? i don't think the bible supports that at all.

Adam and Eve were both called husband and wife (Genesis 2 and 3). When Jesus was asked about marriage, he defined it this way...

Matthew 10
5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

 

[Markum1972]

The issue at hand is not "sex before marriage". Scriptures says that if two have this attraction to one another, and even act on it, they have not sinned.

1 Corinthians 7
36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.

The sin is them not remaining together.

 

[seoulsearch]

I could be wrong, but let's take a case in which an adult has sex with a minor (seems to happen all the time nowadays.)

Would it then be expected that once the minor is of age, the two are to marry? For example, if your 14-year-old child willingly has sex with a 19-year-old and the legal age is 18... Once all the other legal fallout has occurred (and I realize there would be a lot going on here), is the older party then expected to wait for the younger party to become of age and then marry them, seeing as they cannot legally marry immediately?

I don't believe God would condone a marriage that breaks the ruling laws of the land (in other words, I don't believe He would want them to marry at the age of 14 and 19 because it's against the law at that time.) As for whether the older party must wait for the 14-year-old to turn 18 and then marry that person...

I would say no, but I could be wrong.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Ok..all I wanna know is this............................
I was married to an unbeliever. We had sex. SHE divorced me. I let her go. So am I damaged goods now according to the bible,and can't marry again if I choose to,and what if the person I choose to marry happens to be divorced as well,or worse yet,a virgin or never been married prior??? This could get complicated.

 

[Markum1972]

I could be wrong, but let's take a case in which an adult has sex with a minor (seems to happen all the time nowadays.)

Would it then be expected that once the minor is of age, the two are to marry? For example, if your 14-year-old child willingly has sex with a 19-year-old and the legal age is 18... Once all the other legal fallout has occurred (and I realize there would be a lot going on here), is the older party then expected to wait for the younger party to become of age and then marry them, seeing as they cannot legally marry immediately?

I don't believe God would condone a marriage that breaks the ruling laws of the land (in other words, I don't believe He would want them to marry at the age of 14 and 19 because it's against the law at that time.) As for whether the older party must wait for the 14-year-old to turn 18 and then marry that person...

I would say no, but I could be wrong.

I think that is exactly the case. God's laws are not beneath the laws of man. I am sure you would agree.

 

[Markum1972]

Ok..all I wanna know is this............................
I was married to an unbeliever. We had sex. SHE divorced me. I let her go. So am I damaged goods now according to the bible,and can't marry again if I choose to,and what if the person I choose to marry happens to be divorced as well,or worse yet,a virgin or never been married prior??? This could get complicated.

No no no, brother.

Look and be at peace!

1 Corinthians 7
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

See? You are all good.

I am SO glad you made that point cause I know there are a lot of people carrying the weight of that not knowing that they are free.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

No no no, brother.

Look and be at peace!

1 Corinthians 7
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

See? You are all good.

So because she left me,all that other stuff is non-applicable then? That's good.

 

[seoulsearch]

Another example I included was incest.

To the horror and shame of society, way too many people are subjected to sexual abuse within their own families.

If a young woman is abused by her own father, a cousin, brother, etc., are they required to marry? I would think, absolutely not! And if she is abused by her mother's boyfriend/husband (who is not her father), should she be required to marry him, especially if he is already married to her mother?

Again, I would think not, but I'm always open towards learning if there are passages that state something otherwise.

 

[RedTent]

I think Dinah's story is a good example too. I always kinda felt bad for Shechem. We see Dinah and Shechem have sex and Shechem's soul cleaved to Dinah. Shechem offer anything possible to make their marriage legit. His dad Hamor even offers all the daughters of his tribe as payment!

Even Jacob is fine with this agreement.

Then Simeon and Levi slay the Hamorites. Observe the argument between Jacob and his two sons over this. Jacob is dismayed, and I personally lean to his viewpoint on the situation too, I'd be real scared in his spot saying now everyone in the land will try to kill him. Then again as an oldest brother with a lil sister myself, I kinda get Levi and Simeon's point of view of family honor too.

Very tricky are the affairs of the heart no doubt!

When Jacob was blessing his sons on his death bed, Simeon and Levi paid a dear price for what they did to the Hamorites. We reap what we sow.