Deal Breakers, Red Flags, Must Haves and the Wish List.
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Clearly my reply offended some.. oops.
I have seen a lot in my life. I am old. What people think they want is often not what they get.
For example: I want someone with a good sense of humor.
They get someone with a good sense of humor.. Then their friends hear... He's always joking around, I can't take him seriously.
Well you wanted a good sense of humor.
I am merely saying that because what you pray for because you just might get it.
if you attained everything on your INCREDIBLY KNOWLEDGEABLE and SENSIBLE list.. .. would you really want that person.. without any imperfections ... memories aren't made from perfect. it's not the trip where everything went right that is remembered, it's the time we broke down and had to wait along side the road for two hours and we spent time together doing ..... ...
if you found a person that had everything on your INCREDIBLY KNOWLEDGEABLE and SENSIBLE list.. would they really want you in return? Are you that caliper of person to match perfection for perfection ?
I have seen a lot in my life. I am old. What people think they want is often not what they get.
For example: I want someone with a good sense of humor.
They get someone with a good sense of humor.. Then their friends hear... He's always joking around, I can't take him seriously.
Well you wanted a good sense of humor.
I am merely saying that because what you pray for because you just might get it.
if you attained everything on your INCREDIBLY KNOWLEDGEABLE and SENSIBLE list.. .. would you really want that person.. without any imperfections ... memories aren't made from perfect. it's not the trip where everything went right that is remembered, it's the time we broke down and had to wait along side the road for two hours and we spent time together doing ..... ...
if you found a person that had everything on your INCREDIBLY KNOWLEDGEABLE and SENSIBLE list.. would they really want you in return? Are you that caliper of person to match perfection for perfection ?
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Deal Breakers- Talks too much, Blonde (There might be a blonde i'd make an exception for) short, wears socks with flip flops.
Red Flags- Has no imagination, Eats black Jelly beans, Doesn't drink soda through a Twizzler, Doesn't eat Twizzlers, Doesn't drink soda. Hasn't seen every episode of Jersey Shore.
Must haves- would be willing to watch the History Channel, National Geographic, Nova, Discovery Channel, and Animal Planet, must hate Cats or anything else i deem hateable.
Wish list- Tall, hot, knows how to read words on pieces of paper.
Red Flags- Has no imagination, Eats black Jelly beans, Doesn't drink soda through a Twizzler, Doesn't eat Twizzlers, Doesn't drink soda. Hasn't seen every episode of Jersey Shore.
Must haves- would be willing to watch the History Channel, National Geographic, Nova, Discovery Channel, and Animal Planet, must hate Cats or anything else i deem hateable.
Wish list- Tall, hot, knows how to read words on pieces of paper.
Yeah, some of them can. In fact one of the homeopathic doctors we went to started getting into some New Age things, but we very soon stopped seeing him. He's not even in our area anymore.
Maybe it's just in my area, but a LOT of people in my church are into things like homeopathy and essential oils (I even found out someone I go to youth group with goes to the same homeopathic doctor/chiropractor that I do), because of the healing properties they have. It's awesome. You can rest easy knowing you don't have the list of "rare but serious side effects" that's 10 paragraphs long to go with it and it can be just as effective, if not more so, than man-made medicines.
Maybe it's just in my area, but a LOT of people in my church are into things like homeopathy and essential oils (I even found out someone I go to youth group with goes to the same homeopathic doctor/chiropractor that I do), because of the healing properties they have. It's awesome. You can rest easy knowing you don't have the list of "rare but serious side effects" that's 10 paragraphs long to go with it and it can be just as effective, if not more so, than man-made medicines.
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I understand what you're saying. Also people change too, personality and looks. When you get married you have to be ready for the long haul, unless you want a divorce. I'm not as skinny as I was when I got married neither is my husband. We both try, I mean take walks and eat right, most of the time. But I don't love him any less. I'd say we are both more mature now. I know age of course but also in our thoughts. I was a more liberal when we married I am now not liberal. I'm not uptight, my views on things have changed.
His views haven't changed and that at times can be a challenge too. I ask him to be a little more open minded sometimes, and he says OK. Because when it comes down to it, the advice my friend gave him on our wedding video is correct, she said, "Dave, Jen is always right, if you want a happy marriage, she's right, even when she's wrong she's right." Her husband came on after and said, "What Kelly said is absolutely right." OK They were kidding, but you know it doesn't hurt that I'm usually right.
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What you call previous relational crap you have gone through God calls growth. Wait I have a Bible verse.
[h=3]James 1:2-4[/h]English Standard Version (ESV)
[h=3]Testing of Your Faith[/h]2 Count it all joy, my brothers,[a] when you meet trials of various kinds,3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
I re-wrote my post above to explain why I questioned leaning on my own understanding. Because what we think we want is often not what we want.
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I understand what you're saying. Also people change too, personality and looks. When you get married you have to be ready for the long haul, unless you want a divorce. I'm not as skinny as I was when I got married neither is my husband. We both try, I mean take walks and eat right, most of the time. But I don't love him any less. I'd say we are both more mature now. I know age of course but also in our thoughts. I was a more liberal when we married I am now not liberal. I'm not uptight, my views on things have changed.
His views haven't changed and that at times can be a challenge too. I ask him to be a little more open minded sometimes, and he says OK. Because when it comes down to it, the advice my friend gave him on our wedding video is correct, she said, "Dave, Jen is always right, if you want a happy marriage, she's right, even when she's wrong she's right." Her husband came on after and said, "What Kelly said is absolutely right." OK They were kidding, but you know it doesn't hurt that I'm usually right.
His views haven't changed and that at times can be a challenge too. I ask him to be a little more open minded sometimes, and he says OK. Because when it comes down to it, the advice my friend gave him on our wedding video is correct, she said, "Dave, Jen is always right, if you want a happy marriage, she's right, even when she's wrong she's right." Her husband came on after and said, "What Kelly said is absolutely right." OK They were kidding, but you know it doesn't hurt that I'm usually right.
I believe this is why it is SO important to be equally yoked when getting married. Because if a person goes from unsaved to saved, there is likely to be a huge 180 complete turnaround or at the very least a noticeable difference as the new believer begins to die to self and become a new creation in Christ.
Also, as you said... looks fade. That cute blonde turns grey.. that tight skin sinks in on the skinny girl and makes her look like a skeleton.. the fat girls flab begins to drag behind her as gravity takes over.. that once sharp wall street mind.. suddenly cannot remember what they are standing in the middle of the kitchen and suddenly remembers they were meant to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer.
It all fades.. the ONLY thing that remains constant is God.
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My ex husband's wife is a bisexual.... she has several butchy lesbian friends and once my ex husband was talking about two of her friends and he said .. not the crunchy one. I was puzzled so I asked... Crunchy?
He explained the crunchy one was like a hippie... all natural products.. and smells... unshaven legs... natural body smells without the use of dyes of perfumes... very all natural kinda gal .. that was a raving lesbian.
I assume based on his description it was the Hippie not the Lesbian that made her crunchy, but I have not ever done further research... The crunchy one also was a roller derby lesbian girl... apparently it is not an uncommon thing for the crunchy ones.
I do not know how far off you'd be with the un-laundered under garments..
It's funny, but I was just thinking the other day how that could be used for God. If I had an orphanage, I would love to find one of those extreme couponers willing to donate their time to multiply my funds for the good of the orphans.
However, I do know what you mean. If your garage is packed with 50,000 boxes of cherry Jell-o and you buy more because you have a coupon, the red flag comes out.
OK, this is my thought on lists, remember this is my opinion only and shouldn't be taken as offense to anyone. I think deep down we all have those things we know we like and don't like. My thought though, if a man has a "list" like something that I'm expected to be and not be and if I fit the criteria now, my fear would be what if I don't fit in the future? Yes I'll say I'm a bit insecure, but that's how I would feel. But to each his own.
You re-wrote your post and you explained yourself much better the second time around. Now that we know a little better where you are coming from, you don't seem so judgmental. I'm glad you are able to see the way God has grown you through your life experiences, but don't expect me to say that just because God used crap for good, that makes it no longer crap.
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I recently went on a 'friendly' date with a young man at my church, and its funny because he had several of my own personally red flags against him. I came to this church almost two months ago, to find myself being pursued by someone. At first I was annoyed, thinking, 'HOW DARE HE LIKE ME, men are not in MY own very personal plans right now!" But soon enough, my own feelings started to change when I saw this young man, with all these little 'issues' that seemed to go against my mental list of what I desired in a man, just completely abandon himself to God each week. Whether he was at the front praying, singing and playing keyboards in the worship team, or when he gave his message for communion, something stirred in me as I saw himself pour out to God with all that he was.
Eventually I laid down some of my walls and we went on a very friendly date. I had such a fun time that night, and to be honest, this person who I would have never looked twice at, taught me so much about myself simply by spending some time with me. (That's a whole other story)
At this point in time, to be honest, I don't know if I want to go further with this little crush for other reasons, but it was a very surprisingly nice shock to my system. I find that the unexpected and the surprises in life are so much more better than the cautiously planned and measured steps. There is wisdom in lists, but as someone said earlier, 'People make plans and God laughs'. I have experienced this first hand. God has a sense of humour.
Eventually I laid down some of my walls and we went on a very friendly date. I had such a fun time that night, and to be honest, this person who I would have never looked twice at, taught me so much about myself simply by spending some time with me. (That's a whole other story)
At this point in time, to be honest, I don't know if I want to go further with this little crush for other reasons, but it was a very surprisingly nice shock to my system. I find that the unexpected and the surprises in life are so much more better than the cautiously planned and measured steps. There is wisdom in lists, but as someone said earlier, 'People make plans and God laughs'. I have experienced this first hand. God has a sense of humour.
