Age difference

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sunflowerseeds

Guest
#1
I'm turning 18 soon and I'm with someone who is 40 years old. Would it be wrong if we were to get married? I understand that's a huge age gap. It would hurt me really bad to leave him and find someone my age. I'm worried. I don't know if I could find someone closer to my age who's a christian and a great person.
 
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sunflowerseeds

Guest
#2
any advice would be appreciated
 

Rachel20

Senior Member
May 7, 2013
1,639
106
63
#3
Well, I wouldn't see age difference as that much of a problem unless you both were adults.

The fact that you haven't turned 18 yet, which means you're still a minor (at least in most laws that I know of) it would imply that this man was with you while you were still under-aged.

When did you even meet him?

If your motive to be with this person is only because you don't know you could find someone your age, then that makes me wonder.
If you are with him only out of desperation then I would ask you to stop and reconsider.

Age difference is not something to be brushed aside so lightly, and it boils down to maturity between two individuals. Think about how you might feel 20 years down the line or even 40.

When you're 38, he'll be 60. Just saying... love has to be much deeper than just temporal things.
Also this whole thing you mention makes me question the integrity of this man who encourages a younger girl at only 17.

If he can't control himself or wait for you till you reach that right age, there's a much bigger issue here at large and you should be very cautious.

You are very young. Don't ruin or mess up your life for any man like that.
 
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Jda016

Guest
#4
Don't get married at 18, let alone to a 40 year old.

This person is old enough to be your father.

What do your parents think of marrying a 40 year old?

I believe you shoud try and find someone your own age who loves The Lord. Better yet, wait a bit and grow with God for a few years before you consider marriage.
 
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JustAnotherUser

Guest
#5
Yeah... If a guy is willing to see someone who's not considered an adult yet is committing a crime as for one. How does it not upset your parents knowing you're going out with someone like that?

I say it's a no go.
 
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sunflowerseeds

Guest
#6
My parents are upset, They made me stop talking to him at least til next year when I turn 18. They encourage me to meet people and offered to help find a suitable boyfriend for me. I was thinking I should just move on from this relationship but it hurts because of all the stuff we talked about doing together.
 
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JustAnotherUser

Guest
#7
You are better off moving on... As superficial as it is but it really is true, you can find people around your age if not a little bit older (wait until you're eighteen for this though). There's no respect with someone such as that guy if he really is after a child (well, as far as age gap and stages you are considered a child for someone around his age). And there is no harm on just not being involved with anyone until you actually know what you are wanting, which I strongly suggest as well. Of course that judgement is all up to you but I hope you end up doing what's best for your well being.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#8
Yeah... If a guy is willing to see someone who's not considered an adult yet is committing a crime as for one. How does it not upset your parents knowing you're going out with someone like that?

I say it's a no go.
It's not a crime. It's only a crime if they have sex. Dating someone under 18 is not a crime. And in some cases marriages are given to people under 18, with parental consent, in the US. So that, in and of itself, is not a valid reason, because it's not based in truth but a misunderstanding of the truth.


To the OP. Spiritually speaking there is nothing wrong with the age difference. People here are really only giving opinions. But an opinion is just that. Personal take on things and not a fact.
That said, it's apparent that few 18 year olds are mature enough to make wise decisions about their long term future. How far through have you thought this relationship? 22 years difference in age. Longer than you've been alive.
He was 22, that's 4 years older than you are now, when he was born. When you're 40 he'll have been getting senior discounts already.
How would you feel about one of your HS friends marrying your dad, for example? That's the kind of age difference we're talking about.
Consider this. You go out with him. Just anywhere, grocery shopping or whatever. Are you prepared to spend the next decade, or decades, explaining to people this isn't my dad, this is my husband'? Because that's exactly what people are going to think when they see the two of you. Many people will not approve, and a fair share of them won't hesitate to tell you, or talk behind your back.
I know you're looking at this through puppy love eyes. But there are a lot of downfalls you aren't considering here. This isn't me saying you should or shouldn't. This is me saying that there's a lot more to this situation than you're thinking through. And you're letting emotions get in the way of clear thinking. And because of your age you lack the mental development to foresee consequences and an accurate concern of the future. And that isn't just some random insult to your youth, it is a scientific study that has proven the human brain doesn't stop developing until around 21. And the last part of the brain to develop is the section that foresees consequences.

But i will agree with one statement above. At your age you're likely not ready to marry. Your understanding of marriage isn't going to be accurate. And quite possibly your abilities to be the kind of wife a man in his 40's would expect, you likely can't live up to. He may be going for the thrill of the younger woman, but in the long run is he really going to be happy with your limitations? Are you going to be happy trying to fulfill the expectations of people your parents age?

Generally people say age shouldn't matter, and there is some truth to that. But there hits a point where the age differences become drastic enough to make most people question.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#9
Also this belief that you won't be able to find anyone suitable closer to your age shows a level of immaturity on your part to not recognize that the qualities you're speaking of often have less to do with age than you think.
It also relates a thinking that you feel some need to find and marry someone now. Why does it have to be someone your age right now? Why can't you consider waiting til your older to think about finding someone?
 
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sunflowerseeds

Guest
#10
I don't need to find someone right now but I don't want to be alone. I'm thinking what if I waste time with the wrong person. Like with younger boys.
 
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SabbieWabbie

Guest
#11
I don't need to find someone right now but I don't want to be alone. I'm thinking what if I waste time with the wrong person. Like with younger boys.
You are NEVER alone hun, NEVER!

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”


Hebrews 13:5

Be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”


Matthew 28:20

Teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”


Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”


Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.


Jeremiah 23:23-24

“Am I a God at hand, declares the Lord, and not a God far away? Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the Lord. Do I not fill heaven and earth? declares the Lord.


Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

I know how sometimes we feel lonely, but we are never alone. When you start to feel lonely, start to praise Jesus, just praise and worship Him, talk to Him like He is sitting right there next to you or walking right there next to you, because He is. Sometimes the loneliness we feel is just God asking us to talk to Him.. Never ever rely on people to fufill emotional needs, God does that for us and only He can do that perfectly. A husband's purpose is to complement your life and strengthen your relationship with God not fill voids, that is what Jesus does. I will mention you in prayer. God holds your future so don't worry about wasting time, you are still so young dedicate this time of your life to Jesus. Focus on Jesus and not on boys.
 
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rainin

Guest
#12
My daughter did the very same thing when she was 18. Her husband was 42. It ended in divorce within 2 years and continues to be something she regrets to this day. She is now 33. Don't be in a hurry to marry anyone and don't be afraid to be alone.
 
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koonky

Guest
#13
I am in a similar relationship. Except i am 22 and the man i enjoy his company is 39. I like him a lot, but my friends and family does not approve and i know why.

different stage- like starting a family could be complicated
Different believes
What others people will say (they will judge you and your man)

I am struggling as well. However I would say do not marry yet. Pls wait, you are still young. And i know i am being hypocritical lol.
 

G4JC

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2011
668
6
0
#14
Keep in mind too that there are many people out here on the World Wide Web that will tell you anything you like so as long as to find a quick hookup and ditch you as a helpless victim. While I'm not saying this is one of these cases, the dramatic age disparity and emotional pull does leave one to wonder. You may find this interview interesting, I heard the radio broadcast a few weeks back -
[video=youtube;alqK7Dl0-Fo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alqK7Dl0-Fo[/video]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alqK7Dl0-Fo

I would suggest you DO NOT get involved with this man, get to know yourself first, seek God, and prayerfully ask HIM to guide you to your future help mate. See Also: Questions about Relationships
 
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Dix

Guest
#15
Sometimes there are these what you call racial differences of which if you went into a relationship with someone of other race within that kind of age difference then you are more likely to end up in divorce.

But otherwise that is a healthy relationship, we man become more softer to younger woman and believe me you can rip a lot of benefits.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#16
I don't need to find someone right now but I don't want to be alone. I'm thinking what if I waste time with the wrong person. Like with younger boys.
So what's more important to you. Not being alone and making a lifelong decision that has a high probably in leaving you in a life of regret that will not only leave you alone, but scarred as well? Or being alone, but at least you have a chance to grow up more and make a wiser decision so that you have a better chance of having a longer, happier marriage?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,703
17,167
113
70
Tennessee
#17
I'm turning 18 soon and I'm with someone who is 40 years old. Would it be wrong if we were to get married? I understand that's a huge age gap. It would hurt me really bad to leave him and find someone my age. I'm worried. I don't know if I could find someone closer to my age who's a christian and a great person.
Seriously, get out of that relationship now! You are too young to even think about serious relationships. You are way too young for this guy and he is at fault for not realizing it himself. Almost sounds like a predator. You could easily find someone closer to your age but first you must pray on this and other aspects of your life. It sounds as if you are not even trying.
 
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Nodmyheadlikeyeah

Guest
#18
My first thought is why is a 40 year old man messin with a 17 year old girl....

That is a ridiculous age difference.
 
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sunflowerseeds

Guest
#19
The reason I can't (don't want to) find someone else is because I'm already happy with this person. Yeah I tried dating and meeting other people but I can't stop thinking about him. I will regret it later if we seperate.
 
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#20
The reason I can't (don't want to) find someone else is because I'm already happy with this person. Yeah I tried dating and meeting other people but I can't stop thinking about him. I will regret it later if we seperate.
Questions to ask: Does he have a 'past'? Does he love the Lord Jesus?