Boyfriend as roommate?

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kipusa12

Guest
#1
#1
After a few months of dating long-distance, I'm planning/hoping to move to the city where my boyfriend is located. I am not 100% decided yet, but leaning toward it and have a few job offers. It would be difficult for him to move here as it's way more expensive and his field of work doesn't pay well at all out here. I've been looking for apartments in his city and found a few somewhat dodgy ones, but a bunch of two-bedrooms that would be great if I found a roommate. He has suggested sharing a 2br townhouse or apartment with a signed roommate agreement; we'd split the rent, chores, etc. It's cheaper for us that way, of course. I know there's the issue of temptation, accountability, the type of witness it would be... but that is possible even without being roommates. I just wanted to get you guys' thoughts, backed by scripture, on how - or whether - to go about this. Please be nice; bashing me won't really help much. :) God bless.
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#2
#2
kipusa12 said:
After a few months of dating long-distance, I'm planning/hoping to move to the city where my boyfriend is located. I am not 100% decided yet, but leaning toward it and have a few job offers. It would be difficult for him to move here as it's way more expensive and his field of work doesn't pay well at all out here. I've been looking for apartments in his city and found a few somewhat dodgy ones, but a bunch of two-bedrooms that would be great if I found a roommate. He has suggested sharing a 2br townhouse or apartment with a signed roommate agreement; we'd split the rent, chores, etc. It's cheaper for us that way, of course. I know there's the issue of temptation, accountability, the type of witness it would be... but that is possible even without being roommates. I just wanted to get you guys' thoughts, backed by scripture, on how - or whether - to go about this. Please be nice; bashing me won't really help much. :) God bless.
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I think you already know the answer.
I know there's the issue of temptation, accountability, the type of witness it would be...
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You also said..
I just wanted to get you guys' thoughts, backed by scripture, on how - or whether - to go about this. Please be nice; bashing me won't really help much.
Click to expand...
Just to avoid any appearance of bashing, I'll quote this.

I know there's the issue of temptation, accountability, the type of witness it would be...
Click to expand...
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#3
#3
I know there's the issue of temptation, accountability, the type of witness it would be...
Click to expand...
I just wanted to get you guys' thoughts, backed by scripture,
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Matthew 6:13
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#4
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,174
113
#4
Short answer - don't do it. For all the reasons you wrote yourself. If you end up doing it - I will tell you now that you will end up being sorry you did. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#5
#5
I know there's the issue of temptation, accountability, the type of witness it would be..
Click to expand...
I just wanted to get you guys' thoughts, backed by scripture,
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1 Thess 5:22 KJV
22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.
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..................
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
42,373
16,866
113
69
Tennessee
#7
Your boyfriend does not seem at all committed to forming a life long relationship with you but seems content to just living with you and having you share the expenses. Having a signed agreement is a red flag and a cause of concern. I do understand your predicament however. Basically, the way I understand the situation is you are willing to relocate to be close to him, and live an a strange city isolated from the place that you a familiar and comfortable with. I would be more understanding if there was an imminent possibility of marriage but that does not seem to be the case. I see no upside in this for you at this time and my advice to you is to take a pass while leaving the option on the table for the future for when God's timing is right. I was once where you are now as far as a long distance romance is concerned with my late wife. We allowed God to work every thing out for his glory and the happiness that we shared together. Don't be discouraged or anxious but give this all to God, step back for a few months and then see where He is leading the two of you. Please do not let this situation suffocate you, take a few deep breaths and relax.
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#8
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
48
27
#8
kipusa12 said:
After a few months of dating long-distance, I'm planning/hoping to move to the city where my boyfriend is located. I am not 100% decided yet, but leaning toward it and have a few job offers. It would be difficult for him to move here as it's way more expensive and his field of work doesn't pay well at all out here. I've been looking for apartments in his city and found a few somewhat dodgy ones, but a bunch of two-bedrooms that would be great if I found a roommate. He has suggested sharing a 2br townhouse or apartment with a signed roommate agreement; we'd split the rent, chores, etc. It's cheaper for us that way, of course. I know there's the issue of temptation, accountability, the type of witness it would be... but that is possible even without being roommates. I just wanted to get you guys' thoughts, backed by scripture, on how - or whether - to go about this. Please be nice; bashing me won't really help much. :) God bless.
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How about a resounding NOOOOOOO.

I have a sister who moved in with her then boyfriend now fiance. It's not all peaches and cream like you think. While they say that haven't fallen to their temptation, as her sister, it's very hard not to worry about her sometimes. My whole family is Christian, so everyone is concerned when she's out there (right now she's with us because of circumstances). True love will wait. If you don't have the funds, find a way to save them. Let God's timing be your timing.

To be honest, even entertaining the idea is not good. Stilly provided scriptural backing on why it's not a good idea, dare I say it'd be a borderline sin to PUT yourself into that sort of temptation.
 
K

kenthomas27

Guest
#9
#9
kipusa12 says:"... the type of witness it would be... "
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It's not only the witness you are to others - it's also the witness you are to him. Being stewards of Christianity showcases our character whether we like it or not or whether it's convenient or not.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#10
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#10
The two of you, in love, in a home together, spending time together, sharing a bathroom, living together, all alone, just you two, night after night after night.

The chances of you NOT sleeping together are just about zero.

The chances of anyone who knows you believing that you aren't sleeping together are also just about zero.

I know that for practical purposes it seems ideal, but for these reasons I'd strongly advise against even even considering it.

May God bless you and keep you both.
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#11
#11
We've given lots of commands to follow, but remember, those commands can only be followed through reliance on Jesus and the power that comes from the Gospel.

After reading these commands, please don't seek to do them under your own power.

Ask Jesus for help, seek enabling through the power of the Gospel.

Romans 1:16
16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.

John 15
4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine;you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
 
K

kipusa12

Guest
#12
#12
tourist said:
Your boyfriend does not seem at all committed to forming a life long relationship with you but seems content to just living with you and having you share the expenses. Having a signed agreement is a red flag and a cause of concern. I do understand your predicament however. Basically, the way I understand the situation is you are willing to relocate to be close to him, and live an a strange city isolated from the place that you a familiar and comfortable with. I would be more understanding if there was an imminent possibility of marriage but that does not seem to be the case. I see no upside in this for you at this time and my advice to you is to take a pass while leaving the option on the table for the future for when God's timing is right. I was once where you are now as far as a long distance romance is concerned with my late wife. We allowed God to work every thing out for his glory and the happiness that we shared together. Don't be discouraged or anxious but give this all to God, step back for a few months and then see where He is leading the two of you. Please do not let this situation suffocate you, take a few deep breaths and relax.
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Thank you so much, @tourist. I appreciate your wise words. As far as an "upside", it's much cheaper out there (for instance rent at $450 compared to $1200 where I am) and I have some job offers that pay about the same, give or take, as what I make here. With that in mind would you still recommend staying put?

Thank you all. Yes, you're all right, and yes, I did know the answer. Always an encouraging day here at ChristianChat!! I deeply appreciate your responses.

"I will tell you now that you will end up being sorry you did. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." << so true; prov 10:17.

God bless you all.
 
K

kipusa12

Guest
#13
#13
*staying put vs moving and living separately
 
F

faroukfarouk

Banned
#14
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#14
kipusa12 said:
Thank you so much, @tourist. I appreciate your wise words. As far as an "upside", it's much cheaper out there (for instance rent at $450 compared to $1200 where I am) and I have some job offers that pay about the same, give or take, as what I make here. With that in mind would you still recommend staying put?

Thank you all. Yes, you're all right, and yes, I did know the answer. Always an encouraging day here at ChristianChat!! I deeply appreciate your responses.

"I will tell you now that you will end up being sorry you did. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." << so true; prov 10:17.

God bless you all.
Click to expand...
You know the big issue now? it's the extent to which your bf actually wants to live a life of daily Bible reading and prayer, in communion with the Lord Jesus.

If he really wants to do this - and to spend his life with you as you both share in these precious, prayerful and Scripture reading activities - he won't just get a bed delivered: he'll offer you a ring.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#15
Mar 13, 2014
42,373
16,866
113
69
Tennessee
#15
Grace-Like-Rain said:
The two of you, in love, in a home together, spending time together, sharing a bathroom, living together, all alone, just you two, night after night after night.

The chances of you NOT sleeping together are just about zero.

The chances of anyone who knows you believing that you aren't sleeping together are also just about zero.

I know that for practical purposes it seems ideal, but for these reasons I'd strongly advise against even even considering it.

May God bless you and keep you both.
Click to expand...
I believe the chances are less than zero.

I will sing a few lines from a song now, "I'll take my chances, I forgot how nice romances, that hasn't happen for the longest time.."
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#17
Mar 13, 2014
42,373
16,866
113
69
Tennessee
#17
kipusa12 said:
Thank you so much, @tourist. I appreciate your wise words. As far as an "upside", it's much cheaper out there (for instance rent at $450 compared to $1200 where I am) and I have some job offers that pay about the same, give or take, as what I make here. With that in mind would you still recommend staying put?

Thank you all. Yes, you're all right, and yes, I did know the answer. Always an encouraging day here at ChristianChat!! I deeply appreciate your responses.

"I will tell you now that you will end up being sorry you did. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." << so true; prov 10:17.

God bless you all.
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$450 a month? Hmmm....no, you are too young for me!

Interesting point that you have brought to the table however. Where is this place? Seriously.
 
G

GodIsSalvation

Banned
#18
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
45
0
#18
I can't see anything wrong with this as long as your boyfriend is a good, loyal, and honorable man and intends to marry you proper (am assuming as young folk like myself you both simply need more money to smoothe out the formalities). Also I suppose some sort of parental consent/knowledge would be necessary before such a move too. Essentially moving in with eachother is starting a family is it not?
 
G

GodIsSalvation

Banned
#19
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
45
0
#19
faroukfarouk said:
You know the big issue now? it's the extent to which your bf actually wants to live a life of daily Bible reading and prayer, in communion with the Lord Jesus.

If he really wants to do this - and to spend his life with you as you both share in these precious, prayerful and Scripture reading activities - he won't just get a bed delivered: he'll offer you a ring.
Click to expand...
Ah I did not read this before making my post. Brother farouk, you put my thoughts better than myself!
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#20
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#20
kipusa12 said:
*staying put vs moving and living separately
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If you feel like your relationship is heading toward marriage, there's nothing wrong with moving to his area and setting up your own residence while you get to know each other better. Just make sure that you'll be able to completely support yourself on your own, so that you won't ever be in a position of needing to rely on him (aka move in together to save money).
 
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