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D
Hi Ozgirl , sorry to hear about your troubles. I am going through a VERY similar ordeal in my own marriage so I think I can relate to you .
I know what it's like to feel the rejection of being with a man who doesn't want intimacy . It's humiliating and hurtful, and the harder you try to start that fire the quicker it gets put out. He has walked past me and ignored me as I sat on the quilt from our bed which I laid out on the floor in the livingroom surrounded by candles so we could try something new . He has rejected my advances for months on end and gets angry if I try to talk about it.
I also know what it's like to be married to a person who has a tantrum and throws things, breaking valuable property and swearing calling me names . It's terrifying , embarrassing and confusing to see an adult act like that . I live in constant fear that he will have an outburst and it's like walking on eggshells .
Recently he had an outburst and hit me in the arm . This was something new .
Someone recommended I read the Cycle of Abuse . I did and it was really helpful and eye opening . I checked off nearly every thing he did because it was on the list . Google it and read - it made me feel better , prepared and not as alone as before. I still struggle with what to do but I feel like I got some power back . Message me any time ,
Dandilion
I know what it's like to feel the rejection of being with a man who doesn't want intimacy . It's humiliating and hurtful, and the harder you try to start that fire the quicker it gets put out. He has walked past me and ignored me as I sat on the quilt from our bed which I laid out on the floor in the livingroom surrounded by candles so we could try something new . He has rejected my advances for months on end and gets angry if I try to talk about it.
I also know what it's like to be married to a person who has a tantrum and throws things, breaking valuable property and swearing calling me names . It's terrifying , embarrassing and confusing to see an adult act like that . I live in constant fear that he will have an outburst and it's like walking on eggshells .
Recently he had an outburst and hit me in the arm . This was something new .
Someone recommended I read the Cycle of Abuse . I did and it was really helpful and eye opening . I checked off nearly every thing he did because it was on the list . Google it and read - it made me feel better , prepared and not as alone as before. I still struggle with what to do but I feel like I got some power back . Message me any time ,
Dandilion
O
I'm shocked at the recent replies... I found them insulting to be judged on so little info. I don't think God is wrong? I have invested in my marriage for 5 years so no I haven't just sat back and expected my husband to cater to me? I do expect love & compassion from my husband especially when I am going through some hard health issues. And I don't think that's much to ask? I offer the same to him and given love in times of extreme hurt but I'm exhausted and need him to hold me for a while. I guess should have expected it in a public forum I just wanted someone to talk to (thank you Jo your words of encouragement and experiences where well received I like when Christians are "real" and not afraid to talk about the taboo subjects without judgement you showed real compassion and reached out your hand Id love to talk more!)
D
I am staying and praying for now . I focus my prayers on him , healing his anger and his depression . I try not to pray for myself and I have been asking friends to pray for him . I am still thinking of walking away . I made plans one time . The plans fell through , so then I changed my plan and focused on him .
What gets me through is concentrating on only speaking to him like a roommate , not getting involved in his stuff . This seems to work Pretend you are talking to a work friend or someone you don't know that well. It puts distance between the two of you. It makes it easier to get things done around the house with no arguing too .I don't ask him to do anything any more , just do it myself . And he volunteers and jumps in to help now . I don't cook or do his laundry either . Distance . Makes him wonder what I am up to lol .
What gets me through is concentrating on only speaking to him like a roommate , not getting involved in his stuff . This seems to work Pretend you are talking to a work friend or someone you don't know that well. It puts distance between the two of you. It makes it easier to get things done around the house with no arguing too .I don't ask him to do anything any more , just do it myself . And he volunteers and jumps in to help now . I don't cook or do his laundry either . Distance . Makes him wonder what I am up to lol .
O
Thank you that is very helpful. I already feel like we are flat mates so I will try that. And stop relying on him for support because I will only be disappointed. I guess having to live away for the rest of my pregnancy due to health will be a positive thing. And hopefully when we return he would have had time to think about things and enough counselling to sort out his issues!
I am staying and praying for now . I focus my prayers on him , healing his anger and his depression . I try not to pray for myself and I have been asking friends to pray for him . I am still thinking of walking away . I made plans one time . The plans fell through , so then I changed my plan and focused on him .
What gets me through is concentrating on only speaking to him like a roommate , not getting involved in his stuff . This seems to work Pretend you are talking to a work friend or someone you don't know that well. It puts distance between the two of you. It makes it easier to get things done around the house with no arguing too .I don't ask him to do anything any more , just do it myself . And he volunteers and jumps in to help now . I don't cook or do his laundry either . Distance . Makes him wonder what I am up to lol .
What gets me through is concentrating on only speaking to him like a roommate , not getting involved in his stuff . This seems to work Pretend you are talking to a work friend or someone you don't know that well. It puts distance between the two of you. It makes it easier to get things done around the house with no arguing too .I don't ask him to do anything any more , just do it myself . And he volunteers and jumps in to help now . I don't cook or do his laundry either . Distance . Makes him wonder what I am up to lol .
D
I was also shocked at replies when I posted my story a few weeks ago . I got everything from "well maybe its how you are talking to him in a nagging voice '" to " the man is the head of the household so.. " Really ? I got several helpful tips though , and the person who recommended reading the cycle of abuse was the best . I really did feel better after reading it . I was prepared for the next time we had an argument , and the things he said were "textbook" as if he read it himself !
What gets me through the sexual rejection is ... window shopping online and getting pedicures , hair done etc. True story ! Hope any of this helps you . If you need to talk I am always here ,
Dandilion
What gets me through the sexual rejection is ... window shopping online and getting pedicures , hair done etc. True story ! Hope any of this helps you . If you need to talk I am always here ,
Dandilion
O
Thank you so much! We are very similar in how we cope!!! I window shop online too haha he ignores me when he is home so I have to entertain myself somehow! I miss intimacy though and have to guard my mind from the fantasy of other men and what it would be like if I wasn't married to him. I don't pamper myself though I'd get in trouble for spending money!
I was also shocked at replies when I posted my story a few weeks ago . I got everything from "well maybe its how you are talking to him in a nagging voice '" to " the man is the head of the household so.. " Really ? I got several helpful tips though , and the person who recommended reading the cycle of abuse was the best . I really did feel better after reading it . I was prepared for the next time we had an argument , and the things he said were "textbook" as if he read it himself !
What gets me through the sexual rejection is ... window shopping online and getting pedicures , hair done etc. True story ! Hope any of this helps you . If you need to talk I am always here ,
Dandilion
What gets me through the sexual rejection is ... window shopping online and getting pedicures , hair done etc. True story ! Hope any of this helps you . If you need to talk I am always here ,
Dandilion
D
I have to watch my $$ sometimes too lol ! It's not very Christian of me to window shop but I know that God helps those who help themselves . If it gets me past this rough patch to look and read online then let it be . It's just a little daydreaming , nothing more than that so it won't get out of control and it makes me feel better to imagine things . I think if Jesus were here right now he would approve .
O
I meant retail window shopping like clothes, baby stuff etc.. Not men! It's just a mind distraction for me something else to focus on other then the crap in my life.
I have to watch my $$ sometimes too lol ! It's not very Christian of me to window shop but I know that God helps those who help themselves . If it gets me past this rough patch to look and read online then let it be . It's just a little daydreaming , nothing more than that so it won't get out of control and it makes me feel better to imagine things . I think if Jesus were here right now he would approve .
B
5 Ways of Dealing with Verbally Abusive Relationships - HealthyPlace
Dear sister; so glad you found some sisters who are on the same page as you. Hope their experiences bring healing to you.
I've discovered some important aspects of this site. It has many categories. Its a great place to express your opinions and share your talents and even do bible studies or request prayers; but by no means should anyone think this is run by licensed psychologists, physicians, or family counsellors. Just ordinary people looking on different forums to talk about their interests. So if its friends you want; there are friends. But as far as professional counselling; you won't be getting much of that on here. Regards; brokenclay.
Dear sister; so glad you found some sisters who are on the same page as you. Hope their experiences bring healing to you.
I've discovered some important aspects of this site. It has many categories. Its a great place to express your opinions and share your talents and even do bible studies or request prayers; but by no means should anyone think this is run by licensed psychologists, physicians, or family counsellors. Just ordinary people looking on different forums to talk about their interests. So if its friends you want; there are friends. But as far as professional counselling; you won't be getting much of that on here. Regards; brokenclay.
O
I've actually been connected with a counsellor through this forum that I can chat with privately. It is great to have met people going through a similar thing it's very supportive as I no longer feel alone.
5 Ways of Dealing with Verbally Abusive Relationships - HealthyPlace
Dear sister; so glad you found some sisters who are on the same page as you. Hope their experiences bring healing to you.
I've discovered some important aspects of this site. It has many categories. Its a great place to express your opinions and share your talents and even do bible studies or request prayers; but by no means should anyone think this is run by licensed psychologists, physicians, or family counsellors. Just ordinary people looking on different forums to talk about their interests. So if its friends you want; there are friends. But as far as professional counselling; you won't be getting much of that on here. Regards; brokenclay.
Dear sister; so glad you found some sisters who are on the same page as you. Hope their experiences bring healing to you.
I've discovered some important aspects of this site. It has many categories. Its a great place to express your opinions and share your talents and even do bible studies or request prayers; but by no means should anyone think this is run by licensed psychologists, physicians, or family counsellors. Just ordinary people looking on different forums to talk about their interests. So if its friends you want; there are friends. But as far as professional counselling; you won't be getting much of that on here. Regards; brokenclay.
P
I've actually been connected with a counsellor through this forum that I can chat with privately. It is great to have met people going through a similar thing it's very supportive as I no longer feel alone.
M
I am also in a toxic marriage and for our six years of marriage have been waiting for her to see the light. Its disheartening when the one who is supposed to be the closest to you is your (or in my case) worst/only enemy. We are both looking for the same answer to spouses with destructive natures. I just wonder if one insist on destroying the fabric of the marriage if the Lord will provide a safe way out or if we are to just endure. God Bless
O
He is in individual counselling and I am seeking the same. But I'm really struggling to cope until things improve if they ever do? I've been waiting for things to improve for 3 years!
I am also in a toxic marriage and for our six years of marriage have been waiting for her to see the light. Its disheartening when the one who is supposed to be the closest to you is your (or in my case) worst/only enemy. We are both looking for the same answer to spouses with destructive natures. I just wonder if one insist on destroying the fabric of the marriage if the Lord will provide a safe way out or if we are to just endure. God Bless
B
Tabbie35 and Ozgirl. Praying for you sisters. I have nothing to boast about. I could have been on here 26 years ago saying what your saying. But I chose to suffer affliction for 12 years. Not because my wife was bad. But because God was working on her to change her. Had I trusted God I wouldn't have suffered so much anguish and loneliness. But God kept me from falling. When the storms of whatever my wife was going through were over. And I had reason for divorce; I chose to suffer and let God work on me as well. Well did I get a surprise. My wife began to have peace in her life. She is the most beautiful woman inside and out and I would have missed all what God was doing if I went looking for another woman. Plus my 3 sons would have suffered had I chickened out and quit. No! Marriage is not for the faint of heart. However God does not turn away a broken and contrite heart. Christians want to live better than what Jesus lived and avoid suffering at any cost. I'm so glad God took me through the patience and longsuffering for his names sake. Now I get to see what God has done for my wife. I cant get over her. She was always amazing. And I think Satan tried to steal her from me. But I cried to God every night. She loves me so much and I love her so much. Please confide in God and let him know your fears. Be concerned for your husband's spiritual welfare. And if he's bad; ask God to discipline him. He will pull out his crutches. In the mean time maintain your relationship with God. He is faithful. He is also bringing you through trials to make you more like his son. Sincerely; In Christ; Larry
J
I will pray for u.. God allows things for a reason.. Even I lost my grandma recently and its very painful... We dont know God's plans... Have faith and be strong. Your sorrow will turn into Joy ...
I think he needs help ... something is bothering him... what made him change from a church going wonderful person into this? I heard once someone saying her husband was abusive to her .. coz he doesnt know how else to show love ... so it was his way of showing love( i know its a cruel way of showing love) .
Just keep saying Jesus I trust in you
I think he needs help ... something is bothering him... what made him change from a church going wonderful person into this? I heard once someone saying her husband was abusive to her .. coz he doesnt know how else to show love ... so it was his way of showing love( i know its a cruel way of showing love) .
Just keep saying Jesus I trust in you