Having a hard time.

llc84 · May 27, 2014

Hello, I'm new here. My name is Laura. I just turned thirty.

I'm having an extremely hard time with being single. I have never been on a date. I used to think it was because of my weight, but I see much bigger women with people all the time. I've watched my best friends date, get engaged, marry, have a baby, have another, and so on. And I used to think that I would be blessed with that, too. But here I am.

I've had some close friends tell me I need to focus on God only. I understand that. But I'm human. I struggle with the fact that marriage is an idol for me. I have surrendered it in prayer over and over again. I've prayed for God to take away the desire for marriage if it's not in His will for me. And nothing.

And lately, I have been turning my back on God. I feel like He won't answer my prayers at all. I'm just... at the end of my rope.

Pipp · May 27, 2014

Hi.. My name is Misty. I'm 30 and never been on a date either .. and like you I always say its a weight issue. It does get very discouraging at times ... please don't let it get you discouraged to the point that you turn your back on God. I have for years prayed that if it's not in God's plans for me to marry that he'll give me grace to accept it and live a content single life for Him. For the most part that's exactly what I am.. content... but I do have times where I feel like I'm missing out on so much. The desire for marriage has never left me for one second ... it's still here strong as ever. Whenever I pout about how everyone else in the world has a boyfriend except me.. my little sister reminds me that if I had no standards that I could have one too.... If I got to the desperate " anyone will do" attitude.... and she's right.. but I don't just want anyone. I NEED a spiritual leader... someone who will love the Lord and love me and be willing to serve the Lord. Good things are worth waiting for aren't they ? Don't give up. Pray for me and I will pray for you. If you need to talk you can pm me. God bless you.

SabbieWabbie · May 27, 2014

I am on the heavy side, and have always been. I have learned to live with how I look. I make an effort though, I exercise (so what if people are looking, I am already better than them because I am working on myself) I make a conscious effort not to over indulge, but I still indulge. This part, you should do for yourself, love yourself enough because despite the harsh words you might have been teased with, you are so so worth it. And exercise makes you feel amazing! I hate it when i'm doing it but love it when I am done lol. A friend once told me, the guy you looking for is not looking for you, so look after yourself so he can look for you. I know people also say it doesn't matter what you look like, people have to love you for your inside - they do. But honestly, men are visual beings, if I want a all round good man, I have to be that myself. It sounded so cruel when I first heard this, took a while to sink in.

You said you see bigger girls with people all the time, I guess I am probably one of them (I have heard people talk as they walk by). Could be many reasons for that, he could have a fat fetish and you don't want to be someone's fetish, he could be a total deadbeat and she is his saving grace, his sugar mama etc... (you definitely don't want that) or maybe he is just a genuine guy and she is confident enough to accept his love. Men love confidence, people in general love confidence - they are attracted to confident, happy people. Work on yourself, and ask God to make you into the kind of woman that the kind of man you want, wants, as you have certain requirements, so does he. As a Christian woman you probably expect a lot more than just a secular man.

If you want a husband, ask God and believe (don't waver, even if you lose your arms and legs (but you won't)), He said if you abide in Him and His word abides in you, you can ask anything. You have to have faith though, without faith it is impossible to please the Lord. If you find your faith slipping, start praying and tell the devil he is a liar. If you ask God something and ten minutes later someone tells you, I don't think we ever going to get married and you say yeah I am starting to think that - you just asked the Lord for something, o ye of little faith. The tongue has the power of life and death, speak life into your situation.

Enjoy your single life while it lasts. I am making the most of mine, do all the other things you want, enjoy your life and while you are busy enjoying your life to the full, God will let the perfect man for you cut in. Believe it!

Never ever turn your back on God because of a man - He is a jealous God. If you only want God in your life because you believe He is going to bring you a husband, then I can understand why He wouldn't bring you a husband, God wants to be at the centre, no thing, person, event , nothing takes precedence over Him, Marriages are for glorifying God, not us. A real Godly man wants you to Love God more than you love Him. I will say a prayer for you and you are more than welcome to message me.

faroukfarouk · May 27, 2014

SabbieWabbie: I agree with a good bit of what you say. It's good to remember that Paul to the Ephesians speaks of the 'inner man' who is created in Christ Jesus unto true holiness: this is far, far more important that weight, etc.

SabbieWabbie · May 27, 2014

faroukfarouk said:

Very true, the inner man is MUCH MUCH more important than weight, although most people are overweight because there is a problem with the inner man. After being married 50 years you not going to look the way you look at 20 or 30, but if you overeating and not looking after yourself at 20 or 30, are you going to see a 50 year anniversary? (Though, all things are possible with God) God does not punish us, but we are not immune to the consequences of our actions. Do you not know your body is a temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19), Their end is destruction, their god is their belly and they glory in their shame (Phillipians 3:19). Gluttony seems to be a sin many people like to ignore, we are always quick to label smoking and drinking because we are destroying God temple, overeating does the same thing. I am by no means judging, because the Lord knows I am carrying too much weight and after years of diet after diet I started praying about it and 35kg (77lbs) later I can honestly say if it wasn't for my will to please the Lord and the things he has shown me through this journey I probably wouldn't have had the strength to get through this. It was a mind change and I am sure many overweight people will tell you, it's more of a mental and emotional journey than anything else. Self control is something we as Christians should aim for, and that includes our gluttony, not live to eat but eat to live. Proverbs 23:2 says put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony. If I had a good inner man and good 'temple' my husband and children will rise up and call me blessed! And being a proverbs 31 kind of woman would make me very happy. I am sure my husband will appreciate me looking after myself, so we both can live long lives here on earth (I am aiming for 120 years old) and being overweight is not healthy. Carrying a child while being obese is extremely dangerous to both mommy and baby.

But this topic wasn't really on weight, however you as man meet two text book proverbs 31 kind of woman and God said you can have either one, one is a healthy shape (note: healthy not skinny), the other overweight, who would you choose? (Not trying to put you on the spot, it's a rhetorical question and you do not have to answer it)

I do understand some people are overweight because they are not able to lose weight for medical reason or medication etc and I am sure God understands that too.

faroukfarouk · May 27, 2014

SabbieWabbie said:

Very true, the inner man is MUCH MUCH more important than weight, although most people are overweight because there is a problem with the inner man. After being married 50 years you not going to look the way you look at 20 or 30, but if you overeating and not looking after yourself at 20 or 30, are you going to see a 50 year anniversary? (Though, all things are possible with God) God does not punish us, but we are not immune to the consequences of our actions. Do you not know your body is a temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19), Their end is destruction, their god is their belly and they glory in their shame (Phillipians 3:19). Gluttony seems to be a sin many people like to ignore, we are always quick to label smoking and drinking because we are destroying God temple, overeating does the same thing. I am by no means judging, because the Lord knows I am carrying too much weight and after years of diet after diet I started praying about it and 35kg (77lbs) later I can honestly say if it wasn't for my will to please the Lord and the things he has shown me through this journey I probably wouldn't have had the strength to get through this. It was a mind change and I am sure many overweight people will tell you, it's more of a mental and emotional journey than anything else. Self control is something we as Christians should aim for, and that includes our gluttony, not live to eat but eat to live. Proverbs 23:2 says put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony. If I had a good inner man and good 'temple' my husband and children will rise up and call me blessed! And being a proverbs 31 kind of woman would make me very happy. I am sure my husband will appreciate me looking after myself, so we both can live long lives here on earth (I am aiming for 120 years old) and being overweight is not healthy. Carrying a child while being obese is extremely dangerous to both mommy and baby.

But this topic wasn't really on weight, however you as man meet two text book proverbs 31 kind of woman and God said you can have either one, one is a healthy shape (note: healthy not skinny), the other overwight, who would you choose? (Not trying to put you on the spot, it's a rhetorical question and you do not have to answer it)

The Proverbs 31 woman is recorded as one who 'girdeth her arms with strength'. Maybe this is not quite bodybuilding...

Blessings.

faroukfarouk · May 27, 2014

SabbieWabbie said:

Hi SabbieWabbie: I think also that it needs to be acknowledged that some peoples are inherently more stockily built that others; for example, Nauruans, from the small Pacific nation, are excellent weight-lifters; and among them have been various medallists in weightlifting.

People should be left to be good at what they are naturally good at (and better at, with training) rather than to conform supposedly to some fictitious waif-like norm.

We are the way the Lord made us.

SabbieWabbie · May 27, 2014

faroukfarouk said:

Bodybuilding? haha. Phew, I'll lift my kids lol. In laymens terms -She is energetic and strong a hard worker. Proverbs 31:17

SabbieWabbie · May 27, 2014

faroukfarouk said:

My mum is african, not african american but an African from Africa. I naturally have wider hips and a bigger backside. This is not overweight though. You can tell the difference between bigger built and overweight. Sorry for taking over your thread Laura. I'm going to practise self control now and stop.

faroukfarouk · May 27, 2014

SabbieWabbie said:

Some people do engage in competitive bodybuilding. Hard to claim it's not legitimate, I suppose. Although the women who do it have the extra challenge of competing in heels, yet I guess for a lot of women this is not too great a challenge.

The fact that the Proverbs 31 woman seems to be commended for girding her arms with strength must count for something, I guess.

Blessings.

faroukfarouk · May 27, 2014

SabbieWabbie said:

I guess if you've got something constructive to say, you can say it. I'm sure you are right about different racial types.

Hoffco · May 27, 2014

To Lic84, I have two reasons for chating with you, I feel sorry for you and my son who is 46 this year and never married. I can not understand why a man can not find a good Christian lady to marry, they are all over the place, but for a young woman i think it is very hard because there are a lot of single women. Praying for you both.. My 2nd reason is you weight problem. My first wife of 40yrs, died in 2007 of eye cancer. but never had a problem with weight. Her secret was to eat the right things and just a little of the fattening food, just to please her taste for rich food. She ate like a hours and never gained, because she controlled what she ate. A third reason would be to invite you all to my Bible study on "The letter to the Romans: This will give you some good Bible and help you spiritually. Love to all, Hoffco

A_Friend_In_Christ · May 27, 2014

I am a shy person and I was in a great fellowship group years ago. I had a few dates there. Now I wish I could find a great fellowship group again.

I miss the friends I had there. Just having close Christian friends again would be a blessing, but good church groups are hard to find.

hoss2576 · May 27, 2014

I can fully understand what you ladies are saying. From the male perspective, it gets difficult on our side of it also, but I have learned to use this time of singleness to prepare myself to be a better communicator and spiritual leader for future relationships. I almost view this time as a time of sowing. I am sowing time into the Word and investing my efforts in studying how to be a better mate in the future, and when I am in a relationship in the future, then I will be in a time of reaping and can enjoy all the benefits of the time I have spent preparing now.

I will keep you both in my prayers.

Pipp · May 27, 2014

You're awesome hoss

Taith · May 27, 2014

hoss2576 said:

I agree.

I know I am young, but I may have a few words that may help.
And it seems one topic of this thread is weight. As said before, males are visual people. Even the best christian men, first thing that normally happens is seeing you. And first impressions are important. I am not judging. I am overweight too and I do not like it.
I have several points to make that might be of help.

1. Idol Overeating: Overeating is probably the main problem with being overweight. And it is very easy too do. I like to eat, its as simple as that. I like the taste of some foods and its nice to eat them and I like a lot of it. How is one supposed to stop this? Of course the first thing people will say is just have self control. And yes that would work. But for some people its extremely hard to do! So lets look at it a different way.
The way I can help not overeating is prayer. You must keep a continual communication line with God. Bring Him into it and it will help take away the Idol of food. And then once you can take food away from being your Idol, just ask yourself "Am I really even hungry?" A lot of times I was impressed by how many times I was not really hungry, but I just wanted food.

2. Emotial overeating: Food is a comfort. It is satisfying. When I get stressed out, there is nothing like just relaxing and eating some good food. It is a plessure and helps comfort you in times of stress or other emotial things. I have done this many many times. This can even happen from being stressed about loosing weight.
The way to stop this, Is of course to go to God! When things get so stressed out, pray some. Talk to God. Read your Bible. Things will get better. But God is the way.

3. Peer-Pressure overeating: Yes this does happen. Everyone is made differently. I have many friends who eat as much or more than me. Yet they stay looking like sticks. And then they always ask "Well, aren't you going to eat more?". And we want to be accepted. But we are not supposed to be of this world. So you must strive to be in God's will.
Another thing, I will admit I live with my parents still, but hey I am young! But just a minute ago, my mom gave me something to eat, she gave me 2 sandwiches. Now I know for a fact that if I ate 1 sandwich and wait a little bit. I would morethenliekly be full. And if not I could eat some fruit or something. But she gave me 2. And it would be easy to just eat both and be done with it. But still, I must control what happens.

There are a lot of ways to loose weight. My favorite way to loose weight is to fast. Though it is very hard to do, because you cut out food completely! Now I always fasted for a spiritual purpose. Actually I did it for a girl. And to learn God's will with her, and loosing weight was the icing on the cake (there is an oxeemoron for you...)
I have done a 7 day fast, and an 8 day fast. Plus I do a lot of single day fasts it seems. The reason this is my favorite way to loose weight is because of how close you can get to God. During this time it is important to focus on God, and not let something else take you mind away from eating (like TV or internet).

There is a website
The Lord's Table - Setting Captives Free
That is a Biblical way to loose weight. I will admit I have not done this course yet (because they only let you do one at a time), but if it is anything like the other courses they have, it will change your life for the better.

I have heard it said many times over, If you care about yourself other will care about you. Now I don't know for sure about this. But it does make sence. If you keep focusing on your weight, then others will too. You should focus on God and be what He wants you to be. If you want a man in your life. Then focus on preparing yourself for that man. God will give you a husband if that is His plan for you.

2 farmers pray for rain. One farmer goes out and starts to prepare his field for rain, the other does not. Which one trusted God? Which one are you? Are you praying for a husband and doing nothing? Trust God and prepare yourself for the man He has for you!

No one is perfect, I am not selecting you out. Even while I typed that I was seeing for myself how many things I need to work on. And how I need to stop doing nothing and prepare myself for the girl He has for me.

God bless you

Taith · May 27, 2014

Please excuse my bad spelling with some of that..

hoss2576 · May 27, 2014

I don't want to diminish what my brother is saying, but the right man is not going to have your weight as his priority. I understand that us men are visual creatures, I get that, but by no means is that the biggest concern of hopefully the kind of guy you want. I have dated ladies in a wide array of sizes, and it really wasn't anything about their weight that I noticed. This may sound like an odd statement, but I have never been one to date someone by first approaching someone because of attraction, then get to know them in hopes of dating and having a future. Anyone I have had a relationship with has been someone I started out as a friend with and during that friendship, I just got to that point where I was like "she has those qualities I would like to get to know better. I want to be around her more." Her physical attributes have always been icing on the cake.

You have to remember Proverbs 31:30 -

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

I am not saying not to work on your weight if that is your concern. I am just saying the right guy won't care. Actually, the right guy will come along love you for who you are and support you in whatever changes YOU want to make for you, not him.

Taith · May 27, 2014

hoss2576 said:

I agree once again. I did not mean to imply that you must loose weight to get a guy. As you said the right man will not care about that.
Sometimes my words do not get out as I plan them too.
I was thinking more on the healthy aspect of it. Such as living longer. And I had wanted to share what I had learned about it.

But yes, The right man will not care if you are 200 or 800 pounds. He will love you for you because God gave him that love for you. But as I said, as you and me and anyone else are waiting. It is time to start preparing. Trust the Lord.

wisebeardman · May 27, 2014

im 32 never been with anyone. meh

Having a hard time.

llc84

Guest

Majestic Llamacorn

SabbieWabbie

Guest

Banned

SabbieWabbie

Guest

Banned

Banned

SabbieWabbie

Guest

SabbieWabbie

Guest

Banned

Banned

Hoffco

Guest

Senior Member

Senior Member

Majestic Llamacorn

Taith

Guest

Taith

Guest

Senior Member

Taith

Guest

Banned