My wife wants to divorce...please say your opinion after you read my story

[kevineurope]

I'm 23 and my my wife is 21.
We got married a year ago.
There were a lot of passion betwen us, but in the same time we had a lot of fights...like all couples do...
now she wants to divorce...

advices how to move on...how to not get into depresion..things to avoid...
anything is wellcomed...
Thank you!

 

[jakeb101291]

31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

 

[jakeb101291]

For this reason, I say dvorce is a bad idea.

 

[kevineurope]

31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

I could not be agree with you more... but it's not a choice of mine... i don't want to divorce...there is nothing i can do...i still love her and i want to rezolve our isuess and save our marriage, but she doesen't want to... i wont sign the divorce papers... i am clean before God... true i have my part of quild becouse our marriage didn't work out but i repent and want a second chance... but she doesent want to give it to me...

 

[grace]

Hi Kevin....I just wanted to encourage you with your last comment. Don't give up on your marriage. Keep fighting and praying.

I am posting a link to my story (abreviated version) that was on another forum thread. Keep honoring God through the vows you made to Him and your wife.

http://www.christianchat.com/showthread.php?t=7551&page=2

 

[kevineurope]

Hi Kevin....I just wanted to encourage you with your last comment. Don't give up on your marriage. Keep fighting and praying.

I am posting a link to my story (abreviated version) that was on another forum thread. Keep honoring God through the vows you made to Him and your wife.

http://www.christianchat.com/showthread.php?t=7551&page=2

Thank you for your respons.
I will like your oppinion as a women...
I admit that there was great times in our marriage...we were just great together... but we had fights like all people..
and me at anger i slap her...not hard se leave a mark, but you know that it hurts not even if not fisicaly, but emotionally... and these happen 3 times on three different fights... i know that there is no excuse for what i did, but there were a reason for the fight...
I saw my fall and i repented before God... when i see my miself of what i was capable to do to the one i ever loved so much...i feel so bad...
I know that i could never hit her again and she knows that...becouse she had time to live with me for the past 3 months and she could see the change.
But she says that it's all over... she is 21, very beautifule.she is a student...she has different plans...to go and study in germany...she doesen't love me anymore...not even a bit...she doesen't want a family anymore... she is very determenate to divorce... she hired a layer...and i can understad in my hearth that everything is over...
I tried to show her that i love her...she knows that, but she doesen't..she keeps telling me that and she is telling me that she is selfish and she things only at her and her future live without me.
It took a while for me to uinderstand that...i cried a lot...before her and God and in me...
And know it's strange becouse i kind of excepted the situation and in my mind there are two things.
1 i still love her and i will give anything to have her back and be a happy family, and believe me i will sacrifice averything
2 i kind of want all this to be over...becouse she is the person that she gets upset about almost everything...she likes to be in control... she has a big mouth, she argues a lot...she is not with me when we are on bad situation..financial...family...she points the finger out of me and doesen't show me support...she likes to filrt with boys..she hides things from me...like conversations with boys...friend relationships....

So this is the situation... i feel bad before God...but i know that God hates divorce...and to do God's will and becouse i still love her and i see a great potential in my wife becouse dispite all the bad theings i said about her...she is a great person..a lot of special thing..she is a special girl...if she wants she can make a guy very happy....

I don't know...i would like to see your opinion as a women...if you know in your heart that i changed and you know my potential of making you happy, show you love, respect,joy,kindness, but in the same time you didn't love me anymore, you are young, beautifule, a lot of guys just waiting for a "yes" would you still be be with me...would you give me a second chance...becouse i told her that i only need 1 chance..thats it...and i i make her suffer only 1 time...then we will get divorce and i will be agree with it...becouse i know my potential of loving...

Thank you for all.

Be blessed!

 

[Leilaii425]

Thank you for your respons.
I will like your oppinion as a women...
I admit that there was great times in our marriage...we were just great together... but we had fights like all people..
and me at anger i slap her...not hard se leave a mark, but you know that it hurts not even if not fisicaly, but emotionally... and these happen 3 times on three different fights... i know that there is no excuse for what i did, but there were a reason for the fight...
I saw my fall and i repented before God... when i see my miself of what i was capable to do to the one i ever loved so much...i feel so bad...
I know that i could never hit her again and she knows that...becouse she had time to live with me for the past 3 months and she could see the change.
But she says that it's all over... she is 21, very beautifule.she is a student...she has different plans...to go and study in germany...she doesen't love me anymore...not even a bit...she doesen't want a family anymore... she is very determenate to divorce... she hired a layer...and i can understad in my hearth that everything is over...
I tried to show her that i love her...she knows that, but she doesen't..she keeps telling me that and she is telling me that she is selfish and she things only at her and her future live without me.
It took a while for me to uinderstand that...i cried a lot...before her and God and in me...
And know it's strange becouse i kind of excepted the situation and in my mind there are two things.
1 i still love her and i will give anything to have her back and be a happy family, and believe me i will sacrifice averything
2 i kind of want all this to be over...becouse she is the person that she gets upset about almost everything...she likes to be in control... she has a big mouth, she argues a lot...she is not with me when we are on bad situation..financial...family...she points the finger out of me and doesen't show me support...she likes to filrt with boys..she hides things from me...like conversations with boys...friend relationships....

So this is the situation... i feel bad before God...but i know that God hates divorce...and to do God's will and becouse i still love her and i see a great potential in my wife becouse dispite all the bad theings i said about her...she is a great person..a lot of special thing..she is a special girl...if she wants she can make a guy very happy....

I don't know...i would like to see your opinion as a women...if you know in your heart that i changed and you know my potential of making you happy, show you love, respect,joy,kindness, but in the same time you didn't love me anymore, you are young, beautifule, a lot of guys just waiting for a "yes" would you still be be with me...would you give me a second chance...becouse i told her that i only need 1 chance..thats it...and i i make her suffer only 1 time...then we will get divorce and i will be agree with it...becouse i know my potential of loving...

Thank you for all.

Be blessed!

You slapped her on 3 different occassions... She should divorce you. Stop acting like your so innocent here. What you did was wrong, weather you were fighting or not. I say more power to her. I hope she does divorce you.

 

[kevineurope]

You slapped her on 3 different occassions... She should divorce you. Stop acting like your so innocent here. What you did was wrong, weather you were fighting or not. I say more power to her. I hope she does divorce you.

I know it was wrong... i could do enything to change the past but i can't...there is nothing to do about this.. i feel so bad that i entered into this category people... i deserve everything that's worst... but i'm changed....i could never do that again!!!!
Don't you thing as a women that i should get another chance? only one?
You say so easely about divorce...but what God would say about this situation?
I'm not the victim here, i know...my only request is that i recieve another try...one forgiviness...becouse in our live we all recievied forgiviness...
so you can say that you if you were in my wife place, you would divorce too? no forgiviness?
I realy want to know an outside opinion..but let's stay in a christian ground.... i know that when hit my wife i wasn't in a christian ground, i admit that i was apart from God, but now i'm awake...
Thanks.

 

[Raeshelle]

Well if you honestly want this to work, and you slapped her 3 times. I am sorry but you need to prove to her you won't do it again, not just by living with her 3 months without hitting her, but go get help admit that you was wrong and need help, go to an anger management course, Get marriage counseling. You cant help her or your marriage until you first get yourself fixed.

 

[Raeshelle]

I know it was wrong... i could do enything to change the past but i can't...there is nothing to do about this.. i feel so bad that i entered into this category people... i deserve everything that's worst... but i'm changed....i could never do that again!!!!
Don't you thing as a women that i should get another chance? only one?
You say so easely about divorce...but what God would say about this situation?
I'm not the victim here, i know...my only request is that i recieve another try...one forgiviness...becouse in our live we all recievied forgiviness...
so you can say that you if you were in my wife place, you would divorce too? no forgiviness?
I realy want to know an outside opinion..but let's stay in a christian ground.... i know that when hit my wife i wasn't in a christian ground, i admit that i was apart from God, but now i'm awake...
Thanks.

I am not for seeing a marriage fall apart. But you quoted that you just want forgiveness just once, You have to remember she forgave you every time you slapped her. So she forgave you 3 times. Now you are asking her to believe you that you won't do it again. I as a woman know about being abused, although mind abuse was mental, she is probably scared of you, fearful that next time it might not be just a slap as you put it. that is why I made the sujestion in my last post that you should go out and seek help, show her that you really have and want to continue to change.

 

[kevineurope]

Well if you honestly want this to work, and you slapped her 3 times. I am sorry but you need to prove to her you won't do it again, not just by living with her 3 months without hitting her, but go get help admit that you was wrong and need help, go to an anger management course, Get marriage counseling. You cant help her or your marriage until you first get yourself fixed.

I understand everything you say...and i agree..i need help with anger... i know that what i did was wrong...i admit that i deserv to be punish...if i was in her place i would divorce too...but the hardest thing is... i know i have changed...i know my potential of making her happy...
But she doesn't love me anymore...she doesn't want counseling...she wants to divorce.
I want to accept this and get closer to God and make sure i wont do the same mistakes in my future marriage...
But the real question here is... now that i'm change totaly... God still wants us to divorce? isn't He against this? i'm doing the right thing by signing the divorce papers? i want my wife to be happy and i love her a lot... am i show her love by letting her go?

 

[kevineurope]

I am not for seeing a marriage fall apart. But you quoted that you just want forgiveness just once, You have to remember she forgave you every time you slapped her. So she forgave you 3 times. Now you are asking her to believe you that you won't do it again. I as a woman know about being abused, although mind abuse was mental, she is probably scared of you, fearful that next time it might not be just a slap as you put it. that is why I made the sujestion in my last post that you should go out and seek help, show her that you really have and want to continue to change.

She is not scared of me...i'm not that kind of person... you don't know how much i regret what i did... it's like a nightmare and i can't wake up...
I'm not a bad person... she knows this...

But she just wants a new life...

 

[Raeshelle]

Like I said before. go yourself and get the counseling without her. At least it will show her you are doing all you can to save the marriage. Because even if your marriage is not saved, at least you will have done all you can.

But I have to say honestly if a man ever hits me I do not think I could give him the second chance to do it much less a 3 rd. And yes I know you are sorry, but you need to get help, I am sure there is someone at your church who can help you with that if not point you in the right direction. I know with God's help you can be changed. But find some good christian counsel.

 

[kevineurope]

Thank you...

I just want to say that one time i hit her because i found out about a conversation about her and a guy... i told her to explain...she shutdown the computer and she didn't let me to read more...i read that she miss him..and stuff like kisess... they were talking at 1 am...
i told her to let me see everything they have talked to see what was all about, so i wont make a wrong impresion about it...she din't let me..
This was before we got married... i told her that if she don't let me to see what they were talikg about i wiil cancel the wedding...she chose to hide it from me... and then at anger i told her haw could she betraid me like this...and i slap her...
And after all this she wanted to get back togeter... and i excepted but i told her that nothing will be as it was before...i could never trust her again...and that she ruin everything i thought about love...
and the second time i slap her: we had a very bad financial situation...we beraly payed our bills...we had lots of fights...but she wasn't a support for me...i tried everything...always looking for a job... she kept blaming me...yalling all the time...
and on a fight she was so loud and i just couldn't make her stop and i slaped her...not hard...but i did it...i know that wasn't the solution...i could just leave the house and not hit her... there is no reason for what i did, i know that!
and she kept living with me...and months past...and in this time she told me that i make he the most happy and that she can't live without me..that i'm everything for her...
and we had a period of 3 months that we were separated becouse i had to go for a training for a job and she went in spain to her parrents.

In this time she spend time with some new friend...rich guys who treat her good...buying expecive drings...on the beach when she went every day almost she got compliments from a lot of guys... she got a lot of friends...she had a great time...and she told me that she could never tell me everything that happen that summer...
and when i came home she told me she wants to divorce...
I don't the maine reason that she wants to divorce is that si is afraid of me...or becouse i hit her... this is a part of a whole i admit it, but not just this..

Please comment.

 

[shad]

I remember a Bonanza show when Ben Cartwright (a very loving and understanding man) slapped a hysterical women, who he tried to reason with, but she just lost it and kept running her mouth over and over. Well, she didn't like being slapped or hit but when she came to her senses she realized that she was being a foolish overbearing woman. This will probably get me in trouble and on someone's black list but that's okay. I am not advocating hitting women, especially your wife, but there are times when a foolish mouth that causes contention calleth for strokes / Prov 18:6 and some women can become very hysterical and enraged in their emotions. Please do not misunderstand what I am saying, that doesn't mean we follow through with it. Most husbands that come across this in their marriage remove themselves by going for a ride or a good long walk, especially if they have a quick temper.

On the other hand a husband should not provoke his wife or his children. He should be kind and gentle and be a good listener. He may fail at times but he has to isolate that failure and go on. He should never live in guilt because that will only make things worse. There are so many different kinds of scenarios that exist in marriages that you really can't have hard fast rules and you have to go to God and get wisdom. Look at these verses about wisdom:

Prov 16:16 How much better is it to get wisdom than gold! and to get understanding rather to be chosen than silver!

Prov 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

James 3:17,18 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace

Luke 7:35 But wisdom is justified of all her children.

Col 4:5 Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.

It is so important to have wisdom in a marriage. When a husband loves his wife, that love must be according to wisdom. He literally becomes all things to her through the wisdom of that love. His love covers her and builds her up and gives to her what she may be lacking. He does not take her for granted and learns to love, practically speaking, every cell in her body. They are one flesh and they learn through wisdom how to think as one flesh. They are not perfect in their experience but they both go onto perfection or maturity.

 

[Maddog]

Pfft. A few slaps never hurt anyone. What's the world coming to? Maybe you shouldn't have done it, but everyone gets into fights. My parents would sling crockery and pots and pans at each other but that didn't make them get divorced.

I know there are two sides to every story, but from your explanation, I'm not surprsed you lost your rag and struck out. I don't think it's right that she would use this as an excuse to get divorced either.

The fact of the matter is, you are married and marriage is more than piece of paper. It is a spiritual bond that cannot be simply done away with just because she decides she doesn't love you anymore. 'Till death us do part' is the only way marriage comes to an end.

However, if after all your efforts she is insistent on leaving then you can do nothing but let her go. Take comfort in the fact that you tried your best to save the marriage but that ultimately it was her decision to leave you and was thus out of your hands.

 

[Raeshelle]

Pfft. A few slaps never hurt anyone. What's the world coming to? Maybe you shouldn't have done it, but everyone gets into fights. My parents would sling crockery and pots and pans at each other but that didn't make them get divorced.

I know there are two sides to every story, but from your explanation, I'm not surprsed you lost your rag and struck out. I don't think it's right that she would use this as an excuse to get divorced either.

The fact of the matter is, you are married and marriage is more than piece of paper. It is a spiritual bond that cannot be simply done away with just because she decides she doesn't love you anymore. 'Till death us do part' is the only way marriage comes to an end.

However, if after all your efforts she is insistent on leaving then you can do nothing but let her go. Take comfort in the fact that you tried your best to save the marriage but that ultimately it was her decision to leave you and was thus out of your hands.

Sorry you feel this way, kinda sounds like you have a bit of pent up anger there. I see no reason whatso ever for a man or woman to hit each other even if it is just a slap as you say.
Violence breeds violence.

 

[kevineurope]

there is no reason for a guy to hit a women...its unhuman... i know that and i will never do that in my life...

Ques what people? She has somebody! she meet him in spain, the place from were she decided to divorce.
I don't say that she sleept with him..i don't have prove that she commited adultary, but emotionaly she is unfaitfule.
You know whats funny? she allways said: What i cannot have friends(Boys)? you are so possesive!
When i wanted to know who is she talking or what she is talink on messenger she allways turn the computer down.
Tell you what people...hidding things from each other just ruins a relationship...

If this is the case...in front of God, she wants to divorce...she doesen't love me any more... should i agree with the divorce?
Or should i keep crying and ask God to save our marriage...but she eventualy divorce in court without my signature and i will be depresed becouse i kept hopping till the end and been left with a broken heart???????

 

[Maddog]

Sorry you feel this way, kinda sounds like you have a bit of pent up anger there. I see no reason whatso ever for a man or woman to hit each other even if it is just a slap as you say.
Violence breeds violence.

Sometimes yelling at someone can be more abusive than a simple slap. Sometimes the situation calls for it. If the same goal can be achieved without force then so much the better. However, I would certainly never try and say that force is always wrong. I was hit as a kid and honestly, sometimes it was needed because the message needs to be sent home. It's not about the pain, nor about causing injury; it's about the shock.

 

[kevineurope]

Sometimes yelling at someone can be more abusive than a simple slap. Sometimes the situation calls for it. If the same goal can be achieved without force then so much the better. However, I would certainly never try and say that force is always wrong. I was hit as a kid and honestly, sometimes it was needed because the message needs to be sent home. It's not about the pain, nor about causing injury; it's about the shock.

Duede...with al doue respect...and i know i'm not in the position to say this...but it's not the same thing...there is a difference about hiting your kid and hitting your wife... you have the right upon your kid but no right upon your wife...
You cannot find one verse in the Scripture about hitting your wife...